“I’m so embarrassed.” I flop down in the center of Jake’s bed, wearing one of his T-shirts, a pair of his thick socks, and nothing else. My cheeks are still burning from the humiliation of scouring the streets of New Hampshire for my druggie ex-boyfriend—and dragging two other people along for the ride.
Jake closes the door. “You don’t need to be embarrassed. We all have our shit.”
“Really? So you have a meth-addicted ex-girlfriend lurking in the shadows who might require rescuing at any moment? Sweet! We have so much in common!”
His lips quirk up. “Fine. Maybe my shit isn’t quite as exciting as yours.” He runs a hand through his hair, which is still damp from the shower.
We both showered—separately—the second we got back to Jake’s apartment. After being out in the cold April rain with Eric and then driving home in wet clothes, we desperately needed warming up. A part of me is still floored that Jake and Brooks did this for me tonight. It’s definitely going above and beyond.
I can’t get Eric’s face out of my mind. His enlarged pupils, the rapid-fire jabbering. It’s horrifying to know that he smoked meth for three days straight, got lost in a quiet residential neighborhood, and passed out in the bushes. Afraid. Alone. Thank God his mother continues to pay for his cell phone so that he has the means to communicate and call for help.
I just wish he hadn’t called me.
“I can’t believe that’s the same Eric Royce who almost played for Chicago,” Jake says, and there’s a flash of pity in his eyes.
“I know.”
He joins me on the bed. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with him.” I have to amend that. “Not to this extent, though. Usually he wants money. Last year I made the mistake of giving him some, so now he thinks it’s okay to keep asking.”
“You dated for how long?”
“About a year and a half.”
“And you broke up with him.”
I nod.
“Why?”
“Because it was too much.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “It got too intense, and we weren’t good for each other anymore. Plus, my dad hated him by that point.”
“Doesn’t your dad hate everyone?”
“Pretty much.” I smile faintly. “But he especially hates Eric.”
“I’m not sure I fault him for that.”
“Me neither, but you weren’t there. We went through some stuff and it hit Eric hard. He was immature and didn’t know how to properly deal with his emotions. He made a lot of mistakes.” I shrug. “Dad doesn’t allow for mistakes.”
My voice cracks and I hope Jake doesn’t notice. Because that’s the problem—there’s no such thing as forgiveness with my father. He hasn’t forgiven me for my relationship with Eric and all the trouble it caused. I don’t think he ever will.
Once again I feel my cheeks heat up. “See, I told you that you didn’t want to get involved with me. I’m way too fucked up.”
“You’re not fucked up,” Jake says. “If anything, you seem to have your shit together, a good head on your shoulders. Especially compared to your ex.”
“Well, one of us needed to be the grownup in that equation.” Bitterness coats my tongue. I gulp it down. “I was carrying the entire relationship by the end of it. Eric fell apart and couldn’t be there for me when I needed him and yet I was expected to be there for him, always. It was exhausting.”
“I can imagine.”
I rub my weary eyes. My relationship with Eric taught me so many tough lessons, the most important one being that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself. He wasn’t equipped to handle my emotions, and I don’t know if that’s exclusive to Eric, or boyfriends in general. What I do know is that I’ll never be so careless with my heart again.
“If he ever calls again, I don’t want you to pick up,” Jake says roughly.
“Really. So if he’s lying in some ditch and needs my help, I should just let him die?”
“Maybe.”
I stare at him in shock.
“I don’t mean to be callous, but sometimes people need to hit rock bottom in order for things to change. You can’t always rescue them,” Jake says somberly. “They need to crawl out of that hole and rescue themselves.”
“I suppose so.” I sigh. “But you don’t have to worry about this happening again. My days of rescuing Eric are over.”
“Good.” He crawls to the head of the bed and lifts the corner of the comforter. “Come here. It’s been a long day. Let’s get some sleep.”
“Our first sleepover, Jakey. Isn’t this exciting.” My sarcasm lacks its usual bite. He’s right. I’m tired. And I just want to erase the memory of Eric Royce from my head. I was as devastated as Eric was when everything fell apart. I almost died for that guy. But enough is enough. He’s a ghost from my past, and it’s time to forget about him.
I slide under the covers and snuggle up next to Jake. He’s lying on his back, and my head is on his bare chest. He smells fresh and clean from the shower, and his skin is so warm. I feel his heart thumping beneath my ear. Steady, soothing beats.
I can’t believe he did this for me tonight. I could’ve gone to find Eric on my own, but Jake wouldn’t let me. He had my back, and the thought causes my throat to close up a bit, because I can’t remember the last time someone was truly there for me.
“Can I ask you something?” he murmurs in the darkness.
“Of course.”
“Can I kiss you or are you too tired for that?”
“God no, please kiss me.”
He rolls on his side, one arm stretched out with his cheek pressed against it. He inches closer until our lips are touching, and then we kiss, and a wave of pure emotion spills over me.
I’m not sure if it’s the adrenaline wearing off, or if I’m feeling overly needy given tonight’s events. But the emotional connection we made tonight is merging with the deep physical ache I feel for him whenever we’re together. I don’t know how long we lie there making out, but soon kissing is not enough. My breasts feel heavy and my core is throbbing. I push him onto his back again and climb on top of him, grinding against him in a desperate attempt to ease the ache.
He squeezes my ass and groans against my mouth, and suddenly his thick erection pokes out of his boxers.
“Oh, hello there,” I greet it.
Jake grins up at me. “Sorry, that was unintentional, I swear.”
Unintentional or not, it’s a welcome sight. I stroke the hot, hard length of him, shivering when I remember how it felt filling my mouth, the wave of satisfaction that hit me when I brought him to climax. I want to feel that satisfaction again.
No. I want more than that.
“I want you inside me,” I tell him.
“Yeah?” he says thickly.
“Yeah.” I take a slow breath. Now that I’ve made the decision, my pulse kicks into high gear, thudding in my ears. Sex isn’t something I give freely. “Do you have condoms?”
“Top drawer.”
I lazily stroke him before reaching for the nightstand. I grab the box of condoms from the drawer, pull out a strip, and rip one off. Before I can open it, Jake sits up and removes my shirt, his big hands cupping my breasts. Then I’m the one on my back, crushed by his muscular body, completely at his mercy.
“Get in me already.” I kiss him back impatiently, my hips rising of their own volition, seeking relief.
“Let me get you ready first.” His lips travel down my body, leaving shivers in their wake.
His callused fingertips abrade my skin as he lightly strokes my inner thighs before parting my legs. When his mouth touches my clit, pleasure dances through my body.
Jake rubs the tip of one finger over my opening. “Fuck,” he groans. “You’re so ready.”
I am. Kissing him is such a turn-on. “See? Now get up here.”
“No.” I feel him smiling against my flesh. His tongue comes out for another taste, and he goes down on me for several excruciating minutes, until my head lolls to the side and my hands clutch the sheets.
The telltale tingling in my clit warns of impending orgasm. I fight it, desperate to save the orgasm for when he’s inside me, because I haven’t had sex in so very long. And what if I can’t come again tonight?
“Jake,” I beg. “Please.” I snatch the condom and thrust it at him.
Chuckling, he suits up and kneels between my legs. The light from the bedside lamp is dim, but I don’t need much more than that to admire his chest. I trace his muscles with my fingers, loving the way they quiver at my touch.
The gleam of desire burns his gaze as he lifts my ass and angles his hips. I find myself holding my breath as I wait for him to slide inside. And when he finally does, it’s the sweetest, most exquisite feeling in the whole world. He stretches me, fills me up completely.
When the full length of him is buried in me, he bites out a low, tortured curse.
“Are you okay?” I ask immediately.
Jake’s chest rises as he sucks in a deep breath. “Why are you so tight? Are you sure you’re not a virgin?”
I chuckle. “ I told you, I just don’t do this often.”
“Why not?” he asks, then shakes his head as if to scold himself. “Uh, yeah, we can talk about that later. Right now I’m about three seconds from exploding.”
“Don’t you dare. We haven’t even started!”
He’s breathing harder. “I’ll do my best.” His features are strained, though. He moves ever so slightly. Groans again. Then he slowly curls his body over mine so we’re in the missionary position.
He kisses me, a slow, teasing seduction of my mouth. Meanwhile, his hips are moving so excruciatingly slowly that it isn’t long before I’m squirming with impatience. “Are you doing this on purpose?”
“No,” he growls. “I told you, I’m way too close. If I start pounding into you, I’m going to lose it.”
“Where’s your stamina?” I taunt.
“It’s inside your tight pussy, babe.”
Laughter sputters out of my chest. “So you’re saying I just need to get plowed more often so that it doesn’t feel as good for you?”
“Only if you’re being plowed by me. Or a vibrator. Anything else is against the law.”
“What law?”
“My law,” he mutters. He thrusts deep and we both make a strangled noise.
His chest is covered with a sheen of sweat. He hasn’t increased his pace at all, and it’s driving me crazy. I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders and stroke his back. His mouth latches onto the side of my throat as his hips move lazily. It’s almost unbearable. I want him to go faster, but I also never want this to end. I reach between us and lightly rub my clit.
That’s when he stops moving altogether.
“Are you kidding me?” I wail. “You’re going to lie here inside me without moving?”
“Only for a bit. Just while you get yourself close.” He watches my face as I stroke myself. “You’re goddamn beautiful.”
I swallow. Heat swims in his green eyes as they bore into me. It’s insanely intimate and yet I can’t break the eye contact. I rub harder and we both hear my breathing quicken.
“That’s it,” he encourages. “Fuck yeah, that’s it.”
I moan, trying to rock my hips.
He splays a big hand over my belly to still me. “Not yet.”
So I keep stroking with his cock lodged inside me. I feel so full. Our gazes are still locked. He’s so sexy I can’t look away. He licks his lips, and that’s what sends me flying over the edge.
“I’m coming,” I choke out, and suddenly he gives me what I’ve been begging for this entire time—deep, fast strokes, and holy hell the orgasm is like an explosion of pleasure.
The rest of the world disappears. It’s me and Jake. Body and soul. He’s plunging into me so hard. And when he comes, he honest-to-God bites my neck, a husky, blissed-out groan vibrating against my skin, and that one beautiful moment makes this entire night worthwhile.
