“What do we know about the fire?” I growl, sitting coiled in the practice room, my guitar on my lap. I plucked it from the stand, but I haven’t played it since I entered.
“Jinx only reported what the police know. She won’t trade on who did it,” Finn says.
“Probably because she doesn’t know either,” Zane mumbles. He’s slouched behind the drums, twirling his sticks.
Since last night’s pep talk, he’s already implementing some changes too. Starting with getting a good night’s sleep for the first time in ages. It did him good. His eyes look clearer today.
“What the fire did is more important than who started it,” Finn notes. “Serena got cleared off the chessboard. Sol and Cadence are safe.”
My heart starts pounding. A sense of foreboding, similar to the kind I felt when I dropped Sol off at the hospital overtakes me.
“It wasn’t me.” Finn nods to Zane. “And it wasn’t him either.”
“It wasn’t me or Cadence. She was about to risk her life to save that friend of hers. We almost got blown to bits.”
“Who would have the motivation to pin it all on Serena?” Finn asks quietly.
I can’t deal with all the nervous energy in my chest. Pouncing to my feet, I set my guitar back into its stand and pace the practice room.
My brothers watch me with heavy, somber eyes.
At that moment, the door opens.
Sol stumbles in. His haunted eyes remind me of a ghost. His hair is messy and he’s wearing a uniform that’s wrinkled and dirty. The sleeves are short today. He’s not hiding his scars.
My heart slows down. I stare at Sol’s face, the face of a friend I’ve known for ages. The face of a brother. And I realize that I don’t recognize him anymore.
This summer, one Sol went into that boot camp.
And another Sol came out.
He walks calmly to the sofa and takes a seat. Finn and Zane’s eyes are glued to him.
No one moves.
No one even blinks.
The moment Sol collapses in the sofa, he flails his arms and sinks in, getting comfortable.
Fear clamps hard on my neck. I approach him slowly, carefully.
“Sol?”
He snorts out a laugh, mouth open and wrinkles pulling at the edges of his eyes. Tan fingers curl into a fist and he laughs again, but this time, he slams that fist into the sofa.
Zane leaves his drums and joins me as I approach Sol.
Finn is right behind us.
Sol bends over from laughing so hard, but why does it sound like desperate sobs to my ears. Tears stream down his face. His leg is in the air, and one arm is strung around his waist.
It’s like I’m watching a man fall apart in front of my very eyes.
“Why the hell was that lighter in there?” Sol asks absently. He flings himself back on the chair and stares at the ceiling.
I glance over to find Finn watching me. He shakes his head.
Zane flashes me a worried look. “Sol, you want to explain what’s going on?”
Sol keeps staring at the ceiling as if the movie of his life is rolling up there.
“I only came to Redwood Prep because I wanted to be where you guys were.”
At the broken tone of his voice, something icy slides down my neck.
“What happened, Sol?” Finn asks, looking straight at Sol with sharp, unflinching eyes. If it weren’t for the slight tremble of his lips, Finn would seem totally uninterested in the answer.
Sol doesn’t look at either of us. He just keeps talking. “My mom was just the lady who cleaned your house. You didn’t have to include me in your band. You didn’t have to feed me from your table. You didn’t have to come over to my house and become my family.” He shakes his head. “But you did. And I always felt like I owed you for that. It was so stupid. You were my friends and I was grateful.”
“Sol,” I insist, “what happened this morning?”
He turns his head to the side, and the sunlight falls over his profile. It makes him look delicate and boyish, reminding me of the Sol we used to know long before the world beat the crap out of us.
“My therapist says I have a strong sense of loyalty and a low self-image. Do you know what that means?” He shakes his head and chuckles a bit. “It means even if someone treated me nicely once, just once, I’d be ready to die for them. Like a dog.”
I hold myself still. So still it’s like I’m not even here anymore.
Zane opens his mouth to interrupt, but I lift a hand and indicate that he stop.
Sol is losing himself.
To sadness.
To regret.
To anger.
I can feel the rage sizzling right under the tones of his voice. Just like I can hear it when I play my guitar. The voice is an instrument too. It’s just vibrations and air and rhythm.
Sol is angry and we don’t need to set him off right now.
Zane steps back, but his shoulders are hiked. He looks disturbed.
My twin is always uncomfortable when someone is being too honest. He’d prefer to grin—always with that grin—and act like nothing could ever hurt him. Seeing other people strip down until they’re bare freaks him out.
Especially when that someone is one of us.
But Sol needs to get this off his chest. I can feel it.
A dry laugh escapes Sol’s mouth. He runs a hand over his face, still looking hopelessly at the ceiling.
“Have you guys ever been called a dog? Not likely, huh? Dogs bark when they’re told. They bite when they’re told. They sit and roll over. But if they don’t have a purpose, they’re just there. Waiting. Just waiting for something to happen. For someone to give them an instruction. Do you know how suffocating that is? To wait?”
Zane curses and moves around to the fridge where he takes out a bottle of beer and guzzles it.
Sol’s nostrils flare. “Abuela had this dog once. Bruno. He was a stray that she picked up one day. Took him home and tried to get him to behave. But Bruno didn’t know what that word meant. Every time abuela would lock him in her room when she went to mass, she’d come back to a room filled with toilet paper and torn clothes and crap everywhere…”
There’s another dry laugh from Sol and this one seems even more devoid of humor than the last.
His expression grows colds suddenly. Eyes hardening. Hands shaking. “Dogs can destroy too, you know. If you leave them long enough. If the energy builds, it needs an outlet. They’re not only loyal all the time.”
Sol goes silent.
Zane knocks back another beer in a single gulp and swipes his hand over his mouth. He storms back toward us, his eyes dark. “Why?”
Sol’s eyes close briefly. When he speaks, he sounds tired. “I wanted to see it burn. For once, I wanted to destroy something instead of just sitting quietly while it destroyed me.”
“I told you I was handling Miller,” I grind out. Anger is pulsing in my veins. I feel that familiar burning.
“You think that isn’t suffocating, Dutch?” Sol sits up and stares a hole through me. “That stupid need you have to control everything. You think I put up with it because I’m weak?” He shakes his head. “Miller targeted people he thought he could crush. That’s all this school does. If you’re weak, you’re screwed. If you have a little money or fame, you’re gods. You think just because I hang with you, I’ve forgotten which camp I belong to?”
“Sol.”
“I didn’t know her stupid lighter would be in there,” Sol spits.
My hand is sweaty. I wipe it against the side of my pants and slide my tongue over my bottom lip.
The look in Sol’s eyes is quiet chaos. “I went straight to Harris. Told him it wasn’t Serena who set the fire. And you know what he said?” Sol snorts. “It doesn’t matter which one of you goes. So just shut up and graduate.”
Tears form in Sol’s eyes. He swipes at one almost angrily.
“It doesn’t matter…” His voice trails. “I’m going to the police.”
I inhale a deep breath and process everything he said. Sol is being torn apart by guilt right now. I can see that, but I also know that he deserves to be here as much as Serena or Brahms.
We fought to have him here.
It’s not just about Sol anymore, it’s about our honor. It’s about our reputation.
Sol has to stay in Redwood Prep.
“No,” I bite out.
Sol glances at me.
So do Finn and Zane.
“You go to the police, it’s game over. They went easy on Serena, but you’ve got a prior infraction. They’ll have you arrested. We’re not just talking about getting kicked out, Sol. We’re talking about jail.”
His eyes flash with fear.
“We’re not going to let that happen,” Finn says firmly.
I nod. No we’re not.
A sudden banging on the door makes us all jump.
My muscles coil. Who the hell would dare to…
“Dutch!” Cadence’s voice blasts through the door. “Dutch, I need to talk to you right now!”
Fin looks at me. I return his stony gaze with one of my own.
Cadence can never know the truth about that fire today.
