ACE
I watched her silently as she stood frozen in her place. With her turquoise eyes wide in shock, her lips parted. Color drained from her face the moment those words left my mouth. The truth I had been hiding in the deepest corner of my memories. The ugliest and darkest truth of my life I never wanted to reveal before her.
She kept quiet. Unbearable silence echoed throughout the hall. Other than shock and disbelief, I couldn’t read a single emotion on her beautiful face.
I inhaled deep. The same ominous feeling rose in my chest again, choking me in its vicious grip. Clenching my fists, I ignored the pain that shot through my heart.
“Emerald,” her name snuck out as a whisper through my lips. “Say something.”
She didn’t. She just stood there, staring at me with tears glistening in her eyes.
I turned away from her. Deep, labored breathing came out of me. My hands shook at my sides. The pain in my heart only soared high, it physically hurt.
I knew it. I knew she was going to hate me. After knowing what a monster I was, she could never love me the way she did. She could never stay with a murderer. A murderer who killed his own father.
I clutched my chest, trying not to fall apart or destroy something. This fear, this fear of losing her didn’t let me sleep for years. Once I let her go because I didn’t deserve her time and love. I let go of her not only because I was a drug addict and I didn’t think I had a future, but also because I knew my past wouldn’t let me live freely so easily. It’d follow me everywhere I go. A monster like me didn’t deserve a flower like her.
But I was too selfish to stay away for long. Her absence in my life was ruining me. The thought of those turquoise eyes not looking at me with full of love and adoration, not hearing my name from her sweet angelic voice, not watching her blushing because of me, and not hearing her giggles drove me insane. It still did.
That was why I didn’t want to tell her. I decided to keep my past miles away from her so it never could be a hindrance in my path of keeping her in my life.
But… but she deserved the truth. She deserved to know everything about me before I bound her to me for the rest of our lives. I couldn’t keep her in the dark.
She promised to never let go…But who could love a murderer?
“I…” I gulped, rubbing my chest to soothe the burn. “I know you must hate me now. I know I don’t deserve you. You deserve a simple—” I took a deep breath, to even think of her being with another man made my blood boil, “—man. A simple man with a simple life. Not a man with a tainted past. Not a man who killed his father and was a drug addict. But…I love you, Rosebud.” I clenched my fists, trying my best not to pull her into the cage of my arms and lock her there forever. So she couldn’t leave me.
I wouldn’t survive without her.
“I’m too selfish to let you go. I can’t function without you. I can’t…”
A pair of petite arms wrapped around my torso from behind. I felt her pressing her cheek against my back.
“I’ll not leave even if you want me to. I can never,” she said.
As if a sudden light lightening my dark insides, the pain in my chest disappeared. Replaced a feeling of desperation to hear those words again.
I turned around, cupping her cheeks. “You-you won’t leave me? You don’t hate me?”
She shook her head. Her beautiful eyes watched me with the same love and adoration they had for years. Not a trace of hate was there as I expected.
“Never. I can never hate you. Even if you were wrong, I couldn’t hate you. I’d always love you.”
I frowned in confusion. “I know I can’t let you go, but aren’t you disgusted with me? I…” I gritted my teeth. “I’m a murderer. A monster, Emerald. You don’t need to lie to me not to upset me. I can understand if you think you need time—”
“You’re not a monster.” She cut me off, her voice was firm. “Neither are you a murderer.”
I shook my head. “Maybe you didn’t hear what I said. I killed him, Emerald. His blood was on my hands.”
“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t kill him. It was an accident,” she said softly.
Taking my hands, she made me sit on the couch and placed herself on my lap. My arms pulled her closer against me instinctively.
“I can understand your dilemma, Ace. No matter how he was, he was your father. And because of that incident, you feel guilty for his death. But it’s not your fault, baby. It wasn’t your fault he died. It was an unfortunate accident. You were just trying to help your mother.”
I stared at her, utterly appalled. I just told this woman my darkest past, my crime, the deed I have been blaming myself for years, and she wasn’t still repulsed by me. Instead, she was looking into my eyes, cupping my cheeks and telling me I wasn’t at fault.
I gulped the thickness of my throat, clutching her tightly. “You really don’t hate me? You—you aren’t disgusted by me?”
She placed a delicate kiss on my forehead before peering into my soul. “Why would I if it wasn’t your fault? I can never hate you for the crime you never did. I can never feel disgusted by a man who had enough courage to stand before a gun for his mother. And you were only seventeen then. I don’t think anyone at that age has the amount of bravery you showed that night. If you hadn’t done that, you would have lost your mother to that monster. But you stopped it from happening. You saved her.”
Letting out a breath, I pulled her into me, placing my head in the crook of her neck. She ran her soft hands through my locks as I took a lungful of her sweet scent. She didn’t know what she had said. She didn’t know what favor she had done to me by saying those words. The fear of her leaving me was lesser in my heart now. My muscles relaxed as the pain in my chest slowly dissipated.
“You won’t leave me,” I whispered, more to myself than to her. I needed to hear it out loud.
Her hug tightened. “Never.”
I could feel the storm inside me calming. She won’t leave me. My Rosebud will always be with me, in my arms.
I breathed her in again, desperately held her against me tightly. And she didn’t complain.
“Stop punishing yourself for the accident that happened years ago, baby,” she murmured, rubbing my back soothingly. “I know what happened was unfortunate, but stop blaming yourself for that. I know you didn’t want to tell me about your past because you thought I’d hate you. Because you thought you were a murderer, you were guilty. But you’re not. You were just trying to snatch that gun from him so he couldn’t hurt your mom. But he didn’t let you. He was in a trance of anger and hatred. If you hadn’t stepped between him and your mom, he would’ve killed her.”
My jaw clenched at the possibility.
“It was his insistence not to leave the gun. So how was that your fault?”
“I know what I did, I did it for Mom. But that memory, Rosebud, it doesn’t leave me alone. His blood on my hands, the way his lifeless eyes stared at me after…” I clenched my fists as recollection of that night flashed over my eyes. “The thought that maybe if I handled things differently, maybe if I could do something else other than fighting him, he would be alive, our wrestling wouldn’t cause the trigger to go off. I wouldn’t have to take the burden of his death on my shoulders for years.”
“Then don’t.” Pulling away slightly, she cupped my cheek. “You don’t need to take the burden, Ace. You couldn’t have done anything else at that moment. No one could do anything at that moment. You did what you felt right. Tell me one thing.” She made me look at her turquoise eyes. “Would you do it again? Would you fight him again to save your mom if you could go back in your past?”
“Yes,” I replied, without hesitating.
A soft smile tugged at her lips. “That means you weren’t wrong. You did what was right. You saved your mother from your father. Anyone who loved their mother would do that same thing you did. That doesn’t make you a murderer. It wasn’t your fault. It was his fault that he didn’t let go of the gun. He just was too blinded by his fury. You didn’t kill him, Ace. You saved your mom.”
I just stared at her.
How did I get so lucky to have her in my life? I was thinking she would leave me once she knew everything. And here she was, providing light and warmth to my darkness. She was my sun keeping the demons of my past away.
Pain flashed through her eyes as she leaned in and wiped my cheek with her thumb. A tear I didn’t realize slipped from my eye.
Placing my forehead against her, I kissed her knuckles. “I love you, my rose. I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too,” she murmured back.
I brushed my lips against hers. “Thank you so much. You don’t know what you’ve done to me by saying those words. Thank you…for not giving up on me. For not leaving me. I don’t know what I would do if you left me.”
“And thank you for trusting me with your past.” She smiled softly.
“I wanted to tell you everything on our first date. But then, I didn’t have the courage. I thought even if you would forgive me after knowing about seven years ago, you would hate me forever if you got to know about it. So, I backed out and just told you what I thought would be right.”
“But you were clearly wrong. If I think you weren’t at fault now, I would think the same then. Maybe if you told me that night, I would have found your reasons behind pushing me away stronger. Maybe I would have forgiven you easily.”
“I’m sorry, Rosebud.” I pulled her into my chest again. “I was scared. I can tolerate anything but losing you.”
“Was it the reason behind your turning to drugs? Your guilt?”
I nodded, sighing. “No matter how bad of a person he was, I still couldn’t forget he was my father. And no matter the reason was, somehow he died because of me. I couldn’t deal with that feeling, Rosebud. After that night, Mom went into depression. She was broken. She blamed herself for his death and my status. She thought if she hadn’t reacted that way that night, if she hadn’t pulled that gun out, nothing would’ve happened. She completely pulled away from us, from life. And it just pushed me more into darkness.”
I still remembered the way I used to wait for her to return home every night. But she used to be missing for days, drinking, and staying out. It continued until she finally stopped fighting her grief and decided to leave this place, us, her past behind and go somewhere far.
Her hand ran over my chest in a small, slow circle, soothing me.
“How did Caleb take all of this?” she asked.
“At first, he was as shaken as we were. But then slowly, he got better.” My lips turned up into a sad smile. “He became the eldest among us, taking care of me when I used to be senseless with drugs and alcohol.”
“I’ll be forever grateful to him for that,” she said.
I knew she felt guilty she couldn’t be there for me when I needed her the most. Yes, I did need her the most. But I couldn’t drag her into my mess. I couldn’t taint her with my darkness. She was too pure and innocent for that.
“You know it was only because of you I didn’t lose hope.” I looked at her. “It was because of you why I tried my best to become normal again and leave drugs behind.”
She smiled, kissing my chest. “I’m glad I could help in some way.”
I sighed. “You always helped, baby. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve let my addiction consume me. You have no idea how horrible it was. There wasn’t anything I hadn’t tried. I almost overdosed once.” She gasped, shocked at my words. I squeezed her hands. “But thank God I’m out of that hell now. And all of it was because you were constantly on my mind when I was trying to get better in the rehab center.”
She hugged me closer. “I wish I could be there for you,” she whispered.
I kissed her head. “You were, baby. You were always there with me, in my heart.”
After a moment of silence, she asked, “When did you go to rehab?”
I gazed into the fireplace. “Right after you left for New York.”
She turned her head up to look at me, still not moving away from my chest. “But you were in the UK at that time for your degree…” Then realization set on her face as her eyes widened. “So, you went to the UK for rehab, and not for a degree?”
I shook my head. “No. I went there to get better. After Arthur returned, he handled the company, as Mom was always absent. Then he suggested I should go to the UK for my treatment. He had a friend who could help me. So, I did, but not to his friend, but to a renowned organization that Jonathan’s friend ran.”
She sat up straight. “Dad? He knew about your condition?”
Nodding, I tucked a strand behind her ear. “He knew everything.”
Her head tilted at the side. “Everything, as in…”
“Yes, Rosebud. He knew what happened. It was your father who helped me with everything. He kept the police away from me and used his influence to make everything look like it was a suicide.”
Her mouth hung open, eyes wide in shock. “Dad?”
“Yes. I didn’t know what to do after that… accident. I had no one to seek help from. Mom was in too much shock to do anything. So, I called your father, and he rushed over immediately. After listening to everything I had to say, he placed a hand on my shoulder and said to leave everything to him.” I said, remembering the way he reassured me like a guardian.
A guardian I never found in my father.
“I wanted to tell everything to the police, but he stopped me. He feared the media would use it against my name for their own TRP. My reputation and career would be ruined in just a day. My future was at stake. No matter how it happened, our powerful rivals were ready to jump on us. They just needed a spark to turn it into a volcano. And that mistress of my father was ready to give a statement against me. Jonathan showed it to the world as a suicide. He even shut that woman’s mouth with money. He destroyed every proof that could be used against me.”
A shaky breath left her as she took my words in.
Kissing her forehead, I pulled her tightly against me again. Even if she said she wouldn’t leave, I needed to feel her against me to assure myself she was still here. With me.
“Please don’t hate me because I didn’t tell the truth to the cops. I just didn’t know what to do, so I just did what Jonathan asked me to do.”
She shook her head. “You did the right thing. You don’t know how grateful I’m feeling to Dad for what he did. If he hadn’t done it, your rivals would definitely use it against you and your company. And without anyone there with you, you wouldn’t be able to defend yourself at that time. Don’t blame yourself for anything.”
I squeezed her hip gently. “Thank you for understanding me.”
She kissed my lips. “And thank you for letting me in, even though it was difficult for you to talk about your past.”
I pressed our foreheads together. “Anything for you, Rosebud. Anything for you.”
After that, I carried her to our bed and pulled her into me again. I felt much lighter than I ever felt. Especially now that I had my Rosebud in my arms forever. Throwing a leg over my waist, she snuggled against me. And I placed my hand on her thigh.
Then a question struck my mind. “How did you know that he didn’t commit suicide? Who told you about his murder?” Because I knew neither Caleb nor Jonathan would tell her anything about it. They even didn’t tell Tess and Tobias.
Her form stiffened. After a silence, she spoke, “Warner told me.”
I tensed. The mere name of that bastard had my blood boil. “How did he know about that? No one except me, Caleb, Mom, and your father knew about it. The officer who handled the case was loyal to your father, he wouldn’t spit a word out. And the woman died a year later in a car accident.”
Pulling away slightly, she stared at me for a moment. A small frown formed between her brows. “No one else knew about that incident?”
I shook my head. “Even if there was any proof left, I made sure to destroy it forever. There isn’t anything left.”
She went quiet again, thinking something, biting her bottom lip.
I moved my gaze from her innocent yet provocative act. “What are you thinking, Rosebud? You didn’t answer my question. How did he know about it?”
My fists clenched. How badly I regretted not finishing that insect right at that moment. It was the only right punishment for him for even thinking of harming my Rosebud. Now he dared to dig up my past!
She shrugged, hiding her face in my neck. “He didn’t like you from the beginning. He might’ve investigated you so he could use it against you and make me question our relationship.”
That bastard!
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath to calm myself down.
“Are you sure no one else knows about it? What if someone found out something, like Warner did, and will try to defame you using the media? You still have quite a number of rivals who want to take you down. And if they get to know you lied to the world not to put your future at risk, they can use it to show everyone that you hid the truth to save yourself. They can even accuse you of being a murderer and say you did it so the police wouldn’t catch you.”
I was amused how far her mind raced. Worry was thick in her voice.
“No one would do anything. They can’t because no one has any proof. Even if anyone knows what happened that night, they don’t have any evidence to prove it. They don’t have the autopsy report or the gun that had my fingerprints on it. I made sure to destroy everything, Rosebud. So don’t worry. No one can do anything.”
Letting out a sigh of relief, she finally relaxed against me. Kissing her head again, I closed my eyes.
But the glimpses of that night continued to flash behind my eyelids. Subconsciously, my grip tightened on her thigh.
Raising her hand, she ran her fingers through my head, massaging my scalp softly. “Sleep now. Everything will be all right. I’m right here with you.”
Heaving a sigh, I flipped our position and placed my head on her chest. With one arm around her waist, I placed her leg over me again.
My home.
With her soft hands running through my hair, soon darkness overtook me into a peaceful sleep I haven’t had in years.
But not before I took an oath to destroy those who wanted to take my home away from me.
Antonio was down. Now it was time to get his partner in crime out of his hole.
