It was one of those days where it was so rainy that it almost looked like nighttime. The weather was an exact match for my mood. I’d also been dropping things all morning. Deek looked over at me curiously every time. It would be great if I could get through this workday without losing my mind. Thankfully, I hadn’t screwed up any tattoos yet, but the day was still young. All morning, I hadn’t been able to think of anything except Colby’s meeting with Saylor’s mother.
Maya. She now had a name and a face. A face I wanted to punch.
Things had been so much better when she was just a blurry ghost, someone I could pretend didn’t exist. Everything had happened so fast last night that I’d barely gotten a look at her. My priorities were elsewhere. Namely, protecting Saylor so she would never catch wind of what a terrible person her mother was.
Finally, Deek and I had a break between clients, which gave him the opportunity to corner me about my strange behavior. I’d yet to tell him what was going on.
He came up behind me and shook my shoulders. “What the hell is up with you today? Something going on with you and Colby?”
I let out a long sigh. “You could say that…”
“I knew I shouldn’t have trusted a guy without tats.” His eyes narrowed. “Do I need to go fuck him up?”
“Believe me, there is nothing you could do to make him more fucked up than he is right now.”
A look of concern crossed his face. “Uh-oh. That sounds ominous. Spill.”
I explained what had happened. Deek always had something to say about everything. But this time? He stood with his mouth hanging open for a long while.
“What do you think she wants?” he finally asked.
“I don’t know. She dangled the custody thing in his face to get him to meet with her. So there’s obviously more. He’s coming here later to fill me in.”
“Wow.” Deek stared off. “What an asshole this chick is… To be out of the picture this entire time and then come back out of the blue like this?”
I exhaled. “We’d had the best night together before she showed up. The three of us. It was like the first time I could really see…” My words trailed off.
“See yourself as part of their family?”
I nodded, feeling my eyes well up. I didn’t want to cry, but better now than in front of Colby. He needed me to be strong and not make things harder. Colby didn’t need to be worrying about me and my feelings at a time like this.
“Are you worried this could affect your relationship with him?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I haven’t been worried about Colby and me at all. Saylor’s well-being is the only thing that’s been on my mind. I can’t imagine a scenario where she would be forced to spend time with this virtual stranger—or God forbid, be taken away from Colby. Those two are like extensions of each other. That can’t happen. Not even part of the time. It’s not an option, Deek!”
Deek shook his head slowly. “I don’t like the sound of this. Any person who would come out of nowhere and threaten Colby like that is probably capable of anything.”
“Exactly. Who does that?”
“An evil bitch,” he answered.
I rubbed my temples. “I would give anything to make this go away right now.”
“Well, I know a guy…” He teased.
“Last resort.” I chuckled.
“But listen,” he said. “Don’t freak out until you have a chance to hear what happened.”
I suspected Colby’s “breakfast” with Maya would only make things worse, not better. “You know sometimes you just have a bad feeling you can’t shake?”
“Yeah…”
“That’s how I feel about their meeting today. I know he’s gonna walk in here and tell me something I don’t want to hear. I can feel it in my bones.”
“The way this is affecting you? I can see how much you care about that little girl, and how lucky she’d be to have you in her life.”
“I would be the lucky one, Deek. I really would.”
Deek gave me a hug. “Maybe you do want kids after all, huh?”
I would adopt Saylor this minute if it meant making that woman disappear.
“Maybe.” I smiled. “I don’t know about giving birth. But being a mom to that sweet little thing?” I sighed. “That would be a pleasure.”
“She sure as hell deserves a better mother than the one she was born to.”
I thought back to my brief first impression of Maya.
“It’s hard to believe that strange woman gave birth to Saylor. I think until now, I’d sort of pictured her like a snowy television screen. Nothing clear. Just white noise.”
“What was she like?”
“I didn’t spend all that much time in the room with them when she was there.” I shrugged. “She was pretty. I mean, I always knew she would be, because it wasn’t like Colby was going to hook up with someone who wasn’t. She had dark hair, long like mine but not as dark. She doesn’t look much like Saylor. It made me realize how much Saylor takes after Colby.” I shrugged. “I might have gotten a better look at the woman if I hadn’t been so damn focused on making sure Saylor didn’t notice anything was off.”
“Understandable, yeah. In that sense, it’s really good you were there.”
I rubbed my eyes. “God, I can’t imagine if I wasn’t.”
Justine returned from her break, interrupting our conversation. I was close with her, but I didn’t want to rehash everything, and Deek knew to keep his mouth shut without me having to tell him.
Within a few minutes, our next clients arrived, ironically a mother and daughter getting matching tattoos. The universe definitely had a way of fucking with you sometimes. I nearly cried while tattooing the same sentence onto each of them: I love you more. The mother-daughter relationship was like no other. For someone like me, who didn’t have the best mother, I’d always longed for more. Maybe the only way I would get to experience that would be to become a mother myself.
The day dragged on as I waited for Colby to stop by after work. I’d specifically not texted him because I didn’t want him to feel obligated to explain everything in a message or on the phone when I knew his plan was to lay it on me in person.
After the shop closed, Deek hung out with me until Colby arrived.
When my man finally walked through the door, his eyes looked sunken and bloodshot. His tie was crooked and his hair mussed, probably because he’d been pulling on it. This was definitely bad.
I ran to Colby and pulled him into my arms. I knew he needed that first and foremost. For once, Deek remained quiet. Now was not the time for words, and he knew it.
I was looking over Colby’s shoulder when Deek said, “I’m gonna lock the door behind me.”
I nodded and mouthed, “Thank you.”
After Deek left, I stepped back and wrapped my hands around Colby’s cheeks, bringing his face to mine and kissing his forehead.
“Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay,” I whispered.
It took Colby a few minutes to even start speaking. I’d wanted so badly for him to tell me what happened. But once he opened his mouth, I wished I’d never heard the words.
“She wants me to marry her.”
***
I paced nonstop. After Colby told me the story, all I could do was walk back and forth. If I didn’t do that, I might do something rash, like toss a chair through the window. I’d never been angrier in my life.
While I continued to pace, Colby sat down with his head in his hands.
“I can’t believe the nerve of that fucking woman,” I spewed.
He looked up at me. “I’m not marrying her.”
If only it were that simple, and that statement could have made her disappear.
“Except that she said if you did enter this sham marriage, she’d sign full rights over to you, Colby. That’s something to at least consider, as hard as this is to stomach.”
He gritted his teeth. “I can’t fucking marry her.”
“You’d rather have to deal with fighting her for custody?”
“Are you trying to convince me to give in to her?”
“I don’t know.” I pulled on my hair. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I’m in the middle of a nightmare.” I stopped pacing for a moment. “Look, I am the last person who wants you anywhere near that woman. The idea of it makes my skin crawl like you wouldn’t believe. Which is why making her go away permanently is so enticing. A little pain for major gain—never having to worry about her threatening you again.”
Colby’s hands trembled. I ran over, grabbed them, and brought them to my mouth, showering them with kisses. I’d never seen him like this. I worried about his mental health in the weeks to come. No matter which direction we went, this wasn’t going to be an easy road. “We’re gonna figure this out,” I whispered. “She said you have a week to decide, right?”
His voice was barely audible. “Yeah.”
“Okay…” I lifted his chin. “Look at me, Colby. We’re gonna decide this together, okay? We don’t have to make any decisions now. There’s no sense in overreacting until you’ve had a chance to speak to a family lawyer, right? Maybe there’s something we don’t know that will sway things one way or the other.”
Colby just kept nodding. It was like he heard me, but nothing registered. I needed to step it up, be even stronger for both of us. Basically, I needed to put on a major act since I was feeling anything but strong right now.
I hopped up and clapped my hands together. “Okay! Here’s what we’re gonna do, Mr. Lennon.”
He looked up.
“The two of us are going to go upstairs, relieve the nanny, hug Miss Saylor, and begin the process of decompressing from this horrible day. You’re gonna spend time with your daughter, and I’m gonna handle dinner.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Shh…” I put my finger to his mouth. “Yes, I do. I want you to relax tonight, and then the three of us will have a nice dinner together. And after she goes to sleep, I’m gonna let you take me to your room and do whatever you want with me.”
His eyes came to life for the first time. “I just had the worst day of my entire life, and you’re telling me anal sex is gonna solve it?” His mouth curved into a smile. “You might just be right.”
“That’s my boy.” I laughed. “That’s the smile I love.”
I knew nothing would solve this dilemma tonight, but if I could get him to smile for even a moment, I was doing my job.
***
I wasn’t the best cook, but I didn’t want to mess up this dinner. It was important to me that our meal be homecooked to offset the coldness of this day. There was something inherently comforting about a homecooked meal. So to be on the safe side, I opted for a simple dinner of spaghetti, salad, and grilled artichoke, a combination I often made for myself when I was having a night in alone and felt like comfort food.
I was standing at the counter, stirring the tomato sauce, and Saylor was coloring at the table when Colby came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Thank you for this.” He pressed his mouth to my ear. “There’s something I want to say right now, but I don’t want it to be marred by this day. I don’t want today to be the first time I say it.”
Chills ran through my body. I love you, too, Colby. I never realized how much until this shit happened.
He returned to the table to draw animals with his daughter. They had about five minutes before I would make them clear the crayons and paper so we could prepare for dinner.
After Colby helped me set the table, we all took our seats for a nice, peaceful pasta supper. Colby and I stared at Saylor a little more than usual as she slurped her noodles—as if that simple act was the most fascinating thing we’d ever seen. Soon her face was covered in tomato sauce. I caught his eyes glistening, and it broke my heart. Nothing could lessen the weight of my heart tonight.
Dinner was interrupted by a knock on the door.
My stomach sank. “Who’s that?”
“I don’t know. But I’m damn well checking the peephole this time,” Colby said as he stood up.
Relief washed over me at the sight of the guys standing there. Jesus, it was like I had PTSD from last night. Would I ever hear a knock on his door and not be reminded of it?
“Holden told us,” Owen said as he stepped inside.
He held a bag of chicken wings. I laughed a little—as if chicken wings could make this mess disappear.
“We can’t talk about it right now,” Colby said, nodding toward Saylor. “If you know what I mean.”
“We’ll talk in code,” Holden said.
“How are you doing, Billie?” Brayden asked.
Shrugging, I sighed. “You know…”
“Yeah, I know,” he muttered with a sympathetic look.
“I brought you some of your favorite beer,” Holden said as he handed it to Colby.
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.” Colby took the beer to the fridge before returning to the table.
“And donuts for Saylor!” Brayden lifted a box that he’d been holding.
She jumped in her seat. “Yay! Donuts!”
Despite their best efforts to cheer us up, the mood still felt somber.
Holden pulled up a chair and cleared his throat. “So anyway, we really have to do something about the trash problem around here lately.”
Brayden crossed his arms. “Yeah, we need to take out the trash.”
I guessed the talking in code had commenced.
“We’ve decided not to talk tonight about whether we’re taking the trash in or throwing it out,” Colby said. “We’re trying to let the dust settle a bit first.”
Owen, who was still dressed in his work clothes per usual, chimed in. “Okay. But I just want to say this. Sometimes when you let the trash in, it really starts to stink. My opinion is not to let the trash in at all. To light a match to the garbage and fight it with everything you have. Let it burn. We also have some money left over for sanitation emergencies such as this.”
“I hear you,” Colby said. “And I appreciate that. I really do. But there’s also risk in fighting garbage with fire.” He took a long breath. “It can explode.”
“That’s very true.” Holden nodded. “And I just want to put this out there. If you need any help seducing and manipulating said garbage, just say the word.”
Brayden cackled. “You think you can solve every situation with your—”
“Smile!” Colby interrupted before glaring at him. “Brayden, careful with your language.”
Brayden chuckled. “I was gonna say trash compactor.”
Colby actually laughed, which was nice to see. He was lucky to have these guys in his life. As difficult as this was, it would be far worse if Colby had no support system.
“I love garbage trucks!” Saylor announced, clearly trying to figure out what her crazy uncles were talking about.
Holden poked her side. “You do?”
She twisted her fork around the last of her pasta and nodded. “Yup.”
Colby looked over at her adoringly. “Saylor likes to watch the garbage trucks come and take the garbage away, don’t you, sweetie?”
She nodded. “We can see it out the window!”
Owen feigned excitement. “That’s so cool, Saylor. I remember liking to watch that too when I was your age.”
Holden smacked the table. “Okay, no more trash talking. Let’s pop open the beers.”
The guys stuck around for a half hour before leaving together at the same time. I insisted on cleaning up while Colby took Saylor in for a bath. I could hear the sounds of splashing and giggling in the distance. Ah, the blissful ignorance of having no idea that your so-called mother was trying to destroy your father’s life. I hoped Saylor never had to find out what was going on.
After they came out, I watched as Colby joined her on the floor with her Barbie dolls. He had the Ken in his hand and, per Saylor’s request, was pretending to be Barbie’s boss at the zoo. Her Barbie was a zookeeper from Mars.
At one point, Colby suddenly put the Ken doll down and pulled Saylor into a tight hug. This little girl had no idea how many different emotions must have been swirling around in her dad tonight. Frightening thoughts flooded my own mind. There were so many unanswered questions. Would Maya be able to take Saylor out of the country? That would absolutely kill him.
Colby closed his eyes, and I somehow knew he was saying a silent prayer. I said one of my own. It was more like a vow. Billie, you’re going to do whatever it takes to make sure this man never loses his daughter. Whatever it takes.
It was a hard truth to swallow. Because in that moment, I knew I wasn’t going to stand in his way if he had no choice but to marry that bitch, even if it killed me.
