The booming sound of thunder startled her. Blinking, she lifted her head as she looked around, noticing she was in the piano room—home, yet not her true home.
After her father had passed away, Elena and Noelle had moved upstate with an army of staff and bodyguards, leaving the main DeVille residence to Cisco as the heir. Still, for Noelle that was the house in which she’d grown up and where she had most of her pleasant memories, and she couldn’t help but be melancholic about it.
She wished her brother would take her to live with them, but she was embarrassed to make the request since he now had his own family, and Noelle feared she would inadvertently impose on them. The last thing she wanted, or needed, was to feel unwanted—again.
Rubbing at her eyes, she peered around, spotting the countless drafts she’d discarded in her search for the perfect sound. And slowly, the information started to trickle inside her sluggish brain.
The school contest was at the end of the week. And Noelle felt far from prepared even though objectively she was overprepared.
Each student was supposed to present two personal compositions, each following a specific theme.
Noelle’s first piece was done. She’d worked on it for months, and technically it was the best she’d done so far. Yet it was the second piece that called to her more. The one she’d only recently come up with but had struggled to find an ending for.
She’d finally managed to complete it, but the seeds of doubt had been planted.
Usually, though she continuously worked to perfect her compositions, she always had an inkling of what the final product would look like. It was instinct that drove her just as much as her vast knowledge of musical theory.
But for this second piece nothing had worked as usual.
She’d written the first part in a frenzy, almost as if her creativity had a mind of its own, longing to burst through the surface through the tip of her pencil. It had erupted like a bubbling volcano until the magma had dried out, as had her inspiration.
Though she’d finished it, she still felt something was off.
Sighing, she rose from her seat, stretching as she went to the window. The drops of rain stuck to the glass before they trailed down. Her fingers absentmindedly traced their advance.
Noelle needed to win.
She might have had a mini mental breakdown the other day regarding her future and the futility of her dreams. But as she’d calmed down, she had realized her success was the key to everything. And Elena’s vanity would be Noelle’s way out.
Though she was certain her mother couldn’t wait to use her in a much awaited arranged marriage to benefit the family name, Elena also loved to brag about her daughter’s talent and encouraged Noelle to challenge herself with competitions, recitals and concerts.
By setting Noelle up for success, Elena was also setting her up for freedom.
So what if her family would eventually require her to marry someone of their choosing? It didn’t mean Noelle had to do it. If she became successful enough to make a living off her talent she would not have to depend on her family.
As such, she’d realized that her best bet was to give her absolute best and make herself known in the music world. If she became famous enough, no one would be able to force her to do anything.
She would be master of her own fate.
And so, with her mind clear, Noelle had set about making a detailed plan. Not only would she win the school contest and perform at Carnegie Hall, but she would take advantage of the opportunity to network with important people in the field in order to pave her way further.
Everyone had praised her as the pianist of her generation. It was high time she lived up to that name.
Looking out the window, she spotted her brother exiting his car, followed by his wife and their son, Val. Noelle decided to take a break and as she arranged her materials neatly on the piano, she went downstairs to greet them.
‘Cisco,’ she called from the top of the stairs as she ran down.
Cisco stopped in his tracks, a smile tugging at his lips as he opened his arms for her to jump into.
‘And here’s my little Clara,’ he chuckled affectionately as he gave her a big hug.
Oftentimes, he liked to tease her like that, calling her Clara for Clara Schumann, one of the most famous pianists and composers of her time.
‘How long are you staying?’ She asked, hoping they could make the time to come watch her competition. Though Cisco and Yuyu still lived in the city, they were often away for business and had a busy schedule.
Noelle had no friends, and she didn’t consider anyone else in her family remotely close, but Cisco and his wife were different.
They were the only ones to have ever taken her side.
Of course, there were her other two brothers, Thadeo and Amo, but they were even more absent from home. Thadeo had married some years before and he’d moved with his wife on the West Coast, while Amo was a self-confessed nomad. She supposed she got along better with Amo, since he had a more youthful temperament while Thadeo had always been the most serious of siblings.
Still, no one had been as good to her as Cisco, who’d made it his mission to help her navigate life and social relationships. Then there was Yuyu, his wife, who’d been more of a mother figure than her own mother. In her, Noelle had always found warmth and words of praise instead of the constant criticism she’d come to associate with Elena.
‘A couple days,’ he winced. ‘I know you have your contest at the end of the week, but maybe you’ll welcome us to the rehearsal instead?’
He gave her a sheepish smile, and she couldn’t find it in her to be mad at him.
‘Ok,’ she nodded. ‘The rehearsal is tomorrow. Mother booked me an auditorium in the city so I can practice in similar conditions.’
‘What he’s not saying,’ Yuyu came from behind Cisco, laying a hand on his shoulder just as Val, her son, dashed to the living room, ‘is that he’s already taken off a few days for the concert at Carnegie Hall.’
Noelle blinked, taken aback.
‘You… You did?’
Cisco smiled.
‘Of course. How could I miss my baby sister making history on the stage of Carnegie Hall.’
‘But you don’t know if I’ll win…’
‘Noelle, you will win,’ Cisco stated confidently.
Her cheeks heated, warmth spreading all over her body at their trust in her.
‘I won’t disappoint you,’ she whispered in a low voice.
‘Of course you won’t, sweetie,’ Yuyu came forward, hugging Noelle to her chest. ‘You’re the best and we have full confidence in you,’ she murmured as she kissed the top of her head.
Yuyu was much taller than Noelle, who at barely five feet had already stopped her growth spurt. It was something that annoyed Noelle since people saw her height as one more reason to ignore her, or to diminish the importance of her arguments and opinions.
So what if she was slightly vertically challenged? She more than made up for it with the size of her personality.
‘Is Elena here?’ Yuyu asked, a grimace on her face.
‘She’s visiting her friends,’ Noelle promptly replied. ‘She probably won’t be back until tomorrow or the day after.’
Yuyu visibly exhaled in relief, and Noelle couldn’t help but chuckle.
Shrugging their coats off, Cisco and Yuyu made themselves more comfortable in the living room, and Noelle asked the staff to bring some refreshments.
Val had already made himself at home, dumping some puzzle pieces on the floor before focusing all his attention on them. He was five years old, but he’d been recently diagnosed with ASD. Cisco and Yuyu weren’t very worried as his symptoms weren’t too severe. Everyone else, though, had quite some thoughts, not only on their child, but on their marriage, too.
As much as Elena had an issue with Noelle for not being the daughter she’d wanted, it was nothing compared to how she behaved with Yuyu.
It all stemmed from the fact that Cisco had disregarded the family’s plans for his arranged marriage and had dared to wed a Chinese orphan that had been masquerading as his bodyguard for years. Not only was it seen as highly inappropriate, but entirely outrageous.
Though Cisco had always been and still was Elena’s favorite, their relationship had cooled over time to the point that he barely acknowledged her presence. He continued to be a respectful son, but only out of duty.
It was a well-known fact that the entire family was against the marriage. No one had welcomed Yuyu to the family aside from Noelle. And that was yet another reason why Cisco rarely came to visit, preferring to live in their house in the city rather than be the target of all the vitriolic gossip.
Noelle knew that if her brother caught anyone badmouthing his wife he’d react—in the worst of ways.
He was the calmest person she knew. Until Yuyu. It all came down to Yuyu.
Noelle had always been in awe of their relationship. Not only after they’d married, but prior to that too.
Before she’d known about Yu actually being Yuyu, she’d seen the small signs of their closeness and the uniqueness of their relationship. They acted in tandem with each other. Two bodies and one mind.
To Noelle, that was the height of romanticism, regardless of the rumors swirling around their relationship.
She only saw two people in love. And deep down, she was a little jealous of it.
There were guys at her school. There were even some who had expressed an interest in her—though Noelle suspected it had been the result of a dare. Regardless of her dating ban, she’d said no because not one of them had interested her in any way.
Not like that…
And to Noelle’s mind, if she couldn’t have what she wished for, she would never settle for anything less.
They spent the rest of the day together and Noelle prized every little interaction. It was rare for her to have company—and pleasant one at that. As such, she strove to ground herself in the present and enjoy it.
After Yuyu put Val to bed, the three of them gathered in Cisco’s study to play board games, one of their favorite pastimes.
Noelle enjoyed herself as she hadn’t in a long time. For a few hours, she put aside the stress of the competition and her fear at not being enough—not being perfect.
As she laughed and chatted with Cisco and Yuyu, she brought forth another part of herself—one that had been there all along, but had never been welcomed before.
For all their closeness, though, Noelle never shared with them her deepest worries and the fact that she felt she was drowning in the expectations placed upon her—by her family, her teachers, and especially by her.
That didn’t mean it went unnoticed.
When everyone went to bed that night, Cisco couldn’t help but note a tinge of worry on his wife’s features.
‘What is it?’ he asked as he approached her.
Fresh from the shower, she’d donned a white silky nightdress. She was brushing her hair in front of the mirror, her hand hesitating every now and then as she lost herself to her thoughts.
Placing his hands on her arms, he caressed her gently, bringing his lips to her shoulder in the softest kiss.
‘You’ve been deep in thought since we came back,’ he noted as he took the brush out of her hand, proceeding to slowly thread it through her hair.
Yuyu’s cheeks tightened with a sad smile.
‘I’m just worried about her,’ she reluctantly admitted.
‘Why? She’s doing much better,’ Cisco frowned. ‘She hasn’t gotten into a conflict in years, and her teachers truly appreciate her.’
‘She doesn’t have any friends, love,’ she sighed. ‘Did you notice her tonight?’
‘What about it?’ Cisco blinked, playing back the interactions in his mind. ‘She seemed perfectly fine to me. And she had a lot of fun with the games, didn’t she? I know you let her win a couple of times,’ he chuckled.
He didn’t know how it was possible to love a woman more, but Yuyu proved him wrong every moment of every day. He was in absolute awe of her—not only her intellect but also her soul.
The way she’d taken care of his sister over the years floored him and filled him with so much emotion—a lot of which he would have thought foreign if not for her.
It had been her who’d taught him the meaning of love. And it was her who reminded him what it meant on a daily basis, teaching him something new every day. Without Yuyu, he would still be alone, in his own world, caged by his own intellect that struggled to make sense of humanity.
More than anything, it had been her who’d taught him how to be a better brother to Noelle. As such, he had absolute confidence in her instincts and observations.
‘She has matured, that is for sure. But there is something that’s lurking just beneath the surface,’ she turned to face him, taking the brush from his hand and placing it on the table.
‘Noelle’s always been a loner,’ Cisco said pensively.
‘But do you think she wants that?’ Yuyu parried, the question serious.
‘I think she wouldn’t know what to do otherwise,’ Cisco answered immediately, drawing from his own experiences.
‘And that’s what worries me, love,’ she admitted, raising her big eyes towards him and regarding him with apprehension. ‘She reminds me too much of you when we first met,’ she continued, cupping his cheek with her hand and stroking him lightly. ‘So closed to the world, so against it.’
‘Was I?’ his lips quirked up.
‘You rationalized every little thing, every emotion. You still do, sometimes,’ she smiled.
‘Hmm, do I?’ he lifted a brow. ‘Maybe I need another lesson,’ he drawled suggestively as he brought her wrist to his mouth, laying a chaste kiss.
‘You’re incorrigible,’ Yuyu shook her head, though a blush appeared on her cheeks.
So many years and he could still make her blush. He didn’t take it lightly, and every time he spotted the stain of pink on her cheeks his heart did an odd somersault in his chest.
She was his woman—his wife. And he never tired of repeating those words.
‘I mean it, Cisco. I’m scared she’s closing herself to the world before she has a chance to fully experience it. Music is her only focus, and while I know her talent is unique, what about everything else? What about…living?’
‘But if it makes her happy?’
‘Does it?’ Yuyu tilted her head, her expression. ‘Or is it because she’s been told it should make her happy?’
Cisco frowned.
He’d always known emotions weren’t his strong suit—particularly recognizing them in himself or another person. It was why Yuyu was his ultimate partner—the yin to his yang. Where his IQ was off the charts, her EQ was equally so. Together, they were the perfect team.
‘I’ve been watching her for years. Yes, she loves to play. But sometimes…’ she trailed off, taking a deep breath. ‘Sometimes it feels like she’s only playing to cover for something else that’s missing inside of her.’
‘What?’
‘I don’t know,’ she sighed in frustration.
Cisco’s arms enveloped her as he swooped her up, taking her to their bed and lying her on the clean sheets. He fitted her body to his, his big hands tracing the contour of her curves as he divested her of her silky gown.
‘Then we can only be more vigilant and try to help her,’ he murmured, hoping to placate her.
She gave him a brisk nod before she melted in his arms, kissing his lips and opening herself to him—body and soul.
‘You still feel guilty, don’t you?’ He posed the question a while later, their bodies sweaty from the exertion, their hearts beating in unison.
‘There won’t be a day in my life I won’t regret it,’ Yuyu whispered, a tear making its way down her cheek.
Cisco found the feeling foreign, but Yuyu already knew that. She knew him far too well to not realize that the only time in his life when he’d felt anything had been with her—only ever with her. Everyone else was merely a pawn on a chess board.
‘Do you regret us, too?’ he asked, his gaze affixed to the ceiling, his heart stopping in his chest.
He’d never asked her that question before. They’d been through so much to be together—had hurt so many people in the process—and he’d never dared ask her the question.
‘Heaven forgive me but I can’t,’ Yuyu said. ‘I know it’s wrong—so, so very wrong. But there’s only been one right thing in my life, and that’s you, Cisco. From the first time we met, to every little furtive touch and every stolen moment, you’ve been my final destination all along.’
His arms tightened around her as her voice started trembling, her tone wobbly.
‘We’ve been very selfish, haven’t we?’ she mused softly.
‘No,’ he suddenly said. ‘I’ve been selfish. Don’t take my sins as yours, Yuyu.’
There was a brief pause before she released a dry laugh.
‘Let’s not talk about sins, my beloved husband. We’re both drowning in them.’
He didn’t reply, so she added, whispered words unintended for his ears.
‘I just hope we won’t add Noelle to the list.’
Though Yuyu was becoming increasingly worried that Noelle was losing herself in her music, eschewing all other aspects of life, Noelle was determined to do just that.
Music was her way out, and she would take advantage of each and every chance to further her career.
Yet Yuyu was right in one aspect. Although music was something Noelle enjoyed, it was also something she’d been conditioned to enjoy. Taking advantage of her talent, Elena had convinced her from the moment she started playing that her destiny lay in the piano—that her entire identity was wrapped in that one instrument.
Noelle DeVille was a pianist first and foremost. In fact, that was the only good thing anyone could say about her, and always qualifying it against her negatively perceived traits.
She might be odd, and a little difficult, but she was a masterful pianist.
She might be rude and impetuous, but at least she had a great talent at the piano.
She might be asocial, but she was a musical genius.
Noelle had been told the exact same things her entire life, not only by her teachers and all other adults who’d met her, but by her own family, too.
And just like them, she could not name any other quality about herself.
She’d been told so many times what people thought she was, that she’d started believing it herself.
Now, she only saw herself as odd.
Music mattered. The piano mattered. Her fingers which touched the piano mattered.
The rest of her? Not so much.
Music was the only thing she could offer to the world. So she would do it properly.
If before Noelle had, at times, taken her talent for granted, this time she was ready to give it her all.
The entire week was a succession of rehearsals until she was mostly satisfied with herself. Everyone else was, too. But ever the perfectionist, Noelle still felt something was missing.
Cisco and Yuyu attended one of the rehearsals, as promised, praising Noelle for her newest compositions and assuring her they had full confidence in her and her abilities.
But soon the time came for them to depart again, leaving Noelle alone once more to face Elena’s biting words.
‘One of my friends is going to be at the performance. She works for a newspaper and she said she will do a piece on you,’ Elena told her in passing a few days before the contest.
The meaning was clear.
Noelle must win so that her mother’s friend could pen a glowing article about her.
Yet all those words of encouragement only made Noelle doubt herself more, especially since she was still hung up on the final part of her second piece. Though she had finished it, Noelle thought it far from perfect.
The more people praised her and declared that no one was more likely to win the contest than her, the more Noelle froze up, the expectations placed upon her making her falter under that massive weight.
As the days passed, the day of the contest getting closer and closer, Noelle found herself under such immense stress that she could barely sleep at night.
Even her beloved shows failed to help her. Her attention span was lacking, her anxiety spiking through the roof.
She felt herself on the verge of giving up, though she’d long decided those words could not be part of her vocabulary.
Yet it all came crashing down the night before the contest.
It was a little over ten, and though Noelle knew she should try to get some rest before the big day, she could not calm her rattled nerves.
Thinking a chamomile tea could help her, she went down the stairs to the kitchen to prepare herself a cup.
Everyone was already asleep, the house eerily quiet. Elena always retired at eight, and did not like anyone to bother her—with the exception of Cisco. Her oldest son was always welcome, despite the fact that he’d long distanced himself from her because of her treatment of Yuyu.
Noelle placed the teabag in a mug, adding some hot water over it before taking a seat at the kitchen table, waiting for the tea to cool down. Wrapping her hands around the warm mug, she released a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself.
She was still trembling.
On and off, she’d been trembling the entire week.
She supposed it was the nerves, for she was getting queasy the moment she thought of that damned contest. And she couldn’t figure out why.
She’d held her own solo concerts in the past. She’d been to competitions since she’d been a little child and should have gotten used by now to the stress. Yet she felt worse than she’d ever felt.
A part of it was due to her musical block and the fact that her second piece was not at its peak. But then there was also the fact that she felt everyone’s eyes on her—some waiting for her victory while others watched closer for her failure.
She thought about the people at her school. There were thirty people enrolled in the competition, out of which at least ten could give her a run for her money.
Of course, stressed as she was, she saw everyone as better than her in that moment.
Then there were her teachers. There were those who truly wished to see her succeed and had been nice to her in the past despite her aloof manner. But there were also those that Noelle knew had other favorites, and as such hoped anyone but her would win the contest.
As much as she only heard the praises of those around her, she knew there were equally as many people, or more, who wanted her to fail.
‘You should be asleep.’
Her mother’s voice startled her. Noelle’s head whipped around, watching Elena come closer, her eyes narrowing at her.
‘I couldn’t,’ she murmured. ‘So I made myself a cup of tea.’
‘You should have woken someone to do it for you,’ her mother snapped, grabbing her hands and feeling for them. ‘What if you burned your fingers? What if you spilled boiling water on your hands and…’
‘I know how to make myself a cup of tea without burning myself,’ Noelle added dryly, snatching her hands back.
Her mother’s nostrils flared at her tone.
‘How many times have I told you to not use that tone with me, young lady?’ Elena gritted her teeth.
Noelle simply regarded her with a bored expression.
Though her body was still experiencing the remnants of her anxiety, she willed herself to not show her weakness. Especially to her mother, who only knew how to exploit.
Tilting her head, she gave her mother a slow, ironic smile.
‘How many times have you deserved a better tone?’ She asked, keeping the same tone.
She knew she was courting her mother’s anger just as she knew their interactions rarely ended peacefully. Yet something inside of her did not allow her to back down.
‘You ungrateful little bitch!’ The words flew from her mother’s mouth at the same time as her palm connected with Noelle’s cheek.
The blow was strong enough to make Noelle reel, tears pricking behind her lids from the force of it. But she pushed it down, as she always did. She wasn’t going to show her pain.
It wasn’t the first time her mother had hit her, and likely it wouldn’t be the last time.
‘Are you done?’ She slowly turned, schooling her features with the indifference she knew her mother couldn’t stand.
‘God help me, Noelle, if you don’t win tomorrow…’
‘You’re going to what?’ She pushed her chin up as she regarded her mother. ‘There’s nothing you can do, mamma,’ she sneered at Elena, rising from her chair and seeking to bypass her on her way out.
If there was one thing she’d learned over the years, it was that her mother hated when Noelle ignored her. She would get violent, she would yell, and she would make a scene. Despite knowing she would likely be hit, and cursed at, Noelle also knew the entire situation affected her mother more than it did her.
Elena wanted to be in control. Always.
And Noelle liked nothing better than taking it away from her. One step at a time.
Just as Noelle moved, so did her mother, grabbing her arm.
‘I’m so happy your father isn’t here to see you,’ her mother spat out, her eyes gleaming with anger.
‘Or what? He would have died again?’ Noelle rolled her eyes.
The slap that came her way this time was expected. Noelle moved her head to the side to avoid it, smirking as she saw her mother’s eyes widening in shock.
‘You’re being impertinent!’
‘Tell me something that’s new,’ Noelle muttered under her breath, but Elena didn’t hear her. She was too busy listing all of Noelle’s faults.
‘I don’t know what I did to deserve an ungrateful daughter like you. Why couldn’t you be more ladylike?’
‘Maybe you got what you deserve, mamma,’ Noelle replied sweetly. ‘Look at this big house. It’s empty. And why? Everyone left,’ she paused, a sarcastic smile pulling at her lips. ‘Everyone left because of you. Even your beloved son would rather move from place to place than spend one minute in your presence.’
‘W—what…’ Elena blinked.
Noelle continued to smile. After all, she knew far too well that Cisco was her favorite, just as he was the source of all her heartache. Whereas with Thadeo and Amo Elena was cordial enough, with Cisco she’d always been a mother hen, worrying about her baby and trying to keep him to her side.
Cisco, for his part, had always respected her and never badmouthed her.
Until Yuyu.
The moment he’d married her everything had changed. Yuyu had become the only woman in his life and Elena had been relegated to the sidelines.
And so Elena had started taking out her frustrations on Noelle more and more. If before her disappointment had been merely verbal, after a while it had become physical. A slap here, one there, who could stop her? After all, the two of them were the only ones residing in the house.
The staff saw, but never dared to speak where it wasn’t their place.
‘You only know how to drive people away, mamma. Don’t worry. I will win,’ Noelle stated with increasing confidence. ‘I will win this contest, and the next, and every one after that. I will win everything until I will be the best. And you know what happens then?’ She wrenched her arm from her mother’s grasp, but instead of walking away, she took a step closer, looking her mother straight in the eye.
‘You won’t be able to control me anymore,’ she told Elena in a slow, even tone.
Without waiting for her reply, she turned and left.
If there was one thing Noelle had in spades, aside from the musical talent everyone acknowledged, it was her obstinacy. She was stubborn as a mule, but when she put her mind to it, it became the strongest determination.
That night, though the anxiety was still killing her, Noelle went to bed with unwavering conviction.
She would win the contest. She would win them all.
Easier said than done, Noelle had to begrudgingly admit the next day when she spent more than half an hour simply staring at the stage gown she’d been sent by the school.
To add more weight to the listening component rather than the visual one, the school had decided to have all contestants wear the same attire.
The girls would wear a creamy beige dress while the boys would be donning a standard black suit.
Alas, Noelle set aside her dislike of the dress and put it on, adding on some light make up and getting ready for her big moment.
As she went to the auditorium where the contest would take place, one of the teachers appeared on the stage to list the order of the participants. Unfortunately for Noelle, she was last in the piano section, with Ann Marie right before her. That meant she had more time for her anxiety to grow.
The contest started, with the first sets taking up the entire morning.
Noelle alternated between backstage and sitting in the audience. Yet as she studied everyone present, she couldn’t help the pang of disappointment that assailed her.
Elena would come, of course. She couldn’t miss the moment when she could finally brag with her daughter. But Noelle didn’t particularly see her mother as the support she so desperately wished for. And though she understood why her brother and Yuyu could not attend, she couldn’t help but feel a little sad about it.
Everyone’s parents, friends and extended family had come. She could hear the words of encouragement around, and the way other parents behaved with their children, once more awakening the gaping hole inside her chest.
And once more she tried to assure herself she didn’t need it—that she was lucky enough to have a roof over her head, food in her belly and the chance to exercise her talent. She already knew that was far more than others had. Yet all the riches in the world could not make up for the fact that she was utterly and terrifyingly alone.
So alone, in fact, that she would have given anything to have someone care about her—appreciate her. She would have given up even her talent at the piano.
Her eyes widened at that intrusive thought. Swallowing hard, she looked around the auditorium, taking in the smiles, warm hugs and sweet words of encouragement.
Yes, she would have rather been ordinary and have that. What was her talent if she couldn’t share it with anyone?
As soon as that question arose in her mind, it dawned on her what she’d been missing all along in her music. Why it had been technically flawless but at times bleak and aimless.
Her music had always been composed at a distance—always about things around her but never around her.
On one hand, that could be attributed to her minimal experience of the world and a lack of range of emotions. Yet on the other hand, it was the clear manifestation of someone who was petrified of rejection—of putting herself out there only to be judged and deemed unworthy.
She’d been told that enough all her life about her perceived personality. Noelle didn’t think she could bear it if she was criticized for her inner thoughts too—for that which she held most dear.
With one last look around, she sighed as she stood up, taking advantage of the recess to head backstage and eat something before the piano event came up.
The backstage area was busy with students preparing for their acts.
Noelle made her way through an animated throng of people, heading for the back where she’d left her bag and packed lunch. She didn’t miss the slight sneers directed her way, or the belligerent gazes.
This was a competition. Of course everyone considered her the enemy. She tried not to take that to heart too much, instead thinking of it as a compliment. It meant that the other students were aware she was that good.
Making herself even smaller than she was, she dragged her bag into a corner, taking a seat on a chair and proceeding to look for her lunch.
Her stomach rumbled in hunger, but there was also the ever present anxiety that interfered with her appetite. Still, she needed to eat something to preserve her strength.
As she opened her bag, searching through its contents, a foul smell assailed her.
Her brows knit together as she moved her head to the side to avoid some of the stench.
‘What…’ she whispered. It couldn’t be her food. She’d packed her lunch herself in the morning, and she’d used fresh ingredients.
Yet as she placed her hand further inside, she felt a viscous substance coating her hand, the feel of it making her skin erupt in goosebumps. But it wasn’t just that substance that she came into contact with. There was something else. Something solid and…
Without any preliminaries, she grabbed whatever it was, pulling it out from the bag.
Years of being mocked and scrutinized had given her the experience to know what to expect—or at least to prepare herself. Before she even saw what she held in her hand she was aware of the sudden silence and the fact that everyone was staring at her.
Immediately, though everything rebelled inside of her, she schooled her features. And when she pulled the rotting body of a rat—a big, corpulent rat—she barely stopped herself from spilling the contents of her stomach on the ground.
Her hand came out covered in blood, guts, and some noxious substance that made the rat even more disgusting—was it feces? Noelle didn’t want to ponder that. Not when all eyes were on her.
What were they expecting? That she would swoon? Be sick? Or that she would devolve into hysterics and decide she would withdraw from the competition?
On the outside, she put on the strongest front. She lifted her chin up, straightened her spine and looked everyone in the eye.
Low gasps erupted in the room, just as whispers traveled from one end to another—some calling her disgusting, a freak, and some a psycho. Because how could someone not react at seeing the dead rat in her bag?
Of course, maybe she’d murdered it herself—another rumor that started floating around.
‘Rat killer.’
Noelle was aware this must have been a coordinated attack. Going by the way they were all banding together against her, she wagered they must have thought they could deter her from entering the competition with this little prank.
She took a couple of steps, stopping in front of the crowd.
‘I gather you’re not a fan of dead rat flavor?’ she asked with a straight face, befuddling the other students even more.
From the corner of her eye, she could see Ann Marie at the end of the room, watching her smugly.
Noelle’s lip twitched, as did something deep within her—something that wanted blood.
Before she could help herself—before she could think anything through—she went to the water dispenser. Lifting the lid, she dumped the bloody rat into the water supply before anyone could move or say anything.
And as she turned around, she found everyone speechless.
‘Well, too bad now,’ she smiled sweetly. ‘Enjoy,’ she said as she made to leave, not even bothering to take her bag with her.
On her way out, though, she stopped by Ann Marie’s side. The girl was still giving her a smug look.
Noelle lifted a brow as she regarded her, and before the girl could move, Noelle brought her bloodied palm to her face, wiping all the rat fluids on her face before pushing her fingers into Ann Marie’s mouth.
‘Oops,’ Noelle gave a fake cry of alarm. ‘Does that make you a cannibal now, Annie dear? Since you’ve tasted your own species and all that.’
Shock, then outrage appeared on Ann Marie’s face, but before she could give in to her outburst, Noelle was already gone, finding the nearest bathroom and locking herself inside to scrub everything from her body.
Disgust rolled inside her stomach, and she gagged a few times before she got herself under control.
She wouldn’t let them.
She couldn’t let them bully her into quitting the competition.
Noelle stayed in the bathroom until close to her designated time. Still shaken from the encounter, she didn’t know how she made herself presentable enough to go backstage and wait for her turn.
She barely stepped inside the room when the sound of the piano from the stage enveloped her, the familiarity of the melody startling.
Noelle blinked.
There were a few other people around, but they didn’t seem to pay her any attention. Not as she wobbly made her way to a chair and certainly not as she plopped herself rather ungraciously in that seat.
She knew the schedule well enough—she’d made sure to memorize it so she would be right on time. As such, she was more than aware that the one currently playing was Ann Marie.
But the piece… There weren’t just a few similar notes. It was an entire succession of them.
Her body froze, her eyes wide as she stared at the wall in front of her.
It was her piece. She was sure of it. But how…
How the hell had Ann Marie gotten her piece?
Worst of all? It was the one Noelle had been most proud—the one who’d squeezed every bit of emotion she was capable of. It had been a struggle to put the last notes on to the paper—one that had haunted her for days on end unlike ever before.
And now… It was all in vain.
Though Ann Marie was playing the unfinished version of the play, Noelle knew she could never play it herself again, nor could she explain that it had been her piece Ann Marie had stolen. Besides a few undated manuscript sheets, what proof did she have?
Her heart in her throat, she felt panic swell inside of her.
She didn’t know what to do. It was as simple as that.
From the outside, she looked eerily still, sitting in her chair and simply staring up ahead. Yet inside, her entire being was weeping.
Not only for the sweat and tears she’d put into that melody, but also for the fact that it had been so intrinsically her that she felt her own personality had been stolen and modified into a mockery of a replica.
She noted the slight changes Ann Marie had added to it, and that only served to enrage Noelle further.
What the hell was she going to do?
She didn’t know how long she spent so utterly still and deep in thought. She heard the audience clapping after which her name was called out loud.
Her head whipped up, panic welling inside of her. Her limbs felt like mush, her core trembling in fear, anger and sadness.
Yet she didn’t run away.
She put one foot in front of the other until she reached the stage. Until she bowed in front of the audience, absentmindedly noticing her mother in the crowd. She moved until she found herself in front of the piano, the haze covering her field of view leaving her absolutely lost and aimless.
But beneath it all there was still a glimmer of conviction.
Noelle was still determined to not let anyone get the best of her.
It took her a moment to get herself under control, but she’d always been able to show a strong front even when she was crumbling on the inside. So she took advantage of that experience to add an air of confidence to her movements. Her features were serene, but locked tight in concentration. To everyone watching, she knew exactly what she was about to do even though she was stepping into foreign territory.
She still had her first piece. So she played it. She threw herself into the music and the work she’d put in for months on end. Her hands were playing the rehearsed sound while her brain was quickly trying to catch up with everything that had happened in order to find a solution.
If there was one thing Noelle knew, it was that she would not let anyone step all over her.
She would win.
As her first piece came to an end, she paused, a slight smile on her lips as she accepted the clapping of the audience.
But soon, the moment of truth came.
Noelle stared at the white keys, and the black that made for a mosaic of extremities. She stared it for a moment too long before she released a deep breath.
She could do it.
Her previous piece had been about the power of love—albeit a topic she was entirely unfamiliar with. She’d composed it by vicariously experiencing the emotions the characters in her favorite show did. Retrospectively, she would agree that maybe that was why she’d been unable to finish the piece—why she’d been forever dissatisfied with it. Because it was all fake emotion, fake love, fake empathy.
It was all fake.
But this time, it wouldn’t be.
Maybe it was because she’d tried so hard to make her sound everything she wasn’t, she’d always gone for a brisk and bright tone. Despite what she felt inside—despite every experience that made her who she was.
Not anymore…
The moment her fingers touched the keys, a mournful, soulful sound escaped. It was the fates weeping in front of the tragedy even they were unable to prevent, for one event put the other into motion. Humans were given free will, which then triggered the fall.
Noelle had never been particularly religious, despite her family’s catholic leaning.
Yet in that moment she could see it all in perspective.
She could see the potential for good. But more than anything, she saw the intention for evil.
One note after another, her eyes closed as her sorrows bled into the keys, the sound emanating through the auditorium one that spoke of hope and hopelessness—the two so intertwined there was no longer a middle path.
For the first time, Noelle didn’t play about other people.
She played about herself. About the pain she’d never shared with anyone—the pain no one wanted to acknowledge.
Through a succession of notes, she was able to show the world everything it never wanted to see.
I am human.
I hurt.
I have feelings.
I want to give up.
But I won’t…
Her melody was a testament to human endurance—one that no one could imagine a fifteen-year old would be capable of conveying, least of all understanding.
Tears coated her lashes as she gave herself to the music, drawing everything from deep within her.
She didn’t dare to look at the audience, afraid she would be harshly judged for the truth she’d revealed.
But what she didn’t know was that the audience wasn’t judging. It was feeling. Every tear Noelle shed, everyone else shed it too.
And when the piece came to an end, an eerie stillness descended upon the auditorium. No one dared move, no one made a sound.
Almost as if they’d been locked in a trance, no one wanted to wake up.
On trembling legs, Noelle rose from the piano, walking slowly to the front of the stage and doing her obligatory bow.
Yet just as she bent to greet the audience, she was met with a standing ovation—one that shook her to her core.
People stood up. Some were still crying. Some were so overwhelmed they couldn’t move.
And Noelle… Noelle felt seen.
