Miss Sokolov,
I know you hate it when I call you that, but I need the distance right now so I can write this.
The first time I met you, I thought you were just another spoilt mafia princess, but I found you to be a tough bean. You didn’t let anyone tell you what to do and you stood up for yourself. You didn’t stop there and made it your mission to help those weaker than you, even if it meant going against people with more influence than you.
Here’s the thing—I didn’t plan to get close or to learn about you as much as I have. My sole mission at the time was to use Nikolai’s intel to keep an eye on my uncle’s movements from afar.
At one point, that mission started to blur. At one point, the only reason I looked forward to new days wasn’t my grand revenge plan, but you.
The more time I spent with you, the harder you tore at my armor and engraved yourself deeper inside. The more I saw, the blurrier my purpose became, the more insignificant I felt. Watching you go after your goals without hesitation made me question my whole fucking existence, and I hated that feeling.
That was part of the reason I left. I woke up one morning and realized you didn’t need me anymore. That you never have. You’re too individualistic and independent, and having me by your side would’ve only hindered your master plan in the brotherhood.
I’m not saying leaving was the best decision I’ve made. It was probably the worst, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized just how much you’re an integral part of my life. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have returned hell-bent on making you mine.
It didn’t matter how much you fought, Princess. I’d already gone over a thousand scenarios where you would be forced to marry me. My plan considering Rolan would’ve worked even if I didn’t become Igor’s son, but I chose that option just so you’d be my wife.
Since then, I’ve been making one move after another with the sole purpose of forcing you to stay with me.
You became an obsession without whom I can’t breathe or think. It crossed my mind that my actions were wrong, but I couldn’t stop, because that would mean losing you again, and I couldn’t afford that.
Switching the pills was another method to tie you to me so you wouldn’t leave. I know that was wrong, but the thought of wrong or right didn’t cross my mind at the beginning.
I realized I reached the point of no return, and while hearing you say you’d get rid of our child hurt, I completely understand your decision. I’ve forced you enough, so I won’t do it anymore. If you want an abortion, I respect that.
My godfather used to tell me I can be a danger to those I love, and I just had an epiphany, finally figuring out what his words mean. I don’t care about people in general, but when I do care, I become obsessive, toxic, and over the top. I’m not apologetic about it, because, in my mind, I’m doing the right thing.
It wasn’t until I saw you this morning that I realized just how dangerous I am to you. I hurt you, and there are no excuses for it. Last night, I decided to leave, and that’s why I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. Every time I said I would, I remembered that it was the last chance I’d get to have you so close, so I kept going and going until you passed out.
That’s why I need to stop.
Years ago, when I became overprotective of Godfather, I ended up hurting him and the woman he loved. So now I’m stopping before I hurt you more than I already have.
I’ll kill Rolan and leave. Maybe go back to England. Maybe join a few of my colleagues in the various missions in the Middle East. Who knows? As long as there’s adrenaline, I’ll be fine.
I have no doubt that you’ll do great whether Sergei lives or dies. You have more balls than most of the men in the brotherhood, and it’s their loss if they don’t see it.
Don’t look for me. You won’t find me.
Thank you for making me feel like a man, not a shadow, even if you were forced into marrying me.
P.S. Kirill is only threatening you with Reina because he knows you found out Aleksander is a woman. He’ll be out for your blood unless you use your recent friendship with her to change his mind.
Live well, Princess.
Kyle Fitzpatrick
