“Val,” Ben says, his gaze filled with the same regret he showed me last night. “Can we talk?”
Luca tenses beside me, his hand brushing against mine. I look up at him, and he sends me a pleading look that’s so unlike him that I can’t look away. It’s like he’s silently asking me not to go with Ben, to stay right here, with him.
“Val?” Ben repeats, snapping me out of my daze. I turn toward him, surprise rendering me speechless for a moment. I didn’t think I’d ever have to see him again, yet here he is, showing up twice in the span of 24 hours. It feels ominous, almost as though life is trying to remind me what would happen if I allowed myself to give into the feelings Luca is eliciting in me. It feels like a reminder that good things aren’t meant for me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask him, my voice steady. I was shocked and emotional last night, but looking at him right now, I can’t help but feel like he pales in comparison to my husband. He’s inferior in every single way, and not just because he’s a cheating asshole.
“He’s Stephen’s son,” Luca informs me, “and the candidate you’re competing with.”
My eyes widen, and I grit my teeth. Back when we dated, he used to brag about the amazing senior position his father had at some big conglomerate. I’m surprised I never connected the dots. I always knew Stephen had a son who lived overseas, but I should’ve looked into it more.
I smile humorlessly, my stomach in knots. I’ve worked myself to the bone for the mere opportunity to be considered as COO, and he walks in here just like that. Seeing him hurts, but knowing he’ll take more from me than he already has kills me.
“Please, Val. Can we talk? It looks like we’ll be working together for at least a little while. Don’t you think it’d be best to—”
“To what?” I snap. “To reminisce? What for?”
He runs a hand through his hair and looks at me with that same look that used to make my heart race. Longing. Desire. Reverence. It’s what made me give him a chance in the first place. He didn’t care about my background, or the fact that I didn’t fit in amongst the rich students that surrounded him. He was the first person who made me feel seen, and letting him in was my downfall.
“How is your mother?”
A chill runs down my spine as I fight the urge to lose my temper. My pain turns into hatred instantly, and it takes all of me to force a smile.
Luca crosses his arms and shoots Ben a cold stare. “If you want to discuss personal matters, I suggest you do it outside of working hours,” Luca says. His tone is perfectly polite, but I notice the fury he tries to hide. I have no doubt he recognized Ben, and there’s no way I can evade his questions any longer.
I don’t want him to know. It took me years to grow into the person I’ve become, and I don’t want him to find out that it’s all a charade.
“It’s fine,” I tell my husband. Ben is right. We’ll be working together, and we’re competing for the same job. It’s best to get this conversation out of the way. “Please follow me, Ben.”
Luca tenses and wraps his hand around my wrist, his grip tight. He looks into my eyes, his expression unreadable. “Don’t,” he murmurs.
I smile at him reassuringly, and his expression falls as he lets go of me. Luca grits his teeth, and for a moment, I hesitate. Something about his demeanor makes my heart ache. He looks defeated, somehow.
He watches me as I lead Ben to one of the meeting rooms, and I can’t help but look back at him. The way he’s staring at me makes me feel like I’m wronging him somehow. Am I?
I shake my head when I realize that thoughts of Luca are occupying my mind even as I sit down opposite Ben. I always thought I’d be weak and pathetic when I eventually ran into Ben again, but as it turns out, that isn’t true in the slightest. It isn’t heartache I feel. It’s disappointment and shame. Someone like him never should have had the power to hurt me.
“I never forgot about you, Val. I’ve been trying to reach out to you for years. You dropped out without a single word and changed your phone number.”
“Yet you still didn’t get the hint, huh?”
He flinches, and I sigh, annoyed. I’m not sure what I’m most mad about — the fact that he reminds me of the weak girl I used to be, or that I’m going to have to compete with him when he has an unfair advantage. What I do know is that the lingering feelings I have for him aren’t even remotely close to being love. It’s resentment littered with humiliation.
“I’ve never regretted anything more, Val. Just seeing you makes my heart race the way it used to. Surely you feel it too? I’ve never been able to love someone the way I loved you. I never got over you, Val. If you truly had moved on, you wouldn’t be treating me with such coldness. So long as you’re mad at me, I still have a chance, don’t I?”
I frown at him, my anger rising. “It’s been eight years, Ben. Why would I treat you warmly when you walked in here out of nowhere and are competing with me for my dream job? I see your ego is still as inflated as ever. Who do you think you are? The only reason I agreed to speak with you is so I could put these delusions to rest. I have no interest in reminiscing.”
He looks at me as though he doesn’t believe me, and I suppose his disbelieve is warranted. He’s right. I do feel resentment and hate, and for a few moments, my heart did waver. Seeing him made my feelings come rushing back, but it was very fleeting.
“Is it because of Luca Windsor? He’s the one that was with you on the dance floor, wasn’t he? Are you seeing him?”
I grit my teeth for a moment as I try to decide how to answer him. “Didn’t you see the women I was with? They’re Luca’s sister and sister-in-law. Do you really think they’d be left fully unattended?”
Somehow, I don’t want to hide our marriage right now. It’s petty, but I want Ben to know that I ended up marrying a man far better than he could ever hope to be, but if I provoke him in that manner, he’ll just have the last laugh when we divorce. It isn’t worth it.
He looks away for a moment and nods, as though that makes perfect sense. I suppose it’s too hard for him to even imagine Luca and me truly being together. It makes me feel far more bitter than it should.
“I want you back,” he says, his voice soft. “I was young and foolish, and I didn’t realize what I had. I know I don’t deserve it, but there’s nothing I won’t do for another chance with you.”
I frown at him, irritated. “Dating you was, and always will be, one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.”
I’m on the verge of telling him I’m married, but if anyone found out about us now, it’d hurt my chances. Nepotism is all fine when it’s Stephen and his son, but it’d be a different story if anyone found out about Luca and me.
“Would you give me another chance if I walk away from this job? All I’m asking for is dinner. Just give me one evening with you.”
A startled laugh escapes my lips, and his eyes widen in surprise. “You pompous entitled ass,” I tell him, my anger overflowing. “The fact that you think you stand a chance at getting this job when I’m your opponent means you don’t know me at all. I don’t need you to walk away because you pose no real threat to me, you self-righteous, condescending asshole.”
I didn’t think that I’d have so much clarity when facing him, and I wish I’d been this decisive last night. It’s true that he reminds me of the reasons I’m no longer looking for love, but it isn’t because I have feelings for him. It’s because he reminds me of the inevitable pain that comes with opening your heart up to someone.
I roll my eyes as I rise to my feet. “I never want to speak about this again,” I warn him. “You and I are done, and it’ll remain that way.” I feel his gaze on me as I walk out, but for the first time since we broke up, I feel a sense of closure.
