I blew into Honky Tonk under a full head of steam. I hadn’t slept last night. Not after that phone call with Naomi. The woman was a stubborn nightmare. She didn’t care that I was trying to do what was best for her.
She didn’t want to see it from my perspective. Quitting a good job just because she got her feelings hurt was a stupid fucking reason to turn her back on cash.
And I was going to tell her that.
Instead of the usual greetings from the kitchen staff I got a couple of furtive glances, and suddenly everyone was too busy with what they were doing to even acknowledge me.
Everyone needed to get their heads out of their asses and get over it.
I pushed through the doors into the bar and found Naomi leaning over a table in the corner, laughing at something her mom was saying. Lou and Amanda were there for the drinks portion of their weekly date night.
I knew it had nothing to do with supporting my business and everything to do with showing their support for their daughter.
The rest of her section was already full. Because she drew people to her.
Knockemout had welcomed her just as it had me and my brother all those years ago. If she thought she was going to leave me behind, she was about to be disappointed.
A long, denim-clad leg kicked out in front of me, blocking my path.
“Whoa, cowboy. You look like you’re about to murder someone.”
“I don’t have time for games, Lina,” I told her. “Then stop playing them.”
“I’m not the one playing. I fucking told her just like I told you how it was going to go. It went the way I said. She’s got no right to be pissed at me.”
“You ever think about telling her the real reason why you are the way you are?” she asked, lifting a glass of what I had a feeling was my private stock of bourbon.
“What are you talking about?” I asked evenly.
She rolled her neck like she was warming up for a fight. “Listen, Knox. Women have this sixth sense when we’re being served up half-truths.”
“You got a point?”
Naomi left her table with a little wave and was headed to the next one, a four-top full of bikers.
“She knows there’s more to it than what you’re sharing. I knew it. And I’d be willing to bet every woman in between knew it too. We’re suckers for a wounded man. We think we can be the one you’ll let in. The one who’ll magically fix you with our love.”
“Come on, Lina.”
“I’m serious. But you just keep pushing all of us away. And I think that’s because you don’t want to acknowledge your truth.”
“You sound like a fucking TV therapist.”
“Bottom line, my friend. Naomi deserves your truth. Even if it’s ugly.
She’s not going to forgive you and ‘get over it,’ as you so eloquently put it, unless you’re straight with her. I think you owe it to her.”
“I really don’t like you right now,” I told her.
She grinned. “And I don’t really care.” She polished off her drink and set the empty on the bar. “I’ll see you later. Try not to fuck it up even more.”
It was with those words ringing in my ears that I rounded the bar and caught Naomi at the POS.
She hadn’t seen me yet. So I stood there looking my fill, my body tense with the need to touch her. Her face was flushed. Her hair was styled in sexy waves. She was back in one of those damn jean skirts. This one looked new and even shorter than the others. She wore cowboy boots and a long-sleeved Honky Tonk V-neck. She looked like every man’s fantasy.
She looked like my fantasy.
“Need to talk to you,” I said.
She jolted when I spoke, then looked me up and down before turning away.
I grabbed her arm. “That’s not a request.”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I have seven tables, boss. I’m busy. It’s my last night. There’s nothing that needs to be said.”
“You’re wrong, Daisy. It’s not your last night, and there’s a lot I need you to hear.”
We were close. Too close. My senses were full of her. Her scent, the velvet softness of her skin, the sound of her voice. It all went straight to my gut.
She felt it too. The attraction hadn’t simply vanished because I’d called it quits. If anything, the last week spent without her made me want her even more.
I fucking missed waking up next to her. Missed seeing her at Liza’s table.
Missed walking Waylay to the bus stop. Missed the way I felt when Naomi kissed me like she couldn’t help herself.
The music from the speakers kicked over to a lively country anthem, and the bar cheered.
“I’m busy, Viking. If you drag me out of here, you’re only hurting your own profit margins.”
I clenched my jaw. “Get your tables sorted. You’re on break in fifteen. My office.”
“Yeah, okay,” she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
“If you’re not in my office in fifteen, I will come out here, throw you over my shoulder, and carry your ass back there.” I leaned in closer, almost close enough to kiss her. “And there is no way that skirt of yours is up for that.”
I felt her shiver against me when my lips brushed her ear.
“Fifteen minutes, Naomi,” I said and left her standing there.
SIXTEEN MINUTES LATER, I was alone in my office and royally pissed. I yanked the door open so hard the hinges rattled. When I hit the bar, Naomi’s head came up at the service bar like a doe sensing danger.
I went straight for her.
Those eyes went wide when she read my intention.
“Warned you,” I told her as she took a step back and then another.
“Don’t you dare, Knox!”
I caught her by the arm and bent at the waist. She was up over my shoulder in less than a second. It was like a record scratch. The bar went completely silent except for Darius Rucker on the speakers.
“Max, run those drinks,” I said, nodding at Naomi’s tray.
Naomi squirmed, trying to right herself, but I wasn’t having any of it. I gave her a hard slap on the ass, catching denim, cotton, and bare skin.
The bar erupted into pandemonium.
Naomi squeaked and reached for the hem of her skirt.
She was wearing the underwear I bought her, and I knew that as frosty as she’d been, she fucking missed me.
“Everyone can see my underwear!” she yelped.
I laid my palm over her ass. “Better?”
“I am going to slap you so hard your head spins around,” she threatened as I marched us out of the bar and toward my office.
By the time I hit the code on the door, she’d stopped fighting me and hung upside down with her arms crossed in what I could only assume was a pout.
I hated to take my hands off her. I wished there was a way to get through this without letting her go. But I wasn’t a great conversationalist under normal circumstances, and when I had an aching dick, I was even worse.
I grabbed her by the hips and let her slide down my body until her toes hit the floor. For a moment, we stood there, pressed against each other like we were one. And for just a second, as she looked into my eyes with her palms pressed flat on my chest, everything felt right.
Then she was pushing away from me and stepping back.
“What the hell do you want from me, Knox? You said you didn’t want to be together. We’re not together. I’m not following you around, begging for another chance. I respected your wishes.”
I was worried she’d get the wrong answer if she looked below my belt, so I steered her to the chair behind my desk.
“Sit.”
She glared at me for a full thirty seconds with her arms crossed before giving in. “Fine,” she said, flopping down in my chair. But the distance didn’t make me feel better. I was starting to realize the only thing that did was being close to her.
“You keep saying you want one thing and then acting like you want something completely different,” she said.
“I know.”
That shut her up.
I needed to move, so I paced in front of the desk, needing to keep something between us.
“There’s something you don’t know.”
Her fingers drummed on her arms. “You gonna enlighten me anytime soon, or do I have to kiss all those tips out there good-bye?”
I shoved my hands through my hair, scraped one down over my beard. I felt sweaty and twitchy. “Don’t rush me, okay?”
“I am not going to miss working for you,” she said.
“Fuck. Naomi. Just give me a second. I don’t talk about this shit to anyone. Okay?”
“Why start now?” She stood up.
“You met my father.” I blurted out the words.
Slowly, she sank back into the chair.
I started pacing again. “At the shelter,” I said.
“Oh my God. Duke,” she said. The realization hit her. “You cut his hair. You introduced us.”
I hadn’t introduced them. Naomi had introduced herself.
“When my mom died, he didn’t deal. He started drinking. Stopped going to work. Got busted for a DUI. That’s when Liza and Pop took us in. They were grieving too. For them, being around me and Nash wasn’t some painful reminder of what they lost. But for my father… He couldn’t even look at us.
The drinking continued here. Right here at the bar before it was Honky Tonk.”
Maybe that’s why I bought it. Why I’d felt compelled to turn it into something better.
“When the alcohol stopped numbing him, he went looking for something harder.”
So many memories I’d thought I’d buried came rushing back.
Dad with bloodshot eyes, scratches and scabs all on his arms. Bruises and cuts he didn’t remember on his face.
Dad curled on the floor of the kitchen, screaming about bugs.
Dad unresponsive on Nash’s bed, an empty bottle of pills next to him.
I chanced a glance up at her. Naomi was sitting stock still, eyes wide and sad. It was better than the frosty indifference.
“He was in and out of rehab half a dozen times before my grandparents kicked him out.” I shoved my hand through my hair and gripped the back of my neck.
Naomi didn’t say anything.
“He never got his shit together. Never tried. Nash and I weren’t enough of a reason for him to hang on. We lost my mom, but she didn’t choose to leave us.” I swallowed hard. “Dad? He chose. He abandoned us. He wakes up every day and makes the same choice.”
She blew out a shaky breath, and I saw tears in her eyes.
“Don’t,” I warned her.
She gave a little nod and blinked them back. I turned away from her, determined to get it all said.
“Liza J and Pop did their best to make it okay for us. We had Lucian. We had school. We had dogs and the creek. It took a few years, but it was good.
We were okay. We were living our lives. And then Pop had a heart attack.
Keeled over fixing the downspout on the back of the house. Dead before he hit the ground.”
I heard the chair move, and a second later, Naomi’s arms came around my waist. She didn’t say anything, just pressed herself against my back and held on. I let her. It was selfish, but I wanted the comfort of her body against mine.
I took a breath to fight off the tightness in my chest. “It was like losing them all over again. So much useless fucking loss. It was too much for Liza J.
She broke down and cried in front of the casket. This silent, never-ending well of tears as she stood over the man she’d loved for her entire life. I’ve never felt more helpless in my entire goddamn existence. She shuttered the lodge. Drew the curtains to keep the light out. She stopped living.”
Once again, I hadn’t been enough to make someone I loved want to go on.
“Those curtains stayed closed until you,” I whispered.
I felt her hitch against me, heard a ragged breath.
“Fuck, Naomi. I told you not to cry.”
“I’m not crying,” she sniffled.
I dragged her around to my front. Tears streaked her beautiful face. Her lower lip trembled.
“That’s in my blood. My dad. Liza J. They couldn’t deal. They lost themselves, and everything around them spiraled out of control. I come from that. I can’t afford to give up like that. I already have people who depend on me. Hell, some days it feels like this whole damn town needs something from me. I can’t put myself in a position where I’ll let them all down.”
She let out a slow, shaky breath. “I can see how you’d feel that way,” she said finally.
“Don’t feel sorry for me.” I squeezed her arms.
She swiped a hand under her eyes. “I’m not feeling sorry for you. I’m wondering how you’re not a larger teeming mess of trauma and insecurities. You and your brother should be very proud of yourselves.”
I snorted, then gave in to the urge to pull her into me. I rested my chin on the top of her head.
“I’m sorry, Naomi. But I don’t know how to be different.”
She stilled against me, then tilted her head back to look at me. “Wow. Knox Morgan just said he was sorry.”
“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it.”
Her face crumpled, and I realized what a stupid fucking thing it was to say.
“Shit. I’m sorry, baby. I’m an asshole.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, sniffing heroically.
I looked around my office. But I was a man. I didn’t keep a box of tissues handy. “Here,” I said, maneuvering us toward the couch where my gym bag sat. I yanked a t-shirt out of it and used it to mop up the tears that were ripping me to shreds inside. The fact that she let me made them a little easier to handle.
“Knox?”
“Yeah, Daze?”
“I hope someday you meet the woman who makes it all worth it.”
I nudged her chin up. “Baby, I don’t think you get it. If it wasn’t you and Way, it’s never gonna be anybody.”
“That’s really sweet and really messed up at the same time,” she whispered.
“I know.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Thanks for listening.”
I felt…different. Lighter somehow, as if I’d managed to throw open my own curtains or some shit like that.
“We good?” I asked, threading my fingers through her hair and tucking it behind her ears. “Or do you still hate me?”
“Well, I hate you a whole lot less than when I started my shift.”
My lips quirked. “Does this mean you’d be willing to stay on? Customers love you. Staff loves you. And the boss is pretty damn fond of you.”
I was more than fond of her. Holding her like this. Talking to her like this. Something was happening in my chest, and it felt like fireworks.
She pressed her lips together and brought her hands to my chest. “Knox,”
she said.
I shook my head. “I know. It’s not fair to ask you to hang around when I can’t be what you deserve.”
“I don’t think my heart is safe around you.”
“Naomi, the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
She closed her eyes. “I know that. I get it. But I don’t know how to protect myself from the hope.”
I nudged her chin up. “Look at me.”
She did as I told her.
“Talk.”
She rolled her eyes. “I mean, look at us, Knox. We both know this is going nowhere, yet we’re still literally entwined.”
God, I loved that fancy vocabulary of hers.
“I’ll be able to remind myself for a while that you can’t be with me. But sooner or later, I’m going to start forgetting. Because you’re you. And you want to take care of everybody and everything. You’ll buy Waylay a dress that she loves. Or my mom will talk you into golfing with her on the weekends. Or you’ll bring me coffee when I most need it again. Or you’ll punch my ex in the face again. And I’ll forget. And I’ll fall all over again.”
“What do you want me to do?” I asked, gathering her against me again. “I can’t be who you want me to be. But I can’t let you go.”
She cupped a hand to my cheek and stared up at me with something that looked a hell of a lot like love. “Unfortunately, Viking, those are your only two choices. Someone once told me in this very room that it doesn’t matter how shitty the options are. It’s still a choice.”
“I think that guy also told you that there’s a man out there who knew on his best day he was never gonna be good enough for you.”
She gave me a squeeze and then started to slide out of my grip. “I need to get back out there.”
It went against every instinct I had to let her go, but I did it anyway. I felt strange. Open, exposed, raw. But also better. She’d forgiven me. I’d shown her who I really was, what I came from, and she’d accepted it all.
“Any chance I could get my dog back?” I asked.
She gave me a sad smile. “That’s between you and Waylay. I think maybe she could use an apology from you too. She’s with Liza tonight.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Naomi?”
She stopped at the door and looked back.
“Do you think if we would have carried on…I mean. If we hadn’t called it off, is it possible that you would have…” I couldn’t get the words out. They clogged my throat and closed it up.
“Yeah,” she said with a sad smile that had my insides churning.
“Yeah, what?” I pressed.
“I would have loved you.”
“How do you know?” I demanded, my voice a rasp.
“Because I already do, dummy.”
And with that, she walked out of my office.
