SIX MONTHS LATER
“Your order, as requested,” Alonso gave her a dazzling smile as he laid out the variety of knives and weapons Noelle had commissioned.
“Thank you, Alonso. You’re always coming through for me,” Noelle batted her lashes as a slow smile spread across her lips.
“I told you querida, just say the word and I’ll take you from that husband of yours.”
“Oh, come on, Alonso. You know Sergio. He would never allow it,” she murmured absentmindedly, her attention solely on the weapons.
“Unfortunately,” he grimaced, releasing a weary sigh.
Noelle picked up the heels he’d made specifically for her—fashionable but deadly as the heel had been replaced with a knife.
After her demonstration in front of the crowd, everything had changed.
She might have risked death, on the off chance it wouldn’t work, but it seemed her luck hadn’t run out. Despite the drugs—and because of them—everyone at the hacienda had come to believe she was the incarnation of Tōnacācihuātl, and as such, she was higher on the godly hierarchy than Sergio.
Tōnacācihuātl was the mother of Tezcatlipoca, and that meant her power was absolute. With everything so public, Sergio had had no other recourse than to properly recognize her and treat her respectfully—though Noelle had no doubt he wished to strangle her on the spot.
She might have thought the entire ruse silly, but for the people in the region everything was real. The gods were real, as were their powers. Fernando’s demise had been proof enough that she was capable of great destruction despite being touted as a goddess of fertility. And because of that, people not only treated her with reverence, but also with fear.
They were convinced that if they crossed her, they would end up the same as Fernando, if not worse.
Not one to waste the opportunity that had arisen, Noelle had quickly made use of her newly elevated status and insinuated herself as a leading figure at the hacienda, requesting access to every aspect of its leadership.
It hadn’t been easy to get through Sergio, who still abhorred the very sight of her. But seeing that anything he might do to her would incur the wrath of his people, Sergio had decided on a more peaceful approach. He’d proposed an alliance through which both would mind their own business while working for the good of the community—or, in simpler terms, Sergio’s good. Noelle didn’t fool herself for one moment that everything he did was for his own benefit, including accepting her new position. But she’d accepted, for she had her own ulterior purpose in doing so.
Yet that had been merely the beginning for Noelle.
As Tōnacācihuātl, she’d escaped certain death and had gained access to a metaphorical power. But she needed more—much, much more. Her initial goal might have been to ensure her survival, but her subsequent one was to find her Blue. And for that, she needed more than just the perceived adoration or terror of the people.
She needed tangible power.
And so the negotiations had started.
Since she had the upper hand, she’d managed to persuade Sergio to let her manage the drug testing facility. Her reasoning had been simple. By gaining access to the workings of the drug facilities, she would get control of the product while also infiltrating Sergio’s extensive international network.
From the beginning, she’d taken her role seriously as she’d changed the protocols involved so that less people died because of the testing. At the same time, she brought new ideas to the table as she suggested new combinations of drugs that could potentially make Sergio a lot of money.
When the new batch of experimental drugs had become a success, she’d officially proven herself in order to go to the next step.
Connections.
She needed to find the right people that could help her track Rafaelo, and she knew that only by becoming a respectable figure in the underground world could she achieve such a thing. And she had.
For a couple of weeks now she’d started attending auctions looking for the perfect test subjects, and in the process she’d made new acquaintances.
One of them was Alonso Vasquez—a weapon dealer that specialized in custom artillery.
“I’ll see you next month?” Alonso asked, his tone hopeful.
“I think this is plenty for now. I’ll reach out when I need more,” Noelle shut him down gently.
Signaling to one of her men to carry out the items, she turned to Alonso and gave him her thanks before heading out.
“I’ll be waiting, querida,” he winked at her.
Noelle kept a pleasant smile on until she left the building. But as soon as she got in the car, her disgust showed on her face.
“That bad?” Lucero asked with a raised brow.
“As usual,” Noelle sighed. “Why is it that every man I interact with can’t take a hint? They all want only one thing. Just because I’m female doesn’t mean I’m open for business,” she groaned.
“At least they’re not trying to force themselves on you.”
“Oh, trust me, Alonso would have long done it if he wasn’t afraid of Sergio. You remember how he behaved last time.”
“That’s why he’s waiting for you to give him the green light. If you’re a willing participant then Sergio won’t have to know,” Lucero pointed out.
“Men,” Noelle rolled her eyes. “I’ve made it clear it’s never going to happen but he’s still trying his luck.”
“I think the more unavailable you are, the more he wants you. Remember what happened last week at the auction.”
Lucero always accompanied Noelle at auctions to pick the new test subjects. Though at first she’d objected because she didn’t morally agree with the concept, she’d put her own beliefs aside to be by Noelle’s side.
Every time they traveled outside of the hacienda, Noelle received all sorts of propositions from the men present—most not used to being rejected by a woman. And a few times, Noelle had been forced to make them understand, even if that meant taking a rather drastic approach—namely, killing them.
But what was a girl to do when someone invaded her personal space and decided it was his God given right to touch her? Of course she ought to defend herself.
With her rise in power, Noelle’s body count had also risen.
If in the beginning she’d only done it when necessary, her temper had gotten worse and worse as she’d realized just how misogynistic the world was and how she had to fight for every little opportunity. Whereas her male counterparts were congratulated for every silly thing, she had to prove herself ten times over in order to get the barest acknowledgment. There was also the matter that men did not believe a woman should have such a high position in the crime world—after all, they could only ever be victims, never more. As such, her capacity to withstand bullshit had reached an all time low, and if the person in question was inconsequential, she didn’t shy away from doling out a punishment that equaled the crime. And in her eyes, there was no worse crime than laying a hand on a woman.
Lucero, too, had gotten her fair share of harassment, which Noelle was always quick to rectify, even if her friend thought her measures too drastic.
Even if she was now a woman in a position of power, men still seemed to think her a simpleton—someone whose only real attribute was to look good. So what if she looked good? What if she liked dressing nicely and wearing heels?
Though in the past she would have never gotten caught wearing feminine clothes, now she seemed to revel in it. Maybe to some degree she enjoyed seeing men unable to help themselves and thus inviting themselves at the end of her gun. Maybe it was all a test to see who passed and who failed—and she knew they would all fail.
Since Sergio, Noelle simply found that she hated that type of overbearing machismo that relegated women to only one position—whores.
“I always hope they learn their lessons, but then it happens again.”
“As women, I don’t think we’re ever going to see the end of it. I can say for sure I’ve never met a man who hasn’t leered at me.”
“Except your Romeo,” Noelle wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Lucero blushed, averting her gaze.
“He was…different. But I was also too young for him to think of me as anything but a friend. He couldn’t have seen me as a woman.”
“Sixteen is not that young,” Noelle said pensively, thinking of her own situation. She’d fallen for Blue around that age, too, and though in the beginning it had been an idealized version of love, soon the sexual thoughts had followed—and they’d never left her mind since. “You never told me how old he was.”
“He was twenty,” Lucero whispered, almost as if ashamed.
“Twenty? And you think that’s too old?” Noelle blinked. “You were offered to Sergio, who is a grandpa compared to that,” she felt compelled to add.
Her own Blue was slightly older than that and she’d never thought of their age difference as an impediment except in his eyes—since she knew he would never cavort with an underage girl.
“It wasn’t just his age. He was so smart and knowledgeable about everything that I felt even younger when I was talking to him,” Lucero shrugged dejectedly.
Noelle nodded thoughtfully. She could understand why Lucero would have thought him to be so much older considering Lucero was painfully naive at twenty. She probably would have been much more innocent at sixteen than Noelle had been at the same age.
“You said he’d been kidnapped by Sergio?”
Lucero nodded.
“Yes, El Señor was holding him for ransom. At least that’s what he told me; that his family was very rich and it wasn’t the first time it had happened to him. But El Señor asked for an outrageous amount of money and his family didn’t seem willing to pay the price,” Lucero swallowed hard.
Noelle nodded sympathetically.
“Tell me more,” she said as she scooted closer to Lucero. “You never talk about him. What did he look like? What did he do for a living?”
“He…” she trailed off, her brows pinched in a frown. “He had dark hair.”
“And?”
“Dark eyes.”
“That’s it?” Noelle blinked.
“It’s been years,” Lucero admitted, ashamed. “Although I try to hang on to the image of him, I find that it slips a little one day at a time.”
“I’m sorry,” Noelle put her arm across Lucero’s shoulders.
She was in a similar situation as she found that the more time passed, the more Blue’s face blurred in her mind. And she was terrified of it. No matter how much she tried to hold onto his face as she’d last seen him, sometimes she wondered if she remembered him right—if her memory wasn’t fading with each passing day until at one point she wouldn’t recognize him even if he stood in front of her.
No!
That would never happen!
Noelle refused to believe that she could ever not recognize him. Even if her sight faded. Even if she lost all her senses, she knew she would be able to tell him apart from a crowd.
“He must have a family by now,” Lucero continued. “I know there’s no point in hanging onto the idea of him, but…”
“It’s your escape,” Noelle added.
Lucero gave her a sad smile as she nodded.
“We could look for him. There’s little I can’t do now,” she said, trying to liven up the conversation.
“No,” Lucero shook her head vehemently. “I told you. To him, I was just a companion when he needed one.”
“You’re selling yourself short,” Noelle tsked. “You’re a beautiful woman, Lulu. You could have anyone you wanted. Especially now that there’s nothing holding you back.”
“Everything is holding me back,” Lucero choked on the words. “Romance isn’t in the cards for me. Now, or ever,” she said vehemently.
“Because of your scars? Because of what Sergio did to you? Come on, Lulu. There will be someone who won’t care about that.”
“Even if there were, and I doubt it,” she snorted, “I don’t know if I could ever trust someone so much to share my vulnerabilities with them.”
Noelle didn’t say anything more, just hugging her as she silently sobbed.
She brushed her lips across Lucero’s forehead, holding her close.
She knew exactly what her friend was going through. To a lesser extent, Noelle had experienced the same type of disappointment, not only in men, but in humanity as a whole. After her family had traded her so easily, and after the beatings she’d taken at Sergio’s hands, she’d realized that she could only count on herself—for everything. Blue was her only exception, but that was only because in her mind, he was separated from the rest. He belonged in a category wholly to himself.
To cheer Lucero up, Noelle decided they would stop in Ciudad de Mexico before heading back to the hacienda.
They had an entire entourage with them, Noelle’s bodyguards fading in the background as the two women went shopping.
Noelle bought some clothes for herself, but it was mostly for Lucero’s benefit. She wanted her friend to feel beautiful—just as Noelle saw her.
“You need to get this,” Noelle pointed to a pretty white dress. “And this,” she said as she picked up a pair of sandals. “And this…”
She went on and on, grabbing everything that caught her eye, despite Lucero’s ongoing protests.
“Why would I wear pretty clothes if I’m not dressing up for anyone?” Lucero asked as she gazed at the items Noelle paid for.
“Because you don’t need anyone to dress up for. You can do it for yourself. So that you feel good,” she winked playfully.
Lucero blushed, but eventually nodded.
Noelle could tell she liked the clothes but was just unused to owning such items. In a way, she reminded her a lot of her old self and how curious she’d been when Yuyu had taken her shopping.
Her smile wavered as she thought of Yuyu, but she pushed against the discomfort in her chest. For all the resentment she’d built around her family, there was no denying that a small part of her remembered the past fondly—and she hated that. If she could, she would erase all the good memories so she could successfully foster her hate—so she could finally break free of the chains that still held her back.
“I think I saw an ice cream shop around the corner,” Noelle took Lucero’s hand and led her out of the story, leaving the bags of clothes with her bodyguards.
“Espera, señora,” one of them called out as Noelle and Lucero dashed across the street.
Noelle only had time to turn around when a car suddenly came speeding down the street, the windows going down as four guns were pointed at them.
Her eyes widened in alarm, and in no time, she pushed Lucero to the ground. Her elbow caught on the pavement, pain shooting up her arm.
She gritted her teeth as she quickly pulled her own gun.
“Stay down,” she barked the order to Lucero, who was watching her with wild, terrified eyes.
Noelle’s bodyguards were already exchanging fire with the assailants, but two of them had already been shot down.
She grimaced at the sight of the men bleeding out on the pavement, but she focused on the situation at hand. They were clearly after her for some reason. So she would give them what they wanted.
Moving behind a truck, she found a good angle and aimed her gun, blowing through one of the windows of the assailants’ car. A loud cry told her she’d managed to hit someone. Taking advantage of the mayhem, she rolled on the ground, quickly moving behind another car as she opened fire again.
She moved as fast as she could so they wouldn’t anticipate her position as she continued to fire.
With shots coming from her direction and that of her bodyguards, the car in question was simply trapped.
It was only when one of her men called out that it was safe to come out did Noelle finally breathe out in relief. She went to Lucero’s side, helping her to her feet. The poor girl was trembling from head to toe as she looked at the carnage around.
“How can you get used to this?” She asked in a timorous voice.
“Necessity,” Noelle answered absentmindedly, her eyes on the men who’d come gunning for her. “Go to the car and wait there, I’ll be with you shortly,” she instructed Lucero. She didn’t wait to hear her reply as she went directly to the car that housed the now dead bodies.
“Recognize anyone?” She asked Marco, one of her bodyguards.
He shook his head.
“No, but I’ll try to find out their identities,” he said as he removed his phone, snapping photos of their faces—or what was left of them.
Noelle pursed her lips in frustration. She didn’t like having an unknown enemy—not like this.
Pulling the front door open, she told her men to stand-by as she searched their pockets for any ID.
“There’s nothing on them,” she noted after she’d gone through everyone. “What do you think? Mercenaries?”
“I’d guess so,” Marco remarked.
With a heavy sigh, Noelle finally told them to regroup in the car.
“The police should be here soon. Can you get someone to wipe the cameras around?”
“On it, señora.”
With that out of the way, Noelle joined Lucero again.
“At least the clothes didn’t get bloody,” she joked as she looked at her own outfit. She’d thoroughly stained her clothes when she’d searched the dead men. She could tell she looked quite a fright by the look of pure horror on Lucero’s face.
“It’s fine,” she tried to laugh it off as she smoothed her blouse.
The car started and they were headed towards the hacienda.
All the while, though, Lucero couldn’t help but look back and forth at Noelle, unable to believe she was the same girl whose wounds she’d helped tend not even a year ago. She looked and looked at Noelle, with her blatant disregard for human life and the carelessness she displayed in the face of murder and she wondered if she ever knew her.
“Don’t you think that this is getting a little out of hand?” She finally voiced her concern out loud.
“What do you mean?” Noelle frowned.
“The killing. The violence. Everything that you’re doing. Surely there must be another way….”
“There isn’t,” Noelle answered curtly. “Don’t worry about me, Lulu. I’m fine. I know you’re not cut out for this, but I am.”
“Are you?” Lucero blurted out.
Noelle was silent for a moment, her gaze out the window as she watched the beautiful countryside scenery.
“I do what I must.”
It wasn’t a proper answer. But Noelle herself didn’t know how to explain it to Lucero who seemed to shy away from everything violent. She didn’t know how to tell her that it was in her blood. That for someone who’d always wanted power, to have the authority over life and death was the ultimate goal.
Maybe she was turning into Sergio, she admitted to herself grimly. But if it was the only way she could survive, why should she feel bad about it?
She already knew the rumors going around—that she was a blood-thirsty bitch. She knew that even her newly acquired godly status hadn’t saved her from that. Slowly, people weren’t as in awe of her as they were terrified.
And she…reveled in it.
Was it bad for her to feel like that? Maybe. But Noelle had long thrown away that part of her morality concerned with good or bad. In its place, she’d decided to focus only on what was advantageous for her, and then achieve that by whatever means possible.
Yes, she was a blood-thirsty bitch, and she would continue to be one. It was the only way she could be in control. And if there was one thing Noelle never wanted to experience again, it was to be a victim.
She’d promised herself that on the day Camilla had hung up on her and she’d stood up to Sergio for the first time.
She would never depend on anyone else.
So what if she had a fearsome reputation? She would make sure to continue to cultivate it until no one dared to go against her anymore.
It took them hours to get to the hacienda. At the end of the journey, both were tired and ready to go to bed.
Lucero was the first one to go to the room to wash up and get ready for bed while Noelle still had a few phone calls to make.
As she entered the main living area, the servants scurried out of her way when they saw her stained with blood from head to toe.
Noelle didn’t mind it much as she took a seat on the sofa, dialing up one of her contacts while she requested someone from the kitchen to bring her a snack. As she spoke on the phone, she played around with her gun, swirling it around her finger absentmindedly.
It was just as she completed her first phone call that Sergio happened to walk into the living room.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Noelle raised a brow as she turned her gaze to him
“You wanted their love but all you have is their fear. They hate you. Everyone hates you, Noelle. They are afraid to meet your eyes when you cross their paths because you might suddenly kill them. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“So? Better be feared than loved,’ she shrugged.
“You…’ he clenched his fists in frustration. No doubt, his first instinct was to strike her, but he knew he could not.
‘I’ll remind you that your days of messing with me are over, Sergio. Over.”
‘You’re cursed,’ he spit at her. ‘Maldita perra.”
“Not more than you,” Noelle simply raised a brow. “And I think you got the wrong person. It’s not me who kills the staff.”
He sneered at her before he pivoted, leaving the room.
Noelle didn’t even mind him. She’d gotten used to his outbursts—all borne out of his helplessness and the fact that he still carried her a grudge he could not act on. In a way, she pitied him. She’d outsmarted him in such a way that he could not do anything to her without severe repercussions from his own community.
It didn’t matter that the people feared her. It was because they feared her that they now respected her.
Noelle finished her snack before going to her room to take a shower. Yet she barely managed to remove her clothes when her phone rang again.
“Yes?”
“Someone matching the description you provided will be put on auction tomorrow,” her contact said, going straight to the point.
Noelle froze.
“Are you sure?” She asked slowly, her heart hammering in her chest.
“Positive. I’ve asked for a detailed background, but the seller refused to give one. It’s my understanding that he’s been trying to sell him for a while with no success.”
Noelle swallowed hard against the wave of nausea that threatened to overtake her.
“Text me the details. I’ll be there tomorrow,” she said before hanging up.
Though she couldn’t wait to find out if this was truly her blue, she also couldn’t help but hope it wouldn’t be. Because if he’d been sold… If he’d been sold numerous times before… She didn’t want to imagine what might have happened to him—did not want to entertain the thought that anything at all could have happened to him.
Blue, my Blue…
