Falling in love with someone can change your life entirely.
I’ve always observed others around me, admired my parents for their journey toward everlasting love and the trials, tribulations, and heartache they faced at times when their love for each other was tested. But no matter what, love won in the end.
Lex and Charlie Edwards are soulmates, best friends—two people with a love story to rival Romeo and Juliet.
At the beginning of senior year, I remember a time when Kate told me the story of her and Uncle Noah. They started off as friends, and throughout time, their feelings for each other developed into love. Both of them denied this, of course, which led to them ending their friendship to go their separate ways.
Uncle Noah married Morgan, Jessa’s mom, until that ended unpleasantly. At the time I sought advice from Kate, I was scared to jump into a relationship with Austin because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Kate encouraged me to take the leap, and I guess her own happily ever after came from exactly that—taking the risk on love.
It’s not like I don’t like Morgan. She has always been polite and is a very beautiful woman, but she’s not Kate. When I’m in the presence of Uncle Noah and Kate, there’s this chemistry between them. Even to this day, you can actually see how best of friends they are, and out of all the couples I know, they are always the ones to make each other laugh. They’re both perfect for each other, but then again, each couple I know who has lasted the distance, has their own unique bond, a bond that has stood the test of time.
And I was naïve to think that my love for Austin could ever truly compare to how I feel about Will. It’s like nothing matters when I’m with Will, yet in the same breath, nothing else matters when I’m not in his presence.
No matter what I do, he’s on my mind and all over me as if I’m breathing him in.
Sex has become an addiction, my body falling mercy to his touch. I’ve never experienced intimacy to where nothing is off-limits. When we’re alone, we continually raise the bar with our naughty rendezvous, and frankly, Will is insatiable.
When I stay over at his apartment, I never get any sleep. In fact, we do nothing but fuck nonstop, which neither one of us ever complains. Our differences in schedules mean we need to be creative with our efforts. I try to visit the city whenever I have no classes, and on rare occasions, Will visits me in my dorm room. A few times, we meet at restaurants and end up fucking inside the car at some abandoned parking lot.
It’s only a matter of time before life pulls us in even more directions. Will’s travel schedule becomes hectic. He’s constantly flying in and out of New York, then to add to that, he’s caught up in meetings, and our conversations become text messages more than actual voice calls.
With spring break not too far away, I try to stay on top of my schoolwork but find myself distracted and fall ill with the flu.
“God, Millie, you sound like you’re dying,” Liesel complains, eyeing all the medicine on my bedside table while bringing me a glass of water. “There’s this weird strain of the flu going around. I read somewhere that people are worried it’ll be a pandemic or something.”
My insides hurt, a cold shiver spreading throughout my body. I ask her to bring me another blanket, but not long after, I break out into a cold sweat and remove everything, lying here in only my bra and panties.
“It’s just a cold. I’ll get over it.”
My phone begins to buzz beside me, raising it to my eyes. I see Will’s name and answer it, a cough escaping me.
“You sound awful,” Will says, concerned. “I can’t even see you. I’m in Houston again and won’t be back for another week. After this, I fly to Seattle.”
“I’ll be okay, one more night’s rest,” I croak, then blow my nose into a tissue. “Besides, how exactly will you make me feel better? In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m physically out of order.”
Will laughs through the receiver. “My poor baby, but you do have a point. Okay, listen, I need to step into the boardroom now, but I love you. Please get better.”
“Love you too.”
The one night’s rest I had so desperately needed turning into pure hell. I tossed and turned, coughing relentlessly. My sinuses were clogged up, followed by a fever spiking. There was no relief the next day, forcing me to stay in bed and miss classes.
Ava calls to tell me Will texted her, worried. She told Mom about me being sick. Everyone is worried, but what little does that matter when I sit here all alone. Not long after Ava told Mom, she calls me.
“Do you need me to fly over? You sound awful?”
“Mom, I have the flu. I can handle taking care of myself. I’m not a kid anymore,” I say rudely, willing my head to stop spinning.
“I never said you were a kid. You’re sick, and there’s a strain of the flu going around sending people to the hospital. I’m worried about you.”
“And I’m telling you that I’m a big girl. I’ll get better.”
Annoyed that she treats me like a child, I make some excuse for needing to go. If truth be told, we rarely speak these days. Between Will, schoolwork, and now this stupid flu, I try to avoid her because it eases my conscience.
But like anything in life, avoidance will only get you so far.
That afternoon, Liesel took me to the ER when my fever spiked. They placed me on an IV overnight, sending me home the next day with more antibiotics. I chose to keep my visit to the hospital hidden from my family and Will, not wanting anyone to fuss over me like some kid.
It took me a few days to feel a bit better, but the exhaustion still weighed heavily on my shoulders. I’d lost weight, only now beginning to feel a little energy as my appetite picks up. It’s probably for the best that Will is still away, given that I have zero interest in sex.
“You look much better.” Liesel smiles, sitting beside me on the sofa. “Enough so that you can visit your man tonight when he returns and have all the sex I wish I were having.”
I chuckle softly, followed by a small cough. “As much as I’d love to do that, I have a meeting in fifteen minutes with my academic advisor. I suspect he wants to discuss the extra credits I’m working toward and maybe advancing some of my courses.”
“Good luck,” she calls, hopping off the couch. “If you’re not here for dinner, I’ll assume your vagina has other ideas.”
“Miss Edwards,” Professor Daniels greets as I close the door behind me. “We need to discuss your class load.”
I take a seat, placing my bag beside me. “Is it about my extra credits? As you know, I’m hoping to graduate early.”
Professor Daniels removes his glasses, cleaning them before putting them back on again. “I’m afraid that’s not going to happen. You’re falling behind with the workload.”
My shoulders tense as I shake my head in confusion. “I don’t understand. I’ve been sick this past week, but I’ve caught up on everything.”
“Well, frankly, your grades were excellent at the beginning of the first semester, and then they began to fall. Understandably, there’s an adjustment period. What I’m suggesting is that you drop some classes.”
“I can’t do that,” I state, raising my voice unwillingly. “My mom took the same class load.”
“I don’t believe we can measure against what someone else does, Miss Edwards.”
“I’ll do anything,” I plea, trying to hold back my emotions. “Just tell me what I need to do?”
Professor Daniels suggests I drop a class so I catch up, but I continue to shake my head, refusing to do so. I didn’t dream of coming to Yale only to fail. What would my parents think? So, I’ve been distracted by Will. If I focus again, I’m certain everything will improve. All I need to do is spend more time in the library and less time in Will’s bed.
I beg Professor Daniels to offer some other solutions, and we spend the next hour going through everything. The bottom line is that I need to focus on school. End of story.
Back in the dorm room, Liesel brings out the vodka—her solution to life’s problems. I kindly refuse, letting out a sigh as to how exactly I’m going to juggle it all. With my planner resting in my lap, I flick the pages aimlessly. I can say goodbye to spring break, the plans to stay with Will and our weekend away at The Hamptons.
“It’s just a hurdle. So, you’ll study harder, and besides, you’ve had the flu.”
“Yes, I know.” I nod, though not convincingly.
It’s times like this where I wish I can call Mom, desperate to hear her wisdom at a time when I feel helpless and lost. But again, I’ve distanced myself enough that calling her for advice would only raise suspicion.
“And so what if you’ve been moody?” Liesel adds, watching me cautiously. “I’d have thought all the hot sex would negate that?”
“Hot sex? It’s been close to two weeks since I last saw Will.”
“Hmm… that explains the mood.”
“I could blame PMS?”
Liesel nods with a knowing grin. “That’s right. We’re flow buddies. By the way, I stole some of your tampons since I ran out.”
My shoulders shake as I chuckle at her admission. Liesel is no different from Ava. “That’s fine. I’ll pick some up when I need them.”
“Wait, you don’t have them? I thought we were in sync?”
“We’re in sync,” I point out, eyeing the assignment to-do list written in my planner. “I’m just sick, so probably just late.”
“But aren’t you on the pill?”
“Yes,” I drag, watching Liesel’s eyebrows draw together with concern.
“You do use other protection with Will, right?”
Inside my throat, a giant lump begins to form. I scratch at my knee to distract the panic rising within me. “No, but I take the pill every day.”
“Every day?”
I nod. “Every day.”
“Same time?”
“Well, not always the exact same time.”
Liesel lets out a heavy sigh. “How late are we talking?”
I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I’ve been late before, it’s not unusual. Though, I wasn’t fucking my brains out when that occurred. I try to suppress the panic rising to the surface. Grabbing my purse, I fumble for my pill packet, retrieving it to see the white pills almost finished—the very last one sitting inside the little circled packaging.
I hold it up for Liesel to see. She bites her lip, rubbing her face with worry.
“I think you should do a pregnancy test.”
I jump to my feet, pacing the area between us. “I can’t do that. So, I’m four days late? Big deal.”
Liesel does her best to calm me down, but the panic in her expression makes it difficult for me to ignore.
“You’re right, you’ve been sick, so maybe your body is just going through the motions. But better to clear the thoughts and find out for sure.”
The thought of this even happening numbs me to the core. I’m nineteen. I have my whole life ahead of me. I recall Mom’s story about Nikki and Rocky and how they struggled for so many years. I guess, for them, they had each other, so it worked out. But I know my chances of Will staying with me are slim. He’s never once mentioned starting a family or kids. From conversations I’ve heard from Aunt Nikki and Mom, he has zero desire for any of that.
And if he does, it will be out of obligation, not because he wants to start a family with someone who’s only nineteen.
My head beings to spin, forcing me to sit down as I bury it between my legs.
“I can go get it for you. We can do it together.”
I throw my hands up in the air, my chest tightening. “I don’t want to know just yet… I can’t do this anymore, Liesel. I can continue to lie to my parents, fail college, and be in love with a man in which we don’t have a future together. It’s against all odds.”
At that very moment, my phone begins to vibrate with Mom’s caller ID on the screen. I hit reject, unable to speak to her.
“It’s hard. I get it.”
“No, Liesel, it’s almost impossible to keep going. And now what, I’m supposedly pregnant too? This is so fucked up.”
My breathing begins to falter as I fall sideways, curling up into a fetal position as if it’ll protect me. Liesel lies beside me, holding onto me tight. “You need to talk to him. You can’t go through this alone.”
I shake my head. “And what? Freak him out, too. Never in his wildest dreams will he think to have a child with a nineteen-year-old. You don’t understand, Will has all these amazing things happening for him. Everything he has worked for his whole life is coming to fruition. I can’t be the one to ruin this for him because I was lazy in taking my pill at the same time each day.”
“Yeah, but I’m sure, never in his wildest dreams did he expect to fall in love with someone who has been there all along. Will isn’t a man you picked up on the street. He’s family. That type of connection runs deep. He won’t hurt you, Millie. Besides, he’s old enough to be able to take care of you. Imagine if it were Austin? You’d both be screwed.”
Maybe Liesel has a point, and maybe she doesn’t. But for now, I feel alone.
And perhaps this is the trouble with love. At the best of times, it’s wondrous and core-shaking. Yet, at the worst of times, it can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world.
“Millie,” Liesel murmurs beside me. “You can’t pretend this isn’t happening. Let’s get this over and done with, and chances are, we’re both overreacting.”
An hour later, while I continued to lay on the sofa completely numb, Liesel returns with the test. I beg her to stay with me in the bathroom, and with shaky hands, I grab the stick from her and follow her directions. I nervously pee, then hand the stick back to her as she places it on the vanity.
I flush the toilet and step away, unable to look or even breathe.
Every second that passes is painfully slow.
“Millie,” Liesel breathes uneven and shaky.
Clenching my fists while hyperventilating in the small bathroom, my body tremors to the point I think I’ve stopped breathing.
Liesel holds up the stick, and my eyes scan to see one blue line.
That means not pregnant, right?
But there, beneath the one line I thought would be my saving grace, is another very faint blue line.
So faint but unavoidable.
“You’re pregnant.”
