Having each snagged a candle to light our way, I led Gunnar to my bedroom. The pause gave me just enough time to rationalize the last few hours.
I theoretically knew I should be nervous with the way this night was progressing, but I couldn’t seem to conjure up an ounce of anxiety or concern. Perhaps I was overly naïve or blinded by a flood of endorphins; either way, this felt right.
The man knew how to kiss. He could play me like a dream. He pulled reactions and feelings from me I hadn’t even known were possible. And believe me, I’d spent years and thousands of dollars cultivating a vibrator collection worthy of its own museum.
Despite all we’d done, I was still a virgin. At this point, I could probably ask him to put his clothes on and send him on his way, both of us satisfied with the evening’s events.
But I didn’t want to. I wanted this man—this funny, attractive man who made me food and played my body to perfection.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t had offers over the years. A few guys had asked me out; fewer still had made it to a second date. Only one had ever interested me enough to make it to date number three, though any attraction between us had died following a dinner date that went sour.
Some might think I was picky, but I’d spent a lifetime learning to love my curvaceous, beautiful body, and I didn’t need anyone convincing me otherwise. I was fabulous—utterly incredible, and no man, especially not a man I was considering letting into my life, had the right to tell me otherwise.
I led Gunnar to my bedroom, shuffling to a halt at the foot of my bed. I set the hurricane glass on the bedroom bench, the battered wood from my grandmother’s hope chest catching the warm, flickering candlelight. Outside, the rage of the storm had passed. While rain continued to fall, the violence of the thunder had retreated to a rumble in the far distance, the sound comforting rather than electrified.
Gunnar placed the second candle holder on my bedside table, glancing around the room.
I tried to see the design through his eyes, wondering what he thought of the white walls and soft pastel furnishings. I’d gone for a feminine, beach, boho feel. Wood and glass mixed with soft fabrics, plants, and meaningful knickknacks to make the room both comfortable and cozy.
‘You a designer?” he asked, lifting a photo that sat on my bedside table.
‘No, I just like pretty things.’
In contrast to the elegant, feminine energy, Gunnar dominated the space. His raw masculinity in no way diminished by the overtly female palette.
He returned the photo frame to its place. ‘Looks real nice.’
My heart skipped just a little, pleased by his praise. ‘It’s not very big. But I try to make sure every room has a personality. A different feel.’
‘And this one is a warm hug?” he asked, walking around, fingers brushing the scarves I’d hung beside the window.
‘I guess that’s as good a description as any.’
He pulled one long scarf free, running the silk across his palm. He turned to me, a thoughtful expression on his face.
‘Have you ever thought about how you want your first time to go?’
My breath caught in my throat, my pulse jumping.
Only a million times.
As a young girl, I’d imagined a wedding followed by a night of sweet kisses—fairytales didn’t generally reveal what happened after the clock struck twelve. As a teen, I’d imagined hot kisses leading to a rose-covered bed or a clashing of mouths so passionate we’d only make it as far as the backseat of a car. As an adult, I’d fantasized about one-night stands and men with whom I’d form immediate connections. They’d whisk me away to their hotel room, showering me with passion. Once, I’d even considered attending a sex club in the city, of offering myself up to whoever wanted me. I’d be blindfolded, letting myself be taken by the person my mind created rather than subjected to the disappointment of reality.
‘Yes,’ I finally whispered, my heart thumping loudly in my ears.
‘And?’ Gunnar asked, pulling the silk across his palm again. His movements were slow, deliberate, almost hypnotic. If one could be jealous of an inanimate object, I loathed the scarf in his hands.
His naked body glowed in the candlelight, shadows dancing lovingly across the planes of his chest. ‘What did you imagine?’
I shivered, hugging one arm around my middle. ‘A hundred different scenarios.”
‘Which one is your favorite?’ He dragged the silk lazily again, the fabric shimmering in the candlelight.
‘My dating history was… less than stellar,’ I admitted softly. ‘For a long time, I assumed I wouldn’t find someone who wanted me as much as I wanted them.’
‘Then you found me.’
I chuckled. ‘Yeah.’
‘Go on,’ he encouraged.
I licked at my dry lips. ‘My favorite involves being tied up and blindfolded. I never knew who he would be, just that he wanted me, wanted to take me.’
Gunnar gripped the silk in his fist. ‘He’d tie you up?’ His question sounded choked, guttural, raw.
I shivered. ‘And blindfold me. He’d give me pleasure, then take my virginity,” I whispered my deepest fantasy to him. His cock jumped, his eyes darkening at my admission.
‘You want that?’
I hesitated.
Did I still want that? Was my fantasy of being taken by a faceless man, one only focused on my pleasure, still what I wanted?
No.
I shook my head slowly. ‘No, not tonight.’
He raised an eyebrow in question.
‘I want you to give me pleasure.’ I shed the kimono. ‘I’m okay with you tying me up.’ I slid one strap of the nightgown off my shoulder. ‘But I want to watch your face. I want to see your enjoyment.’ I slipped the other strap off, pulling the dress over my head and tossing it away.
Naked and trembling with anticipation, desire, and a little fear, I stood before him in all my fat, curvy, gorgeousness.
He made a sound unlike any I’d ever heard, and my heart dropped into my stomach, fear overriding everything. Not fear of him—never fear of him. No, this was fear of rejection.
‘Get on the bed.’
I dipped my head, fighting a smile. Following his order, I settled on my back amidst the throw pillows and positioned myself in the middle of the mattress.
‘Hands up,” Gunnar barked, stalking toward the bed.
I slowly raised my hands, running them over the soft skin of my thighs, dragging fingers across the curves of my stomach, up to briefly cup my breasts. I rolled my thumbs over my nipples, pleasure sparking at both the tease of my fingers and his look of barely contained desire.
‘Up. Now!” he ordered, reaching for my hands.
I complied, lifting my arms and holding them above my head. He placed a knee on the bed, leaning over me to wrap the scarf around my wrists.
‘You say no, I’ll stop,” he promised, threading the scarf into a decadent cuff. ‘You pull on this,’ he placed an end in the palm of my left hand. ‘The knot will fall apart. The first rule is to trust you are always safe.’ He pressed a kiss to my wrist. ‘You feel safe, baby?’
I nodded, unable to answer, thanks to my heart relocating to my throat.
Silly heart. He’s here for the night, not forever.
‘Good.’ He stepped back, his gaze caressing the shape of me. He reached down, lazily fisting his cock. ‘Spread your thighs, Ella.’
I slowly dragged my legs open, watching as Gunnar’s expression changed. The naked desire there shifted, growing hungrier, needier.
‘Like this?’ I spread wider, revealing myself to him fully.
‘Fuck,’ the word tore from him, almost violent in its intensity. ‘Stay there.’
He rounded the bed, dropping to his knees. Reaching across, he hooked his arms under my knees and hauled me over to the edge. I let out a squeal as his head dropped to my crotch, his lips and tongue playing cross my seam.
‘Oh, God.’ I arched against his mouth as his tongue dipped, sweeping across my clit. The scarf pulled against my wrists, reminding me of my helplessness as I shifted restlessly.
‘Good girl,’ he murmured, pulling back slightly to press a kiss to my thigh. ‘I got you, Ella.’
His mouth returned, and he played me like an expert musician. A slow set of circles, a slight suction, a finger pressed just so. I sighed in pleasure, moaning, eyelids drifting shut as he built me up, again and again, never letting me tip over the edge.
‘Please,’ I begged, my body writhing under his mouth. ‘Gunnar—’
He chuckled against me, the vibrations hitting my core. With a tiny shift he pressed a finger against my entrance as his tongue worked my clit in a pattern designed to drive me crazy.
‘Gunnar!’ I gasped his name, hips arching as I crashed into my orgasm. I fell apart, my body shuddering and quaking until I was left limb with spent need.
Gunnar shifted, resting his chin on my abdomen. Drowsily I blinked my eyes, peeking at him from beneath lowered lashes. I loved the smile that pulled at his lips, the contentment that settled in the lines of his face. He looked—satisfied. Happy.
‘Hey,’ he murmured, his tone gentle. ‘You good?’
‘Joyfully perfect.’ I stretched, the scarf pulling at my wrists. ‘Oh. I’m still—’
‘I got you.’ Gunnar pushed up, crawling slowly up the bed, dragging lazy kisses across the dips and planes of my body. He hesitated his fingers on the scarf. ‘You want me to let you go, or are you ready for more?’
I shivered, bumps rising across my skin. ‘More?’
‘Mhmm. We’re just getting started.’ He reached down to slip naughty fingers between my legs. ‘You feel ready.’
I whimpered as he played, pleasure shimmering up my spine.
‘You ready for me to be inside you, baby?’ He nipped at my collar bone as one of his hands cupped my breast, thumb grazing across my nipple.
‘Yes,’ I breathed, arching into his touch. ‘Yes.’
He chuckled. ‘You sure? You ready for me to fill this tight cunt?’ His fingers pressed deeper, eliciting an exquisite sense of stretched fullness.
I squirmed, reaching down to grasp his cock in my hand. He grunted, eyes hovering at half-mast.
‘In me. Now,” I demanded. I pulled him toward me, careful not to displace the condom my lust-filled brain hadn’t even registered him rolling on.
Gunnar followed my lead, allowing me to guide him to my core.
‘Ready, Ella?” he asked, positioning himself just so.
‘Yes.’
He pushed forward, stretching me in a way that felt strangely beautiful despite the pain.
A double-edged sword. Pleasure and pain in equal measure.
He eased in, allowing me ample time to adjust.
‘Okay?’ Gunnar asked, his breath whispering against my cheek.
‘Oh, yes,” I murmured, closing my eyes. ‘It feels—’
Painful. Wonderful.
‘Full.’
He laughed, groaning when I moved under him. ‘Steady, or this will be over before it even begins.’
He pressed kisses to my cheeks, and my lips, sucking gently at my neck before shifting down to trace a path to my breasts. He laved one, then the other, drawing them into his mouth and sucking on my overly sensitive nipples.
I shifted, my lips reaching up to press hot, wet kisses to any part of him within reach. My hands looped over his neck, clinging as best I could while bound. He nestled between my thunder thighs as if he belonged there.
Maybe he does…
He began to move, thrusting slowly into me, moving with certainty. My body had adjusted to his size and shape, accommodating him, welcoming him in with a heated grasp.
‘You feel so good, baby,” he murmured against my shoulder. ‘Amazing. Tight. Hot. So fucking incredible. So fucking good.’
‘Your cock is—’ I didn’t know how to describe it.
He quickened his pace, shifting slightly to change the angle.
‘Ohmigod,’ I bowed off the bed, eyes rolling into the back of my head as he hit a perfect spot.
‘Again,” I demanded, greedy for more. ‘Again!’
He obliged, his thrusts steady and sure, quickening at my gasping pleas.
‘Please, please, please—’
He grunted, shifting to move a hand between us. His fingers delved, searching for—
‘Fuck!’ I screamed, my body shattering into a million pieces as he pressed hard, urgent circles against my clit. ‘Gunnar!’
He swore, continuing to thrust into me with the same urgency and purpose. Even as I broke apart—this orgasm ruining me for any battery-powered assistance in the future—Gunnar powered through, our gazes locked as he guided my release, his attention trained solely on me.
I couldn’t help but be seduced by the intensity of his focus.
I tugged the scarf, freeing my hands so I could knit my fingers in his hair. With a rough jerk, I pulled his head down to mine, desperate to taste him. Our lips locked, our mouths hungrily devouring each other as he continued to thrust into me, the perfect glide of his thick cock building me up again.
‘Gunnar,’ I panted between kisses. ‘Come for me.’
His pace kicked up, his grunts and praises coming faster as his control shattered. He drove into me, bottoming out, my bed thumping rhythmically against the wall while outside thunder rolled in the distance.
Mine. My man. Mine.
I moaned under him, another orgasm building.
‘Gunnar—’
‘Come for me,’ he demanded harshly. ‘Come on, my cock, Ella.’
I broke, crying out as my body tightened, clenched, and spasmed. He muttered filthy, dirty words, cursing and praising as I drifted away, lost in sensation.
‘Fuck, Ella!’ Gunnar shuddered, his cock jerking in me as he came.
He rode out his climax, collapsing onto me with a groan. We breathed together, sweat cooling on our skin as my heart continued to race.
Gunnar twisted, raising slightly to look down at me. ‘Okay?’
‘Oh, yes,” I whispered, offering him a small smile.
He shifted onto one elbow, his eyes warm and affectionate. ‘Let’s get you cleaned up; then I’ll try again.’
I cocked an eyebrow, a smile playing at the corners of my mouth. ‘Again?’
‘Baby, you’re no longer a virgin. But missionary is only one position.’ He pressed a kiss to the tip of my breast. ‘There’s a whole universe of positions to explore.’
I hesitated. ‘Tonight or…?’
He paused. ‘Definitely tonight.’ He reached out to brush a curl from my cheek. ‘And for as long as I’m in town—if you’ll let me.’
My heart seized at the reminder this was temporary.
You knew that going in. Don’t let your unrealistic expectations ruin what is a beautiful experience.
I sucked in a breath, forcing a smile.
‘You know….’ I let my eyelids drop to half-mast, my legs falling open. Sliding a hand down my body, I trailed fingers through the wet heat pooled at the juncture of my thighs. ‘I do have one or two positions I’ve thought about before.’
Gunnar’s head dropped, watching as I played with myself. ‘Yeah?’
‘Mmm.’ I slid a finger up, dancing around my over-sensitized clit. ‘Doggy, for one.’
‘We can try that.’ His voice dropped to a husky whisper.
‘Girl on top.’
‘Definitely on the list.’
‘Against a wall—’
He shoved my fingers out of the way with a growl. ‘Cock tease.’
Giggles of giddy delight spilled out of me like bubbles in a champagne bottle as he dropped to his back, hauling me over him. He tore the first condom free, quickly disposing of it before rolling another down his cock.
‘Let me eat you. Then you’re gonna ride my cock.’
I hesitated, glancing down.
‘What?’ he asked, his hands stilling. ‘Too sore?’
‘No, it’s just….’ I slapped my thighs. ‘What if I squish you?’
A grin stole across his lips, his eyes sparkling with mischief. ‘Then I’ll die a happy man.’
With that, he hauled me up his body, settling me over his face, his tongue wasting no time driving me wild.
I gripped the bed head, rocking against his talented mouth until I came.
‘Good girl,’ Gunnar praised, his hands gripping my thighs. ‘Now ride my cock, baby.’
Oh, but I was more than happy to oblige.
I shuffled down, settling over him. My thick thighs framed his body, pressing into his sides. Allowing him to help, I guided his cock to my core.
‘Slow, baby,” he murmured as I sank down. ‘Good girl, take my cock, baby. Take me deep.’
I whimpered, eyes shutting at the feel of him filling me up.
‘That’s it.’ His hands stroked up my sides, soothing me. ‘Easy, baby. Easy. No rush. Take your—’
He jerked, a strangled groan ripped from his throat as I slammed down, forcing his cock into me.
‘Shit,’ I jerked up. ‘Sorry, I—’
He held me in place, his hands framing my hips. ‘Keep fucking going.’
I repeated the same move, both of us gasping at the delicious friction.
‘Baby,’ he grunted, arching under me. ‘You feel so fucking good. You keep this up, and I’m gonna come.’
I rolled my hips, finding far more pleasure in this position than I’d ever imagined. He didn’t act like I was too heavy or big. He looked at me with desire, his hands caressing inches of skin I never thought a man would touch.
‘Am I—’
‘You’re perfect,” he interrupted. ‘You feel fucking amazing. You look like a goddess riding my cock.’ He squeezed my thighs with his hands. ‘You just keep going, baby. Keep making us both feel good.’
I gave in to the primal rhythm of my body. My hands drifted from where they rested on his chest, dragging lazily up my torso to cup my breasts, my thumbs running slow circles over my erect nipples.
‘Fuck yeah,” Gunnar grunted, his hands gripping my hips. ‘Tease your beautiful tits. Pull those gorgeous nipples. That’s it. Good girl.’
I shuddered around him, a low moan slipping free.
‘You like that?” he asked, shifting under me. He held me in place, holding me captive as he took over, fucking into my body with deliberate strokes. Over and over his cock hit me deep and steady, as if he were a warrior come to plunder.
‘You want more of me?’ he demanded. ‘You want more of this? You wanna come for me, my good girl? Beg for it, baby. Tell me how much you want it.’
‘Please, Gunnar. Fuck me. Fuck me!’
He thrust once, twice and we both came in a flash of curses. Utterly spent, I fell onto his chest, both us panting as we fought for breath.
His arms enveloped me, holding me tight against him as he dragged a hand slowly up and down my back over and over.
‘Wow,’ I murmured, my eyelids still closed.
‘I second that,” he replied, pressing soft kisses to my shoulder.
We lay recovering in silence for long moments, our breathing evening out.
Rolling me gently, Gunnar shifted off the bed. ‘You rest, baby.’ He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. ‘I’m just gonna get rid of these condoms.’
I listened as he moved around, fighting the druggy pull of sleep.
He returned with a warm washcloth, and tried to clean my thighs.
‘No, I got this.’ I gently pushed his hand away, a flush heating my skin.
‘You sure? I love taking care of you.’
I pushed up from the bed. ‘I’m good. Thank you though.’
I went to the bathroom, finding traces of blood on my thighs.
‘To quote Anika, a cherry well popped.’ Using the warm washcloth I cleaned the traces of the nights activities from my body, mentally checking in with myself.
Am I okay?
I watched myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth. I didn’t know why I expected to look different. But the woman in the mirror—apart from the flushed cheeks, messy hair, and well kissed lips—looked no different.
But I am. I’ve finally done it. And honestly, why did I wait this long?
I didn’t want to admit that maybe, just maybe, I’d been waiting for Gunnar.
I returned to the bed, listening as Gunnar checked the laundry, setting the dryer for another cycle. I heard him moving around the house—no doubt blowing out the last of my candles and locking my doors, before returning to the bedroom.
In the soft glow of the remaining candle, he slipped back into bed, pulling me into his chest.
‘All good?’ I asked.
‘Clothes are still wet but should be fine by tomorrow,” he replied softly, moving me until I was the little spoon to his big one.
I’d never spooned with a man before. It felt both overwhelmingly claustrophobic and beautifully comforting.
‘Okay?” he asked.
‘Um, maybe?’
He chuckled. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.’
My ass settled against his crotch while his hand shifted to my side. His fingers glided across my skin. I relaxed, lulled by the hypnotic pattern and the heat of him at my back.
Okay, this I could live with.
