as she sits opposite me on the other sofa in my office. Rose came with me, and we found her and Logan downstairs in the main house. They left us to it. Jasmin just stared at me with this look of devastation in her eyes when she saw me.
It almost tore me in fucking two.
My kid sister, looking like her world just ended. All because of me and the way I reacted. Anger winning out again.
I rest my elbows on my knees as I look at her.
“I hated lying to you, Dax. I’m so sorry that I did.”
I’m afraid that if I speak, I will lose it again and say something I can’t take back.
Alistair fucking Young.
“Me and Al, we…”
I wince. Al. She even says it like he’s the love of her life, her voice lifting, her eyes brightening with that one syllable. Al.
Her eyes rake over my face, and she inhales and starts again.
“Me and Al got talking after the trial. He was… He came to apologize. For his father’s behavior. Not just for that night at the function. But throughout the trial. For him trying to increase the charge to attempted murder. For him pressing charges at all. Al tried to get him to drop the entire thing. Told his dad he was as much to blame after sending me those photos. That you were just looking out for your sister. Al said he thinks he’d have done the same thing if it were him.”
“That’s big of him,” I snort.
Jasmin narrows her eyes at me. “Don’t be a jerk, Dax. He’s nothing like his father.”
“They’re blood. Of course he’s going to be like him.”
She shakes her head. “You’re wrong.”
Heat fires across the back of my neck. Losing my head will just fuck this all up more. I told Jasmin I would listen to her. I promised Rose I would listen.
So I’m going to fucking listen.
“Go on.”
She stares at me for a few minutes before sighing and pressing her fingertips to her temples and rubbing in small circles.
“I didn’t see him for a month after the trial. And then I bumped into him in town one day and we got talking.”
I clench my fists.
“We ended up going for lunch. He was telling me how he works with his dad. How he used to look up to him as a little boy, idolized him. But then… I don’t know. He just seemed sad. Like he’d realized his hero was actually the bad guy. He said he suspected his dad was using the business as a front for other things. Illegal things. When they didn’t win the contract for Aunt Iris’s Blend, it put an extra strain on everything. Julian started doing things differently. Going out every evening. Being secretive about what he was up to. That’s when Al started digging. He doesn’t have hard proof yet, but he knows something isn’t right.”
“He has a personal vendetta against me because we got the contract with the Andersons,” I state, because it’s not a question. It’s a glaringly obvious fact, which Jasmin has just confirmed. I always suspected Julian was pissed we got their business. But now it makes sense.
He wanted me gone.
Maybe he thought he might get a chance at the contract—enough of our staff deserted us after I was sentenced that the business nearly folded—or maybe it was just a jealous revenge tactic. Teach me a lesson for pissing in what he no doubt thinks is his backyard.
“Julian’s a weak man. Led by money and status. He’s selfish. Al said he cheated on his mother all the time and didn’t even attempt to hide it. He would take his girlfriends on weekends away and leave her at home with Al when he was small. But despite it all, his mom just wanted them to be happy, and to have a good relationship. She passed away a few years ago, and that’s when he started working with his dad. He thought it would bring them closer.”
I nod, tension radiating across my forehead as Jasmin wipes at the fresh tears spilling from her eyes.
“I never meant to lie to you. Or hurt you. I didn’t want to feel like I did. But I couldn’t help it. I felt a connection to him I can’t explain. It’s weird. I just felt linked to him somehow. He really is nothing like his dad. I think you’d like him, Dax.” She sniffs as I shake my head and curse under my breath. “I think you would. He reminds me of you, a little.”
I pop a brow and snap my eyes to hers, still trying to process her words.
“He works hard, and he cares a lot about people. He even….” She looks to the ceiling. “He even helped me out. With the estate.”
“He what?” I lurch forward in my seat, my pulse rocketing as Jasmin shakes her head sadly. “You let him come here?” I point to the floor, sucking in a harsh breath as I tear my eyes away from her. They land on the fish tank, and I force myself to concentrate on the tiny bubbles from the filter until the thundering of my pulse in my ears eases.
“Me and Logan… We tried. But it was too much. Staff were leaving daily. We barely kept it going. If we hadn’t kept the contract for Aunt Iris’s Blend, we would have lost it all. Al helped us lower costs. He found ways we could simplify things. Save money without compromising on quality.”
“Knight in shining armor,” I grumble. “Did Lo—?”
“Logan didn’t know. He thought the ideas were mine.”
I nod. At least that’s something. My friend didn’t lie to me. Only my sister.
Fuck.
“Being apart from you was… it was hard. Al kept me standing when I thought I would break. The trial… he lost his father for good that day. He can’t condone what Julian did. What he did to you. To me. All because of greed.” Jasmin’s voice shakes as she draws in a shuddery breath. “If I could change things, then I would have told you sooner. I know that would have been the right thing to do. But I saw how much you hated Julian. I didn’t want you to hate me too.”
“I could never hate you.” I hold her gaze as she wipes away more tears and gives me a small smile.
I drop my head into my hands and rake them through my hair. “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I should never have done that.”
“It’s okay.”
I look up into her forgiving eyes. Her tears have stopped, and she’s looking at me with hope in them.
It sears at my heart like a hot poker.
She used to look at me like that when we were younger. When both our parents were gone, and I was all she had.
She used to look at me with hope then. Hope and belief that I wouldn’t let her down.
I let her down once, being taken away. I won’t do it again.
“It’s not okay. It’s not.” I blow out a breath, my eyes finding the fish tank again, before looking back at her. “Your happiness is everything to me. I love you.”
“I know you do. I love you too.” She smiles at me, and my heart throbs painfully.
“You said you love him?”
“I do.” She searches my eyes, waiting. But I don’t know how to respond. So I don’t. I just nod mutely. “You know what that feels like, Dax. To love someone who comes into your life unexpectedly.”
My mouth goes dry as I stare at her.
“We don’t choose love when it’s convenient, or when we think we’re ready. It finds us,” she continues.
I drag in a rough breath as Jasmin gets up and comes to sit next to me, wrapping her arms around me.
“I know you understand.”
I lean back into the sofa and wrap her in my arms, closing my eyes as we hold each other.
I understand perfectly.
Because it sure as hell isn’t convenient. And I wasn’t ready. I had things to take care of. Things that no one else can know about. Things that seemed like the most important things in the world not so long ago.
But now I’m questioning everything.
All because of the unexpected.
All because of Rose.
“You go first.” Rose hands me the notepad and pen, then looks away, giving me privacy.
“Here.” I write something on the paper and then hand it back to her.
Her eyes widen. “You didn’t tear yours out?” She looks at the pad, and at the word forgiveness written in black ink.
“I don’t want to keep secrets from you. I just need a little time to take care of some things. And then we can talk, okay?”
She nods, complete trust shining in her eyes. “Okay.”
My eyes rake over her face as she looks down at the pad, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she writes.
She is beautiful. I could stare at her for eternity and never tire of the pure good that radiates from her. It radiates calm and serenity when there’s a war raging inside me. No one has ever been able to talk me down before. I’ve got good at controlling my temper myself. I’ve had no other choice. My decisions are controlled now, measured. I planned as I left jail about what I wanted, and what I needed to do to get it. Playing the long game and keeping my head was part of it.
But Jasmin’s revelation threw me through a loop.
Of all the fucking people… It had to be him.
But as everything screamed around me, Rose appeared.
My Sunbeam.
Her voice, her skin against mine, her light blue eyes.
With just a few words, and her presence, she brought a calmness and control back to me, when I thought I was losing it. Really fucking losing it.
And ever since, the same questions have been spinning in my head. What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? Even Marcus has his shit together better than me. He and Julie are going to live out their fantasy together, eating steak and peppercorn sauce. And me? Where the fuck will I be?
A few months ago, I could see a glimpse of my future. And it all boiled down to one thing.
Revenge.
I never considered what came after. What else there was.
As far as I’ve been concerned, there was nothing else. I only saw that. I made my entire existence focused on one thing. One man. A man I hate.
“Okay, I’m done.” Rose looks over at me, her lips lifting into a soft smile as she passes me my piece of paper. “Do you want to see what I wrote?”
My chest is light as her eyes sparkle at me. “Tell me.”
She turns the paper in her hands and holds it up.
Blame.
“I’m letting go. Right this moment.” She folds the paper, her gaze moving to the small fire we have set up on the lawn behind the main house. “Dad used to say holding blame and hurt is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to feel sick. I’m fed up with hurting, Dax.” Her eyes narrow as the flames dance over her face, casting shadows in the evening light. “I need to stop blaming myself. I need to stop blaming—” Her voice cracks. “I need to stop blaming Casey… I miss her.” She wrinkles up her nose. “I’ve spent years existing in this bubble of hurt and blame. And I’m done. Coming here…” She sighs. “You’ve no idea how much coming here and meeting you has helped me.”
I pull her underneath my arm and press a kiss into her hair, staring at the fire as I inhale. “I told you already. It’s you who helped me.”
She hums and leans into me. “Maybe we were supposed to help each other.”
“Yeah.” I press another kiss into her hair as she flicks her paper into the fire and watches it burn. I throw mine in next to hers and we sit listening to the crackling of the wood.
“Did you choose forgiveness because of what happened with Jasmin today? How did you even find out?”
I run my hand up and down Rose’s arm. She’s wearing my black hoodie again. It suits her. I hope she wears it forever.
“Through a friend. I asked around.”
Rose doesn’t ask who, and I’m relieved. I told her I won’t lie to her. And I won’t. But I can’t tell her who pulled strings for me. That in return for the favor I’m doing for them with regards to this big shipment that’s coming in, they looked at Jasmin’s phone records and pulled the name and number for me. I’m not proud of invading her privacy. But I would do it again in a heartbeat to know that she’s safe. No matter the cost. But it’s just another reminder that the other world I step inside is no place for Rose. She’s too good for it. She’s too good for any of it. She always has been.
“I chose forgiveness. But not only for Jasmin. Yeah, she lied.” I blow out a breath, willing the tension in my shoulders to leave me. Let me rest for one fucking second. “I chose it for me as well.”
Rose lifts her face to meet my eyes. “You?”
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. It’s felt thick and clogged all day. Like realization has sat there, forcing me to acknowledge it before it will allow me to breathe properly. “I’ve thought of one thing since I came out. And that’s the man who put me in there in the first place. But it’s more than that. Yeah, he was the cause of why I lost it that night. And he’s the reason the trial went the way it did, and I got a harsher sentence. But it was still me, Rose. I did it. I’m the reason Jasmin was left alone.”
She slides an arm around my waist, hugging me. “You want to know what else my dad used to say?”
“Sure.”
She gives me a small smile. “He used to say the best revenge is living your life and being happy. He told me that after Gareth ditched me.”
Just the name Gareth has me tensing. Rose must notice because she reaches up and strokes my neck. I dip my head and kiss her wrist.
“Your dad was a wise man.”
“Yeah. He was. What was yours like? You’ve told me about your mom, but you haven’t talked about him as much.”
“My dad?” I murmur, looking back at the fire as her fingertips trace over my bird tattoo. “He was… He was great. The best dad I could have hoped for. He met Mom when I was a baby, and he treated me like his own son. He gave us everything he could. He was always bringing Mom her favorite flowers and playing with me when he came home from work. He never raised his voice. Ever. He’d talk things out with me instead. Help me learn. Grow. When Jasmin was born, he told me how lucky we were to have two amazing women in our family. And how it was our job to love and protect them.”
“He sounds incredible.” Rose slides her hand away from my neck and finds my hand, interlacing our fingers.
“He was.” I try to ignore the thought that always enters my mind when I think about him, and about how calm he always was. How he never had a temper bubbling away below the surface.
I’m nothing like him.
“So are you.” Rose snuggles into my side.
I laugh softly.
“Believe it.” She turns to me, and the moment her eyes meet mine, my chest swells and I grab her face between my hands and kiss her.
“You’re incredible,” I whisper against her lips as she parts them, inviting me to kiss her deeply. “I wasn’t expecting you to come into my life.”
“I wasn’t expecting you either,” she breathes as I rest my forehead against hers. “I feel like I had to go through the past couple of years to bring me here. To meet you. Is that stupid?”
“It’s not stupid.” I stroke her cheeks with my thumbs as she blinks up at me. “It’s not stupid at all.”
Time stretches between us as we just look at each other, our shared breath in the tiny space between our lips.
“I…” Rose bites her bottom lip, her eyes searching mine. She doesn’t need to say anymore. I’m thinking the exact same.
I’ve loved her for a long time before we ever got to this point. I’m so in love with her that for the first time since I was released, I’m starting to understand what freedom might feel like. Freedom to live. Freedom to love. Freedom to leave the past behind.
I run my thumb across her bottom lip, swiping the pad against her teeth. “You’ve re-set time for me, Sunbeam. I didn’t even see how stuck I was, until you came along.”
I lean forward to kiss her again, but she gently pulls back, reaching to the bottom of my hoodie and pulling it up over her head. She holds my gaze as she silently takes her camisole off, and then unhooks her bra, discarding it on the grass.
“Can we stay outside a little longer?” She looks at me with a darkened gaze as the flames from the fire set shadows dancing over her breasts.
“We can spend as much time out here as you want.”
I grin, and she giggles as I wrap my mouth around one of her perfect, rosy nipples. It puckers against my tongue, and she tilts her head back to the night sky and moans.
“Eyes, Rose,” I whisper.
It’s selfish, but I love her eyes on me. I love the way her pupils widen as she feels pleasure that I’m giving to her. I love being locked in that moment with her. Like nothing else exists.
I like to pretend that it doesn’t.
I live for these precious moments with her when I don’t need to worry about all the shit I’m involved in.
I just get to have her. To enjoy her.
To love her.
She slides her hands into my hair and watches me in silence as I suck and swirl my tongue over one nipple, and then the other.
“Please, Dax,” she murmurs as I return to the first nipple and circle my lips around it.
“What is it?” I suck on her nipple, groaning from deep in my chest as she shivers from my touch and arches into my mouth.
“I want you inside me.” She twists her hands in my hair and whimpers as I nip her gently with my teeth.
“Okay… but let me enjoy this first.” I inhale slowly, then ease back and peel her black leggings down her long legs, pulling her panties off with them. “You know I love doing this.”
She leans back on her elbows, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as I spit onto her pussy. Not that she needs it. The glistening on her skin already tells me she’s wet. She gets so wet for me.
I lift my eyes to hers. My dick strains in my pants as I lower my mouth and drag my tongue over her, circling her clit. She sucks in a breath and gazes at me. I could so easily close my eyes and get lost in her taste. But I want to watch her. I want to watch her and know that she’s mine. She was about to tell me exactly how much she wants to be mine. I know that one word was so close to leaving her lips, as much as it was close to leaving mine.
I can’t say it yet. But I can show her.
“Dax.” She sucks in a breath as I flutter the tip of my tongue over her, and a rush of wetness flows out of her body, coating my chin.
“You taste so good,” I groan against her, keeping my movements slow and deliberate.
She strokes my hair softly as I eat her out like I have all the time in the world. I groan with each new rush of arousal she sends to my tongue, and each move of her body as she quivers beneath me. But my eyes never leave hers. And hers never leave mine.
I bring her to a slow, deep orgasm. And we stare at each other as she whimpers my name, her eyes pinching at the corners. We don’t need anything more in this moment than each other.
And I’ve never felt so fucking euphoric.
She’s still breathless, riding her pleasure out, as I sit back on my heels and pull my t-shirt and my black sweatpants off.
“You’re everything.” I climb over the top of her and grab her chin, sliding my tongue inside her panting mouth as I force one of her legs up with my knee. Then I push my way inside her, burying myself deep like I have every right to do it. Like she belongs to me.
“Dax,” she cries out against my mouth as I fill every space inside her, leaving room for nothing else. No doubts, no blame, no past.
Nothing but me and her.
She cups my face and her lips part as we look at each other. I thrust inside her, setting a steady pace as my piercing rubs deep inside her. She shakes beneath me, while I tremble on my arms.
I know her body. She’ll come like this. And I won’t be able to hold back when I feel the perfect moment that she lets go.
I push inside her over and over, swallowing her moans with kisses. But our eyes never close. We watch each other the whole time, the words we haven’t said being communicated silently instead.
“Dax.” She tenses, the heat intensifying around my cock as her body hugs it tight.
“Do it,” I rasp, barely holding it together. “Come for me. Come for me, while I come for you.”
She nods, her breathing quickening as the first wave hits, pulling me under with it.
I groan into her mouth as she cries out my name. My body switches to autopilot, and keeps moving, keeps sliding inside her as we come together. Breath, lips, tongues, words, hearts… all tangled together in one.
All existing for the other, and for this exact moment in time.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
We ride it out, until exhaustion finally wins over. Not only physical, but emotional. The emotional weight of today and all that’s happened.
I pull out and roll onto my back, keeping one arm around her waist so she comes with me, nestled into my side.
We lie back against the blanket, and I stare up at the completely darkened night sky. Rose sighs and rests her head over my heart, tracing my compass tattoo absentmindedly.
“Get some sleep, Sunbeam,” I whisper into her hair with a kiss.
It doesn’t take long until her breathing slows.
Then I close my eyes and tighten my grip on her.
The fire’s almost burned out when I wake up. And my hoodie is still over us, where I covered Rose during the night. It must be around five thirty, because the first rays of orange are lighting the sky behind the estate’s treeline. Soft, glowing beams signaling a new day.
Rose shuffles in my arms, sleepy noises making way for a yawn as she blinks her eyes open.
“Morning.”
She twists her face to look at me, and her eyes light up. “Morning you.”
The corner of my mouth curls into a smile and then I lean down and graze her lips with a kiss.
She kisses me back, sighing happily against my lips when I suck on her bottom one.
Something has changed between us overnight. Maybe not changed, exactly. But grown. Grown and embedded itself. Until it’s no longer small enough not to acknowledge out loud.
Last night, I made love to Rose. It wasn’t sex. It wasn’t fucking. Not that it’s ever been just that with her.
Last night changed something.
I knew what I had to do before I even wrote that note and burned it in the fire.
But now I don’t just want to do it. I need to do it. Every part of me is screaming at me to do it now. To let go of the past and to grab on to something else.
Her.
Rose rests her arm over my body, her fingers curling around my side and stroking my stab scar.
I force away the memory of the blade sinking into me that day. It’s still as fresh as the day it happened. The sound of the flick as he extended the blade behind me. The sour smell of his breath against the side of my face as the blade broke my skin and he kept pushing it deeper. Then the metallic taste in my mouth, and the bright red blood on my hands as an alarm was set off, vibrating off the concrete walls of the dining hall we were in.
I can’t prove Julian was responsible for paying the guy who did it to me. But I know it was him. Instinct tells you everything sometimes. He didn’t just want me locked up. He would happily have had me dead. All for what? Money and the chance to take over the estate and business if Jasmin had to sell?
Rose continues stroking the healed skin and I take a deep breath of morning air.
Another sunrise. Another new day.
“Dax.” Rose’s eyes move between mine and I know what’s coming, because it’s on the tip of my tongue too. It’s been on the tip of my tongue all night. And at the front of my mind a lot longer. “I lo—”
“Shh.” I kiss her, cupping her neck in one hand and tracing my thumb over her pulse. “There are some things I need to do first. I need to be completely here for you when you say it. Because fuck, Sunbeam, I want to tell you too. I want to tell you so fucking much.”
I screw my eyes shut as I kiss her again. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She kisses me softly, letting her lips graze over mine. “Yes, I trust you.”
I let go of the breath I’m holding, my shoulders dropping in relief. I don’t want her to think I don’t feel it. Because I do. God, I fucking feel it in every part of me.
“How about for now…” She traces her fingertips over the compass tattoo over my heart, running them in the direction of east. The morning sun shines off her hair, making it look golden. “How about for now, I just say, I promise you every sunrise, Dax Silver?”
Jesus. My heart expands, threatening to break out and float away like the hot air balloon. So full and light. And free.
I grab Rose’s hand, pushing it against the tattoo as I drop my forehead to hers. She must be able to feel my heart thundering. “And how about I say, I promise you infinity, Rose Jacobs?”
Forget time. It’s not enough. It has to be infinity.
She sucks in a breath, and then giggles, the sound lighting up the air around us like the morning sun. “That sounds better than what I was going to say. I’ll take it.”
I grasp the back of her neck. The joy in her eyes is infectious, making me smile as my lips meet hers again in a heated kiss.
I roll on top of her, redirecting my attention straight to her neck, beneath her ear, as I breathe in her scent and she wraps her legs around my waist, welcoming me inside her again.
I sink into her as I inhale.
Vanilla wrapped in petals.
A scent I could surround myself with every day, and it would never stop smelling sweet.
Never.
Not even if I were to be surrounded by it for infinity.
