THAT GIRL SURE KNOWS how to keep me on my toes. First, she shows me a confident, cheeky side she’s been hiding God-knows-where, stealing my dessert and replacing it with fucking M&Ms, then she rates my skills at eight.
Here I was, replaying our kiss all evening, thinking it was the best kiss in my life, and she rates it eight?
Way to drive me nuts.
I want to prove her wrong, up my score, and kiss her until our lips are numb, but… I can’t. She’s not mine to kiss.
She’s Cody’s.
The back of my head hits the wall. I can still taste her sweet mouth. One kiss and I’m fucking addicted. How the hell do I stop this? The neurotic thoughts; the growing, burning need; the—
Who am I kidding?
I can’t stop or step aside.
I’m too far gone to give up without a fight.
I never thought I’d consider going against my brother, but I’ve reached a point of no return. Not one thought today has been unrelated to Mia.
She’s all I’ve thought of for weeks.
She’s too young, still in college. She should have fun, party, and enjoy her youth before mundane life begins. I’m not the guy for her. Too obsessive, too fucking possessive, but…
I’ll make it work.
I’ve been learning how to handle, touch, and talk to her for almost two months now.
She’s not as soft as I initially thought.
Every time I see her, I discover a new part of her character. She argues: shows me my place, and stands up to me when she feels strongly.
She’s two parts gasoline and one part match. She’s got a spark, too, and once all that fuses together, she’ll burn bright.
I toss the cigarette to the ground and enter the building, taking no time to rethink what’s already decided. There’s no turning back now. Win or lose, I’m done pretending I can’t stand on the sidelines, watching my brother attempt to woo the girl I want.
Everyone save for the triplets, and Theo, is gone. The room emptied half an hour ago, but Mia’s been home much longer. She was exhausted, barely keeping herself awake at the table. Since Cody was nowhere to be found, I called the cab driver who took us home a couple weeks ago and slipped him a hundred so he’d wait until Mia got inside.
Better safe than sorry.
I push the door to the Ballroom open with both hands, letting the wings bang against the wall. “Where’s Cody?” I ask, not spotting him by our table.
“He’s here somewhere,” Conor says, rolling a bottle of vodka across the table. “Sit down. We’re having shots.”
“Not until I talk to Cody.”
“Why?” Theo narrows his eyes at me. Either he’s frowning, or he’s drunk and seeing double. “Come on, bro. Spill your guts.” He pats the chair next to him, slurring his words. “You’ve been on edge all day today.”
“He’s always on edge,” Conor muses, launching a grape in the air and catching it with his mouth.
“Not like this,” Theo continues. “You’re a different kind of tense today, and you’re freaking me out because I know that tension. I’ve seen you like this before.”
“I’m good,” I clip, not in the mood to divulge the subject. Whatever Theo thinks he knows, he’s wrong. “Where the fuck did Cody go?”
“It’s Kaya, isn’t it?” Theo sighs, pouring a round of shots. “Your ex. That’s what’s riling you up, right?” He grabs my shoulder, squeezing hard as he leans in closer. “Last time you acted so odd was when you were with her. You’re mad she didn’t make it tonight?”
“I didn’t know she was invited.”
“Adrian said he saw you two talking at Rave a few weeks ago…” He pushes a defeated breath down his nose. “Listen, I love you. I’ve got you, alright? If she’s what you want—”
“You think I’d let her crawl back to me? We’re not together, Theo. And before you ask, we’re not fucking. She was drunk off her ass, begging for another chance at Rave, but that’s not happening.”
“Thank God.” He falls back in his chair, theatrically wiping his forehead. “Honestly, I’d be here for you, but I’m glad you don’t want her.”
“He didn’t go home, did he?” I ask, my leg twitching against the floor.
“Who?”
“Cody.”
“No, he’s here,” Colt chips in, lifting a shot glass and gesturing for us to follow. We all throw our heads back, swallowing the disgusting liquid that burns down my esophagus. “You being tense today isn’t about Kaya.” He points his finger at me, eyes glassy, too much alcohol in his bloodstream. “Can’t fool me, bro. You’re into Mia.”
I knew he’d throw that at me at the first opportunity. I’ve had two drinks tonight, but my ears ring, and shame washes over me once more.
I open my mouth, but he bangs his hand on the table before I get a word out.
“Don’t lie. Don’t lie to me, Nico. I see how you watch her, how you fucking hold her and worry when she’s one bit uncomfortable.”
“Mia?” Theo pours us another shot, chuckling under his breath. “The blonde with Cody? You’re drunk, bro. No more for you. Isn’t she like in high school?”
“College,” I correct. “I’d love to entertain you, Colt, but Cody’s the one I need to talk to.”
“Oh, he knows,” Conor chuckles, launching another grape. “He’s not blind. None of us are.”
Fuck. My hands grow cold, coated with sweat, and an airless mounting sense of unease settles in my lungs.
I should’ve talked to him sooner.
“You convinced Mia to jump out of the plane with you, and you glare at Cody whenever he’s not attentive enough,” Colt says, leaning back in his chair. “You fucking kissed her, Nico. You kissed her.”
“She told you?”
Or maybe something less incriminating…
Theo gasps, hiccups, and gasps again. “You kissed Cody’s girlfriend? Bro!” His eyes widen, bigger than silver dollars. “That’s… nooo, that’s just nooo. What were you thinking?!”
“Mia’s not Cody’s,” I growl, squeezing the back of my neck. “He wants her, but she’s not his. Not yet.” I lift my gaze to Colt. “I can’t believe she told you.”
“She didn’t, but I saw how she touched her lips the whole bus ride back here earlier.”
She did? I wouldn’t know because—pissed off—I took the front seat, shoved both earphones in, and blasted Guns N’ Roses on full volume.
“She kissed me,” I explain with a deep, defeated groan. “We just landed. I think she needed to let the adrenaline out somehow and used me. It was nothing, Colt. A peck at best, but…” I rest my elbows on the table, massaging my temples. “…I lost it. I pulled her back because I couldn’t not kiss her. I’ve been fighting this for weeks.”
Maybe it’s good they know. Maybe they’ll help. I need them to tell me I can get over this crush. That I can forget about Mia. That it’s not a big deal.
“Believe me, I don’t want to feel this way, but she’s on my mind the second I wake up, the last second before I fall asleep, and every fucking second in between.” I down the shot, slump my elbows back on the table, and hide my face in my hands while my brothers keep quiet. “So, yeah… I kissed her. I like her, and I hate that I do, but I can’t stop.”
“You like her?” Theo echoes on my right, his tone hovering between skepticism and surprise. “But… she’s small. Like, really, really small, and you’re not.” He nudges me, so I’d lift my head. “You look like you could fucking eat her, Nico.”
Conor bursts out laughing. “I bet that’s all he wants to do.”
“She’s young!” Theo continues. His hands flap, missing my face by an inch. “Shy, and… did I mention small?!”
“I get it. She’s short.”
“Short? She’d need a stool to kiss you.” He slams his hand on my back. “I hate to break it to you, but you fucked up. You deserve whatever Cody throws your way when he finds out. Liking her is one thing but kissing her was way out of line. Even if she’s not Cody’s yet, you had no right to go after her.”
“I know,” I grind out. “Don’t forget that never touch your brother’s girl was my addition to our rules.”
“Okay, just for a moment, imagine Cody’s not interested in Mia,” Colt says, twirling an empty shot glass on the table. “What do you do?”
“Don’t make me think about it.”
“Entertain me,” he insists, and Conor elbows his ribs, hissing something I can’t hear. “What do you do? You fuck her and leave her hanging like the rest of them?”
“No.” The word shoots from my lips. “This isn’t about sex, Colt. I don’t know if I want her because I can’t have her or because I’m—”
“Falling in love?” Theo cuts in, horror greasing his voice. “Shit, this is fucked up. You can’t do this to Cody!”
“I think you’ve had enough for tonight.” I snatch the bottle from his hand and take his shot glass. “You’re drunk. I’m not falling in love with her.”
“I think you are,” Conor hums, wagging his eyebrows. “It doesn’t matter, though. You wouldn’t last. She’s not adventurous or forward enough for you. She’s a good girl. Mellow. As innocent as they come. In every sense of the word.”
“She’s a virgin?!” Theo exclaims, his drunken theatrics in high gear. His face will get stuck in a permanent state of deep shock if he’s not careful. “How old is she?”
“Nineteen.” Colt hands the bottle of vodka back to Theo, gesturing for him to pour a round. “You’re our brother, Nico, but Mia’s our lil’ sis, and we will break you if you hurt her.”
I narrow my eyes, wondering which of us is drunker because he’s talking nonsense, and I’m thinking nonsense, rehearsing my next sentence.
I won’t ever hurt her.
I throw the disgusting liquid at the back of my throat, enjoying the burning sensation as it warms my insides.
“Mia and Cody?” he scoffs, irritation evident by a shake of his head as he stares Conor down when he elbows him again. “They won’t happen. We all love her. We all keep her safe, but Cody’s the most big-brotherly.” He leans over the table like he wants to make sure I’m listening. “He’s not into her. He just didn’t want her to be your toy.”
“Why did you tell him?!” Conor whines, throwing his hands in the air. The drunken bliss on his face morphs into a confused mess. “Cody will kick your ass!”
“A toy?” I repeat, my voice barely a whisper. My mind races at the speed of light, connecting the dots, and suddenly, everything comes to a grinding halt. “You made me think Cody’s in love with her, so I’d stay away? Why did you even think I’d be interested? She’s—”
“Not what you usually go for? That’s what I told Cody, but then I saw you with her when you taught her self-defense, and I understood why Cody did what he did.”
“He fucking lied.”
“Yeah, he did. To you and to us.” He points between him and Conor. “He made us think he’s in love with her, too. Took us two weeks to get the truth out of him. He panicked when he saw you eyeing her up at the party and did the first thing that came to mind.”
Jesus… I’m not an asshole, after all.
I wasn’t fantasizing about my brother’s girl.
“You’re absolute jerks,” Theo booms, sporting a supersized grin. “But I got to say, I’m glad you care about someone so much you took drastic measures to keep her from getting hurt. I sure as shit wasn’t as considerate at your age.”
Cody enters the room, two shirt buttons undone, empty bottle of wine in hand, and a satisfied gleam in his brown eyes. I know that look on him… it means he got lucky.
“Where the fuck were you?”
“Probably fucking the waitress,” Colt supplies. “Someone’s got a confession to make,” he adds, pointing his chin at me, and Cody meets my gaze.
“I want her,” I say, cutting right to the chase. “And she wants me, so I’m taking her.”
“I know,” he sighs, plopping down on the seat across from me. “I knew I couldn’t keep this up much longer. I know you like her, Nico, but—”
“They kissed,” Colt cuts in, beaming. I’ve no idea what’s so amusing. “Mia started it.”
Cody’s face pales. “You kissed my girl?”
“She’s not your girl.”
“Calm down.” Theo pats his shoulder, handing him a shot glass, and proceeds to fill all five. “He felt adequately bad before Colt told us you’re not into Mia. Give him a break.”
Cody downs his shot before we grab ours. “Hurt her, and I’ll make you bleed, bro.”
“You should bleed. All three of you should. We’re brothers. We talk. You should’ve told me you don’t want me around Mia instead of playing stupid games.”
The four of them scoff in sync.
“Sure, we talk, but be real. You kissed her thinking Cody wants her,” Theo says. “You’d get your dick wet and flee like always.”
He might be right. If Mia was available right off the bat, I wouldn’t have stopped to get to know her.
“She likes you,” Cody says, sounding like he can’t comprehend why. “And I know you care, which is why I won’t tell you to stay away from her, but you better think your next move through very carefully.”
“Time to stop thinking every woman’s like Kaya,” Theo adds. “Mia’s seems like a pleasant change. I like her. I approve this match.” He laughs, pouring another round.
Colt rakes his hand through his dark brown hair, forcing it back. “Mia’s a great girl. Out of control at times, but lovely. She keeps us in check, and we keep her safe.”
“I know she’s nothing like Kaya. I also know she’s ten years younger and way out of my league.”
“That won’t stop you,” Conor mumbles, his mouth stuffed with grapes since that’s the only thing left on the table. “It shouldn’t stop you, bro. You’re already way over your head. Now that you know you’re in the clear, don’t fuck it up.”
Two bottles of vodka later, we stumble out the building. It’s close to four in the morning, and we’re all trashed as we get into a cab. I can’t remember when I was this drunk.
I also can’t remember when I talked to my brothers like this. We’ve been chasing our lives lately, forgetting to take time for ourselves.
Sure, we go out drinking every couple of months, but we’ve not had a heart-to-heart in ages. Theo spent half an hour gushing about his blissful life with Thalia and how excited he is about becoming a dad, and the triplets told us about their after-graduation plans.
Cody had his career path figured out years ago. He wants to work for Stone and Oak with Logan, but in a more hands-on way: leading the construction teams. Conor’s diving deeper into becoming a production sound mixer, and Colt’s all about business management.
When they were younger, I thought they’d choose the path of least resistance and open a business together, delegating tasks among themselves, but despite being identical on the outside, they’re completely different inside.
Mia
Summer holidays before middle school
“No wonder nobody likes you, Mia. Look at yourself!” my mother huffs, shoving me in front of a mirror, touching my hair like it’s rotten and disgusting. “You’re ugly. God, why do you wear glasses?!”
She takes them off, and my vision blurs too much to move around the house unassisted.
“I can’t see,” I say, twirling the hem of my sweater. “I need them.”
“Nonsense. You need laser eye surgery. Why do you think kids call you four eyes? Because you’ve got four eyes, Mia. Those glasses are thicker than the bottom of those Nutella jars you stuff yourself with.”
I pretend I don’t hear her. I pretend the insults don’t hurt. After all, I should be used to this by now. I’ve been bullied, ridiculed, and harassed by kids at school for five years, but coming from Mom, it hurts more.
She wasn’t around when I cried for two years because everyone called me Cootie Mia. She wasn’t around when Grandad chopped my hair off after Blair stuck three sticks of gum in it. She didn’t see my bruised knees and scraped elbows whenever kids tripped or shoved me to the ground.
She left Dad when I was four and moved to London. Today marks the first time I’ve seen her in person since. We only spoke a handful of times. She was never interested in me. She’s only proud of her first-born.
Aisha’s her mirror image: pretty, popular, a cheerleader with a line of boys waiting to fall at her feet.
I’ve always been Daddy’s girl. He’s not been around for much of this either, traveling the world for work, but at least he knows. He calls and talks to me. Never calls me ugly.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself and show them what they’re missing. You’re a Harlow. That name always means the world. I’ll get you booked for surgery, and you need to go on a strict diet. You’re getting fat, Mia. That won’t help you make friends in middle school.”
