The weeks passed and though Noelle continued with her routine of seeking out Blue whenever she could, she didn’t always find him. More than anything, though, even the occasional sightings were becoming insufficient.
Time was running out and she knew she needed to act somehow.
The situation became even more unpredictable as Amo, her brother, decided to move back home for a period of time. With another set of eyes on her, Noelle’s circumstances were becoming more and more precarious.
One day, feeling more restless than usual, she decided to shoot her shot.
They were talking about his dissertation and that he would soon be done with it. Noelle, grasping on to the chance, suggested an outrageous proposal.
‘You know what. We really should. After you graduate, you should take me on a trip to Mexico and officially introduce me to Aztec culture.’
She paused as she waited for him to respond. Her heart was in her throat as the seconds ticked by, his reply still pending.
Maybe he didn’t want to meet her. Maybe he wanted to keep their relationship strictly online and platonic. Noelle hoped to God that wasn’t the case. She didn’t know if she could bear it if he rejected her in any way, shape, or form.
In her mind, their relationship was a done deal. She’d already seen their future together and chosen the names of their future children.
She knew Blue was the one for her.
He just had to realize it too.
‘Blue? Are you still there? Don’t tell me I shocked you?’ she croaked, doing her best to keep the imminent disappointment from her voice.
‘You… You’d like to meet?’ Blue hesitantly asked, his tone holding a note of awe.
Noelle blinked at his tentative question. Could it be that he was as afraid as she was?
‘Sure, why not?’ she added in a fluid manner—everything to mask the growing anxiety building in her chest.
‘Let me get this straight. You want to meet? Me?’ Blue repeated incredulously.
How could he think she would want to meet anyone else but him?
Who had been her constant companion for almost two years? Who had been her best friend, her confidante, the other damned half of her soul? Who if not him?
‘Of course I want to meet you, Blue. Who else? But only if you want that, too. I have a family commitment later this year, but I can do it any time before that,’ she explained, trying to make it clear that she needed the meeting to happen now, not later when she’d already be shipped off to Mexico.
There was a long pause before he eventually replied.
‘I’d love to.’
He sounded sincere and confident about his answer, and Noelle released a deep, relieved breath. She would have never wanted him to merely meet with her because she pressured him into it.
‘Good. It’s about time you took me on a real date,’ she joked.
‘Where are you? I can come to you,’ he immediately added.
Noelle’s eyes widened at his enthusiasm. Her lashes fluttered as a blush stained her cheeks.
‘You’re such a gentleman, aren’t you?’ she teased. ‘I live in upstate New York. What about you?’
She already knew where he was, but she couldn’t let him know that.
‘I’m in the city.’
‘No shit,’ she feigned surprise. ‘You’re serious?’
‘Yep. But first, since we’re actually doing this, I have to ask something,’ he suddenly said, his voice serious.
Noelle drummed her fingers over her desk, her heart hammering in her chest.
‘Shoot.’
‘Tell me you’re of age. You’re at least eighteen, right?’
Of course, leave it to her perfect Blue to inquire about that.
For a moment, she felt guilty that she was lying to him. From the beginning, she’d hinted at being older so he wouldn’t stop talking to her. She’d never said her age outright, but he hadn’t asked either. She supposed that in this case he was entitled to want to know it. But she was still lying and…
‘I’m twenty,’ she answered before she chickened out.
What was one more lie, right? She was already hiding so much from him, a few years wouldn’t matter, no? Not really, anyway.
‘Thank God,’ he mumbled under his breath.
‘What was that?’
‘Nothing. I’m happy that issue is out of the way,’ he chuckled.
Noelle felt a pang of disappointment in her heart. She hated that she was doing this, but she was aware that if Blue knew her real age he would never entertain a relationship with her—much more than what she had in mind.
He would probably never talk to her again, much less sleep with her as she’d wanted.
‘Good. Then we could set something up soon. I’ll be in the country until the end of the year, so we need to do it before that,’ she reminded him again, emphasizing she didn’t have much time.
‘Why don’t you go ahead and set a date and I’ll make it happen,’ Blue offered.
Noelle’s palms were clammy with excitement at his words.
‘Next week? I can do Friday afternoon. We can meet in the city since I have a class there,’ she added vaguely.
‘There’s this café we could go to. It’s pretty popular and this way you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable.’
Noelle couldn’t help but melt as Blue continued to talk, detailing all the features of this café so she would know what to expect. She realized he was afraid he would make her uncomfortable and wanted to assure her it was the last thing he wanted.
‘You’re really sweet, you know that?’ The words slipped from her mouth before she could stop herself.
But he was. He was so, so very sweet that she couldn’t wait to finally meet him. She’d show him in person just how much he touched her—how much his presence in her life had made a difference.
‘I’ll wear a violet shirt so I’m more easily recognizable. I’m pretty tall, though, so you shouldn’t miss me,’ Blue said, proceeding to describe his appearance to her.
If before he’d been rather hesitant, the more they discussed their upcoming meeting as a done deal the more he started to open up to her, his enthusiasm noticeable in his voice.
Noelle gave him similar details about her appearance. For the first time she was worried that he might not like her, but she pushed everything down. She would put more effort in her appearance than usual and she was sure he was bound to find her attractive. If she had to buy one of those pheromone perfumes advertised online, then she would do that too.
‘But really, Blue? Violet?’ she chuckled. ‘You really wear violet shirts?’
‘I’ll have you know they are very nice shirts,’ he retorted playfully.
‘You and your fancy violet,’ she teased. ‘Why don’t you just call it purple and be done with it? It’s the same thing.’
‘It’s not. There are a lot of differences between violet and purple,’ he said with a huff.
‘Sorry I offended your color sensibilities, Blue. Please, enlighten me what those differences are.’
‘Have you heard about synesthesia?’
‘Huh?’
‘It’s a condition where your senses are linked together. For me, all my other senses converge into taste. Sounds and colors have flavors for me.’
Noelle blinked in surprise.
Good God, but it must have been divine intervention that she’d been too tongue tied to talk to him in the past. Otherwise he would have surely recognized her voice if he possessed such abilities.
‘Wow. That sounds awesome,’ she breathed out.
She might not know too much about synesthesia, but as he gave her more details about it, she realized what it could mean for them—for her.
‘So music has flavors for you?’ She suddenly probed.
‘Yep. It depends. Sometimes the notes themselves have a certain flavor and sometimes it’s the overall melody.’
God, but if he could taste sounds… She would play whatever he wanted for him for the rest of his life. She would feed him her sounds.
Not wanting to give herself and her enthusiasm for the future away, she cleared her throat as she brought the conversation back to their previous topic.
‘You didn’t tell me the difference between fancy violet and purple.’
‘It’s simple. Purple is man-made by mixing colors together. Violet is natural. It works the same with my tastebuds. There’s a counterfeit taste to purple whereas violet has a very pleasant aroma.’
‘So it all comes down to your interactions with the color and how it affects you, no?’
‘Precisely. You’re pretty smart, aren’t you,’ he complimented her, making her redden from head to toe.
‘Oh, I bet I can be smarter. Watch me,’ Noelle declared, opening the shared screen, and pulling up the search engine to search for weird color names.
‘Are you really looking for the rarest color names?’ Blue asked with a chuckle.
‘Of course. If you can be fancy with your violet then I can be fancy with my favorite color too.’
She was focused on finding something right as she scanned the list of names. Yet instead of settling on just one, she decided to mix two together.
‘Ok, I got it,’ she told him, moving her cursor to highlight two different colors. ‘You have your fancy violet and I’ll have…’ she paused as she tried to pronounce the very difficult words, her breath into the mic, as well as the whispers of her failed attempts.
Noelle cleared her throat.
‘My favorite color from now on is Cadmium Quercitron.‘
It sounded the most fancy out of all of them, so that would be her color from now on. And as she realized it was some type of yellow, she realized that she had a couple of shirts she’d bought in that color.
‘Good luck remembering that,’ he laughed.
‘Oh, I will. And this is exactly how I’ll introduce myself to you on Friday. I’ll be Miss Cadmium Quercitron,‘ she added, pride shining in her voice.
Once the details for their meeting were ironed out, they continued to chat about this and that until late at night, forgoing their usual movie time.
It was the following day that Noelle realized this was actually happening—that she would finally meet the object of her affection. She didn’t know exactly what to expect of their first encounter, but she needed to ensure everything would go smoothly.
She shaved every place that needed shaving, grooming herself to perfection. And when Friday finally rolled around, Noelle made sure her skin and hair were both soft and scented, adding a few pheromone drops to her wrists and behind her ears. She couldn’t add make-up at home since that would raise concerns with her family, so she decided to visit a drugstore before meeting Blue instead.
When the time came to go to her piano practice, she left her guards behind with practiced ease, changing into the clothes she’d packed and getting out of the building undetected.
Luckily, the café Blue had chosen wasn’t too far, so she could make the distance on foot.
Since she was about an hour early, she spotted a drugstore close to the café and she went inside to tend to her make-up and make a few purchases.
She wasn’t the most experienced when it came to make-up, so she decided to go for the basics. She put on some foundation and blush, rimmed her lashes with a dark mascara and added some eyeliner at the outer corner of her eyes. She topped everything off with a reddish lipstick.
Looking at herself in the mirror, Noelle was satisfied with her appearance. She only hoped that Blue would like it, too.
She was aware she wasn’t a born beauty, but as long as she appeared beautiful to him, that was all that mattered.
With that done, she proceeded to browse the shelves until she came to the designated spot. She was a little embarrassed about what she intended to buy, but it was necessary.
Now, if only she could figure out what type she needed…
She stopped in front of the many types of condoms as she surveyed the sizes, wondering which one she should get.
Her Blue was a big man, so she supposed that part of him should be equally big, no?
She pursed her lips as she released an annoyed sigh.
Yet just at that moment, someone else stepped into the drugstore.
Noelle looked up just in time to see a tall, blonde man go down the snack aisle.
She blinked in shock.
That was… That was…
He was there. Her Blue was there. And she was starting to freak out.
He can’t see me now! Not until the perfect moment!
But even in her freak-out mode she could see that he was holding something in his hands.
Flowers.
He… He’d gotten her flowers.
Noelle’s heart clenched in her chest as feelings of love for this man suffused her entire being.
But that wasn’t all.
From her place in the back, she could see him go about the shop and pick up some chocolate and even a bag of spicy Cheetos—her favorites.
Tears stabbed at her eyes as she realized just how thoughtful he could be.
‘My Blue,’ she whispered, his actions touching her deep within.
He made his way to the cashier’s desk, ready to pay for his items. Directly in her field of view, Noelle looked him up and down once more, surveying him from head to toe as she finally picked a few boxes of condoms. With how big he was, she doubted a small or a medium would do. So she got the biggest size.
As he paid and left, Noelle waited a while longer so he would have time to reach the café before she paid for her items too.
Exiting the drugstore, she walked slowly towards the meeting point.
She was nervous and excited, and her heart was beating a little bit too loudly in her chest.
All she could imagine was his expression when he’d see her—how they would spend the afternoon talking and getting to know each other.
But she also imagined something else.
The boxes of condoms took up most of the space in her tiny bag, and they reminded her of her plans. She wanted Blue to be the one to take her virginity just as she wanted him to be the only man for her—now and forever.
The thought of being naked with him, of having him touch her intimately and…
Her cheeks reddened just as arousal built inside of her.
She was ready. For him. For them. For the future she would be building with her own hands, not the one that would be thrust upon her.
Maybe her family would hate and disown her for what she was about to do. Maybe they would never speak to her again. But it was a risk she was willing to take.
She walked to the café, stopping a few feet away from it as a smile tipped at her lips.
Blue was already seated next to the window, his gifts visible by his side as he tried his best not to seem overly anxious.
It warmed her heart that he was just as nervous as she was.
She was about to take the final plunge and walk towards the café when a car suddenly skidded to a stop.
Noelle wouldn’t have minded it if not for someone calling her name.
Her eyes widened and turning, she came face to face with her older brother, Amo.
‘What…’ she muttered in surprise.
One moment she was on the sidewalk, ready to meet the love of her life, the next she found herself forcefully shoved inside the car.
Amo didn’t even deign to look at her as his lip twitched in disgust.
‘What the hell have you done, Noelle?’ his voice was marred with disappointment.
‘I… How… How…’ Noelle couldn’t even form the words to ask how he’d found her.
But Amo intuited it well.
‘You think Cisco hasn’t been aware of everything you’ve been doing?’
‘What?’ Noelle’s eyes fluttered in shock.
‘He wanted you to have some freedom but we never thought you’d… For fuck’s sake, Noelle,’ Amo groaned, shaking his head.
Yet that was the end of the conversation.
He didn’t talk to her until they reached their home upstate.
Dragging her to the living room, she realized everyone was waiting for her there.
Yuyu, Cisco and Elena were all seated on a sofa, deep in conversation. When Amo entered the room with Noelle, everyone stopped, turning to look at her.
She saw the disappointment in Yuyu’s eyes and the slight twitch in her brother’s cheek.
Elena, on the other hand, simply gazed at her with the usual disdain.
‘You were right,’ Amo nodded to Cisco.
Pulling Noelle inside the room, he pushed her on the sofa.
‘Sit,’ Amo said.
Yet the brusque movements made her bag slip off her shoulder, crashing to the ground, its contents spilling for everyone to see.
Noelle’s eyes were the size of two saucers as she tried to pinch herself—surely it was just a bad dream.
But it wasn’t.
The boxes of condoms rolled on the floor, in plain sight for everyone to see.
Elena was the first to react, a loud gasp as she came to her feet. In just a few steps she was in front of Noelle, slapping one cheek, then the next. She continued to do it until Amo pulled her back, restraining her.
Noelle didn’t even try to put up a fight. Not when she was so mortified she wanted to run away.
‘You slut!’ Elena shouted. ‘You’ve disgraced us!’
More arguments ensued as everyone seemed to have an opinion on Noelle’s actions.
Noelle tuned everything out, though. She wanted to simply disappear.
All at once, her thoughts were a mess of disappointment, hopelessness and shame.
Blue… He was probably still waiting for her and she would never come. What would he think? That she found him faulty and did not want to meet anymore No… She didn’t want him to think that he was deficient in any way. Not when this was absolutely her fault.
She’d dared to dream far more than she was allowed to, and now she was paying the consequences.
‘Enough!’ Cisco’s voice rang out through the myriad of voices arguing.
He got to his feet, pacing the surface of the living room before he stopped in front of Noelle.
‘Is it true? Did you sleep with him?’ he inquired of Noelle.
His tone was his usual bored and indifferent one. But Noelle could see his tense features and the fact that he wasn’t to be underestimated.
Even so, her self-preservation had flown a long time ago—maybe at the same time she’d been told she was to marry a stranger.
Tipping her chin up, she regarded him squarely in the eyes.
‘Yes,’ she said.
Yuyu gasped. Elena yelled. Amo cursed. Cisco simply stared at her, looking eerily frightening as he did.
‘I’ll ask you once more, Noelle, and I want to hear the truth. It won’t bode well for that friend of yours if you lie to me.’
‘What… What do you mean?’
‘You think I wasn’t aware you were talking to someone? That it’s why you’re obsessed with your computer? In the beginning, I let it slide since it seemed to help you get out of your shell. But I see I made a mistake. So answer me. Did you, or did you not sleep with him?’
Noelle was shocked at Cisco’s admission that he’d known all along.
‘Yes,’ she repeated.
She wasn’t going to back down now no matter what.
‘Whore!’ Elena spat.
‘Mother. Shut up,’ Cisco told her in the same bored tone.
Elena’s eyes flashed with shock. With a tip of his chin, Cisco instructed Amo to escort Elena out of the room.
‘We’ll talk another time, mother. When you’re…calmer.’
Elena, being Elena, didn’t go down so easily, making a scandal the whole time she was being escorted out of the room.
When only Yuyu, Cisco and Noelle were left, Cisco took a step closer, giving Noelle a cutting glare.
‘I’ll ask once more. You might want to tell me the truth, Noelle, or your Rafaelo will suffer too,’ he gave her a wolfish smile. ‘Does he know you’re underage? He can go to jail just for talking to you.’
‘W-what… You wouldn’t…’
‘I would and I will. So let me tell you how we’ll do it. You’re going to tell me everything that happened between the two—physically—and I won’t make you take a medical exam.’
‘An exam?’ Noelle uttered in shock.
‘An exam,’ Cisco confirmed. ‘Now maybe you’ll be more inclined to tell me the truth. Otherwise, I’ll find out by myself.’
‘I didn’t,’ she whispered.
‘What was that? I didn’t hear you.’
‘I didn’t sleep with him,’ Noelle finally admitted, her cheeks red.
‘But you would have.’
‘Yes,’ she confirmed.
She averted her gaze, not wanting to see Yuyu’s disappointed expression or Cisco’s unyielding one.
‘What the hell was in your head, Noelle?’
‘I love him,’ she stated confidently, tipping her chin up. ‘I love him and one way or another I’m going to be with him.’
‘Not if I get to him first,’ Cisco raised a brow at her.
Noelle frowned.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I know who he is. I happen to know his family too,’ Cisco merely shrugged. ‘Try anything and he’ll be the one to pay for everything, Noelle. And just so you know, statutory rape charges never go away.’
‘But if he didn’t touch me? There wouldn’t be any issue…’
‘Let’s get a few things straight. He might not have touched you now. But to ensure he doesn’t at all, I’m going to leave you with a warning. Do anything to shame yourself and the family, and I will be forced to do something drastic.’
The threat was clear. It didn’t matter if she never slept with Blue. Cisco could make it so the authorities believed she did. And with her being underage… That meant Blue’s future will be forever destroyed by that stain on his record.
No matter how much she wanted her freedom, she couldn’t do that to him.
‘What do I have to do?’
‘Don’t talk to him again. Via any means. You’ll lose access to your phone and computer, naturally. But don’t try to fool me, Noelle. I will know if you do, and I won’t tell you twice what the consequences will be. If you disobey me and get in contact with him, even if it’s a harmless chat, the next time you’ll hear of him will be from prison. Mark my words.’
She stared at him, unable to muster a reply.
Just like that she lost everything.
‘So I’m going to be locked away until the wedding. That’s what you’re saying.’
‘Yes. You are correct,’ Cisco nodded.
At that moment, Amo returned to the living room as well. Seeing Noelle’s desolate features and the tension rolling off Cisco, he intuited what had occurred.
‘Dinner, anyone?’ He asked jokingly in an attempt to diffuse the situation.
Cisco glared at him while Noelle simply rose from her seat, dashing up the stairs to her room.
‘What happened?’ Amo asked as he took a seat.
‘Your brother backed himself into a corner and he doesn’t know how to get out of it,’ Yuyu shrugged. Getting up, she came over to Cisco’s side, placing her hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. ‘You don’t get to be both her dear older brother and her tyrannical guardian. It doesn’t work like that, Cisco.’
‘So I’m learning,’ he ground his jaw.
‘Next time try not to learn on Noelle. The poor girl has enough on her plate as it is.’
‘And what would you have me do, Yuyu?’ He took a deep breath as he turned to her.
Amo watched the show with amusement. After all, there was only one person who dared chastise the big bad wolf, and that was Yuyu. No way he was going to miss such a rarity.
‘You could have cut their budding relationship before it became so serious,’ she suggested.
‘He was good for her. I didn’t realize her feelings would run so deep,’ he sighed.
‘I warned you,’ Yuyu said. ‘I warned you there was something different about her.’
‘I know,’ he answered drily. ‘I made a miscalculation and now she’s going to hate me. I know,‘ he admitted, though it killed him to do so.
Yuyu had pointed out to him that Noelle had started to behave differently. More like a young lady than a child—something she’d never had an interest in before. Yuyu had argued that maybe his sister had more than platonic feelings for the boy she was talking to online, but Cisco had vehemently denied it. After all, he couldn’t see how his sister could fall in love with a computerized voice—the only reason he’d allowed the connection in the first place.
But he hadn’t counted on Noelle being so resourceful as to find out who he was based on the clues she’d glean from their conversations. And he most definitely hadn’t counted on Rafaelo being the epitome of what Noelle desired the most.
Cisco stifled a chuckle. Of course he would make a miscalculation when it came to matters of a sentimental nature. They were the bane of his existence!
He dealt with odds and possibilities, not people and emotions.
Yet even in this case, he’d made the mistake of not giving too much importance to what Yuyu had told him.
While the three of them continued their discussion downstairs, Noelle got to her room and discovered that her computer had been taken away. Every little piece of technology had been removed so she wouldn’t have access to anything.
She stared desolately at the empty spot where her computer had been.
One second. Two. Three.
On the fourth she simply collapsed to the floor, her eyes still on the empty desk—as empty as she felt inside.
What was Blue thinking? That she had stood him up. And when she didn’t reply to any of his messages, he’d think she was ghosting him, maybe even assume she’d done so because she hadn’t liked him when it couldn’t be anything further than the truth.
God… In the span of one hour, her entire life had changed, all her plans disintegrating.
And she was left…alone. Again.
Even the tears wouldn’t come anymore. There was only a deep hole in her heart, becoming larger by the second until she feared she would become a shell of herself—a shadow of what it meant to be human. Unfortunately, there was only one cure.
Blue.
Her Blue.
And now…he was gone, too.
