My stomach twists as I pause in the doorway of yet another room in our home that I didn’t even know existed until a few hours ago. Security screens take up one wall, and a plethora of incredibly expensive machinery surrounds the desk in the middle of the room.
The threats the media posed were resolved within a matter of hours thanks to my sisters-in-law and Silas Sinclair’s team, but we haven’t been able to track down Sierra. She wasn’t at the home she now shares with Xavier, and she hasn’t been at work either. The fact that Xavier is missing too is reassuring to me, but Lex is convinced they’re both in trouble.
Not knowing if she’s okay is killing Lex. I can see it in his eyes, in the way he’s distanced himself from me. Her disappearance triggered all the memories he tried so hard to heal from, and there’s nothing I can do to make it better.
I watch my husband as he employs security measure after measure in an attempt to locate Sierra. He seems to have trackers on every Windsor piece of tech, ranging from phones to cars, and that isn’t all. In the last hour, I’ve heard him instruct Pippy to comb through every single piece of in and outgoing communication on Sierra’s devices, down to every last text message.
It’s clear it isn’t just Sierra’s he’s been monitoring. It’s me too. The level of his distrust is hurtful, and I’m not sure how I feel about his invasive behavior, haven’t even had a chance to really process it. I never knew he was monitoring me to this extent, never would’ve even suspected it.
“Lex,” I murmur as I walk in. His entire body tenses, and his back goes rigid. When he turns to look at me, his gaze is cold and unfamiliar. “I’m sure she’s okay. For all we know, Xavier just took her on an impromptu surprise trip.”
He forces a smile, but his clear exhaustion prevents him from putting on the act he’d normally put on for me. “Raya,” he says, his tone impatient. “If that was the case, I’d already have found out where they are. Something is wrong.”
I reach for him and brush the back of my fingers over his temple. He flinches, and my heart begins to ache. Ever since he realized Sierra went missing, he’s barely touched me. I never realized how much I took the way he usually holds my hand for granted, the way he wraps his hand around my waist when I’m nearby.
I’m trying my best to be there for him, but I’d be lying if I said that I don’t still need him too. The memory of everything my biological father did to harm me just a few hours ago is still fresh in my mind, and I wish he’d just let me touch him. I wish my husband would take me in his arms and hold me close, even if it’s just for a few moments. I’ve never felt quite this lonely, standing right next to the person I love most.
Lex’s gaze roams over my face, and I tense when something I can’t quite place flickers in his eyes. For the first time in months, I can’t read him at all. “Have you heard from her?”
I shake my head. “No, Lex. I’m sorry. I’d have told you straight away if I knew where she is,” I reassure him. I see the suspicion in his eyes, and it hurts more than I’d ever let on. I’m tempted to tell him that I’m not her, that I’d never harm him or his family, and the fact that he thinks I would is ridiculous. Instead, I cross my arms and press my lips together, trying my hardest not to take his behavior personally.
Lex leans back in his seat and searches my face. “Are you sure you don’t know where she is, Raya?”
My heart wrenches, and I shake my head. “No, Lex. I just told you I haven’t heard from her. No one has. Please, you need some rest. You’ve been at it all day. By the time you wake up tomorrow, we’ll have heard from her. It’s Sierra we’re talking about, Lex. This can’t be the first time she’s done something impulsive.”
It’s not that I’m not worried, but knowing she’s likely with Xavier puts me at ease as much as it put all my sisters-in-law at ease. Having experienced the extent he’ll go to for her at Sierra’s bachelorette, I know she’s safe so long as he’s near her. Lexington is the only one that refuses to believe they’re more than likely fine.
I reach for his hand, but he doesn’t wrap his fingers around mine like he usually would. “You won’t be of any help to anyone if you continue to wear yourself down. Besides, Silas Sinclair is doing all he can to find her — he put his entire team on it.”
He shakes his head and pulls his hand away. “There are a couple of things I want to look into. You go to bed.”
My eyes roam over his screen, and I sigh. “Does she know you’re monitoring her to this extent?” I ask, my voice soft. “I understand that you’re worried about her safety, but is this really okay? You’re combing through her texts, Lex. Would you really want one of your brothers to read the messages you and I send each other?”
He leans back, his expression hard. “I’m not personally reading them, Raya. Pippy is doing it for me, and unless there’s something in there she deems suspicious, I won’t ever see it.”
I point at one of the screens, where Pippy has compiled a huge assortment of text messages in which Sierra told Xavier she’s going to kill him or otherwise do him bodily harm, and he replied flirtatiously and provocatively. “These are clearly meant to be private messages,” I tell him. “She would never want her brother to see this. I don’t think this is right.”
He rises from his seat and places his index finger underneath my chin, making me face him. “Raya,” he says. “My sister knows about my ability to infiltrate all her tech, and she knows I would never do it unless I’m genuinely worried for her safety — which I am. The question is, why aren’t you? It seems like you’re just trying to stop me from finding Sierra, and I don’t understand why. If you know where she is, I strongly suggest you tell me now.”
“I don’t know where she is,” I murmur, defeated. “I’m just concerned about your invasion of her privacy. She’s only stepped out for a few hours, Lex. Sierra will come back home tomorrow, and she’s going to be pissed when she finds out what you’ve done. I would be too.”
He pulls his hand away, his gaze cold. “She knows. Sierra is fully aware of what I’d do if she ever went missing, the lengths I’d go to.”
“I didn’t,” I whisper, gesturing at the screen. “I can see my name on that screen, Lexington. I can see the dot placing me in our home. You never told me you were monitoring my phone. I never consented to that. You told me you’d try with me, but you never even remotely tried to trust me. Never even told me this room existed, never told me about the tunnels.”
He locks his jaws. “What is it you’re trying to hide, Raya? What are you suddenly so concerned about?”
I sigh and shake my head. “Nothing, I’m sorry. This isn’t the right time to discuss this. It’s just been a long day, and I’m tired, my emotions are running high, and I just…” I look at the screen again, my heart aching. I just thought you’d started to trust me, that you were trying to overcome the past with me. I’m hurting today, and this is just another thing that adds to my pain. I need you, and you can’t even see it. “It’s nothing.”
He nods, and I take a step back, pure loneliness crashing through me as I walk back out of the room and into our bedroom. My gaze drops to our bed, and longing hits me hard. All I want is to be there for him, to be the one he turns to at times like these. I thought we’d come so far, but I’m not sure we have. Even more worryingly, the man I just walked away from wasn’t one I recognize. That wasn’t the Lexington Windsor I love, and once again, he’s got me wondering what is or isn’t real. It’s a terrifying feeling, and it only makes my heart ache more.
I take a shaky breath as I walk into the bathroom, my emotions in turmoil. I’ve never felt so lonely before, even though my husband is only a few doors down.
I don’t feel any better by the time I get out of the shower, and not even putting one of Lex’s t-shirts on takes away the stinging pain in the chest. I sigh as I grab my phone to check the time, only to freeze at the sight of a text message from an unfamiliar number.
Sierra needs you at 453 Kingsley Road. Come alone. Don’t tell anyone.
I immediately call the number as I rush out of the room, but it goes straight to voicemail. I walk into Lex’s security room, only to find him slumped over his desk, fast asleep. I hesitate, unsure of what to do. I meant what I said. In his current state, he won’t be of help to anyone. Besides, the message said to come alone, and I can’t risk Sierra’s safety.
