Despite her initial feeling of being trapped inside her home, Noelle soon found a routine that worked for her—or, all things considered, worked as much as possible.
She would wake up, take her breakfast in her room, read a book and binge watch a show while eating lunch. This would all culminate in her afternoon gaming schedule, dinner and watching another show before bed.
Knowing she wasn’t entirely alone helped, too, especially since her brother and Yuyu had gone radio silent after she’d moved upstate.
Once more, she had to wonder if they were as disappointed in her as everyone else.
It hadn’t been just her social life that had changed in the blink of an eye. Her mental state had suffered, too—perhaps the worst damage.
She was still fixated on Ann Marie’s death and the moment the gun had gone off. She could still feel the blood on her body, sticking to her hair and skin. And she could still smell the stench of death…
Every time she closed her eyes, it was there. Every time she tried to touch the piano keys, she saw them covered in blood.
Lately, all she could see or think about was blood.
Even her media choices all revolved around blood in some capacity—from serial killers, to vigilantes, to gruesome horror shows, she voraciously consumed anything she could find in hopes it could explain what was happening to her. This…sickness that seemed to have taken shape inside of her. For as much as she still replayed the incident in her head, she could still not find it in her to feel guilty for it.
For the way everything had played out? Of course. But not for choosing herself. Not for living.
Maybe she was truly odd, for she’d been told time and time again how abnormal her reaction had been, or how scandalous her performance had been.
But that begged the question…
What was normal?
The more media she consumed, the more her questions multiplied. It was becoming to a point that even though she forced herself to accept her current situation, she could not.
She might have made new friends in her game—might have even found a way to pass the time without her piano. But she was continuously trapped in the past and haunted by it.
‘Noelle?’ A knock at the door startled her.
Removing her headphones, she shut down her laptop as she turned.
‘Come in,’ she cleared her throat.
The door opened, and Yuyu strode inside.
She was wearing a white floral dress and a pair of sandals that made her look the epitome of femininity and grace. Her hair had grown, too, and she now fashioned it in a long braid that reached her waist.
As always, she had a warm smile on her face that transformed her beauty into something otherworldly. Not for the first time, Noelle had to blink. It was easy to be blinded by the light emanating from Yuyu.
Noelle understood why her brother had gone against everyone’s wishes when he’d wed Yuyu. She could see anyone willing to fight for her. She was just…the personification of kindness.
‘What are you doing here?’ She asked, rising from her chair.
Yuyu, however, stopped her. Coming to her side, she took a seat on her bed as she regarded her with curiosity.
‘I didn’t know you guys were coming,’ she repeated when Yuyu didn’t reply to her.
‘We wanted it to be a surprise. We would have come earlier, but we’ve been a little busy,’ she sighed. ‘But we’re here now, and what better way to celebrate this than with a little trip.’
‘A trip?’ Noelle frowned.
‘The four of us,’ Yuyu beamed. ‘Back at the lodge. We haven’t been there in a while, have we?’
‘I guess not,’ Noelle said carefully.
‘Perfect. Then prepare a small bag. We’re leaving at dawn,’ Yuyu told her, rising and coming to her side to kiss her forehead. ‘The hunting season is open,’ she whispered in her hair before leaving.
Noelle blinked in surprise.
Hunting season… They were taking her hunting. Her eyes slowly widened as realization seeped in—as did the anticipation.
She’d been begging her brother to take her hunting for years, but he’d always said she wasn’t old enough. It didn’t matter that he’d taught her how to shoot a gun like a pro. It didn’t matter that she’d mastered the environment. He’d always maintained that she was too young.
But now…
She couldn’t help the giddiness that suffused her. Not only would she have a few days away from her mother—even though they barely spoke these days—but she would also get to participate in her first hunt.
That night, as the game was coming to an end, she let her friends know she would be absent over the weekend. Ginny and Tiger were both lamenting it, but Blue was generally quiet.
‘Aha! Caught you, Blue. You just can’t wait until I disappear, can you?’ she asked in a dry tone.
There was a pause, and she didn’t think he would reply.
‘And miss our resident troublemaker? How else will I be able to play the hero if you aren’t the damsel in distress?’ he asked playfully.
She’d been ready to be peeved at his response, but instead she only found herself smiling like a fool.
‘Good that you know,’ she chuckled. ‘Don’t miss me too much, Mr. Knightly Knight,’ she said before she logged off.
Her cheeks were slightly flushed, her breathing accelerated.
In the time she’d gotten to know her friends better, she’d also gotten to know Blue better. And he… He intrigued her. More so than anyone she’d ever met before—more so than any living, breathing boy. He made her feel warm and tingly even when they were bickering. And it all came down to how he held himself.
She was well aware it was silly. Hell, probably more than silly to entertain such notions about someone she’d never met, seen, or even properly heard. But Noelle felt she’d gotten to know a crucial part of his character—his leadership and his kindness.
Despite his playful exterior and the fact that he often made jokes on her account—which, fair enough, she more than deserved sometimes—he was always there to help her. Just like that time he’d gotten her levels back, he was constantly checking up on her, in his own, odd and not very obvious way, and he always helped her if he thought she was falling behind.
Noelle didn’t think Ginny and Tiger had picked up on that, though. They mostly thought it funny when the two of them got into an argument, and sometimes they served as a buffer when the situation got too heated. But because of that, they didn’t realize there was more.
Or, maybe, not even Blue realized it.
Only Noelle did as she accounted for his every action just as she held onto his every word. To her, everything had a hidden meaning—or she wanted there to be one.
‘I’m so silly,’ she shook her head, smiling to herself as her thoughts strayed to him again.
There was something inexplicable about the way he made her feel. And she admitted to herself that he’d been the only reason she hadn’t gone completely insane from boredom during her isolation.
Simply put, he made her look forward to tomorrow. And the day after. And every day after. But sometimes she doubted he felt the same way.
Not with how he behaved equally as nice to everyone else around. It was simply who he was. The only thing special about Noelle was that… Well, she was the worst player and also the most stubborn one, which seemed to trigger his usually calm self into becoming more argumentative.
But was there something more? Or did Noelle want there to be something more?
Truthfully, she did not know how to read him. Never having interacted with guys before, she had absolutely no idea what to make of each conversation.
Of course, in her head they all had hidden meanings. But in reality? She feared she was becoming a little delusional.
You don’t even know him. He could very well be an old pervert living in his mother’s basement.
She was aware of that too. Yet her gut told her it wasn’t. That it was a genuine person behind the avatar.
Or, maybe, she’d finally gone truly mad.
Everyone was present at dinner that evening. Elena kept her nastiness to a minimal. Not because she was wary of Cisco knowing how she really treated Noelle, but because she had a new target.
Yuyu.
It had been a relatively easy night for Elena’s standards. But that all changed when she tried to take away Val’s toy.
‘We don’t allow toys at the dinner table,’ she chided sternly, snatching his little lion away.
Not only was Val just five, but he also had a fixation on certain items and routines. The moment the lion was out of his hand, he cried out, throwing a tantrum and getting increasingly more aggressive.
Cisco reacted instinctively, taking the toy from his mother’s hand and giving it back to the child while Yuyu moved to Val’s side, taking him in her arms and trying to soothe him the best she could.
It took some time for him to calm down, but that was enough for Elena to uncouthly remark that Yuyu hadn’t raised her son properly.
‘I’m sure she takes after you…’ she mumbled as she gave Yuyu a one over, the implication clear.
Noelle’s eyes widened as she looked around the dinner table.
Cisco’s fingers were quietly wrestling with the cutlery while his deadly gaze was set on his mother. Yuyu was too shocked to react, simply hugging Val to her chest.
Noelle knew her brother was not one to stay quiet in the face of such an insult, and if Cisco exploded, all hell would be unleashed.
‘You’re trying to teach me about manners but you’re not capable of being polite at your own dinner table,’ Noelle quickly said, redirecting the attention to her.
Elena gasped in outrage, while the cutlery snapped under Cisco’s vicious grip.
‘Noelle!’ Elena turned to her, no doubt ready to deliver a set-down of her impetuous daughter.
She didn’t get the chance, however, as Cisco suddenly stood up.
‘We’re leaving,’ he said in a clear, even tone. He didn’t yell, he didn’t even raise his voice.
He simply gave Elena a look of disgust as he went to Yuyu’s side to get Val. The child didn’t even notice the exchange as his attention was focused on his toy.
‘Grab your bag, Noelle,’ Cisco gave her a brief nod before he went out. To the car.
He was really leaving.
Yuyu, too, stood up then.
She shook her head at Elena, pity reflected in your gaze.
‘You’re always accusing me of taking your son away, but it’s you who drives him away time and time again. Believe it or not, I’ve never tried to intervene in your relationship. I’ve never once spoken badly of you, regardless how you treated me—time and time again. Cisco might not say much, but he sees everything.’
Elena’s mouth parted in surprise, just as regret flashed across her features.
Noelle blinked in awe at Yuyu’s diplomacy and the way she shut Elena up. Not rude, nor belligerent, she’d simply said her piece and moved on.
And as she exited the dining room, Noelle, too, rose to her feet.
‘I could say I’m sorry,’ she paused, looking at her mother. ‘But I’m not,’ she shrugged, smiling as she went to her room to pick up her bag.
Elena didn’t give them more trouble as they all left the house, boarding the car before Cisco drove away.
It was already dark by the time they arrived at the lodge. The entire journey had been quiet and tense. Cisco barely spoke, and though Yuyu tried to change the topic several times to a lighter one, she eventually gave up.
As they entered the cabin, Noelle hurried to the small room in the back to drop off her stuff. Used to getaways at the lodge, she already had her designated space while Cisco and Yuyu occupied the upper level.
‘Noelle, wash your hands when you’re done,’ Yuyu snuck her head inside the room. ‘I’m going to make us something to eat since I doubt any of us had much at dinner.’
‘Sure,’ she nodded.
But just as she expected Yuyu to leave, she didn’t.
‘Is Elena like that with you all the time, too?’ She asked in a tight voice.
Noelle shrugged.
‘I’m used to her by now,’ she replied honestly. ‘I know what pushes her buttons and I mostly keep out of her way.’
Yuyu pursed her lips.
‘You can tell me anytime if she does something, you know that, right?’
Noelle’s cheeks stretched into a forced smile as she nodded, though she doubted there was anything Cisco and Yuyu could do at this point. Whether she wanted to or not, she was stuck with her mother until she came of age.
Noelle had to admit that she’d considered running away a number of times. But as she’d planned her escape, she’d realized that she would have never gotten away with it.
First, she had no real skills aside from playing the piano. She might be smart, which she wasn’t shy to admit, but she was entirely useless in the real world. Running away now would just make her an easy target for others to take advantage of her. And she wouldn’t trade one hell for another—better the devil she already knew than the one she didn’t.
And secondly… Cisco would find her. She was one hundred percent sure that her brother could find her anywhere in the country, or outside of it. She had a vague idea of the business Cisco was involved in, and she knew it skirted the line of legality, sometimes veering into very dangerous territory. At times, he seemed larger than life with the things he was capable of. And as the head of the family, he would never let her go.
But when she came of age… She shuddered thinking what would happen then. The more time she spent with her mother, the surer Noelle was that Elena had plans for her when she turned eighteen. There was something in the glint of her eye as she spoke of the future—some type of knowing smile that made Noelle ill every time she recalled it. Elena had never shied from telling Noelle that one day she would eventually get what she deserved—someone to tame her.
If it came to that, then maybe her brother could help her. Noelle doubted Elena could make decisions without his permission. Since their relationship had evolved over the years to a degree that she considered her brother and Yuyu friends—or as close to that definition as possible—he couldn’t possibly allow her to be bartered in marriage to who knows who.
Cisco himself had circumvented his arranged marriage. Why couldn’t he do it for her, too?
Yes, Noelle nodded to herself as she regarded her appearance in the small ensuite bathroom. Her hands were still wet as she brought them to her hair in an effort to tame her wild locks. Her lips tipped into a genuine smile the more she thought of it. Of course her brother wouldn’t allow her to be married off to a stranger. She wasn’t sure of many things, but this was one of them.
When she turned eighteen, Cisco would help her leave Elena and the family behind. Maybe continue her education in some way, or get a job. Noelle was willing to do anything as long as she could take control of her life. And without the piano…
Her smile fell. Shaking her head, she banished the melancholy that threatened to envelop her when she thought about her failed career—and the fact that she might never get to perform on a big stage again.
Dinner was a relatively quiet affair, after which they made plans for the weekend.
The first day, Noelle was going out to hunt with Cisco while Yuyu went out for a walk with Val. On the second day they would switch. Yuyu and Noelle would tend to the hunted game while Cisco would take Val on a little adventure in the forest, which usually involved picking up mushrooms, berries, and other edible plants they could cook alongside the meat.
In the past, that had been Noelle’s task, either with her brother or with Yuyu. She’d never once failed to be amazed by Cisco and Yuyu’s vast knowledge about the forest and about wild, edible plants. On one occasion, Yuyu had intimated the two of them had spent time in the wilderness before and as such they’d had to adapt.
That night, though Noelle was anticipating the day of the hunt, she couldn’t help but feel as though she was missing something…or someone.
Her friends had become such a prominent part of her routine that she found it hard to spend the day without them. Of course, she could have brought her laptop with her, but the connection at the lodge wasn’t as great and she would have likely inconvenienced her teammates.
Early the next morning, she was ready to embark on a new adventure. So she might not be the best at fulfilling the missions in the game, but she was pretty confident of her shooting skills outside of it.
Since the first time Cisco had taught her how to shoot, they’d regularly come to the lodge and practiced. He’d always told her that one day, when she was ready, he would take her hunting and she’d learned in practice.
Noelle was entirely too giddy at the thought of joining her brother for the day. So much so that everyone commented on it and the constant grin she was sporting.
‘You know how much I’ve been waiting for this,’ she said in her defense when she felt all eyes on her.
‘I know, I know,’ Cisco chuckled, bringing a cup of coffee to his lips. His eyes crinkled at the corners, and Noelle noted the sour mood from the night before was gone.
Yuyu was pretty cheerful too as she served breakfast. Even Val seemed to be in a good mood as he spoke relentlessly about his new anime obsession all through the meal.
‘Sorry,’ Yuyu mouthed to Noelle. ‘You can never stop him when he gets excited about something,’ she smiled as she looked at him.
‘He’s too cute,’ Noelle giggled. And he was. Val had inherited features from both his parents. He’d gotten his olive skin tone from Cisco, together with the color of his eyes—a deep green. From Yuyu, he inherited the shape of his eyes, nose and mouth.
‘He’s growing too fast,’ Yuyu sighed. ‘I don’t even know where the years have gone,’ she said as she ruffled his hair.
He pouted at her, but continued with his explanation of the latest episode of the anime he’d been watching.
After breakfast, they split into two teams, one going into the woods and one staying behind.
Noelle pulled her boots on, adding a small knife for easy reach as her brother had taught her. She filled her bag with everything her brother had suggested, and going to the main room, she grabbed one of the hunting rifles—the small one she always used.
When they were both done, they started on their journey.
Though Noelle was pretty familiar with the area, Cisco had never taken her beyond the immediate surroundings. This time, they would go slightly further into the official hunting territory.
‘What are we getting today?’ She asked in a brisk, cheerful tone.
‘Whatever we find,’ he smiled. ‘Something small for your first game. A rabbit, or maybe a bird. I won’t expect you to get a bear on your first try.’
‘What if I can?’ She pushed her chin up—challenge accepted.
Cisco stopped. Turning to face her, he lifted an incredulous brow at her.
‘You’re five foot, if at that, Noelle. You’re not going to get a bear. And please. Don’t even try. If you see one, you call me, and you stay out of sight. Understood?’
‘Yes, sir,’ she raised her hand to her forehead, barely subduing her laughter.
They went deeper into the forest, and upon reaching the designated area, Cisco stopped, putting a hand up. He brought a finger to his mouth, signaling her to be quiet.
A wall of foliage was before them, obstructing the view. But as Noelle closed her eyes and listened, she could hear the wind and some small, barely detectable sounds.
‘I hear it,’ she whispered, pointing to the west.
Cisco smiled.
‘The best way to catch something is to make it come to you, on your own terms.’
Noelle narrowed her eyes, the double meaning not escaping her.
‘Once you control all the variables, you are inevitably the winner,’ Cisco told her, the corner of his mouth tugged up in a lopsided smile.
‘You want us to stay here.’
‘Indeed,’ he nodded, waiting to hear more of her observations.
Noelle twirled, letting her eyes take in every detail of the forest. Focusing on the ground, she pointed at the small prints in the muddy ground. But as she slowly walked around, she found other clues.
Feces. There were small, fresh feces in a few parts of the area.
‘It’s a popular area, isn’t it?’
‘It is, and it’s going to be our base for the next few hours,’ Cisco told her as he showed her how to get in position and use the foliage to her advantage to disguise her presence.
‘Remember our first lesson? The three Ps?’
She nodded.
‘The second one is most important. When you stalk your prey, patience will prevail,’ he told her just as another sound erupted in the air.
Noelle redirected her attention to the small clearing beyond the foliage.
The sound grew increasingly louder, small steps against the fresh grass, broken twigs snapping as the creature advanced.
Cisco gave her a signal and she propped her rifle, slowly pushing the barrel through the foliage until she could aim properly.
Then, it was only a matter of waiting—of patience.
They stood unmoving for minutes on end. Noelle’s knees were already feeling the strain, but she was determined to withstand it.
She’d been wanting to do this for years, and now that she’d finally been given the chance, she was not about to squander it.
Sure enough, after a while, the bushes started rattling before a small body jumped into the open.
Noelle’s mouth dropped open in awe. A rabbit. And it was right there in front of her.
Excitement bubbling inside of her, she fitted her eye to the sight of the rifle moving it around until she had a clear shot. Without waiting for Cisco’s signal, she pressed her finger on the trigger, firing into the rabbit.
The shot resounded in the quiet forest, startled birds flying out of trees.
Not one to miss a chance, Noelle pivoted.
The trees were tall and richly crowned, making it more difficult to spot the birds. Still, she kept her focus on the sight as she moved it around, following the sound of their flight.
It all happened so fast, she didn’t even hear Cisco’s words.
She saw a flash of black among green and she aimed, jerking her rifle slightly to the left to account for the velocity of the bird’s flight.
The result was immediate, as a small bird fell to the ground.
Noelle couldn’t help but grin as she turned to Cisco. But he didn’t seem to share the sentiment. Instead, he was merely shaking his head.
Rising to his full height, he crossed to the clearing, grabbing the rabbit in his gloved hands and bringing it to Noelle.
‘I got a rabbit and a bird,’ she said excitedly.
‘You did,’ Cisco nodded, but his tone did not reflect that.
‘You’re not happy for me?’ she asked apprehensively.
Releasing a heavy sigh, he turned towards her.
‘What did I say about patience?’ he raised a brow at her.
Noelle frowned. She’d hit her targets. Should she have waited around for them to run from her?
But just as she opened her mouth to voice that question, her brother crouched on the ground, his hands on the rabbit.
‘What do you see?’ He asked her, turning the furry little thing around.
Noelle’s brows scrunched together as she tried to make sense of what he wanted her to see.
There was nothing out of the ordinary with the rabbit except for some blood staining his white coat—blood that didn’t fail to arouse Noelle’s interest.
Getting to her knees next to her brother, she reached for the rabbit, her gloved hands coming coated in the red substance. Staring at the viscous liquid, she was for a moment thrust back in the past—to the day her entire life had irrevocably changed.
‘Noelle,’ Cisco called her name. Once. Twice. Only on the third time did she shake herself, turning to look at him with question in her eyes.
‘Here. What do you see here?’ He asked as he pointed to the rabbit’s head.
She blinked in surprise, but leaned in to get a better view.
‘Nothing?’ she asked carefully.
‘That’s right. Where is your shot?’
Trailing her eyes down the rabbit’s body, she pointed to the side where she’d hit him—the place currently leaking more red liquid.
‘And what did I teach you?’
Right away, the lesson came to mind.
Killer shot.
‘You didn’t kill it. You just wounded it, and now it’s in agony. All because your attention was divided,’ he chided in a quiet voice.
Before she could reply, he grabbed the rabbit’s neck, snapping it with one twist of his wrist.
‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled, feeling herself chastised.
‘It’s not bad for your first time. But you disregarded everything I told you.’
Her cheeks heated as she nodded, duly reprimanded.
‘I’ll do better next time,’ she added.
He gave her a barely perceptible nod before he set about preparing the rabbit.
He made a few incisions along the rabbit’s body before he skinned the fur off its back, placing it aside. Then it was only a matter of removing the extremities and intestines so that only the cavity and the meat remained. All the while, he explained what he was doing, detailing every cut and why it was necessary.
Once more, Noelle found her eyes affixed to what was happening. Cisco’s movements were brisk and clean, as expected of someone who’d done that time and time again.
His hands were deep in the rabbit’s intestines when he suddenly turned to her, meeting her gaze and seeing the fascination that lay in it.
Without preliminaries, he went straight to the topic.
‘They did an autopsy on Ann Marie,’ he started, and he noted the twitch in her cheek at the mention of her former classmate’s name.
‘Oh,’ she released a small sound that was by no means an answer.
‘They approximated the angle of the shot,’ he continued, speaking slowly to gauge her reaction. ‘I know it was you, Noelle.’
She blinked, her eyes fluttering in a mimicry of shock. But when she saw it had no effect on him, she abandoned all attempts at feigned behavior.
‘Who else knows?’ she asked in an even voice, and it was almost as if he was witnessing another person.
‘Just me and Yuyu. No one else ever will,’ he promised her.
Noelle nodded thoughtfully.
‘Why did you do it?’
She shrugged.
‘It was her or me. I chose myself,’ she said very matter-of-factly. ‘Is that wrong?’ she narrowed her eyes at him, her gaze almost accusing.
He would have laughed if he didn’t find the entire situation so disconcerting.
‘Not at all,’ he gave her an ironic smile. ‘Not to me or to Yuyu. But to anyone else, it would be seen as wrong.’
Her eyebrows furrowed.
‘But you already know that, don’t you?’ he mused, taking a deep breath. ‘You’ve seen the way the media villainized you.’
‘Are you…mad at me?’ She asked carefully. The last thing she wanted was for Cisco and Yuyu to be mad at her.
‘No, of course not. I’m glad you acted fast in that situation. But you need to be more careful, Noelle. You need to be mindful of your actions and the way they may come across. We may agree with you, but most people will not.’
‘I know,’ she whispered, seeking some understanding in his gaze but finding none.
Her brother was nothing if not closed off with his expressions.
‘Your social persona is important. You need to learn to curb your behavior because people will crucify you for it. And the last thing you want is for people to come at you with pitchforks.’
‘Like they already did,’ she added in a soft tone. She knew where he was going.
‘Yes. If you want to succeed in life, you need to stop alienating the world. You need to gain the world’s loyalty.’
‘How?’
‘Two ways,’ his lips curled in a smirk. ‘Two diametrically opposite ways,’ he paused just as Noelle leaned forward, curiosity written all over her features. ‘You either make them love you or fear you.’
She blinked at his words. He didn’t let her speak, though, as he explained further.
‘I know what you’re thinking. But in your case, it wasn’t fear that made them act like that. It was hate—malice. And as long as you continue to act to spite the world, it will continue to hate you. I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again. Being different is great—in theory. But theory seldom translates perfectly into practice.’
‘I understand,’ she told him, her eyes straying to the innards laying on the ground and the blood that pooled around.
She’d understood him from the very first time when he’d told her, but she’d thought she could do it her own way. Although she’d curbed her outbursts and had sought to remain in her own bubble, she’d still come across as odd—different. And Cisco was right. Everyone hated her for it.
Despite her talent, and despite the hard work she put into her piano, she’d always been hated. Noelle supposed that had it been someone else in the same situation, someone more lovable, they would have been rather loved.
The conclusion was always the same.
It was her fault. From the beginning it had been her fault.
At the same time she found the idea of someone loving her so far-fetched that she didn’t know how she could ever pull that off.
And that left only one thing…fear.
‘People can’t sympathize with what they can’t understand. So you must search for a common point. Give them at least something to relate to, and you will win them over—in love, or in fear,’ Cisco continued, and Noelle nodded.
‘I’ll try…’ She took a deep breath, her brother’s words rattling her.
Finally, she could see the trip for what it was. An intervention. Cisco had given her time to cool off first, since he’d known she would have never been agreeable to such a conversation when the incident had occurred. But now he’d gone straight to the root of the issue.
She was the problem. Or, better said, her stubbornness was the problem.
Foolishly, she’d thought she was going to make the world accept her. That she could truly live against the world. And she’d been proven wrong time and time again.
The incident with Ann Marie had just been the cherry on top.
She was quiet as Cisco finished up with the rabbit before moving to the bird. Wrinkling his nose as he checked it up, he pointed out some signs of disease and suggested they left it there.
Noelle merely nodded, already in her own world.
‘Why don’t we split up? I want to see if I can find something on my own,’ she forced a smile.
Cisco narrowed his eyes at her, slowly pondering the matter. He seemed to sense her need to be alone for a few moments. He knew he’d been rather direct with his observations, eschewing tact in favor of much needed honesty. But he couldn’t let her continue on her path and destroy her future.
Even if she hadn’t done anything to Ann Marie, the fact that she’d reacted so unlike a normal person in the face of murder had made her a prime object for speculation. That coupled with the dislike she’d earned from her classmates over the years had made the gossip travel fast, as did accounts of her weird habits.
The best Cisco had managed to do had been to remove her name from the online space and threaten to sue any publication who dared publish it. It had worked, but that didn’t erase the collective memory—or that of those who’d been present at the concert.
‘Only if you stay within hearing distance,’ he allowed. ‘Don’t go further than the demarcation I showed you and call if you need anything.’
Noelle nodded, still keeping a strong front. Swinging her bag over her shoulder, she turned and left.
Placing one foot in front of the other, she didn’t realize she was crying until she reached a deep part of the forest—certainly deeper than what Cisco had suggested. But she couldn’t find it in her to care. Not when tears were streaming down her cheeks, her heart breaking in her chest.
She was aware Cisco had told her the truth for her own benefit. That wasn’t why she was crying. It was because everything had been her fault. From the beginning, he’d tried to help her see that going against everyone wasn’t the answer—that she needed to find a balance.
And what had she done? The opposite.
She’d reveled in what made her different and had focused on that instead of finding a common ground with people. It wasn’t that people didn’t like her, or that she’d never had friends. It was that she hadn’t given people the chance to do so.
And she only had herself to blame.
She had to wonder if deep down there was something wrong with her. Had she been born like that, or had she slowly become thusly?
Noelle could not answer that question. She only knew that she wanted more out of her life. Someone to love, and to love her in return. Friends. A career. She wanted all that, but she didn’t know how to get them.
Cisco told her to relate to people. But how?
Though she’d long stopped doing that, she could remember trying and being burned for it.
Had she simply closed herself to failure? For it had been failure that had prompted her to close herself from the beginning. Failure and a deep-seeded fear of rejection.
If she had no one, then no one could reject her, no? If she kept herself aloof, then no one could hurt her.
Noelle came to a sudden halt as realization dawned on her.
At some point, she’d stopped trying because every time she put herself out there, she put herself at risk. Every time she opened herself up, it was to be left bleeding and blistering.
Even now, that was her biggest fear.
Rejection. Abandonment. Being…alone.
She was petrified of letting people in only for them to shun her. If she was alone from the beginning, then she’d never know the opposite. But if she…
‘If I tasted happiness, then how could I ever go without?’ she murmured to herself, bringing the back of her hand to her face, wiping the tears.
She didn’t get to ponder it further, as a deep, growly sound traveled through the forest.
Startled, she jumped back, looking around in bewilderment.
Where was she?
How far had she walked? She’d been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn’t paid any mind to it, carelessly marching ahead.
Just as she turned to trace back her steps, her entire body tensed, awareness pricking at her skin. Slowing her movements, she dumped her bag to the ground as she gripped her rifle tightly.
Whatever it was, it was close.
The bushes rattled as something stomped its way towards her. The ground vibrated with the force of it, and Noelle had no doubt that it was something big.
A coyote? A fox? No, bigger.
Her theory was confirmed as the small shrub collapsed under the weight of a heavy body right before a loud grumble made her take a step back.
She blinked.
Maybe she’d been joking before, but now she was face to face with an actual, real-life bear.
One that was quite possibly triple her size and over ten times her weight.
Noelle froze.
‘What…’ she gasped as the bear turned towards her, his head rotating just as his jaw popped in a loud sound that woke her from her reverie.
For God’s sake, she hadn’t been killed by a delusional girl, she wasn’t about to become a bear’s victim.
The bear took a few more steps towards her before it stopped, its eyes seemingly looking her over right before another loud moan erupted from his throat.
Noelle’s eyes widened just as she swallowed. Hard.
Was he going to charge her or was he going to leave her alone? Regardless, she needed to prepare herself for any outcome.
Taking a small step back, she made sure her rifle was loaded before she aimed it at the bear.
One second passed. Then two. On the third, the bear moved, propelling himself backwards to his hind legs and raising himself in the air.
‘Good God,’ Noelle muttered.
On all fours he’d seemed gigantic compared to her. On his hind legs he looked to be close to seven feet.
‘I’m dead,’ she blinked, gulping down as fear spread through her limbs.
He could crush her with one paw. She didn’t want to know what he was capable of if he got to her.
But that seemed to be the bear’s aim as he wobbled from side to side towards her.
Another step back and Noelle knew there was no way out of it.
Once more, it was either the bear or her.
And as always, she chose herself.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed the trigger, the shot erupting in the air and injuring the bear in his side.
But going by the howl of pain followed by the loud growl, it wasn’t enough. It certainly wasn’t enough to stop his advance.
Noelle’s eyes widened, and she barely charged her rifle again before he was close to a foot away from her.
Though she was a good shot, at that moment, every atom in her body was shaking. She couldn’t have gotten a kill shot regardless of how much time she had. She simply could not stop herself from trembling with fear and delayed adrenaline.
The bear’s paw went up high in the air, and she knew it was a matter of seconds before it would hit her.
Breathing harshly, she looked around. She could run, but her legs wouldn’t work, damn it. She could barely move her fingers enough to settle once more on the trigger. As the bear took another pained step towards her, she squeezed the trigger, the shot catching him right under his jaw.
For a moment, Noelle didn’t know if she’d managed anything. She could only stare at the bear, he at her, and she believed that was her end.
But just as she was struggling to reload her gun, the bear teetered from side to side before falling to the ground. Not before he released one of the most earth-shattering sounds Noelle had ever heard.
The bear collapsed a few feet from her and she could still not muster the strength to move. She could only stare, dumbfounded.
She’d won. She’d…
A hiccup escaped her just as her legs turned to jelly. She barely kept herself from collapsing next to the bear too.
Especially as she took one step closer and noted that his eyes were still wide open. Wide open and blinking.
He wasn’t dead, was he?
Noelle took one step closer until she reached his side. His legs moved, but barely. His eyes, though, were watching her intently. So much so that she felt herself lost in those depths.
She could see what he was asking for.
Mercy.
He wanted her to kill him, to put an end to the pain. Remembering Cisco had done the same to the rabbit, Noelle went back for her bag, removing a knife. She would never be able to snap his neck as her brother had done with the small bodied rabbit. But she could spare him pain like this.
Leaving everything behind but the small knife, Noelle tentatively walked to his side, getting too close for comfort but knowing it was necessary.
Though she saw he was still able to move, he didn’t try to reach for her. He just watched, a silent plea hidden in his gaze.
Terrified but determined, Noelle took the last step that was separating her from the bear, her hand making contact with his fur.
A shiver went down her back, and for a moment her palm simply rested atop his fur.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, and she could almost swear the bear understood her. He blinked, as if he was telling her it’s ok.
Tears pricked at her eyes as she brought the sharp edge of her blade to his neck. She needed to be swift and not cause him any more anguish.
Her face scrunched in pain as she placed her other hand on top of his head.
She’d shot him. She’d done this to him, so why was it so hard to deliver the last blow.
‘I’m really, really sorry,’ she said once more as she dragged the blade across the thick hide of the bear, pushing with all her strength so she could cut his throat in one smooth line—not small, jagged ones that would prolong his pain.
It felt like an eternity before she finished it, blood flowing down his body and onto her hands.
Suddenly, she removed her gloves, throwing them to the ground. She brought her bare hands against his furry body, soaking in the blood and saying a small prayer—one accompanied by the sincerest apology.
She was sorry. Her heart was breaking just looking at the bloody display. But it was the order of nature.
There was predator, and there was prey. And Noelle resolved to never be the prey.
‘I’ll always choose myself,’ she whispered, her eyes fixed to the red liquid still flowing from the bear’s neck.
Before she knew what she was doing, both her hands reached for the bleeding wound. Palms open, she splayed them on top of the blood, moving them around until the entire surface of her hand was covered in the viscous substance.
Lifting them to her face, she inhaled deeply. First, she smelled it. Then, she tasted it, a tangy, metallic flavor that made her grimace. At last, she brought them to her cheeks, covering herself in it—his essence.
She truly did not know what had come over her, only that in some odd, obscure way, she was paying homage to the bear. And the more she stained herself with his life’s essence, the more she understood him, and her thirst for life.
Noelle didn’t want to just survive. She wanted to live.
‘Noelle!’ someone shouted her name, the sound coming closer and closer.
Like in a trance, she didn’t realize her brother had reached her side until he grasped her shoulders, shaking her thoroughly in an attempt to snap her out of it.
‘Noelle, answer me, damn it,’ Cisco demanded.
Blinking, she slowly brought herself back to the present. Back to the fact that she was still alive and well. She’d survived.
Next, she would live.
‘I’m fine,’ she replied, giving him an odd smile.
Cisco, for his part, could not believe his eyes. After he’d heard the consecutive gunshots, he’d worried something might have happened to her and he’d run towards the direction she’d taken. All the while, he’d beaten himself for allowing her to go alone when he should have kept her firmly at his side.
Still, nothing would have prepared him for the sight before him.
Noelle, in all her bloody glory next to a fallen bear.
She’d killed a fucking bear.
And Cisco did not know what to make of it—of her. He couldn’t read, nor understand her, but he knew something was wrong.
The following morning at dawn, Cisco and Valerius went out on their excursion, leaving Noelle at the cabin with Yuyu.
After they’d returned from the hunt, Yuyu had taken a good look at the state Noelle had been in and at her husband’s grim expression, and she’d understood something must have happened. She’d only heard the particularities later, when she’d been presented with the evidence of their hunt. Rabbit and…bear. And upon hearing the details, she couldn’t help but worry about Noelle.
Though they’d initially orchestrated the getaway to have a chat with Noelle, Yuyu would have never thought she’d have to talk to her about…killing a bear.
With how small Noelle was, she just couldn’t picture it.
‘You should have woken me,’ Noelle suddenly said, interrupting Yuyu from her cooking.
‘I wanted to let you sleep in after what happened yesterday,’ Yuyu smiled at her, inviting her to take a seat next to her.
‘Let me help you,’ Noelle immediately offered, washing her hands before taking a piece of meat and emulating Yuyu’s movements with the knife.
‘Are you sure you’re ok?’ Yuyu asked, wanting to make sure.
After Noelle had washed the blood from her face, she’d suddenly made the excuse that she was too tired and had gone to sleep. That in itself had worried Yuyu even more considering how excited Noelle had been about everything—including the preparation of the meat.
‘Yeah,’ she shrugged. ‘I was a bit shocked, to be honest. It was terrifying on the spot, but I’m glad my reflexes worked, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.’
‘You’re right,’ Yuyu gave her a sad smile as she recognized the veracity of her words. Noelle had suffered a traumatic event. Instead of interrogating her about it, they should be happy she’d survived. ‘You did very well, Noelle. We’re both very proud of you. I hope you know that.’
Noelle flushed, burying her chin into her neck.
‘Even after everything?’ she asked softly—so softly Yuyu barely heard her.
She’d wanted Cisco to be the one to talk to her since he was her brother, and she’d always supported their bond. But seeing Noelle seem so unsure, she realized she needed to make her stance known as well.
‘I’ve always been proud of you,’ she replied, pacing her hand on top of the knife to stop Noelle’s movements. ‘We all make mistakes, Noelle. It’s human nature. But if you learn from them, they stop being mistakes, and they become experienced. No one is perfect.’
She nodded slowly, a small smile appearing on her face.
The rest of the day passed in a flurry and by late afternoon, Cisco and Val had returned with their own bounty—mushrooms, salad and a variety of berries.
Noelle and Yuyu had fun in the kitchen preparing the different recipes and having a contest for the best dish—all in good humor of course.
Though in the beginning Noelle had started as shy and apologetic, by the end of the day Yuyu had managed to coax her out of her shell.
It was sometime after dinner that the phone call came. Noelle had already retired to her room and Yuyu had just put Val to sleep.
The call was through the satellite phone Cisco always kept for emergencies, and as they heard it ring, they knew to expect the worst.
Cisco and Yuyu went outside, walking a small distance from the cabin so their voices wouldn’t echo. Only then did they answer the phone.
And the news was dire.
Sergio Villanueva had survived.
‘No,’ Yuyu’s hands went to her mouth as her eyes widened in shock.
Cisco pursed her lips, unable to react.
‘We can’t do this. We can’t,’ Yuyu repeated.
‘He wants his promised bride.’
‘She’s fifteen,’ she hissed.
‘And he will wait until she’s eighteen to claim her,’ Cisco sighed.
‘This can’t be happening,’ Yuyu muttered as she paced around. ‘This can’t be happening, Cisco. We’ve tried to shield her from everything for years. And now this? No, I refuse to let it happen.’
‘We have no choice, love,’ Cisco said in a resigned voice.
‘I hate your mother,’ she spat vehemently—the first time she’d ever uttered that sentence. ‘I hate your parents,’ she repeated, her eyes misted with tears.
‘We had no way of knowing they’d go behind our backs and offer Noelle for Val.’
‘No, but they did. And you know what? I hate myself even more because I‘m the reason this happened. I’m the reason,’ she paused, choking on her tears. ‘If only…’
‘If what? I would have never married Camilla and you know that. I would have only ever married you. You, or no one else,’ he said coolly.
‘But you married me. And that’s why they took offense. That’s why…’
Elena and Amato had never accepted Yuyu to the family and had openly told her so many times. Despite that, they had loved Val because he was Cisco’s child. Having seen that, Yuyu had simply come to terms that her in-laws would never like her, but she’d been fine with it as long as they treated Val nicely.
Yet that had come with a price, too.
When Cisco had refused to go through with his arranged marriage to Camilla Villanueva—marriage that his father had personally contracted—he’d set in motion a deadly chain of events that still had far-reaching consequences.
Camilla had ended up married to Thadeo, the middle DeVille. Sergio, Camilla’s brother, had been incensed at the slight since the contract had been for the DeVille heir, not for an ex-military spare that had no stake in the family business. And so he’d retaliated in his own way—by kidnapping Val.
Initially, it had been solely out of revenge for the slight to his pride, for which he’d been ready to wage an all-out war. But while Cisco and Yuyu had attempted to get their son back through any means possible, Amato and Elena had approached Sergio with a better offer—they would give their youngest daughter in marriage, together with a sizable dowry, in exchange for Val.
Sergio, thinking he could make use of the opportunity and the dowry Amato was offering, had been satisfied with the deal and he’d returned Val to Cisco and Yuyu.
The deal had been signed in blood, and Sergio had been added as sole beneficiary of Noelle’s trust upon her eighteenth birthday. He’d also been written as a clause in Amato’s will.
Either Cisco fulfilled the deal, or every liquid DeVille asset would be transferred over to one of their first cousins—which would mean an automatic shift in leadership. The clause had been added strategically. Either Cisco fulfilled the deal, or his cousin Primo would do it once he got his hands on the DeVille assets. One way or another, Sergio would get his due.
The only bright side had been that Noelle had been too young—just shy of ten years old at the time. The marriage could only take place when she was of age.
Sergio, already a man in his early forties at the time, had wed another. And another. He’d gone through three wives in that time, and while Cisco and Yuyu hoped at least his last wife wouldn’t drop dead, that had ultimately come to pass recently.
When Dolores, Sergio’s last wife, had died, Cisco’s first move had been to order a hit on Sergio. Mayhap his mistake had been in not sending Yuyu to finish the job, but the hit had failed. And Sergio had been angrier than ever.
He’d declared he wouldn’t take another wife until Noelle came of age, after which he would wed her immediately as stated by the contract. If that hadn’t been enough, Sergio had stated in no uncertain terms that DeVille either gave him his promised bride, or he would take her for himself—alive, or dead.
At that point, it had become more than just a legal gamble, but rather of survival.
Noelle’s survival.
It didn’t matter that she was the blameless party in the entire debacle. It only mattered that for some reason Sergio Villanueva had become obsessed with acquiring her.
‘Don’t,’ he took her in his arms. ‘Don’t blame yourself. It would have happened regardless,’ he sighed.
When the contract had been signed, Amato had already known he was dying. Yuyu was convinced Elena had used her wiles to convince him that Noelle would never serve them for anything else, so she was the best casualty.
‘How can I, when I know our happiness was built on her future unhappiness?‘
‘She needs to marry him to fulfill the contract. But after…’ he trailed off, the implication clear.
‘And until then?’ Yuyu lifted her face, her eyes shimmery with tears.
‘We’ll figure something out,’ Cisco promised, though he himself did not know what.
For the first time, his hands were truly tied. His father had known he would attempt to do anything to prevent the marriage and he’d set in place a few safety measures. All because Cisco had dared to marry Yuyu instead of Camilla.
Cisco was aware it wasn’t so much the choice of his bride that had impacted his father’s decision as it was the fact that Cisco had directly disobeyed him.
He might not have signed the marriage contract with his own hands, but he might as well have.
Sensing Yuyu’s increasing distraught, he led her back to the cabin. But upon opening the door, it was to come face to face with a wide-eyed Noelle.
‘Marriage?’ she asked in an incredulous tone. ‘Me?’
‘Noelle,’ Yuyu tried to reach out to her, but she flinched.
‘Who is it? Tell me?’ she demanded in a dead voice.
Cisco swore under his breath as he realized she must have overheard part of their conversation. This wasn’t how he wanted her to find out.
‘Who did you sell me to?’ She repeated, more vehemently.
‘Noelle, it’s not like that…’ Yuyu tried to speak but Noelle wasn’t even looking at her.
She directed her gaze towards Cisco, knowing that only he had control over this as the current head of the family. And to an extent it was true. He had control over everything but this.
Damn it all, but if only the hit on Sergio would have worked… But he lived in a fortress with little to no outside contact and he almost never left its premises.
‘His name is Sergio Villanueva,’ Cisco started, pinning her with her gaze. ‘He owns a large area in northeastern Mexico. You are to marry him when you turn eighteen.’
He could have told her everything else she didn’t know—that he’d tried his damn best to avoid this from happening. But he didn’t. In the end, he was guilty. It didn’t matter the angle one looked at—he was the sole culprit.
‘Why?’ The words were barely audible, but they hurt Cisco in a way little else had over the years.
Despite what people thought of him, he did have feelings. Maybe he had a hard time recognizing and displaying them, but he did feel. And he loved his sister. To have her look at him as if he was dead to her was one of the harshest blows he’d been dealt.
‘Because I said so,’ he simply stated.
Yuyu stiffened in his arms.
‘I see,’ Noelle gave a slow nod before she turned, walking to her room and closing the door behind her.
‘Why would you say that?’ Yuyu whispered, raw emotion emanating from her voice.
‘I failed her,’ he closed his eyes. ‘I failed her when she needed me the most. I can’t fail her from now on.’
‘I don’t understand,’ Yuyu’s palms cupped his cheeks, turning him around.
‘I can’t stop the wedding from happening. But I can ensure Noelle is strong enough to bear it. Until…’
‘She’ll hate you,’ Yuyu rightfully remarked, her eyes filled with turmoil. But she didn’t add more. She understood exactly what his goal was.
‘But she will survive.’
The issue was that though Noelle put on a strong face in front of Cisco and Yuyu, when she was alone in her room, she didn’t think she would survive.
She didn’t even care who she was supposed to marry at that point. She hurt about the fact that the only people she’d ever trusted sold her over. They’d pretended to care for her and they’d slowly wormed their way into her heart before delivering the last blow.
Alone in her room, she sunk to the floor as she stared at the dark shadows on the wall. Her eyes were semi-dry, and for once, tears wouldn’t even come.
She just stared at the intangible forms on her walls, wishing she could be just like them—non-sentient and non-feeling.
Only then would she be able to go on without feeling herself bleed with anguish.
Only then would she be able to just be, without the burden of being.
