I am so Goddamn bored.
I wander through the cabin restlessly, picking things up and putting them back down again. There’s nothing for me to do. It’s been over a week since the last storm, so I’ve spent the last eight days at work, giving private ski lessons. Today is my day off, though, and everyone else is too busy to hang out. Riven’s working. Cole is outside the barn, skinning some game a hunter brought him. Daisy’s painting.
My feet take me through the corridor to her door. Daisy’s left it open, so I lean in the doorframe and watch her. She’s painting a woman sitting at a dresser, pinning up her hair. The reference photo her client sent in is clipped to the top of the canvas, and she checks it over and over as she works. The painting’s obviously not done yet, but even half-finished, I can’t help admiring how realistic it is. You can practically feel the soft texture of the woman’s skin.
Daisy reaches for a clean brush, executing a little twirl. She’s dancing around as she works, shaking her hips to some crappy pop song playing over the radio. Her hair is pulled back in a bandana, and she’s got pink paint smeared on her cheek.
It’s cute as fuck.
She’s been with us almost two weeks, now, and it’s been heaven. There’s been a lot of sex. A lot. Morning sex, midnight sex, afternoon-quickies-before-work sex. It’s more than fucking, though; I just like being around her. I like having someone to come home to. We hang out all the time, cooking, playing games, watching movies. Most nights, we spend hours talking, letting the hours go by. I’ll say it now; I have a massive crush on the girl. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her. I’m seriously considering bribing the mechanic to break her car again.
As I watch, her phone bleeps. She puts down the brush and picks it up, checking the notification. Her shoulders droop as she reads.
Well, we can’t have that.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
She jumps out of her skin. “Jesus, Eli! You scared the shit out of me!”
“Sorry, Tink. What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just a text.” She puts her phone in her pocket and smiles up at me. My heart patters in my chest. I can’t handle the way she looks at me. There’s so much softness and fondness in her eyes. “Did you need something?”
“Attention.”
She laughs, crossing the room into my open arms. I kiss her, long and deep. She makes a soft sound, dragging her hands down from my shoulders to my biceps. I make sure to flex, so she gets the full experience of feeling me up, and she hums appreciatively. Her fingers trace over my tattoo.
“What was it like in prison?”
I feel like I shut down. I suddenly can’t smile anymore. I can barely breathe.
I guess it must show on my face, because she looks stricken. “Sorry. Sorry, that was nosy. You don’t have to tell me if it’s hard.”
“No.” I frown. “No, it’s fine. I can talk about it.” I hate how I sound like I’m trying to convince myself.
She curls a hand around the back of my neck. “I don’t want you to, if it’ll hurt,” she says quietly. My stomach bottoms out, looking into those melted brown eyes.
I remember what she said when I first told her about my prison time. Whatever you did, it can’t have been that bad, because you’re not a bad person. This girl, who had known me for literally three days at this point, believed me. I’d known Riven and Cole almost two decades, and they didn’t believe me. My parents didn’t believe me. A whole fucking jury, and a prison full of staff, and every person I met afterwards didn’t believe me.
But she did. She saw right through me. If there’s anybody I can talk about this with, it’s her.
I clear my throat. “It was okay. Better than most other countries, I guess. Scandinavia is known for their prisons being humane.”
“Humane is a pretty low bar,” she points out drily.
“There was some violence, some drugs, but overall, it was a nice prison, I guess. But I was still… you know. Imprisoned.” I rub my tightening chest. “I spent a lot of the time alone. I didn’t have anyone who could come and see me. My parents cut me off. Riven and Cole were both mad at me. So I was just… alone.” Fuck. Fuck. I hate thinking about this. My heart is battering out of my ribs. “It was hardest on, like, my birthday, and Christmas, and shit. The other guys would get visitors. These were guys who had fucking drug empires and forty-year-long sentences. They blackmailed mules and sold drugs to minors. Their parents would still come. They had girlfriends, friends, siblings. No one ever came to see me. It—” I have to stop talking to swallow. My mouth is dry. “I don’t know. Being locked up in a cell and then left by everyone who loved me, when I did nothing wrong—it hurt pretty bad. Took me a while to get over it.”
I’m not sure I have, completely. How can you trust anyone to really love you, after that?
Daisy doesn’t say anything. I turn to look at her. Her big brown eyes are shining.
“Oh, baby. Don’t cry—”
“That must have fucking killed you,” she whispers. “It’s the worst thing someone could possibly do to you.”
I don’t deny it. “It happened. I can’t get that time back. All I can do is get over it and move forward.”
She wraps her arms around my neck and tips her face up to kiss me. She’s so short, even on tip-toe, she’s practically strangling me. I wrap a forearm round her waist and pull her into me. As our chests crush together, my eyes widen. I pull back, suddenly feeling a lot brighter.
“You’re not wearing a bra.”
Her eyes twinkle. “And risk getting paint on it? They’re expensive, you know.”
I growl and spin her in my arms, so her ass is pressing up against my hardening cock. She happily grinds back into me as I tug the neck of her shirt down, letting her full, heavy tits fall free. I cup one in each hand, squeezing softly. God, she’s so, so soft. I run my thumbs lightly over her nipples, keeping my touch feather-light and teasing. She moans, arching into me, trying to get some more pressure. Dipping to kiss her shoulder, I start to roll her nipples between my fingers. She gasps, sagging.
“I don’t think I want to talk anymore.” I mumble into her skin. “What do you want? My fingers?” I tug one of her nipples hard, making her cry out. Her hips buck against me, and my cock twitches at the friction.
“My mouth?” I continue, trailing my lips down the side of her throat. She tips her neck back, giving me better access, and I press a hot kiss right over her pulse point.
“Or my cock?” I grind into her ass again, rubbing up against her.
She lolls her head back on my shoulder, looking up at me with glassy eyes. “Why choose? You’ve got all three, haven’t you?”
I smile, sliding one hand down her stomach and under the waistband of her little shorts, running my fingers over her lacy panties. They’re already damp and warm. She sighs as I stroke her through her underwear, tension melting out of her muscles.
I unbutton her shorts, helping her step out of them, then hook a finger under her panties and tug them down her thighs. She goes to kick them away, but I grab them, scrunching them up in a little ball of wet lace. “I can keep these, yeah?” I stick them in my pocket before she can argue, then resume playing with her, parting her pussy lips with my fingers. She’s so wet that my fingers glide slickly across the hot, delicate skin.
She hisses as I nudge her clit with the side of my thumb, very gently. “Oh!” She bucks in my arms. “Please!”
“Please what?”
She wriggles. “Touch me. Properly.”
I lick the pad of my thumb, then start drawing it in slow circles across her clit. She shivers all over, and I watch a pink flush climb over her soft, white tits. I reach up with my free hand to palm one, feeling her heart hammer away in her chest. “That feel good?” I murmur in her ear, increasing the pressure slightly. She squeezes her thighs together and just moans.
My thumb still working, I start dancing my fingertips around the edges of her pussy, swirling over the sensitive skin. When she bucks again, I slowly begin to tease my fingertips in and out of her, keeping my touch light and tickly, until she’s squirming. I have to squeeze my eyes shut as her firm, tight ass rubs up against me. I’m painfully hard, and hearing her moan and cry out is not helping.
“Oh God. Put them in,” she orders. “Now!”
Outside in the hallway, I hear Riven start talking. He’s using his doctor’s voice, so he must be on the phone. I tut. “That sounds important. You should be quiet. I’m sure his patient doesn’t want to hear you getting fucked.”
She twists and gets my shirt between her teeth, biting down on it. Even with a mouth full of cotton, she still can’t stop gasping as I slide my fingers into her. She’s burning hot and sopping wet inside. Her pussy squeezes around me.
She cries out as I increase my thumb’s pressure on her clit, squirming desperately. “I can’t, I can’t Eli—”
“No?”
“No,” she practically sobs. Her clit pulses underneath my thumb.
“If you can’t come quietly,” I offer, not slowing my pace, “maybe you should just hold it in.”
“No, no, I can’t—”
I put my mouth right by her ear. “If you hold it off,” I promise, “I’ll switch out my fingers for my cock.”
“If you don’t get me off, I’ll punch you in the cock,” she growls, but I can feel that she’s trying to slow herself down. Her hands grasp weakly in my shirt. I press an open-mouthed kiss to her throat, smile, and curl my fingers, massaging her G-spot.
It’s cruel, really. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t stop the explosion. She falls apart against me, burying her face in my shoulder and shaking completely silently as I finger-fuck her through the orgasm. It just keeps hitting her in waves. Every time I think she’s done coming, her walls ripple around my fingers again, and she just keeps shuddering.
Eventually, the orgasm finally fades away. We both stand in the middle of her paintings, panting. She flops back against me, shivering and shivering.
There’s a creak in the doorway. We both look up to see Riv standing there, watching. He runs his eyes all over Daisy as she blinks back to reality.
Aching, I slowly pull my fingers out, trailing her wetness up between her lips, swirling it over her clit until she shudders. She holds out a hand to Riven as I suck off my fingers. “Wanna join?”
He clears his throat, shifting his weight uncomfortably. “As much as I’d like to, I have an emergency appointment in Kiruna. Do either of you feel like coming to town for a few hours?”
We both hesitate. My cock is throbbing. My balls are aching so bad I’m in actual, physical pain. Every cell in my body is begging me to just grab Daisy, flip her over, and plunge myself into her. But it’s been ages since we went to town. I know Daisy wants to get out. I don’t want her getting bored of us and leaving.
Anyway, I’m a big fan of delayed gratification.
I push her hair behind her ears. “Let’s do it. Assuming my cock doesn’t die and fall off while we’re out there, we can get back to this later.”
“Get your clothes back on, then,” Riv says, his voice a little hoarse. “We’re leaving in five.” He heads down the hall. I catch him subtly adjusting his pants as he leaves.
Daisy sighs. I dip to press a quick kiss to her pretty pink nipple. “I’ll miss you,” I whisper, tucking her boob back into her shirt. “See you soon.”
“You’re so dumb,” she mumbles, leaning against me.
“You noticed!”
Cole disappears as soon as we park up in Kiruna, to do whatever it is Cole does. I take Daisy’s hand and lead her through the streets, showing her all the places Riven, Cole and I used to go when we were growing up. I point out the cafe we went to after school. The park we played football in. The library we spent endless hot, sleepy afternoons in, curled up under the radiators as we tried to do our homework. She listens to everything with stars in her eyes.
“It’s so cute that you all knew each other back then. I wish I could’ve seen you all as kids.”
I shrug. “We were pretty much the same. Riv was a bit less serious. Although he did used to yell at me for running with scissors or not tying my laces, shit like that. Cole was just as grumpy and quiet as he is today. He was the shyest kid I ever met.”
She tilts her head to the side, her long braid swinging. “I never thought of him as shy,” she says thoughtfully.
“That’s because he’s a big muscly man, now. But back then, he was just a skinny kid with dirty clothes and an attitude problem. He didn’t live in town, he was from one of the Sami settlements. Joined our class in third grade.”
“Is he native?”
“Yep. That’s how he knows how to make things with wood and leather. And why he makes a good ranger. He grew up around the reindeer herds.”
“Huh. There’s so much I don’t know about you guys.”
We pass a lingerie shop I never noticed before. Normally I would walk right by, but today, something in the window catches my eye. In between all of the inhumanly skinny mannequins modelling bras and panties, there’s one, right in the middle, dressed in a peach-coloured silk slip embroidered with tiny white daisies.
I can’t help but imagine it on her. The pale fabric would just melt over her soft skin. It would cling to the curves of her tits and hips, and the hem would probably just graze the bottom of her perky little asscheeks.
I realise I’ve been staring at it too long when she nudges me in the ribs. “Do you wanna try it on?” She drawls.
“As pretty as I would look in it—” I glance back at the window. “Do you like it? The middle one?”
“It’s gorgeous.”
I grab her hand and tug her inside. The bell jingles as we step into the small shop. I lead her right to the rack. “Pick your size.”
She laughs. “Eli, I’m trying to save to fix my car, I’m not spending money on lingerie.”
“It’s a gift, baby.”
She frowns. “I don’t want anything from you. You’re already giving me a free place to live, for God’s sake. I’ll never be able to pay you back, as is.”
“Trust me.” I slide a hand up the back of her coat. Her skin is burning hot under all the insulating layers. “I will definitely be benefiting from this gift. If anything, it’s a present to me.”
“And Riven?”
“Maybe. If I feel like sharing you tonight.”
She pops up and presses a kiss to my Adam’s Apple. “Thank you, then. Let’s do it.”
I pay for the slip, insisting they put it in their fanciest gift wrap, then we step back outside into the snow. As the door swings shut, I spot Cole and Riven crunching towards us. Cole looks pointedly at the shopfront.
“Eli’s experimenting with his look,” Daisy explains. “I was just helping him find his bra size.”
I kiss her ear. She’s wearing tiny, sparkly little earrings shaped like stars. Maybe I should buy her some earrings, too. I wonder if I could get away without her noticing.
“Are you shopping?” Riven asks, eyeing the bag. “Do you need more clothes?”
“We’re going to have some fun tonight,” Daisy says sweetly. “Eli wants to finish what he started.”
His eyes darken. He clears his throat. “Well, then. Ah. Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
“We can get some food before we head back home. What do you feel like?”
“I vote pizza,” I chime in.
“You always vote pizza,” Riv mumbles.
Daisy glances across at Cole. “What about you, Cole? What do you want?”
Cole doesn’t say anything. Which isn’t particularly unusual; he’s not exactly the chattiest man. “Cole,” I prompt. “Daisy asked where you wanna eat.”
He still doesn’t answer. I turn to look at him. He’s staring grimly at something across the street. I follow his gaze, and my stomach bottoms out.
No. No way. It’s not possible.
Our ex-girlfriend, Johanna, is standing just a few metres away, studying the window display of a sports shop. I guess I must have killed a bunch of kittens or something in a past life, because just as I’m staring at her, she glances up at me, her pale blue eyes meeting mine. Recognition sparks in her face. She starts making her way over. I have to fight the urge to just grab Daisy and run.
“Johanna,” Riven says calmly, as she steps up to us. Her blonde hair is a bit longer, and there are few more lines on her face, but for the most part, she looks exactly the same as the last time I saw her, in the courtroom.
“Riven. Cole.” She doesn’t even bother acknowledging me.
I dated this woman for two years. I’ve been inside her hundreds of times. But she looks right through me as if I’m not even here.
Which is fine. I’m used to it.
My heart feels like it’s bursting out of my chest.
Her eyes fall on Daisy, tucked between us. “Wow. You’re still doing this, then?”
“We don’t want to talk to you,” Cole mutters.
“There’s no need to be rude,” she says coolly, turning to Daisy. “How’s it working out? Have they moved you in, yet?”
Daisy just blinks back at her, not understanding. “Um. Förlåt. I don’t speak Swedish.”
Johanna’s pink lips part in surprise. “A foreigner? You’re shipping them in from overseas, now?”
Riven moves to step in front of Daisy. “Don’t talk to her,” he barks. “What are you even doing up here?”
Johanna blinks. “Oh. We’re just on a little visit home.”
“We?”
She nods, looking over her shoulder. “Rickard!” She calls. “Come over here and say hello!”
A little kid with white-blonde hair unsticks himself from a shop window and runs toward us, stumbling a bit in the snow.
“Hello,” he says cheerfully, pulling up next to his mum. “Who are you?”
All of the colour drops out of Cole’s face. He actually takes a step backwards, staggering back in the snow. My heart twists for him.
Johanna starts messing with the kid’s hair. “These are some old friends. They knew you when you were a baby. This is Riven, and Cole, and—well, Eli, I guess you never met Rickard before, did you? You were still in jail.”
I feel like I’ve been slapped. Riven sucks in a deep breath. Cole’s hand clenches into a fist. Daisy looks between us all, clearly confused.
Johanna smiles blandly. “Good to see they let you out.”
I swear to God, my vision goes dark at the edges. My ears fill with static. All of a sudden, I can’t do this shit anymore. I can’t. Dropping Daisy’s hand, I turn on my heel and walk away, pulling out my phone to call a taxi.
I don’t even register the drive. It’s like I black out. My brain just switches off. The next thing I know, I’m at the rental desk at the slopes, bargaining with my coworker Carolina.
“I need to rent equipment,” I tell her gruffly. I’m leaning on the counter, shaking and sweaty. It feels like my heart is whirring out of my chest. I knock my fist to my sternum, trying to get it to slow the fuck down.
She looks over me, concerned. “Eli, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I push my hair back with a trembling hand. “I need equipment,” I repeat.
“Honey, what you need is to sit down. You look like you’re gonna pass out.” She reaches for my shoulders to push me into a chair, but I just shake her hands away.
“Give. Me. The. Equipment,” I bite out. “Now, for fuck’s sake!”
Her eyes widen. I’m not surprised. I never talk to anyone like that. I’m gonna feel like such a dick tomorrow, but right now, I’m just not feeling very fucking charming. I feel like my head is about to explode.
She checks out some equipment for me, and I head up on the gondola, navigating to our hardest double-black diamond. No one else is up here. I ski over to the start of the trail and look down. The slope is steep; almost a direct vertical drop right down the mountain. Trees line either side, narrowing the path, and a sharp cliff’s edge drops off at the end.
I pull down my goggles. Time slows down. My chest tightens. I can hear my own shaky breaths in my ears. Carolina was probably right; I shouldn’t be doing this right now. I’m not in the right headspace. My reaction time will be all screwed up. I should go do a few easier trails until I’ve calmed down.
But right now, I don’t give a fuck. I push myself off the edge, flying into the air, then feel myself start to fall.
