luxury hotel you’re going to?” Maria asks as she pours us both a glass of wine and hands one to me.
“It’ll be mediocre at best,” Griffin grumbles from the other side of the kitchen where he’s eyeing up the egg incubator like it’s a nuclear warhead that could deploy at any given second.
“Don’t worry, boss. I will be sure to report back on all of the other hotel’s offending shortcomings.” I give him a small salute.
Maria stifles a giggle as Griffin walks over to us. “You know what you have here is perfect, Griff. You don’t need to view every hotel, including one that’s an hour’s drive away, as a threat.”
“Oh, I know what we have here is perfect, Sweetheart,” he growls against her neck as he strokes her long, dark hair over her shoulder. He kisses her exposed skin from behind, forcing me to rescue the wineglass from her hand just in time before the contents slosh out over the rim.
Maria laughs and turns to kiss him on the lips. His eyes linger on hers with a heat in them until I cough.
“Um, if you could just, like, stop looking at her like you want to devour her for one minute so I can have her to myself, please. Then she’s all yours for the rest of the night.”
Griffin smirks at me, then kisses Maria again. “You hear that, Sweetheart? You’re mine for the rest of the night.”
“Okay.” She smiles at him like an emoji with heart eyes as he looks back at her in the same way, but with a dose of wicked sexiness thrown in.
God, these two. They’ve been together a year now. You’d think I would be used to their complete infatuation with one another when they’re together, but it still has the power to render me speechless.
“I can’t wait to be looked at in the way he looks at you.” I sigh as Griffin disappears into his study.
“Oh, I don’t think it’ll be long.” Maria bites her lip with a smile.
“What planet are you on? In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not even dating at the moment. And we can’t count Reed, before you say it.” I hold a finger up in the air and Maria closes her mouth. “Which, by the way, is why I came to talk to you while he’s out at this community hall thing he’s doing tonight.”
“I’m listening.” Maria slides into the velvet bar seat at the kitchen island opposite me.
“Okay.” I glug a big mouthful of wine, then place my glass down.
She already knows about our fight, if you can call it that. And about me delivering the truce cookies during my lunch break today. I omitted the part about Reed kissing me hello, his lips lingering against my skin when there was absolutely no need for him to do so with only Stuart there as an audience, who already knows full well it’s fake. I also omitted the part about how my entire body heated up so much when his eyes were looking into the depths of me that I thought there was a real possibility I was about to pass out.
I haven’t worked out what any of that means yet. I’ve stored that little gem of a head fuck away for another time.
But what I do want to talk to her about is the realization that came to me while I was working this afternoon.
“I think I know what Reed’s hurt is from,” I say.
“Oh? Did he tell you?” Maria listens, sipping her wine.
“No. But I’ve figured it out. It’s something that happened when he was younger. And when I said someone close to me was hurt…” I choke on the words, my throat burning, the way it does sometimes when I talk about it. Maria lays her hand over mine and gives me a reassuring smile. She’s known all my secrets for a long time now. Both her and Griffin. They both know why I started honey trapping and why I need the extra money. I didn’t tell them to begin with. But it was a weight off my shoulders when I did finally decide to share.
“Anyway,” I continue. “He said it was similar for him, too. And I know he has a twin sister, Riley, who he was close with growing up. She’s a lawyer who specializes in sexual assaults, and Reed… well, it’s one of his policies he wants to change when he becomes mayor. He wants stricter laws. More safety for people. For women.”
I roll my lips together and take a deep breath.
“I think his sister was sexually assaulted when she was younger and Reed found out about it, but was too late to do anything to stop it. I think he feels partly responsible and blames himself.”
Maria looks down at the marble countertop. “That would make sense.”
“What do you mean? Do you know something?” I lean forward in my chair, over the counter toward her. “Has Griffin said anything?”
“Only that it’s something Reed feels very strongly about. He hates sexual crimes with a passion. He was over here once when a news report of someone being drugged and assaulted came on the news. I thought he was going to melt the TV the way he was staring at it. It’s like something they were saying hit home with him. And it hit hard.”
I nod as Maria’s eyes meet mine. “It does make sense. And here I was thinking he was upset over Bea. No wonder he was so angry. He’s there, hurting over something serious. Over his sister being…” I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow. “And there’s me trying to set him up on a date because I thought it would fix all his problems. I’m so dumb.”
“No. You’re not.” Maria grabs my hand and waits for me to open my eyes and look at her. “You are not dumb. Don’t ever say that. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met, Harley. You were the first friend I made when I came to New York, and you helped make it feel like home to me.”
“Aww.” My eyes threaten to well up with tears as she squeezes my fingers.
“You were just trying to help. You saw someone hurting, and you tried to do something about it with the information you had at the time. Okay, you were miles off target…” Maria smiles gently at me. “But your heart was in the right place. It always is.”
“Thank you,” I whisper back. “The thing is though, if I had been right, then I would have been able to help Reed… maybe.” I shrug. “But this? How do I help him with this?”
Maria brushes her hair back over her shoulder, and I wait, ready to hang off her every word. I know she’s been through a lot herself to get to where she is today, running her own business, and a happy, respectful relationship with Griffin. If there’s someone with life wisdom gained through experience, then it’s Maria.
“Harley.” She sighs. “You can’t fix what’s already done. You can only be yourself.”
“Myself?”
Her lips curl into a kind smile. “Yes. And something tells me that will be more than enough.”
I finish my wine as Maria and I chat about the retreat, and she updates me on Eggbert, as I’ve named him. Then I head back downstairs to our apartment, sliding my feet into my slippers as I enter.
The living room is empty. Reed must still be out. I’m about to flick the TV on when the sound of a muffled voice comes from inside his room. Maybe he’s practicing his greeting for when he meets the president this weekend. It wouldn’t surprise me. I’ve been running over what I should and shouldn’t say if I meet him as well. Although, all I’m dying to do is ask how his dog, Lincoln, after Abraham Lincoln, is. He’s the most adorable terrier and I would love to ask about him and what it’s like having a pet in the White House. Who walks him and whether he flies in Air Force One or stays at home. Whether he has his own security detail assigned. Pet napping is a huge problem. Natalia told me as much when she was over.
I tiptoe along the hallway and press my ear against his bedroom door. I don’t even know why I’m trying to listen in on him rehearsing, if that is what he’s doing, but yet, here I am, my cheek squished against his door so hard that if he were to open it now, I would fall ass-over-head through it and land in a pile at his feet. I’ve seen him do some public speaking at a couple of the small press events I’ve attended with him, and I’m not going to lie, the way his deep voice commands the room, demanding respect and silence is sexy as hell.
I shouldn’t listen.
“Fuck… just like that.”
I shoot back from the door like it’s on fire. What the? Is he serious? Does he have someone in there right now? In our apartment? His voice is quiet, like he’s trying to make sure he isn’t heard. But it’s also low, gruff, and gravelly.
Laced with sex.
Anger spikes low in my stomach, coursing heat through my veins. He said it had been months. The bastard couldn’t wait a little longer until I had moved out? After he made me promise I wouldn’t date while we were in this… arrangement. This sham.
My hand hovers over the handle, but I withdraw it when he speaks again.
“Wrap those pretty pink lips around it.”
Fuck. My stomach flips and I swallow hard as I realize I’m listening to Reed getting a blow job, separated only by the thin sheet of wood that is his bedroom door. I turn away, sickened at what an idiot I’ve been. I knew he was like this. I knew he was unable to think without his dick being involved. I’ve been so accommodating. Going to all these stupid functions, playing the doting girlfriend, and he couldn’t give me the same respect? Couldn’t keep to his word? I bet she’s not even the first. He’s probably had half of Manhattan up here when I’ve been out. I should have listened to my gut. I’ve met enough assholes in my time to know that the chances were Reed Walker was never going to be any different.
There’s a deep groan of satisfaction as whoever she is finishes and gives Reed what he was waiting for. I stand frozen to the spot, unable to make my feet move as blood rushes in my ears. I should be in my room now. In my room packing. There’s no way I’m going to stay and give him the opportunity to lie to my face and try and talk himself out of it, try to…
“Harley?” Reed’s door opens and his eyes widen as he finds me hovering in the hallway.
I drop my gaze over his bare chest and tanned abs to his low-slung cotton pajama pants. The outline of his still softening dick is visible through the fabric, and I swallow the bile in my throat at the hint of what she had to work with. I wonder if she can dislocate her jaw to fit it. Like when snakes eat a whole egg, just swallow the giant thing down in one go.
“How long have you been home?”
Reed hovers in his doorway, probably wondering how he’s going to sneak whoever she is out.
“Not long.” Long enough.
I meet his gaze and he looks uncomfortable for a brief moment, running a hand around the back of his neck. Over the exact spot where I know his hair is softest.
“Good.” He gives me an awkward smile. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Reed look awkward before. But then I’ve never caught him with his dick in another woman’s mouth before. “How’s Maria?”
“She’s fine,” I snap. If he thinks he can make small talk with me in the hope I will go in a minute and he can sneak his conquest out, then he’s sorely mistaken. I’m not going to make this easy for him.
His brow furrows as I cross my arms and glare at him. He holds my eyes for what would feel like an uncomfortably long time under normal circumstances. But seeing as I’m pissed enough to crack him over the head with his guitar, the length of time is nowhere near sufficient for my glare to convey all the insults I’m hurling at him in my head right now.
“Did you want a drink?” He arches a brow at me, his eyes darkening as he eventually breaks the silence.
I shake my head, and then he stomps off in the direction of the kitchen, leaving his bedroom door wide open.
“Feel free to go inside,” he calls over his shoulder. “Check under the bed… in the closet.”
I glance through the doorway before I rush after him.
“What?”
He’s leaning against the kitchen counter, his legs crossed over at the ankle, arms folded, and an unreadable expression on his face as I storm into the open living and kitchen area.
“You heard me.” He shrugs, tilting his head to the side as he grimaces. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“No,” I sputter. God, how can he be so goddam blasé about this? He really doesn’t give a shit about anyone other than himself.
Without realizing I’ve moved directly in front of him. My chest shakes as I draw in a deep breath.
“You’re overreacting,” he states, his words stinging like salt in a wound.
“I’m not.” My voice rises as I square up to him. He looks down at me, the golden flecks dancing in his eyes.
“No? Then what are you doing?”
He’s so casual, languidly resting his hips against the counter as he frowns at me. I wish I could punch him square in the nose. I grit my teeth and my eyes dart to the hallway, waiting for movement, waiting for confirmation. I have every right to feel the way I do right now.
“I’m… I’m… angry. And I’m disappointed. And I’m—”
“An eavesdropper?” He cocks a deep brown brow as a muscle in his cheek tenses.
“Oh, I’m sorry if I interrupted your evening! I only live here, too.” My voice betrays me and pitches on the last word, letting him know that he’s affected me. That I was fooled. That I was really starting to believe Reed Walker wasn’t the total man-whore I always believed him to be.
I rip my eyes away from his in disgust.
“Why didn’t you knock? You could have joined in?”
“What?” I gasp. “Are you serious?”
I’m spun faster than I can blink as Reed lunges forward and spins us, caging me in with my back against the counter and his muscular arms either side of my body. Anger radiates off him in hot waves, licking at my skin and making my body vibrate in shock.
“Oh, I’m very serious, Harley,” he growls, his eyes darker than I’ve ever seen them, but their golden flecks are still there, like flames in the night. “Tell me what I was doing in my room when I thought you were out, hm?”
I lean back, sweat prickling on the back of my neck from how close he is, but he doesn’t stray even a hair’s breadth to allow me more space.
“Why?”
“Because I want to hear you say it. I want to hear you admit to me right now exactly who you think you’re living with.” His voice is low, and each word is spoken with precision, like a hunter who’s lining up his shot.
I tilt my head back and notice a vein on the side of his forehead bulging, and I transfer my attention to it, his eyes too hard to look at as I understand what it really was that I heard.
“Look me in the eyes,” he snaps, making me jump.
I swallow, my throat dry and thick, as I do as he commands. “You were… alone.”
“What was I doing alone, Harley?” he grits out, pressing closer to me.
“You were—” I swallow again, wincing as my throat throbs. “You were… touching yourself,” I whisper.
“I was jerking off.”
I gasp as the word hits me in the face along with his minty breath. I’m not a prude, I’ve heard the phrase jerking off before. But never has it been said so brazenly to me, used against me like ammunition, intended to wound.
Reed reaches up and slowly twirls a strand of my blonde hair around his fingers, fixating on it with a strange look on his face.
“I used to hate blonde hair once.” His eyes narrow as he fingers the strand, his lips curling down. “Now it’s all I want to fucking see.”
“Reed?” I whisper, sickness unraveling in my stomach, spreading through my body, dark and poisonous, like oil in the ocean.
He brings his attention back to my face. “I told you I only needed you.”
My mouth drops open as the anger written across his face transforms to disappointment.
“Don’t judge me on my past. This may not be real, but I will respect you as though it is. And if I tell you that there won’t be anyone else, then there won’t be anyone else. Did you think I was lying when I promised you that?”
“No.” I manage to force the word out. It sounds small and pathetic in the tiny gap between us. “No, I didn’t,” I try again, with more conviction.
Reed reaches up and cups my cheeks between his large, warm hands, and his expression softens as he dips his face to mine. I don’t even think about what I’m doing as I wrap my arms around his neck and stand on my toes, letting my eyes fall closed as I part my lips, tilting my chin up to him as butterflies erupt deep in my core.
“Get some sleep, Harls. It’s late.” His lips change course, away from mine, and press to my forehead in a brief kiss. Then he pulls away, and my arms drop to my sides as my cheeks burn with shame.
I’m a terrible person. Here I am, judging him. But it’s not his fault, it’s mine. It’s every piece of dishonesty and betrayal I’ve witnessed. It’s every broken heart and destroyed family that I’ve seen. It’s my own shattered heart, my own battered family. My own sobering understanding of how much damage can be caused by sex and the lies that surround it.
Because I’ve felt it, deep in my soul.
Some people’s actions have far-reaching consequences, and my family is living proof of that destruction. But I’ve taken it out on Reed, forced by my scars to strike out at him. Blamed him, when all he has done since I moved in here is be the perfect gentleman and friend. No wonder he keeps saying the past is best left there. He can see right through my thin disguise. See right through it to the surviving pieces that are left of me since that day, years ago.
“Reed?” My voice wavers. He’s already halfway down the hallway as he looks back. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Me too,” he says, pausing for a second. My heartbeat takes over my whole body until it’s all I can hear, overpowering my eardrums.
Then he goes into his room and closes the door behind him.
