Post-Finale Confessional Transcript
Connor Prince: Well. Felicity Chen. Here we are.
Fizzy Chen: Here we are.
Connor: How are you feeling?
Fizzy: I’m feeling like I was driven across town to film a confessional in this trailer when I should have been driven to your house to film our first sex tape.
Connor: [laughs] I mean about tonight, the finale, and the revelation of our score, you muppet.
Fizzy: Oh, it was the best night of my life. The surprises, the celebration with everyone onstage, the after-party.
Connor: God, there are going to be some horrendous hangovers tomorrow.
Fizzy: Tex was drinking beer out of his hat.
Connor: I don’t think Nick ever found his shoes.
Fizzy: Yes, well, some poor choices were made, but not by us.
Connor: Indeed. Our night is only going to get better.
Fizzy: Promise?
Connor: Oh, I promise.
Fizzy: In that case, I think it’s fitting that our score falls in the category of Titanium Matches. [winks at the camera]
Connor: I believe that’s an erection joke and I’m going to move on.
Fizzy: You always assume I’m being dirty. Maybe it was just a joke about the strength of our bond.
Connor: Was it?
Fizzy: No, it was an erection joke.
Connor: You are ensuring that this footage never sees the light of day, aren’t you?
Fizzy: When were you going to show this anyway? The finale was live!
Connor: I presume there will be demand for a follow-up or reunion episode of some sort. Brenna said “trending” and “viral” about seven hundred times tonight.
Fizzy: Okay, then just edit my boner joke out with bleeps and eggplant emojis; what’s so hard?
Connor: Ah, note to self to add a cymbal crash there.
Fizzy: See, I didn’t even mean to make that pun! You’re as bad as I am.
Connor: Maybe that’s why this is true love.
Fizzy: I think with a score of eighty-eight, there are a lot of reasons why this is true love.
Connor: Why don’t you come over here and show me one?
[Editor’s note: Minutes three to twenty-seven have been intentionally cut from footage.]
Connor: Right. We’ll cut that.
Fizzy: You’ve got lipstick on your… just there.
Connor: Ah. Cheers. All right. Where were we?
Fizzy: True love.
Connor: True love.
Fizzy: Our happily ever after.
Connor: The one thing you promise your readers when they pick up one of your books. You know more about the importance of an HEA than most everyone watching this.
Fizzy: You know, it makes me a little sad that all these people watched the show, they wanted us together, and they won’t be able to see it play out. Our future is going to be amazing. [looks at the camera] I am not volunteering for another reality show, Blaine.
Connor: Well, you could tell the viewers all about it right now.
Fizzy: All about our happily ever after?
Connor: Sure. What’s it look like, do you reckon?
Fizzy: Oh, wow. Okay, well, we wrap this up and go back to my place, where we don’t leave the bed for a full twenty-four hours.
Connor: I like this future already.
Fizzy: We spend next week with friends and family. Isaac enjoys his prize money, and I choose you to go with me to Fiji.
Connor: Not sure that’s going to fly with the North Star executives.
Fizzy: Technically, I get to choose who I’m taking.
Connor: I don’t doubt your ability to argue your case with Blaine.
Fizzy: When we get back, it’s better than we could have ever imagined. People give us our privacy and we take a couple months off before beginning prep on the second season.
Connor: We?
Fizzy: I’m your new co-producer, don’t you know?
Connor: Ah. Noted.
Fizzy: You cosplay as Luke Skywalker at Comic-Con and I’m your Yoda backpack.
Connor: A dream come true for me to carry you around in a dense, sweaty crowd.
Fizzy: We move in together next summer.
Connor: When it feels right, I ask Stevie how she would feel about having a fellow Wonderland stan for a stepmother.
Fizzy: I accept your proposal before the question is even out of your mouth.
Connor: Our wedding is the best party ever thrown.
Fizzy: Debauchery is my brand.
Connor: And every day of my life from this point forward, I will be able to sincerely say I love and cherish you with every fiber of my being.
Fizzy: Jesus Christ that’s swoony. Can we get started on this future now?
Connor: Yes, my darling. We can.
