“So what’s new?” Hannah asked me and Leighton. She was sitting across from us in a booth at Bob’s Diner. “You two have been so busy lately we’ve hardly seen you.”
I sighed. “Sorry. Things have just been a little crazy.”
It had been a month since the fishing expedition on Jackson’s birthday. Ryder was getting into a rhythm at school. Jackson was adjusting to being a stand-in parent. And I was doing everything in my power to help them both, which meant dinner with my girlfriends had been skipped—a lot.
Actually, dinners with June and Hannah had been few and far between ever since I’d started dating Jackson. I’d canceled on dinner with them more times than accepted, mostly to spend time with him.
Truth be told, I didn’t really feel like being here tonight either, but the guilt of being a bad friend had eaten away at me. When Hannah had called, I hadn’t been able to say no.
Ryder was sleeping over at the cottage tonight with Hazel, and what I really wanted was to spend the evening with Jackson at the bar, then sleep at my apartment, since we hadn’t been there in forever.
But I also missed the girls, especially Leighton.
“How are things going with Brendon?” June asked Leighton, waggling her eyebrows.
My best friend smiled that dreamy smile she’d been wearing for months. “Amazing.”
“They’re in love.” I swooned, nudging her shoulder with my own.
“We so are.” Leighton and Brendon were nearly inseparable these days, and she’d missed about as many girls’ dinners as I had.
While I hadn’t seen much of Hannah or June, Leighton and I always made time for each other. She knew all about me and Jackson. I knew all about her and Brendon. And I had a hunch that those two would be headed down the aisle before long.
I was overjoyed that she’d found a man who loved her unconditionally. And that she’d found someone to confide in about her assault besides me.
“Aren’t you jealous, Willa?” June teased. “She took your man.”
“No.” I laughed, toying with the paper wrapper I’d stripped from my straw. “I have a man, thank you very much.”
“How are things going with Jackson?” Hannah asked.
“Wonderful.”
“Obviously,” June said, fanning her face. “I mean just look at that man. Those eyes. That ass. He’s so damn hot. I bet he’s good in bed too. God knows he’s had a lot of practice. If there was a guy I wanted to fool around with before finding my husband, I’d pick Jackson too.”
My entire body stilled. “We’re not fooling around. We’re together.”
“Oh, Willa.” She gave me a pitying smile. “Come on. Jackson’s not that kind of guy.”
“What kind of guy?”
“The kind you marry. He’s the one you fuck senseless before you find the guy to settle down with and have kids.”
“What? That’s not . . . no. It’s not like that.”
Somehow in a matter of seconds, she’d cheapened my most special relationship. And she made him out to be some kind of insensitive man whore. Yes, Jackson had experience and I hated thinking about it. But none of that mattered now. It was in the past and his future was with me.
“Have you guys talked about getting married?” Hannah asked.
“Um, no.”
Hannah and June shared a smug look.
“They don’t need to talk about that yet,” Leighton said, coming to my defense.
“Have you and Brendon talked about it?” June asked.
“Well, yeah. But Willa and Jackson are different.”
We are? “Why?”
“Not in a bad way,” Leighton said. “You’re just at a different point in your relationship. Brendon and I are moving at warp speed, talking about getting married and having kids. We both want that. You and Jackson are still getting to know one another. You’re not as serious yet.”
Not as serious? Had she not been listening to me during all of our phone calls when I’d spilled my guts about every tidbit of my relationship?
“We are just as serious. I love Jackson.” I hadn’t told him yet, but he knew. Didn’t he? And he loved me too. There’s no way we could connect like we did and not be in love.
“You can love someone without marrying them,” Hannah said.
“You can fuck someone without marrying them too,” June snickered.
“Stop it. Stop saying f-fuck.”
She rolled her eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t realize we were back in high school.”
“I don’t care if you say fuck.” Gosh, it sounds stupid when I cuss. “I just don’t like you saying it when it comes to me and Jackson. We’re not just having casual sex. We have something special.”
“I’m just trying to be your friend,” Hannah said. “Jackson doesn’t seem like a guy who wants the whole marriage, babies, Sunday-brunch-with-your-parents thing. He’s what, five years older than we are?”
“Six,” I corrected now that he’d had his birthday.
“Whatever. Don’t you think if he wanted to get married, he would have by now?”
The sting of angry—no, furious—tears pricked my eyes. Jackson hadn’t gotten married because he hadn’t found the right woman yet. Me.
I refused to believe anything else.
Why couldn’t my friends just be supportive? Why did they always make me feel ridiculous and naïve?
I dug into my purse and yanked out some cash from my wallet. We’d ordered, but it hadn’t arrived yet, so I threw it down in the middle of our empty table, then slid out of the booth with my purse and winter coat in hand.
“Willa,” Leighton said. “Wait. We didn’t mean to make you upset.”
I turned around. “None of you know how my relationship works. None of you know Jackson. All you’ve ever made me feel was pathetic for having a crush on him.”
“It is,” June muttered.
Hannah shushed her and Leighton shot her a glare.
“You know what’s pathetic?” I snapped at June, stepping right up to the table. “You. You come here and try to embarrass me with all your talk of sex and fucking. You try to make me feel stupid for loving a man who deserves it. I don’t give a crap what you think about Jackson or me. It’s none of your damn business, so butt out.”
All three faces at the table stared up at me like I’d gone bonkers. My outburst was so out of character it even surprised me a bit.
“He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I told them. “He might not be ready to get married today, but you know what? Neither am I. And the bottom line is, it is none. Of. Your. Business.”
With that, I spun back around and marched for the door. I wasted no time getting into my car and peeling out of the parking lot, driving straight to the bar.
I drove straight to the man who’d make it all better.
“Hey, babe.” Jackson smiled as I walked through the door. But as I stomped across the room, my shoes crunching peanut shells, his smile dropped. “Uh-oh. What happened at dinner? Did they burn your cheeseburger?”
“No.” I slumped into a stool. “I kind of yelled at my friends.”
He chuckled. “They must have deserved it then. My girl doesn’t get riled up much.”
They had deserved it. Maybe. June had for sure. Except I felt bad for lumping Leighton into the mix, and Hannah had been genuinely trying to give me advice.
Jackson walked around the corner of the bar, taking the stool next to mine. He spun me to face him so my legs were between his.
“What happened?” he asked gently.
“Nothing.” I waved it off. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Discussing the diner situation would involve me asking Jackson if he wanted to get married and I didn’t want to freak him out.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yeah. I’m just glad to be here now.”
“Me too.” He leaned forward, giving me a soft kiss.
“See?” I whispered. “All better.”
He cupped my face in his hand and I leaned into his palm. We sat there, just staring at one another for a moment until the door opened and Leighton walked in with apology written all over her face.
“Hey, Leighton,” he greeted.
“Hi, Jackson.”
“I’ll give you two a minute.” He slid off his stool, kissing my forehead. “Are you hungry?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t eat.”
“Okay. I’ll make you something. Be back.”
Leighton took the seat Jackson had abandoned as he strode behind the bar and disappeared down the hall toward the kitchen.
“I’m sorry,” we both said at the same time, then laughed.
“You were right,” she said. “It’s your relationship. Don’t let any of us tell you what’s right or wrong. Just follow your heart.”
“He is my heart. He always has been.”
Leighton smiled. “I know. And there’s nothing pathetic about that.”
“June thinks so.”
She scoffed. “June is jealous and always has been, which makes her opinion invalid.”
“Maybe,” I muttered. “I still feel bad for snapping at her and Hannah.”
“Don’t feel bad. They deserved it, we all did. I’m glad you stood up for yourself.”
It wasn’t so much me I’d stood up for but my relationship with Jackson. Where he was concerned, I had a lot more spirit than usual.
“I’m starving.” Leighton’s stomach growled. “Would you care if I invited Brendon down to share a pizza?”
I smiled. “Not at all.”
Two hours later, my bad mood from the diner was gone and my stomach was full of my favorite pizza.
“I like the way he looks at you,” I told Leighton after Brendon excused himself for the restroom.
She giggled. “I was just thinking the exact same thing about Jackson.”
I looked down the bar, where Jackson was cashing out a customer’s tab. He gave me a wink when he caught me watching.
“Can I ask you something?”
She nodded. “Of course.”
“When did you tell Brendon you loved him?” The pair had said it a couple of times throughout the night. It had been lovey-dovey and so cute.
Leighton and I had been talking constantly about our boyfriends, but I hadn’t asked her for specifics about when they’d exchanged the words. I just knew they said them and often.
“About a month ago. Why?”
I shrugged. “Just curious. Did he say it first?”
“Technically, no.” She smiled. “We were at his place one Friday night about a month ago and we’d each had a few glasses of wine. He was all glassy-eyed and smiley. We started kissing, but then he stopped and asked, ‘Do you love me?’ I couldn’t lie to him so . . . I said it. Then he said it back.”
Leighton looked over her shoulder to make sure Brendon wasn’t coming back, then she leaned in close. “He was so happy that he let me sit on his face for almost an hour.”
My cheeks flushed as she giggled and took another drink of her beer.
“I, um . . . we haven’t done that before,” I whispered.
“You’re missing out.”
I made a mental note to ask Jackson about it later. With him, all of our boundaries had been erased and I felt comfortable asking him about sex. June might judge him for his “experience,” but I was reaping the benefits.
“Ready to go, sweetheart?” Brendon asked, appearing at Leighton’s side. They really were a beautiful couple, each tall with dark hair. Their babies would be enormous.
She nodded, drinking the last swig of her beer. “All set.”
They each pulled on their coats and hugged me good-bye before saying the same to Jackson. Then they left us to an empty bar, walking out the door hand in hand.
“Let’s close up,” Jackson said, leaning across the bar.
I stood on the railing, meeting him in the middle for a kiss. “My place?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
It wasn’t like the two of us didn’t see each other every day, but with Ryder and all the other things happening, it hadn’t just been us.
We closed down the bar in record time and Jackson followed me in his truck back to my house. I missed our summer strolls along the sidewalk, but with winter coming, we wouldn’t be walking again until spring.
The minute we got inside my apartment, Jackson attacked my mouth, his lips ravenous for my own. Just like always, I met his ferocity beat for beat, stripping off my own clothes as he shrugged out of his.
“Jackson,” I panted between kisses. “I want to try something.”
His mouth moved down the column of my neck as he whipped off his flannel shirt. “What?”
I unzipped my jeans. “I want to sit on your face.”
He stilled, leaning back with a grin. “Yeah?”
My cheeks felt hot. “Yeah.”
“Fuck, yeah.” His hands gripped my hips, picking me up off the floor. In two fast strides, he’d tossed me onto the bed.
I giggled at the wolfish grin on his face. “When did you decide you wanted to try this?” he asked as he yanked off my knee-high brown boots.
“Leighton.” I tugged my sweater over my head and unclasped my bra.
“I knew I liked her.” He chuckled. “Get your jeans off.”
I did as I was told, wiggling them free from my hips so he could pull them to the floor.
“Up.” He ordered me to my knees. “Panties off.”
I obeyed, the excitement running through my blood making my fingers fumble on my thong. But as soon as I had it around my ankles, I kicked it to the floor.
Jackson still had his jeans on. They were unbuttoned, hanging from the delicious V that I loved to trace with my tongue. When I reached for the zipper, he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. “Leave them.”
He climbed on the bed, lying right in the middle on his back. His gorgeous face looked up at me like I was his last meal.
“Get over here, babe.”
“Okay,” I breathed. “Where?”
He pointed to his mouth. “Right. Here.”
A shiver ran over my shoulders as I straddled his waist. Then inch by inch, I scooted my knees forward. My center hovered over his washboard abs, then over the valley between his hard pecs. Finally, he helped me over his arms so my knees were planted right by his ears.
“Grab the headboard.”
I nodded, placing my hands on the frame in front of me. “Like this?”
“Mm-hmm.” He hummed right against my pussy. “Hold on tight.” The feel of his hot breath on my clit made my inner walls quiver.
Jackson dragged his tongue along my slit in a slow, torturous motion.
“Oh. My. God.” My head lulled to the side as he did it again.
“You taste so fucking good, Willa.”
I moaned as his hands came from underneath my legs, gripping the curve of my ass. His fingertips dug in hard, sending a rush of heat to my core.
“Now ride my face.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant, but as his mouth latched onto my clit, alternating between sucking and lapping me up with his flat tongue, my body figured it out fast.
My knees and legs were shaking as I rocked against his mouth and his stubble tickled the insides of my thighs.
The cries that came from my chest were free and loud, filling my small apartment with pure ecstasy as Jackson added his own groans.
“I’m going to come,” I gasped.
He responded with a hard suck on my clit, sending me over the edge. Pulse after pulse, I came over his mouth. He kept me from falling with his hands, and when I was a boneless mess, still quaking from the aftershocks, he carefully helped me off his face.
“Wowzah.” I swiped the sweaty hair from my forehead as I took Jackson’s place with my back on the bed.
“Liked that, huh?” He smirked as he worked off his jeans. When his thick, hard cock bobbed free, I licked my lips.
“My turn?” I suggested, but he shook his head.
“I’m going to come inside you tonight and not in your mouth.” With a tight fist, he stroked his swollen flesh up and down until a glistening drop formed at the tip. He kneeled on the bed, letting go of his cock so he could grab my knees and spread them wide.
“I missed you,” he whispered, lining himself up with my entrance.
“I missed you too.”
I held his eyes as he inched inside, stretching me as he buried himself deep. Then he bent, touching his forehead to mine, and let go of all restraint. He drove us up high, using hard and fast strokes until I was whimpering and ready to explode. His big hands came to my breasts, tugging on my nipples and the sensation sent me over the edge.
I cried out, practically screaming his name as he dropped his face into my hair and shot his hot release inside me.
Yes, Jackson had fucked me. It had been hard and rough and perfect. But it hadn’t been the cheap sex June and Hannah bragged about. Jackson and I fucked and we loved.
We had both.
I was delirious as he fell to my side, pulling me over his chest to hold me while we regained our breath.
“I missed you.” It was the third time he’d told me tonight.
“I’m right here.”
“I know.” He sighed. “We just haven’t had this for a while. Just me and you.”
I softly kissed his chest. “It will get easier.”
“Yeah.” He hugged me tight before letting me go to use the bathroom and clean up. When I came back out to the bedroom, he’d climbed beneath the covers. Normally, he always tugged the quilt down so it wouldn’t get messy, but we’d been in such a hurry tonight, he’d forgotten.
I climbed into bed, snuggling my naked little spoon into his naked big spoon.
As I closed my eyes, a rush of pity for Hannah and June hit, not because I’d snapped at them, but because they didn’t have this. They might get the sex, but they were missing this part. They were missing the love.
Jackson’s breathing began to draw out, his body not far from sleep. So before he could conk out, I whispered his name.
“Hmm?”
I took a deep breath. “Do you love me?”
His arms around me jerked and his body stilled.
My eyes shot open, staring at the nightstand as I waited for a response.
It wasn’t the one I wanted.
Jackson relaxed his arms and kissed my hair. “Get some sleep, babe.”
