I stare up at the house as I try to gather the courage to go in. I shouldn’t have let Hannah’s words rattle me, but I did. She got to me, because she’s right.
I knew exactly what I was doing when I chose to take her place. Had I stayed away, Grandma Anne would no doubt have given Hannah yet another chance. I was selfish and took a risk. Did I make the wrong choice?
I inhale deeply and steel myself as I walk into the house. I’m scared to face Ares, knowing there’s a chance I’ll find some truth in her words if I confront him. I feel like I’ve built a house of cards, and at any moment, everything will come crashing down on me.
“Raven?” Ares looks at me with clear concern in his eyes.
“You’re home late today. I’ve been calling you. Where have you been?”
I force a smile and shake my head. “I’ve just been working late, that’s all.” I hesitate. “I’ve got a headache, Ares. I’m heading to bed.”
He walks up to me and grabs my shoulders, holding me in place as his gaze roams over my face. My heart starts to ache when he gently brushes my hair out of my face. Is any of this real? Is he pretending because he thinks it’s the right thing to do? Am I just an obligation to him?
I bite down on my lip harshly, but I can’t hold back my tears. I look away as a tear drops down my cheek. I expected Ares to panic, or to demand an explanation for my agony, but he just takes me into his arms and threads his hand into my hair. I burst into tears in earnest and bury my face against his neck.
Sobs tear through my throat, and he tightens his grip on me, as though he’s trying to hold me together when I fail to do so myself.
“You’re breaking my heart, Cupcake. I’m immune to everyone’s tears but yours. You’ve got me ready to fall to my knees and beg you to tell me what I can do to make it all better.”
I shake my head, unsure of what to say. Even if I tried, I doubt the words would come out. How do I explain that a thousand fears have consumed me? How do I explain that guilt unlike anything I’ve ever felt before is nipping at my soul, and despite that, I’d do it all over again if it means having this with him?
Ares leans down and lifts me into his arms, his steps resounding through the hallway as he carries me to our bedroom. He sits down at the edge of the bed and keeps me in his lap as he moves his hand over my back soothingly. It all just makes my heart break even further.
“Raven,” he whispers, sounding pained.
I sit up in his lap and wipe away my tears as best as I can. I can’t keep hiding. I can’t keep drowning in my pain — not if it’s of Hannah’s making.
“Hannah came to my office today.”
He tenses and locks his jaw, his expression unreadable.
“Ares… did you… d-did you give her my wedding ring?”
His eyes widen, and he cups my cheeks tenderly. “Baby,” he whispers. “I swear to you that it’s nothing like what you might be thinking. She asked for it, and I gave it to her because I didn’t want it to continuously remind you of her. And to be honest, Rave, I didn’t want to hang onto something like that. I sent her mine too. I have no need for either of them.”
He strokes my cheek with the back of his fingers, his gaze pleading, as though he needs me to believe him.
“It kills me,” I whisper. I reach for him and trail a finger over his temple, too scared to ask the questions I need answers to. “The guilt, the pain. It’s all too much, Ares. Did I make the wrong decision? Does a small part of you despise me for walking down that aisle instead of staying away? Do you resent me for standing between Hannah and you?”
He opens his mouth to answer, but I place my index finger against his lips, silencing him. “Don’t,” I whisper. “I don’t have the courage to listen to your answers, Ares. I’d rather let my fears eat me alive than hear you confirm Hannah’s insinuations. I don’t think I can survive hearing you say that a small part of you still loves her. I’m scared that you’ll pity me and you’ll tell me everything I want to hear without meaning a single word. I’m scared that everything between us truly is just a duty for you. I won’t survive you discarding me for her.”
I let my finger fall away, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks as I do so. Ares sighs and grabs my wrists, his grip tight as he pushes them behind my back. “Are you done speaking, my love? I fucking hope so, because it’s my turn.”
My eyes widen, and he smiles despite the traces of heartache in his eyes.
“You, Raven Windsor, are the single most unexpected yet best thing that has ever happened to me. I wasn’t truly living before you. You drive me fucking insane in the very best way. You make me laugh every single day, and you, my beautiful wife, make me feel things I’ve never felt before. I thought I knew what love was, you know? I thought it meant compromise, selflessness and patience. Now I know better. True love is maddening, all-consuming, and it’s fucking selfish, Rave. It’s impatience and counting down the minutes until you get home. It’s being petty about all the men sliding into your DMs and it’s fucking you raw on our brand-new sofa because I need you with an intensity that extends beyond the physical. It’s decorating our home together and actually caring about the details, because I want our home to be ours. It’s arguing with you when I normally would’ve let things go, simply because when it’s you, I actually care about every single little fucking thing. That, Mrs. Windsor, is love. Or at least, I think it is, because how else would you define the way I feel? You’re everything I didn’t realize I needed, and now that I’ve had you, I can’t go back to a life before you. Not ever. No matter what.”
I stare at him speechlessly, and he smirks. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I didn’t see it coming either, but here we are, baby. You and me. It’s just you and me in this marriage, Raven. There’s no space for anyone else, so stop letting her in. I know it hurts, and I know you love her. It isn’t easy to figure out how to keep her in our lives when each time we see her, we’re confronted with a past we both wish didn’t exist. I feel the same guilt you’re feeling, but it isn’t ours to carry. You and I have done nothing wrong, you hear me?”
I nod and wrap my arms around his neck, my words caught in my throat. He has no idea how long I’ve been wanting to hear these words, or how much they mean to me.
Another tear runs down my cheek, and Ares catches it with his thumb. He cups my face and leans in, his lips brushing over mine gently, softly, his kiss conveying every single word he just spoke.
