I HAVE BEEN WORKING in the library for a full week. I like being around Miss Sullivan again. And I have nearly forgotten all about Josh Miller and the seat he was saving for me. Forgotten everything except for those eyes, that is.
I’m nice and safe in this little corner of the world. It’s like a break from life. I realize quickly I actually love shelving the books, putting things back in the proper order. Everything has a place—a right way to be. Here, I don’t have to worry about who I am or if I’m being it right. No one bothers me, not even myself.
“You’re a very hard person to find, you know that?” someone says, suddenly very close to me.
I turn around. I almost can’t believe it. It’s him. Josh. And his eyes, looking at me. He leans against the bookshelf and smiles. I didn’t realize how tall he was when we were sitting together, and that day in the hall I guess I was too crazed to realize much at all. To realize how irresistible he is when he stands in front of me like this. We’re so close to each other, tucked away in this quiet aisle; it’s like there’s no one else in the entire world. Still, I take a small step toward him because it’s like he’s some kind of magnet, and I can’t not move closer.
“You were trying to find me?” I ask.
“Well, I’ve been saving that seat for you, and people were starting to look at me funny.” He grins, that small lopsided smile again. “I kinda started thinking you were never coming back.” He looks around the library and then at the stack of books in my arms. “I guess I was right?”
“I didn’t think you were serious about that.” I feel my grasp on the books tighten as my heart begins to speed up.
“Why don’t people ever think I’m being serious?” he asks with a laugh.
Maybe because you look like that, I want to say. Maybe because you always have that ridiculously charming smile on your face. Maybe people don’t want to take you seriously because then you’re real. Then you’re not just Number 12. Or maybe that’s just me. “I don’t know,” I tell him instead.
“Well, I was.”
And we just stand there staring at each other.
Finally he says, turning his head at me suspiciously, “Do you not like me or something?”
“No,” I tell him right away. “I mean, not no. I mean I do. I mean, I don’t not like you.”
“Okay. I think,” he says, laughing. “Well, now that that’s all cleared up. I was thinking maybe we should do something sometime?”
“Like what?” I ask.
“Like what?” he repeats. He grins that grin of his again. “Oh, I don’t know, I thought we’d knock over a couple of ATMs, do a little vandalism, steal some identities, and then head for the border. Carrying illegal substances, of course.” He laughs. “Or we could get really crazy and go see a movie. Possibly even eat at a restaurant.”
I can’t help but smile.
“Is that a yes?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I tell him. “Maybe.”
He looks at me more seriously now. “What, do you have a boyfriend or something?”
“No.”
We just stand there, saying nothing.
“All right,” he finally says with an exhale. “I guess, let me know then.”
As I watch him walk away, God, I wish I would’ve just said yes. I step out from the aisle to see if I can still catch him. But just as he walks out the door, I see Amanda standing there at one of the shelves, absently touching the spines of books. She’s looking back and forth between me and Josh. This time I glare at her. Pretending she doesn’t see me, she pulls a book and starts randomly thumbing the pages.
