I lift my gaze from Scout to see Carly standing beside my chair.
‘Dr. Grimes is on his way up to see you,’ she says, smiling at me.
‘Already?’ I blink, glancing toward the television hanging over the bank of monitors beside Scout’s bed. It’s already after five. ‘I must have dozed off.’
‘You looked like you were sleeping peacefully,’ Carly says. ‘Miss Scout too.’ She nods at the baby still cuddled up on my chest, her head tucked carefully against my shoulder. ‘Her vitals haven’t dropped once since you sat down with her.’
‘That’s good,’ I say, exhaling a relieved breath. Her vitals have been all over the place today. Even though Tate was in Silver Spoon Falls most of the day, he’s been checking in regularly. He had Carly turn Scout’s oxygen up once because she was struggling so hard to breathe. I was beginning to worry it wasn’t going to be enough, but her color looks better. I glance from her to the monitor, relaxing further when I see that her vitals are stronger.
‘Do you need me to help you get her back in the bed?’ Carly asks.
‘I can do it,’ I say, waving her off. Now that I have permission to hold her, I find myself reluctant to share her with anyone. She’s so tiny and cuddly. I love her so damn much already. It kills me that Siobhan isn’t going to be here to see her grow up. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how my sister got involved with an MC like Danny’s. But I’m no longer sure it matters. Regardless of what led her there, she made the right decision in the end. She tried to do the right thing. It cost her everything, but she died a hero.
Even if no one else ever knows her name or what she did, the women she saved will. Scout will. When she’s old enough to hear the story, I’ll tell her what her mom did to protect the women who needed it most. I don’t know what I’ll tell her about her dad. I haven’t worked that part out yet. But she’ll know her mom was a warrior. She’ll know Siobhan did the right thing when it counted.
‘You’re so good with her,’ Carly says, watching as I rise carefully to my feet to place Scout back in her crib. I make sure all of her cords and wires are tucked out of the way and aren’t pulling and then place her little blanket over her so she doesn’t get cold. It’s so chilly in here and they keep her in nothing but a diaper just in case anything goes wrong. With nurses watching over her and oxygen going constantly, she’s safe with a blanket.
‘Thank you,’ I murmur, leaning down to place a kiss on Scout’s soft cheek.
‘You’re going to be an incredible mom, Samara.’
I freeze, still bent over the bed. Mom?
‘I’m not…’ I clear my throat, standing up slowly. ‘I’m not a mom.’
‘You are now, honey,’ Carly says, giving me a gentle look. ‘I know she’s your niece and you just lost your sister, but whether Scout calls you aunt or mom or something else, you’re the only mom this little girl is ever going to know.’ She squeezes my arm. ‘You should know we all think you’re going to be amazing with her.’
‘I…thank you,’ I whisper, not sure what else to say.
‘I just thought you should know that we’re all rooting for you,’ she says. ‘We see a lot of patients through here. I wish they all had caregivers like you.’ She presses a button on Scout’s IV machine to restart one of the medications and then glances at me over her shoulder. ‘Dr. Grimes wants to see you in the conference room. Do you remember how to get there?’
‘Yeah,’ I mumble.
‘I’ll watch Scout while you’re meeting with him.’
‘Thanks…’ I stand there for a minute, my feet rooted in place before I finally manage to make them move. When they do, I stumble out of the room, moving blindly through the PICU and then out into the main hospital. My mind swirls in a thousand different directions, but it moves too quickly for me to keep up with any of it.
By the time I reach the conference room, I feel…unsettled.
‘Hey,’ Tate says, grinning at me when I step inside. He’s sitting at the head of the massive table, one booted foot propped up on top. Unlike most of the doctors here, Tate doesn’t dress like a surgeon. His black boots and jeans stand out beneath his white coat, but no one even bats a lash. I don’t think anyone tells Tate what to do. He really is a man apart, playing by his own rules.
Everyone here likes him though. They respect him. When he says jump, they jump, no questions asked. He could be a jerk about it, and yet he’s not. He’s down-to-earth. Cocky, yes. Maybe even a little arrogant at times. But he’s a genuinely good man. One of the best I’ve ever met. He’s kind, patient, full of compassion and decency. I’ve never met anyone like him before. I doubt I ever will again.
Why does that scare me so damn much?
‘Hey,’ I say, glancing around the empty room. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Paperwork.’ He holds up a folder. ‘I want to get it out of the way tonight so you don’t have to sign a bunch of shit in the morning.’
‘Oh.’ I shuffle toward the table.
He cocks his head to the side, frowning. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Liar. What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’ I shake my head, forcing a smile. ‘I’m just tired.’
I can tell he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t force the issue. He lets the subject drop for the moment, nudging a chair with his foot. ‘Sit down, angel,’ he says. ‘Let’s get this out of the way so we can get you back to our girl.’
‘Our girl?’
He grins at me. ‘I plan on being her third favorite person behind you and Siobhan.’
‘Oh.’ I drop down into the chair, my stomach fluttering and churning. He’s so good to her already. He calls constantly to check on her. I know he’s checking on me too. The nurses have commented on it. I’m not sure what to tell them though, so I just shrug off their curiosity. ‘Um, what do I need to sign?’
‘Consent forms,’ he says, flipping open the folder. ‘They say you understand there are risks and that things could go wrong. If they do go wrong, they say you understand that we’ll do everything we can but there are no guarantees. These also give us permission to make decisions back there based on our judgement without having to delay by calling you to ask for input.’
‘Okay,’ I say, reaching for the pen.
He stops me, placing his hand over mine. ‘We have to talk before you sign, baby. I can’t just let you sign until you know what could go wrong,’ he says quietly.
‘I… No,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘I already know what’s at risk, Tate. I know…I know she could die tomorrow. But I also know if I don’t sign these and you don’t operate, she will die. So whatever risks there are tomorrow, I accept them. I have to accept them.’
‘Death isn’t the only risk, Samara,’ he says.
‘I know, but it’s the only one that’s inevitable if you don’t do this surgery.’ I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I’ve never told anyone my story before, but I want to tell him. ‘My whole life, it was just me and Siobhan. We grew up dirt poor with an alcoholic mom. We ended up in foster care more times than I can count. When our mom was sober enough to get us back from the system, we lived on the kindness of strangers and whatever abusive boyfriend she was dating at the time. She certainly wasn’t sober enough to remember to feed us half the time.’
‘Jesus,’ Tate whispers.
‘I know what it’s like to have nothing because I came from nothing,’ I say. ‘All I had was Siobhan. Now, she’s gone too. So it doesn’t matter what the risks are, Tate. Not when the only person I ever had left her daughter in my care. She trusted me to save her baby, no matter what. I won’t fail her now. I can’t. Scout is the only thing I have left.’
Tate watches me for a moment, his eyes bright. And then he curses softly. ‘Not anymore, angel,’ he says, gripping the back of my neck. ‘You have me.’
I exhale a shaky breath. He’s right. I know he is. And that scares the crap out of me. I feel like the world keeps shifting beneath my feet. As soon as I think I’ve caught my balance, it shifts again, sending me into another tailspin. I’m falling in love with this man, dangerously fast. Or maybe I’m already in love with him. The latter, I think. But I don’t know how to process that right now, not when Scout needs me to be strong for her.
‘I’m terrified I’m going to mess up,’ I admit. ‘Carly called me a mom a few minutes ago and it just…freaked me out. I don’t know how to be a mom. I’m still learning how to be an aunt.’
‘Then be an aunt first,’ he says, lifting me out of my chair and into his lap. He wraps his arms around me, tucking my head against his chest. ‘No one said you had to figure it all out in one day. You’ll fuck up and make mistakes. You aren’t perfect. No parent is. But you love that little girl with your whole heart, and you want what’s best for her.’
‘I do,’ I whisper.
‘That’s what it means to be a parent, Samara. I’ve seen you fight harder for her in two days than most people will fight for anything in their entire lives. It doesn’t matter what you call yourself, you’ve already got that part down, baby.’
‘You think so?’
‘I know so,’ he says, pressing his lips to the top of my head. ‘She’s going to love you as fiercely as you love her.’
‘I’m terrified I’m going to lose her, Tate.’
‘Hey.’ He tips my head back, forcing me to look at him. ‘Do you trust me, Samara?’
‘I…’ I look into his dark emerald eyes. Do I trust him? ‘I think… I think I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone before,’ I admit, swallowing hard. Isn’t that what really scares me? I trust him when I’ve never trusted anyone, not like this.
‘Then trust that I’m not going to let you lose her. Trust that I’m going to fight just as hard for her in that operating room tomorrow as you’ve been fighting all week. You’re not alone in this anymore. I’m right here, Samara. I’m right here.’
I press my lips to his, kissing him hard.
‘You’re hogging her,’ I complain, pouting at Tate.
‘You told me I could hold her.’
‘I changed my mind. Give her back.’
He chuckles, shaking his head. ‘No can do,’ he says, patting her gently on the back. ‘I think I’ll keep her for a little while. She seems to like me.’
I narrow my eyes on him, wondering if I’m allowed to have Daisy kick him out. Visiting hours ended a while ago. Since he’s not technically here on business, surely that means he shouldn’t be allowed in here, right? I’m not sure. I decide not to risk it. Just in case Daisy decides to make me leave too.
‘Fine,’ I mutter instead, scowling. ‘But she still likes me more than you.’
Tate chuckles again. ‘Angel, not a man alive would blame her for that,’ he drawls, shaking his head. ‘You’re soft and sweet and perfect. I’m just a man with steady hands and a big c–’
‘Don’t you dare,’ I hiss, whipping my head around to make sure Daisy isn’t in earshot.
‘–erebellum.’ He cocks a brow. ‘What did you think I was going to say?’
I blush.
‘In the hospital, Samara? Really?’
‘You say dirty things wherever you want,’ I mutter defensively.
‘I don’t curse around the kids, Samara,’ he says, his voice soft. ‘My mom would throw a holy fit if she found out.’
‘You’re scared of your mom?’ I smile at him, my voice soft. Why is it so cute that this giant man is afraid of his mom?
‘Uh, yeah. Are you kidding me? My dad would kick my A-S-S if I wasn’t afraid of my mom,’ he says, looking at me like I’m crazy. ‘No one stresses her out without answering to him, especially me and my twin.’
My mouth pops open. ‘You have a twin?’
‘I do. His name is Xavier. He and Sariah, my older sister, live in Los Angeles near our parents.’
‘Wow,’ I whisper. ‘Are they doctors too?’
‘They work in the fashion industry. My dad is a photographer. My mom owns a modeling agency. Xavier and Sariah help her run it.’
‘I didn’t know that.’
He smiles at me. ‘You’ll love them.’
‘You…want me to meet them?’ My stomach flips.
‘They’ll be out here in September. They come every year.’
‘Oh,’ I whisper, not sure what to say. But I think…I think I’m looking forward to it. I want to know where Tate came from. I want to meet the people who raised and shaped him. It doesn’t take a genius to know they have to be pretty amazing. ‘I’d like that.’
‘Yeah?’
His cocky grin has me rolling my eyes.
‘Give me back my niece before I change my mind,’ I demand, ready to hold her again. It’s purely selfish, but I know Tate doesn’t mind. He’s only holding onto her to annoy me. He seems to like doing that. I’ll never admit it, but I kind of like it too. It’s hard to stress and worry and panic when I’m with him. He refuses to let me.
It’s as if he just instinctively knows how to calm me down. He doesn’t even have to try. As soon as I start feeling anxious, he reaches for me or says something ridiculous. Immediately, my nerves settle and a sense of calm washes over me. I have no idea how I’m going to make it through tomorrow without him at my side, but I’ll find a way. Even if I crack apart at the seams.
Tate’s phone vibrates in his pocket.
He gently shifts Scout around and then reaches for it.
‘You’re in luck,’ he says, giving it a cursory glance. ‘I have something to take care of, so I’ll let you hold her while I do it.’
‘Let me hold her?’ I splutter. ‘She’s my niece.’
He smirks at me, shaking his head. He doesn’t say anything as he rises to his feet with Scout tucked carefully in his arms. Because she’s sedated, she doesn’t even twitch. The nurses assure me that she knows we’re here with her and that she can hear us, but she doesn’t really respond to much. I can’t wait until her little eyes open. I hope they’re hazel like Siobhan’s.
Tate places her carefully in my arms and then runs his hand over the top of her head, smoothing her wild hair. ‘I’m not sure what you aren’t getting, angel,’ he says, tipping my head back until our gazes tangle. ‘She might be your niece, but you’re both mine.’ He leans down, pressing his lips to mine in a hard kiss. ‘Cuddle our girl. I’ll be right back.’
When he straightens, I see Daisy standing in the doorway, watching us. My stomach flutters with nerves at being caught, but she just smiles at us.
‘Take care of my girls for me,’ he orders her, winking on his way out the door.
‘Yes, sir,’ she says, laughing quietly.
I bury my face in Scout’s hair, trying to hide my flaming cheeks. I’m not sure what the rules are about doctors dating the family members of patients, but I’m sure they probably have a few of them. I’m also guessing Tate doesn’t give a crap about them. No one tells him what to do. It’s one of the things I love about him.
Crap, I love him. So damn much.
Should I tell him? I should, shouldn’t I? He deserves to know that, regardless of what happens tomorrow, I love him. Not because of what happens in the operating room tomorrow but because of who he is. Because it’s impossible not to love him. I know because I tried so hard not to fall for him. But I’m tired of being afraid.
This crazy, amazing man chose me, and I’m choosing him back. If he’s all in, then I am too. No matter what happens tomorrow, I want him to know that my heart belongs to him.
‘His girls, huh?’ Daisy shoots me a grin, one brow arched in question.
‘Um…’ I dart a worried glance around. ‘Can he get in any trouble for this?’
‘Honestly?’ Daisy shrugs. ‘I’m sure there are those who would say it’s unethical, but everyone here loves Dr. Grimes. If you two are happy, we’re happy for you. You won’t hear any complaints from us. Happiness can be fleeting in a place like this. We take it where it comes.’
‘Thanks,’ I whisper, relaxing as that fear eases. I know eventually being with him will mean finding a new doctor for Scout. He can’t be ours and be her surgeon forever. But for tomorrow, at least, there’s no one else I trust more than I do him.
I relax into the seat, cuddling Scout close as Daisy bustles around, changing out her sheets. My eyes drift closed. I focus on Scout’s breathing, on the steady rise and fall off her little chest against mine.
Watch over her tomorrow, Siobhan, I pray. Keep her safe one more time.
‘Hey,’ Tate says a few minutes later.
My eyes flutter open.
‘Oh my gosh,’ I gasp, staring in shock. Troian and Gage fill the doorway behind Tate. Daisy’s seated at her desk outside the door. Gage has his arm around his curvy wife. They’re both smiling at me. ‘What are you guys doing here?’
‘Tate thought you could use some company tomorrow,’ Troian says, squeezing past him into the room. She hurries to my side, leaning down to hug me with one arm. ‘She’s beautiful, Samara.’
‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ I say, my voice thick with emotion.
‘Of course we’re here,’ she whispers back. ‘You’re my best friend. Where else would I be?’
‘So this is Miss Scout,’ Gage says when Troian steps back. He leans down to kiss me on the cheek. ‘How are you holding up, sweetheart? Is this jackal being good to you?’
‘So good,’ I whisper, meeting Tate’s warm gaze over his head. He grins at me, his expression soft.
‘Good,’ Gage says, winking at me. ‘Troian would be pissed if she had to bail me out of jail for punching him in the face tonight.’
‘I already told you I wouldn’t bail you out,’ Troian says, scrunching up her face at him. ‘You’ll just have to stay there while Scout and I hang out tonight.’
‘You and Scout?’ I blink at her.
She just smiles a mysterious smile.
‘She and Gage are going to stay with Scout tonight, angel,’ Tate says, stepping deeper into the room. His gaze tangles with mine. ‘I know you won’t sleep without someone here.’
‘Oh.’ My heart flutters wildly again. ‘I was going to stay.’
‘No can do,’ Troian says, her voice firm. ‘You’re going back to Tate’s tonight. You’re sleeping in a real bed. You can stay with her tomorrow after her surgery. Tonight, Gage and I will watch over her for you.’
‘I…thank you,’ I whisper, a lump rising in my throat. I was wrong earlier. Scout isn’t all I have left. Not even close. Right now, I’m pretty sure I have almost everything.
