“We are just so excited to be sitting here with you two!” says Kamaya, the sweet journalist from Celebrity Spark beaming at Derek and me from across the table. We’re seated in the little outdoor resort café, and if you typed paradise into Google Maps the pin would drop here. Warm air, baby blue skies, palm trees around the patio, and an ocean that’s so beautiful it must be fake in the background.
Sitting next to Kamaya is Alec, the photographer who will be following us around through the week. They both have beautiful smiles and the kind of personalities that make me feel immediately cozy. I like them.
And I like that our meeting with them gave Derek and me an excuse to avoid talking after waking up in each other’s arms (for the second time for me) and instead, rush to get ready and sprint downstairs to make this breakfast meeting on time.
Because avoidance is healthy, right?
“Thanks again for allowing us to cover your love story and honeymoon,” says Kamaya. “Nicole and I go way back, and so when she called and told me she had an inside scoop for me, I knew it was going to be good. That woman never misses.”
I laugh. “No one rejects a call from Nicole.”
“Exactly!” She readjusts in her seat to cross her long golden-tan legs, looking down at her notes with a soft smile. The lady is gorgeous. Could be a runway model if she wanted—not unlike the women Derek used to date actually. I can’t help but wonder if he’s attracted to her now. If he’s looking at her across the table and thinking Jeez, I wish this woman didn’t think I was married. A sudden stab of jealousy hits me that I have no right to.
But then, as if Derek could sense my thoughts, his knee settles against mine under the table and I glance up at him. He’s not looking at the beautiful woman across the table, he’s staring at me—with a questioning look. Was I frowning at Kamaya? I probably looked like I wanted to rip her lovely hair from her head and Derek witnessed it.
Not very feminist of you, Nora.
“Okay, so first I thought we could discuss the schedule for the week and then move on to the interview. Sound good?” Kamaya asks, and I try to push all my jealous thoughts aside. It’s hard, though, when she looks so lovely and polished and I’m wearing an opaque swimsuit cover-up and a straw hat, because like I told Derek before, the sun and my skin are not friends.
“Ready Freddy. Lay it on us,” I say, a little too chipper.
She wrinkles her nose at me with a smile. “You’re as adorable as Nicole said you are.”
“Was adorable the word she really used?” I’m skeptical.
Kamaya shrugs. “Give or take.”
“She said obnoxious, didn’t she?”
“Obnoxiously cute were the exact words.”
I don’t know why it stings to hear that Nicole—my only ally in that office—said that about me to Kamaya. That’s exactly what I am, and I’ve always been okay with it. I won’t change to fit into society’s idea of a powerful working woman just to make them more comfortable. And yet—I think with Derek beside me and in the face of a woman I really admire, it has me deflating a little. I feel frumpy and silly, and my hat is too big.
But I’ll eat this oversized hat before letting anyone know that their opinion of me has me down. Because opinions are not fact. As my mom always said, opinions only become truth if you accept them as such.
“I prefer hysterically funny, or cheerfully outgo—” I was going to say outgoing but in that exact moment Derek leans forward and drapes his arm around behind me as his fingers skim down my shoulder and bicep. So the word outgoing sort of just comes out like “outgorrgg.”
Kamaya notices my sudden machine malfunction and her smile melts. “The honeymoon phase. Love it. Okay, let’s get on with this so I can get out of your hair for the day!”
I slide my eyes to Derek and…he winks at me. Holy Mother of Harry Styles. What was that? My stomach swoops like I’m in turbulence on a plane. He blatantly broke rule number eighteen (not that we’re supposed to be tracking it).
I can’t believe the way my body responds to him. It’s unearthly. I’ve slept with other men—good-looking men, I might add—and my stomach never swooped. Not once. And all Derek has to do is wink? He’s always been able to undo me in a way that terrifies me. When he’s around, the rest of the world might as well not exist. It’s consuming. And it’s exactly why I let him go before.
But what about now? Am I ready for it this time?
Oh my gosh, Nora, now it’s fake! Now he’s putting on an act to help me keep my job. The swoop of my stomach is irrelevant because now Derek is my nonfriend/client/husband. Stay focused.
Buuuuuuut, my brain argues one more time, he has been keeping an IOU from me in his wallet for years. He remembered your favorite snack. And sometimes I catch him looking at me like…like he still loves me. So maybe let’s not be so ignorant, Nora. Because if I’m feeling this thing between us again, maybe he is too. I think I might be scared to hope for it.
“Here’s what we’re thinking,” Kamaya begins, snapping her papers into a neat stack that honestly gets me a little hot. “This morning we’ll get our interview portion out of the way. After that, we’ll all hop in the car we hired to take us to the coral reef tour that’s provided through the resort. Okay with you two?”
“Sounds good to me,” says Derek. “How about you, Nora?” But instead of just asking me, he lays a soft kiss to my temple. While his thumb brushes up and down the curve of my neck, just under my ear. While my heart flatlines.
I swallow, trying not to show how affected I am by him in this moment. “Great!” But it comes out like a prepubescent squeak.
Kamaya grins. “Wonderful. And since this is your actual honeymoon, we tried not to plan more than one photo event for each day to leave you the rest of your time together to…well…do whatever you like!” She waggles her eyebrows and I try not to choke on the embarrassing implication that what we like is Naked Twister. “You can take a look at each of the events we have planned here.” She slides a packet over and Derek doesn’t remove his arm as he leans forward. Instead, he pulls me a little closer so I can look with him. I smell his deodorant and it makes me want to lick his bicep. I’m unhinged.
“A spa day?” Derek asks with a lifted brow because he’s actually paying attention and not dreaming of inappropriate things we could do together like I am.
Kamaya nods. “Most of these events are amenities provided within the resort that they would like to promote for couples. Alec and I will try to stay out of your way as much as possible during the activities so that you hardly know we’re there. And obviously, if any of these look terrible, we’ll nix them and plan something different. Sound good?”
Derek and I both take a minute to look over the itinerary and don’t see anything that looks too rigorous or uncomfortable, so we agree and begin the interview. Kamaya sets a recorder on the table with our permission and lobs us a softball: “How did you meet?” Derek answers the first question, strolling truthfully down memory lane to describe in perfect detail our first encounter at the party in college.
We get asked a few more easy questions like what was our first date? Bowling. And what’s our funniest couple memory? Getting caught skinny-dipping in our college lap pool at night.
The interview is going so well that I’m lulled into passivity until Kamaya looks me dead in the eye and asks: “What was the reason behind your breakup in college?”
My knee bounces because I don’t know how to answer this. I’m not good at lying and I also don’t want to dive into a truth that Derek and I have barely explored together as it is. Of course, to Kamaya, for a now happily married couple, this question would be cute and funny to look back on. But in reality, the fractures still live under our skin. Especially for Derek, and I want to be sensitive to that.
Kamaya misinterprets my expression. “I can tell by the look on your face, Nora, that it’s a good story.”
Um—no, not particularly!
Derek’s hand covers my knee. “That’s private. Next question.” He says it with an authority and protectiveness that makes goosebumps flare on my skin.
“No problem.” Kamaya’s smile is nothing but understanding. She’s not trying to be a prying jerk, just doing her job and digging for details. “What about during the years you two weren’t together? Derek, of course we all know you dated a lot, but Nora, what about you? Did you see anyone else or were you pretty hung up on Derek?”
I feel Derek go still beside me and I really wish I weren’t having to answer this question for the first time in front of a photographer and journalist. But if I refuse to answer this question too—Kamaya might get suspicious. I also think it’s funny that she assumes Derek broke up with me. Because of course a goofy girl like me would be lucky to snag a Derek in this world.
The implication fires up a corner of me that rages for any woman who’s ever been told she’s lucky to have had a chance with a good guy. Like that is our primary goal in life and once found, he should be her end-all-be-all until he’s finished with her.
I sit up a little straighter. “I did date a few men, but those relationships were never serious. Mainly because my fierce single mom instilled in me at a young age to put my dreams and ambitions first—whatever they were. She made it clear that she would never try to hold me back or laugh at how high I wanted to reach. That she’d always hoist my foot up to help me get to the next level, and that unless I could find someone who treated me in the exact same way—as an equal partner whose dreams were just as important as his—to keep moving.”
Derek is unnaturally still beside me. His thumb has stopped caressing my neck and I realize with a gripping ache that I wish he’d never stop.
“A wise woman.” Kamaya’s eyes twinkle. It seems she’s been on the same track as me. “And now you’ve found him.”
“Who?” I ask before I realize what she means.
“Derek,” she says, with a laugh and nod in his direction. “You finally found the right man to hoist you up instead of pushing you down. And you married him.”
That question knocks into me and steals my breath. Because Kamaya doesn’t realize just how spot on she really is. My eyes turn to Derek, and I see him in a new light. A minute ago my mind was stuck in the past with a Derek who loved me recklessly but not fully. He fell into the category of men who unintentionally treated my dreams as less important—wanting me to put him before everything else.
But I’m not with that Derek anymore, am I? He’s changed. And so have I.
This Derek saw that my career was in trouble, and he was willing to do whatever was necessary to protect it. The difference is unmistakable. The Derek I dated in college was a boy. This Derek is a man. And it would seem he’s a trustworthy one.
“I sure did marry him.”
Don’t get too cozy, Nora. It’s just temporary.
