How many years was it going to take to erase this woman’s face from my memory? Even after decades, I still recognized her.
My mother didn’t look much different now than she had the day she’d left me standing in the middle of my aunt’s living room. Her hair was a lighter blond and shorter now. I didn’t remember her being so thin. But her voice was the same. It sounded exactly like it had the day she’d left me with my aunt, telling me I’d be happy there.
Lying bitch.
Why the fuck was she here? After all these years, why had she come now? She must have had some kind of sixth sense to know I was actually happy, so she’d come to ruin it.
But I wasn’t going to let her. I wasn’t a kid anymore and she didn’t have any power over me or my life.
“I’m not going to say it again,” I barked. “Get the fuck out.”
She didn’t move. “You look good, Son. Grew up to look a lot like your granddaddy. But you got my eyes.”
The room, which was already silent, went wired as Willa and Thea realized this woman was my mother.
“I spent a lot of time tracking you down.” She smiled. “How are you?”
Did she expect me to be grateful? She sounded like she was doing me the favor here. I crossed my arms over my chest. “You wasted your time coming here. Get out.”
“I need to talk to you about somethin’.”
“No,” I snapped. The hold I had on my temper was about to break. “I’ve got nothing to say to you.”
Her sugar-sweet smile fell away. “Jackson—”
“You heard him.” Thea cut her off with an angry snarl. She looked like she was seconds from leaping across the bar to throat punch my mom. “Get out.”
Thea knew all about my mother, and so did Hazel. It was a good thing she wasn’t here today because she would have already kicked Mom’s ass through the door.
“Leave.” Thea rounded the bar. “Now.”
Mom glared at Thea but didn’t move.
Willa slid out of her seat, standing with her arms crossed over her chest. Her shoulders were stiff. I was betting the look on her face held anything but her normal cheery smile.
Mom turned away from Thea and scowled at Willa, then looked her up and down. She was about four inches taller than Willa and trying to intimidate her. But Willa just stood straighter, not backing off an inch.
My shy Willa, ready to throw down against my shitty mother. If I hadn’t started falling for her already, that would have tipped me over.
Mom puffed her chest out, inching closer to Willa. The movement unfroze my feet. I did not want Mom infecting Willa’s space.
“Fine. You don’t want to leave? I’ll toss your ass out myself.” With long, angry strides, I walked out from behind the bar and went right up to Mom, gripping one of her arms and hauling her toward the door.
“Let me go,” she spat, trying to shake her arm loose.
“Out.” I opened the door with my free hand and shoved her through it. Then I pulled it closed, fighting the hydraulic, and gripped the knob tight.
“Jackson!” she shrieked from the other side of the steel. “I need to talk to you!”
She pounded her fists against it a couple of times, trying to open the door again, but I kept a firm hold on the knob. It didn’t take long for Mom to get the hint and stop her banging and shouting.
Thea crossed the room to stand by one of the windows in the front. I didn’t move as she watched the parking lot, waiting.
“There,” Thea said a few moments later, leaving the window. “She’s gone.”
She grumbled something else and pulled her phone from her pocket. With it pressed to her ear, she marched through the bar toward the back, probably to call Logan or Hazel. Or both.
I closed my eyes and took a breath, sagging into the door. My heart was racing and I felt like someone had just punched me in the gut.
Why was Mom here? Why now? What could she possibly want? Maybe I should have talked to her.
As my head spun, a pair of delicate arms wrapped around my waist from behind.
Willa’s cheek pressed against my back. “Want to talk about it? Or pretend it never happened?”
“Pretend it never happened.”
“Okay.”
Okay. That was it. She wouldn’t push. She’d just ride shotgun and let me navigate this.
I just wish I had a fucking clue which direction to go.
“Hazel is coming down here,” Thea announced as she returned, pissed off and snarling. “If that bitch comes back, I swear to god I’m going to beat her ass.”
“I’ll help,” Willa told her.
I chuckled. Only she could make me smile after having just thrown my mother out of my bar.
I loosened her hands from my stomach and turned, bending to give her a soft kiss. “I’m going to get back to work. Shake this off. Are you going to hang with me tonight?”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
And she didn’t.
Willa sat stoically on a barstool all afternoon and evening, keeping a watchful eye on the door the entire time. Right beside her was Hazel, who’d come down minutes after Thea’s phone call.
“You should go home,” I told Hazel. It was one in the morning and she was yawning every other minute.
She yawned again. “I think I will. I’m too old to stay until closing anymore.”
“Thanks for coming down.” I leaned across the bar and kissed her cheek.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I told you, I’m fine. It was just a shock.”
That wasn’t entirely true, but I refused to talk about my mother’s surprise visit.
Thea had given Hazel all the details earlier, then the two of them had sat and ranted about it for a couple of hours. They’d pestered me for a while, wanting to talk about my feelings, but I’d told them I was fine.
I think Willa must have said something to the pair at one point while I’d been in the kitchen because when I’d come back out, the topic had been dropped completely.
Thea had left the bar shortly before dinner to go home and eat with Logan and Charlie. Hazel and Willa had stayed to eat here with me and bullshit with the random tourist who’d plopped down in the seat next to them.
“Will you call me immediately if she shows up?” Hazel asked, standing from her seat.
If? More like when.
I had no doubt Mom would be back, but I wasn’t going to play her games. “If she shows up again, I’ll keep kicking her ass out the door until she gets the hint.”
Hazel frowned, dismissing me and turning to my girlfriend. “Willa, will you please call me immediately if that woman shows up again? I have some things I’d like to say to her.”
Willa just bit her lip, trying not to smile.
“I see how it is. You’re on his side now.” Hazel gave me a pointed look as she slung her purse over her shoulder. “Don’t forget I have spies everywhere, and I’m going to have my five minutes with that woman.”
“It would just be a waste of your time.”
Mom’s face hadn’t held an ounce of remorse. She could have earned five minutes with me, but she hadn’t said the magic word. Sorry.
“I’ve got nothing but time these days, Jackson. And I don’t want to talk to her because I think she’ll hear a word I say. Telling her off is for me.” Hazel gave me a sad smile. “And you.”
“Fine.” I sighed and gave her a nod. “I’ll call.”
Hazel had earned the right to a confrontation with Mom years ago when she’d stepped in to take Mom’s place.
“Stop by and see me tomorrow.” Hazel gave Willa a hug. “You too.”
“We will,” Willa said. “Have a good night.”
“Do you want another beer, babe?” I asked as Hazel walked out the door.
Willa shook her head. “Just water.”
“I’ll take another beer.” The tourist who’d been sitting on Hazel’s side held up his empty glass. Then he moved into the seat Hazel had just left to sit next to Willa. The guy had already had four beers, but he didn’t seem too drunk, so I poured him a fresh glass.
“Be back,” I told Willa, winking at her before leaving to check on the other customers.
The Friday-night crowd had mostly cleared out, but there were still a few people lingering over by the pool table and jukebox.
The pool table was a newer addition to the bar. Hazel and her parents had kept one for years before I’d moved to Lark Cove, but it had been so beaten up that she’d decided to put it in storage. Thea and I had dug it out about a year ago and gotten it refurbished.
Our customers loved it, but the only downside was that it kept people in the bar later at night. The group playing tonight still had a whole stack of quarters lined up and it didn’t look like they’d be leaving anytime soon.
All I really wanted was to go back to Willa’s place and spend the rest of the night forgetting all about this day while I was buried deep inside of her.
Because she had the power to make it all better.
I stuttered my step as I walked, crushing a peanut shell. Willa had power over me. Even in a positive light, it was still power. The realization scared the hell out of me.
I’d been relying on myself for so long I wasn’t good at leaning on anyone else. I didn’t want to be at anyone else’s mercy, even if it was just to give me comfort.
I glanced over my shoulder and took a long look at Willa’s back.
Maybe I was getting too close. I’d started this whole thing with Willa because I’d just wanted to get to know her. I’d wanted to date her for a while until we got bored with one another.
But I wasn’t bored, not in the slightest. The more I was around her, the more I wanted her.
Maybe I’d gone too far already. I didn’t want to get married. I didn’t want kids. I was good with Charlie because I had fun uncle written all over me, but being a husband and father was a whole other story.
I didn’t have that kind of love in me to give.
When Willa and I got to that point in our relationship, when we talked about the future, she’d see pretty damn quick we didn’t have one.
Maybe I should let her go now, before that point?
Not yet.
We were still having fun. I’d delay a serious conversation for just a little while longer. Then I’d let her go.
I shook off the feeling and finished checking on my customers. Behind me, Willa was still sitting at the bar.
I’d miss catching glimpses of her long blond hair as I worked. I’d miss having her at the bar every night, talking to me about nothing. I’d miss having her in my arms at night, chasing away the loneliness that I’d lived with for so long.
But it was right to let her go. Eventually. She deserved a guy who could love her like she deserved.
Willa must have felt my eyes on her because she looked over her shoulder and smiled. Then she turned back around to the guy at her side.
The guy smiled at her and scooted his stool a little too close to my girlfriend.
I scowled at his back, hoping he felt my glare, but he just kept on talking to Willa.
She nodded as he spoke. She didn’t move farther away. She let him bump her shoulder with his.
A jealous haze coated my vision as they laughed over something he said.
Why was she laughing with him? She was supposed to be here for me tonight, not to flirt with some random tourist. Had they been like that all night?
I’d been too busy to pay them much attention. And Hazel had been between them for most of the night. Had they just been biding their time until she’d left them alone?
My jaw clenched tight as I cleared off a table. With two empty beer bottles in my hand, I went back around the bar and threw them, hard, into the trash can. They shattered instantly.
Willa jumped, startled by the noise. She looked at me, worried, but the guy next to her said something else and stole her attention. She laughed with him again. She gave him her smile.
Fuck this day.
Things had gone downhill since french toast, starting with my meeting with Thea.
I knew eventually she’d suggest we bring in some extra help. But this had been our place for years. Just her, me and Hazel. Bringing in someone new was a change I didn’t want to make, even though I would.
I’d already been irritated by the time Mom walked through the door. Now Willa was laughing with this guy.
When we parted ways, she’d probably end up with his type. He wore nice jeans and a starched shirt with sleeves worn down to the wrists. His hair was styled and he probably paid someone to trim it every two weeks. He had an Audi keychain and a gold money clip.
I’d never owned or would ever own a fucking money clip.
Fuck this day, I was done.
“Last call!” I shouted.
The crew around the pool table all grumbled, so did Willa’s newest fan, but I ignored them all. The angry glares I sent around the room were enough to have people downing their drinks, dropping a few bucks for a tip and heading out into the dark night. The tourist at Willa’s side was the last to slither out, but eventually he left after a longing glance at Willa.
Asshole.
“Did you drive down or walk?” I asked Willa once the place was empty.
“I drove.”
“Good.” I nodded. “Grab your stuff. I’ll walk you out.”
“What?” she asked. “Don’t you want some help cleaning?”
I shook my head. “No. I need some space tonight. You go home. I’ll catch you later. Tomorrow or something.”
I ushered her to the door, like I’d done with my mother. Except my touch was gentle and light on her elbow rather than the firm grip I’d had on Mom.
Damn it. Had I hurt Mom? What if I’d left a mark? I’d never lost my temper with a woman like that before, and shitty mother or not, I wasn’t that guy.
“Jackson.” Willa pulled her elbow free and stopped at my side. “What are you talking about? You’ll call me tomorrow or something? What is that supposed to mean?”
“Just like it sounds,” I snapped. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Or sometime. I don’t know. I’ll see you around.”
She frowned, stepping closer to touch my arm. “Don’t do this. Don’t push me away because of what happened today. If you want to talk about things, I’ll listen. If you don’t, then we don’t have to. But shoving me out the door and saying you’re going to call me ‘tomorrow or something’ isn’t the answer. Let me help you.”
“Then what is the answer, Willa? Huh? Because you didn’t seem to be helping me much when you were flirting with that guy earlier.”
“Flirting?” She stepped back, her forehead furrowed. “What are you talking about? I wasn’t flirting with that guy.”
“Sure looked like it to me.”
“He told me a joke and I laughed. I might not be as experienced as you, but even I know that’s not flirting.”
“Whatever.” I walked to the door and pushed it open.
Willa stared at me for a moment, frozen to her spot. She couldn’t believe I was kicking her out either.
“Jackson,” she whispered, pain crossing her beautiful face.
“Night, Willa.”
She stared at me, tears sheening her eyes, until finally she dropped her gaze to the floor and hurried outside to the dark, deserted parking lot.
I stood in the doorway watching as she jogged to her car, making sure she got inside safely and onto the highway to go home.
“Fuck,” I hissed. My hands fisted at my sides. “Fuck!” My shout disappeared into the night.
I’d made Willa cry all because I didn’t know how to deal with the emotions swirling in my head.
I went right back inside for my keys, bringing them back to lock up, then went straight to the liquor bottles. I didn’t care that there was a dirty tumbler on the center table or bottles next to the pool table. Fuck the pint glass that douchebag had been drinking from while he’d sat by Willa.
Fuck it all.
Fuck the feelings, all of them. I’d burn them away.
I popped the pour spout off a bottle of tequila and put it right to my lips to chug.
The tequila became an eraser.
I didn’t want to remember Mom’s face or her voice. I didn’t want to remember how alone I’d felt when she’d abandoned me.
I didn’t want to remember Willa’s eyes full of tears.
I didn’t want to remember any of it, so I gulped down some more booze, shot after shot.
Walking home wasn’t an option. I’d pass Willa’s staircase and there was no way I’d be able to resist going to her soft bed. I wouldn’t be able to resist pulling her into my arms and falling asleep with my nose buried in her hair.
So I didn’t walk home.
I got drunk and passed out on the pool table knowing that I’d just fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me.
