WHEN I WAS A KID, I could sometimes go swimming at the public pool on 173rd Street. Above the surface of the water, it was overcrowded, loud and crazy. But when I dipped my head underwater, the world hushed, and I was lost to pure sensation.
Losing myself with Bella was just like that. The world shrank down to the size of her mattress. As I caressed her, reality was muffled by her smooth, creamy skin and the sound of our breathing.
I knew that if I stopped to think about it — if I popped my head back above the surface — the real world still waited, loud and disapproving. But she and I were swimming alone together, hands stroking, tongues teasing. I did not want to come up for air. Ever.
At some point, Bella sat up. So I sat up, too. Then she handed me the box of condoms. Somehow, even though I was drunk with lust, I managed to tear it open. They came out in a string — the way the bodega on our corner used to have a chain of red lollipops hanging over the cash register, and the cashier would tear the next packet off if you wanted to buy one. I tore off a condom and let the others slide to the floor.
I handled the packet carefully, not wanting to tear the latex inside. But the packet did not open on the first try.
“Let me,” Bella whispered. The feel of her hand stroking my dick practically erased my ability to respond, let alone hear.
I handed the condom over to her, too turned on to care that I wasn’t man enough to get the job done. I flashed back to the whole champagne-bottle incident. An hour ago, I’d had no idea where this night would lead me.
Still didn’t.
It seemed impossible to believe that sexy Bella and I were naked together right now. That she was kneeling beside me, one hand on my hip, the other one fitting a condom over my pene.
“Is this your usual brand?” she asked softly, using two hands to roll it down. “It’s kind of tight. Seriously, you should buy the next size up. And I’m not just saying that.”
I didn’t answer, because I didn’t want to admit that there was no “usual brand” for me. There was nothing at all usual about this moment. I didn’t even want to think about why.
With a tug on her hands, I pulled Bella onto my lap and kissed her again. As long as I had my mouth on hers, I didn’t have to think. More sensation, por favor. More action, less talking.
And no thinking. Maybe not ever.
Bella straddled me willingly. So willingly. She curled one of her pretty hands around my waist and let me plunder her mouth again. Cristo. The way she touched me was incredible. I’d never felt my own desire mirrored back to me like this. With Alison, I’d always been coaxing her. But Bella arched into me. When I touched her, she pressed closer. When I groaned, she joined the chorus.
This. This is how it was supposed to be. Bella’s enthusiasm had obliterated all of my caution. She wanted me. And I could no longer think of any reason why I couldn’t have this.
Our kisses were bottomless. I leaned back against the wall behind me, the sound of my heartbeat throbbing in my ears. Bella reached down between our bodies, wrapping her hand around me again. This time, the condom prevented me from feeling very much. That was probably a good thing. When she’d stuck her hand down my pants earlier, I nearly came like a fountain.
“I like you right here,” she whispered.
I only groaned. I liked her anywhere at all. As long as she didn’t stop kissing me.
She reached over to grab a pillow, and I had to lean forward so she could jam it behind my back.
Then she put her hands on my shoulders.
Then she rose up on her knees.
Then? She lowered herself down on my aching dick.
Caliente, I thought immediately. It was so warm inside her. I let out the breath that I didn’t even know I was holding.
“That’s more like it,” Bella whispered, pushing her hips forward. Her cheeks were pink, I noticed. And those beautiful rosy nipples were right there in front of me, shamelessly asking for my attention. I took both breasts in my hands and circled the nipples with my thumbs. “Yesss…” she hissed, moving her body against me.
I had never seen anything so erotic. All my senses stood at attention as that beautiful girl began to ride me. I felt the tickle of her hair on my shoulders. And the brush of her smooth belly against my abs. The only thing keeping me in check at all was the condom’s tight grip.
Bella was exquisite, and I couldn’t quite decide whether to watch her or kiss her. So I did both as well as I could. Her gaze began to go soft and unfocused. She moaned into my mouth. And her hips flexed faster than they had before.
Dios.
I couldn’t hold still any longer. My hips jacked off the bed to match her rhythm. And time slowed to a crawl as Bella’s breath stuttered. “Oh, fuck,” she panted. Then she slammed her mouth down on mine and moaned.
The sound of her climax was so fucking beautiful. It had been a long time since I made a girl come. I’d forgotten how that felt — to make someone whimper as if she were helpless and I was the only one who could save her. Only this was so much better than any of the furtive make-out sessions I’d had in high school. Bella was soft and draped all over my naked body, her back heaving, her tatas rubbing against my sensitive skin.
She dropped her face into my neck. “Whew. Sorry.”
“No,” I whispered, cupping the back of her neck. “That was magic.”
“You’re going to have to take the wheel.” She lifted her face and kissed me once. “But God, don’t stop.”
“Are you sure?”
Her eyes widened. “Rafe, we’re just getting warmed up here.” She climbed off me, and I missed her immediately. Bella stretched out on the bed beside me and tugged on my arm. “Get your giant dick over here.”
As I rolled to brace myself over her waiting body, all my restraint fled under Bella’s door and down the old stairwell. There was something primal about that position — pressing down into her curves — that reached the core of me. “Jesus Dios,” I whispered, my hips already twitching with anticipation.
“Do it,” she begged.
So I did.
Hours ago, I’d been worried about my inexperience. What an idiota I’d been. There was nothing more natural than this. Sliding inside Bella felt like something I’d been born to do. My hips set a rhythm that was a lot like the pounding of my heart. “Tan buena,” I panted. “Belleza.” So good. Beautiful.
Bella lifted her knees, gripping my body with her legs. “Give me that mouth, hottie.”
When I dropped my head, our kisses were wild, tangled things. I moaned into her mouth, and she dragged her fingernails down my back.
I have no idea how much time passed. A minute? A half hour? There was only the feeling of her skin against mine and the ridiculously sexy noises she made while I fucked her. She gripped me with her knees, and then began to moan my name.
All of a sudden, everything began to feel just too good. So fucking good. I was drowning in lust. Someone was groaning like crazy, and I’m pretty sure it was me. Bella seemed to like that. A lot. She arched her back and gasped. I felt her body pulse around me, and then it was all over for me. I drove my head down into the pillow to muffle the shout I made when I erupted.
“Jesus,” Bella panted as silence descended. The only sound was our ragged breathing. It was all I could do to take enough oxygen into my lungs. Her hands skimmed down my sweaty sides, and then she rubbed circles around my hips. “Mmm,” she said.
I agreed, but was still unable to say so.
We lay there while my heart rate tried to decide whether or not it would ever slow down again. My thoughts were a swirl of delight and satisfaction and not much else.
“Rafe, you’re going to have to pull your sexy self out eventually.” Bella gave my ass a playful slap.
That woke me from my stupor fast. It figured my inexperience would crop up somewhere. “Sorry,” I choked out, embarrassed now. I began to lift myself off her.
Wait. I couldn’t mess up this part. I reached down to secure the top of the condom, just like they told us to in health class. Self-conscious now, I planted a foot on the floor and practically ran to the door of what had to be her bathroom. I opened it, finding a tiny little room tiled in black and white, with a slanted ceiling.
Feeling almost lightheaded, I stumbled over to the wastepaper basket. When I looked down to unroll the condom, my heart practically stopped.
The bottom of it was split open.
For a long moment I stared, just hoping I was wrong. But that flap of latex and my exposed skin stared right back up at me.
I put a hand onto the wall to steady myself. “Bella,” I ground out. Jesus Dios, I didn’t want to say this.
“Yeah,” came her breathy murmur.
I’m going to ruin everything now. “The condom broke.”
Saying it aloud shook me up even more. I shucked off the useless thing and threw it away.
“Ahem,” came another female voice. I whipped my head around. “The whole neighborhood can hear you.”
The other voice had come from behind a little wooden door on the opposite wall of the bathroom.
Madre de Dios. I stumbled out of the bathroom and closed the door behind me.
Bella had gotten under the covers, where she now lazed, her head on one curled arm. The lazy expression on her face did not match mine. Why was she not freaking out? “Rafe, relax. It’s okay.”
“How is it okay?” There was nothing about this that was okay.
“Come here.” Bella pulled the covers back and beckoned to me. Reluctantly I got into bed beside her. She put a hand on my nervous chest. “I have an IUD. That’s a device that protects against pregnancy, and it’s more effective than any condom or any pill. So as long as you’re clean…”
“Of course I’m clean,” I sputtered.
“Of course you are,” Bella said softly, patting my chest. “I’m just saying. You don’t have to worry. I’m as careful as they come.”
I put a hand over my eyes, still mortified. A few hours ago, I was an upstanding guy who was taking his girlfriend out for her birthday. And now? I was some asshole who’d had a one-night stand.
And the condom broke. I thought I might throw up.
“Please don’t freak out.” Gently, Bella removed the hand from my eyes. “Because what we just did? That was ten different kinds of hot.”
She smiled at me then, and it was hard not to feel just a little calmer. A guy could get pretty lost in that smile if he wasn’t careful. “Yeah,” I whispered back to her. “Okay.” I still felt a little lightheaded. The fact that I’d had no dinner and more than half a bottle of wine probably explained it.
Bella propped herself up on one elbow to reach the lamp. She clicked it off and her room dropped into darkness. “Don’t go anywhere,” she said, getting comfortable on her pillow. “Because we might have to do that again in the morning. I need to know whether that much hot can be duplicated. For science.”
“For science,” I repeated in the dark, my head woozy.
I felt her lean in close, and she kissed me on the shoulder. Then she lifted one smooth knee up, dropping it down over my outstretched leg. A few minutes after that, I heard her breathing lengthen into sleep.
That’s when I really began to feel alone.
In the pitch dark of Bella’s room, I no longer had her smiling eyes to tell me everything was all right. The sleeping girl beside me became a stranger again.
The stillness pressed in on me, and tonight’s events began to play back in my mind. And what I saw there made me feel pretty damned loco. My plan had been to make love to my girlfriend of many months — a girl I thought I knew.
I’d thought wrong. So wrong.
And before the day was even over, I’d stripped off my clothes for sex with Bella, who I barely knew. It had been amazing, of course. I enjoyed every minute of it.
But what if the night had happened differently? If I’d gotten naked with Alison instead, and the condom broke? What then? A hasty trip to the health center, to get that pill you can take if you’re quick enough. The one that doesn’t always work.
Jesucristo.
There was a reason I hadn’t slept around like a lot of other guys. There were several reasons, but guilt was the main one. If my mother had any idea what I’d done tonight, she would lose her mind. Pregnant at nineteen, Ma’s life had never been the same.
After my father disappeared, Ma waited two years to find out what happened to him, saving up to hire a private investigator. The P.I. found my father within the month. He lives in Mexico City now, where he has another family.
We never even got a note.
“Not everyone is as selfish as your father,” Ma always said. “But I don’t want you putting yourself in the position of having to do the right thing. And you can’t put a teenage girl in the position of having to figure out what the right thing is. Don’t do it at all until you’re ready to become somebody’s father.”
My mother doesn’t mince words.
I never planned to take her advice literally. But her story weighed on me. It made me respectful of my high school girlfriends, who liked to make out but rarely let me touch them. And it made me feel guilty for wanting sex from Alison, who did not want to have sex. (With me.)
And now? It made me feel like a tool for sleeping with Bella.
Beside me, Bella breathed deeply, sleeping the sleep of the shameless. I envied her that. My churning thoughts kept me awake until, eventually, even those wore me out.
And I slept.
