I try my best to bury my head in studying.
Attending Yale has been my dream for as long as I can remember. I know others would’ve killed to get into an Ivy League college. Yet, here am I, staring blankly at the wall again and stuck in this vicious cycle I like to call hell.
In front of me, the glare of my laptop is the only light inside my room. The darkness from outside has crept in, and the sound of the rain tapping against the window is warning us of this cold, wintery night. It’s been quite the season, and having grown up in California, I desperately miss the sunshine and palm trees.
Though the wild winter storm is perhaps a reflection of my current mood—cold, uninviting, and unpredictable with its temperament. It’s what happens when a week passes with not a single call, text, or even a cheeky slide into my DMs.
My mom and sisters left last Saturday. With the girls back at school on Monday and Mom needing to be back at work, it was sad to say goodbye but part of this whole being an adult thing. Despite the distance, I manage to gain some insight as to Will’s whereabouts. Mom has casually mentioned that Dad stayed back in the city to close a deal involving Will’s company. According to Mom, things haven’t gone as planned, and Dad was really stressed. Will, on the other hand, has been working nonstop alongside Dad. It explains the absent contact, but it doesn’t erase the anger that festers as each day passes. I mean, is it that hard to send a text?
Once again, I find myself unable to make the first move out of fear of looking desperate.
By the following weekend, with barely any sleep and my brain wired from late-night cramming, I decide to plan a weekend of absolutely nothing but sleep.
That is, until Liesel jumps on my bed, ruining my peaceful Friday night.
“Get out of bed. We’re going out.”
“Out?” I stare at the window, all fogged up. “But it’s cold, and I’m tired.”
Liesel rips the sheets off, exposing my skin, making me shiver. “Okay, spill it. Who is it making you all broody and desperate?”
I sit up, folding my arms beneath my breasts. “I’m not broody and desperate!”
“Oh, really? You’re always checking your phone, and you’ve been stomping around with a chip on your shoulder. Tell me who he or she is?”
“She?”
“It’s college.” Liesel shrugs her shoulders. “Anything is possible.”
“It’s not a she,” I mumble, lowering my gaze. “And besides, have I really been that moody?”
“Well, you haven’t been a ray of sunshine.”
“It’s nothing. Like nothing.”
“Uh-huh,” Liesel drags. “Well, nothing is obviously not calling you back. So, I have a plan.”
“The last time you had a plan, I got drunk, and well…”
“In the nothing’s bed?”
“Yes, but it’s not what you think.”
“I think you fucked him. He hasn’t called back, and you’re getting all clingy.”
“Clingy?” I shout, followed but an incredulous laugh. “I haven’t called him nor given him any reason to think I’m clingy, and I’m not.”
“So then, back to my plan. There’s a party a few blocks over. I say we hit it, look hot, and post stories to make our men jealous.”
I roll my eyes at the ridiculous plan. “Firstly, I don’t have a man. I’m manless. As single as you can get. Secondly, you have a man, so why do you want to make him jealous?”
Liesel motions for me to scoot over as she lays beside me, staring at the ceiling. “Because he hasn’t called me back since I accidentally blurted ‘I love you’ in the middle of sex.”
“Oh,” I mouth with a scowl. “But did you mean I love you because the sex was great? Or I love you, love you?”
“Because it’s great… hello, it’s only been like two months. You can’t love someone that quickly.”
“I guess not…” I trail off. “But look, I’m tired, so a pass from me. You go, though. I’ll cheer you on in my sleep.”
“Fine, then,” she complains in a huff, hopping out of my bed and leaving my room.
My momentary silence is interrupted by the sound of my phone buzzing beside me. I lazily pick it up, noticing Mom’s caller ID.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, honey, just a quick hello. I’m in the city for one night.”
I sit up, pulling the blanket over my chest. “You’re in the city? As in Manhattan?”
“Yes, a very last-minute thing in which your father so graciously begged me to come. Luckily, Adriana took the girls for the night.”
A small laugh escapes my lips, reminiscing about my parents arguing over trivial matters because Dad would mention something last minute. It was comical watching Dad begging Mom because he doesn’t want to attend certain events alone.
“Typical Dad. New outfit?”
“Of course, Ava chose it at Saks online, and I picked it up this afternoon. I was going to call you earlier but only arrived around lunch and on a red-eye tomorrow.”
“You sure live an exciting life. Flying in and out for a night. Meanwhile, I’m here doing absolutely nothing.”
“If it’s any consolation, the weather is awful. I’d rather be in bed than out tonight. Luckily, I have Will and his date to keep me company if your father wanders off as usual.”
I swallow the lump inside my throat. “Oh, that’s nice he has a date. Will, the playboy, strikes again.”
“Lucky you aren’t on speaker.” Mom chuckles softly as the noise around her heightens.
“Lucky,” I grit as anger seeps through me.
“So, you’re taking it easy tonight?”
“Actually, no.” I hop out of bed and straight to my closet. I yank each dress aside, looking for my gray turtleneck knitted mini dress which hugs my curves. “Liesel invited me to a party. Just a bunch of guys we know. I wasn’t going to go, but why the hell not? I’m nineteen and shouldn’t be in bed on a Friday night, right?”
“Sounds like fun. The number of college parties your Uncle Rocky dragged me to… I lost count. I’ll say they were fun and took my mind off things when I needed some social interaction.”
“I think it’s time I date.” I rush, locating the dress while grabbing my knee-high boots to go with it. “I realize I’ve never dated before. There was Austin, and well, that’s it. I’m too young to get serious, right?”
“Everyone is different, but dating isn’t a bad thing,” Mom says without judgment. “Just have fun and stay safe.”
I hear her muffle the speaker until she says something I can’t decipher. “Your father has suddenly decided to stop paying attention to an email he’s typing on his phone.”
“Not surprised,” I retort, wondering if Will is listening at all to this conversation. Then again, why would he? He has some other pussy in the limo with him. “Tell my dear old daddy that I love him and not to worry. I don’t plan to make him a grandpa anytime soon.”
“If I repeat that, he’ll shoot the messenger, being me,” Mom confesses, followed by a small giggle. I suspect she’s had wine or champagne, either one making her tipsy at this moment. “We’re just about there, honey. Have fun tonight and let me know which college guy I can expect to call my son-in-law soon.” There’s more muffling until Mom yells out, “Would you just relax?”
“Thanks, Mom. Have fun, too.”
I hang up the call, grabbing my gray knit dress and a black one too, barging into Liesel’s room. She’s standing in front of the mirror, dressed in a black-laced bodysuit and high-waisted jeans. Liesel’s figure is amazing, and this outfit is a showstopper.
“The gray or black?”
Liesel’s eyes perk up. “Oh yes, girl! The gray. What made you change your mind?”
“I realized I need to live life. I’m young, right? This is the prime of my life.”
‘Uh-huh… and Mr. Nothing is doing what tonight?”
“Out on a date with some woman,” I confess with a slight growl.
“Oh, well, then.” Liesel sits me down, pulling my hair out of its messy bun. “We need to make you look irresistible. Mr. Nothing is going to wish he called you back.”
The music is blaring through the house, shoulders bumped together with barely any space for us to walk through. Liesel grabs my hand as we zig-zag through the crowd toward the kitchen, where apparently, the keg and other assorted drinks are served.
I couldn’t have painted the picture any better, your typical college party, which I had seen numerous times in movies on the brink of cops breaking it up at the moment. What’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like we will all go to jail.
I wave hello to a few classmates, ignoring a bunch of men eyeing me from where they congregated near the billiard table.
Liesel grabs us some drinks, passing a red cup over to me that smells like punch. Tilting her head, she motions for us to join a group we know dancing in a small circle. With the cup still in my hand, I drink it in one go, willing the punch to settle and make this night more memorable.
We dance to the music, raising our hands in the air as we sway our hips to the beat of the music. It’s just a bunch of us girls until Cash, a guy from my economics class, comes over.
“Hey, Miels,” he greets, the sentiment not lost on me. Austin alternated between calling me that and Millie, depending on his mood.
“Hey, Cash.”
“I’m surprised you came.”
“A persuasive roommate.” I laugh, poking Liesel in the arm. “So, what, no date? Or am I cramping your style?”
“You, gorgeous, could never cramp my style.” Cash winks, a devious smirk playing on his lips.
Liesel motions something I can’t seem to work out. Ignoring her sign language, which makes no sense whatsoever, Cash pulls me to the dance floor.
We dance for a while, laughing when the music turns upbeat and closing in on each other when the tunes slow. Somewhere in the middle of our dance, Liesel purposely dances beside me and whispers in my ear, “Selfie this shit and post it in your story.”
I ignore her until Cash grabs my phone and puts his arm around me, posting it to his story and tagging me. I laugh, not caring anymore who sees. What does anything matter? Austin no longer speaks to me, probably busy with Winter, or was it Summer? I can’t even remember her name. As for Will, he’s most likely between someone else’s legs right now. The thought itself burns like acid, and when my friend, Katelyn, walks past with two red cups, I grab one from her, quickly apologize, then down it in one go.
The second drink makes everything much better. I repost Cash’s story, sending it to my own. We dance for a bit longer until he suggests we go somewhere quieter. I make some excuse about Liesel needing me, knowing that Cash’s not-so-subtle butt grabs on the dance floor means he wants to take it further.
I want to have fun, and despite my earlier rant, I’m not ready to jump into bed with someone else.
The night begins to wear heavy with talks of the party shutting down soon. In a fit of giggles, Liesel and I hold onto each other to battle the cold as we walk back to our dorm room. At the beginning of the walk, our alcohol-fueled bodies were barely able to walk straight. But there’s something to said about the cold—it sobers you up pretty quickly. It must have been all the teeth chattering or the constant talking to distract ourselves from the awful chill.
Inside the foyer of our building, we stumble and laugh until Liesel holds me back, calling my name to catch my attention.
I divert my eyes to our dorm room where Will is pacing in front of our door, dressed in a tux with an angry glare as his eyes feast upon me.
“Mr. Nothing?” Liesel whispers. “Millie, he’s hot. But super angry.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I need a word with you,” he barks.
“I’m going to Jen’s room.” Liesel lets go of my arm, her gaze still fixated on Will. “Text me when you’re ready.”
Unsure of what to say or do, I manage to move closer and motion for him to get out of my way so I can open the door, all while trying to ignore how handsome he looks in his tuxedo.
“What could you possibly have to say to me?” I question abruptly.
I cross my arms beneath my chest as he closes the door behind him. Leaning on the door, he folds his arms just like me, but his gaze never shifts. The angered expression only appears to intensify when his eyes drop to the floor, then slowly drags them back up my body.
“So, Cash, is it? Is this the college guy you’re fucking?” he asks, though it comes across as more of a threat. “Oh, wait a minute, dating according to what you tell your mother?”
Shocked by his jealous accusation, I refuse to break his stare. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I had to answer to you. I’m not sure why you felt compelled to drive over here to weigh in on my personal life since, apparently, you have a date waiting for you. Let me guess, she wanted to stay the night, but you just couldn’t let her ruin your streak of one-night stands?”
“Joy was my date for an event in which I couldn’t exactly attend single.”
“Joy?” I repeat, mocking. “Now isn’t that a festive name?”
“Sounds to me like you’re jealous.”
“Being jealous would mean that I actually care, which I don’t. I don’t care who you fuck. You’re the single almost billionaire, and all the women are dying to get their hands on you.”
“And you’re the college girl all the men want to taste.”
Taken back by his comment, I pause, breaking his stare. He still hasn’t given me a reason why he’s here, yet I stand in front of him absolutely speechless. Nothing makes sense, nothing at all.
Slowly, he moves closer to me, my heart rate picking up with every step he takes. I try my best to ignore my body betraying me and my chest on the verge of exploding, but his scent, it’s like a drug, and the closer he is to me, the more I struggle to compose myself.
“I lied to your father, told him an emergency came up with a friend. I may have jeopardized a business deal because I almost yelled at a potential client. I went over and over in my head why I even care some college kid is touching you or the fact that he’s made his profile look like the two of you are together.”
“Cash is just a friend…” I mumble, defending myself.
Will purses his lips, his body only inches away from mine. “And I don’t understand why I want to tear apart any man who touches you in the slightest.”
I beg my eyes not to look up at him, falling victim to his penetrating stare.
“I guess it’s why I don’t understand when I’m told you have some new woman latched onto your arm, I feel the very same.”
His hands grip my face, his lips crashing onto mine. Letting out a moan, I drag him through the living room toward my room, throwing him onto my bed. Without a thought, I straddle him before he slides my dress above my hips and moves his fingers between us. I throw my head back, rubbing myself against him, ignoring everything else but the sound of his pants coming off.
Will doesn’t hesitate entering me whole. My body follows, riding him fast, unapologetic with my need to come right here, right now. I don’t care if I’m labeled selfish. His body is an addiction I can’t seem to stop, no matter how fucked-up this all is.
He begs me again to ride it out together, and moments later, we moan in harmony, allowing our bodies to succumb to the intense orgasm we both experienced.
Our shallow breaths echo inside the room as he pulls my neck down, our foreheads touching while he still remains inside me.
“You didn’t call,” I state, rather than ask.
“Neither did you.”
“I don’t know what any of this means.”
He kisses my lips, pushing deep. Undoubtedly, he’s hard again. “What do you want it to mean?”
“I don’t know,” I falter, out of breath. “My parents can never find out. It will end badly if they do.”
He stops his movements, tracing his fingers along my lips. “Then we keep us a secret. No one has to know but us.”
“A forbidden affair…” I whisper.
With a devious smirk, he moves his hand beneath my dress and into my bra. His fingers tweak my nipple, causing me to gasp. “Our dirty little secret. No one has to know, but I do have one request.”
“What is it?”
“It’s only me,” he mouths softly. “Only I can touch you like this.”
I groan at his touch, his request to be exclusive not even a second thought. Unless, of course, he still wants to be with other women.
“But what about you?”
He pauses, his eyes tracing the tip of his finger as it glides down my body. With a steady gait, his tongue runs across his bottom lip seductively.
“Trust me, baby,” he confesses with a lowered voice. “There’s no one else I want to be inside of beside you.”
And with the truth unveiled, I gaze at the man who has consumed me whole.
We’re about to start something dangerous, something which can jeopardize everything we have.
Or maybe it’s too late. The second I walked into his office, the tell-tale signs were there.
I just chose to ignore it.
And ignorance can only get you so far in life.
