in the store?” I look pointedly at the giant pink box complete with over-sized glittery bow that Reed’s balancing in one arm as we approach the front door.
“Last time I saw her, she said she wanted a Barbie dream house.” Reed looks at me as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world that he would buy it for her.
“You’re close, then? With Paige?” I look at his silky brown waves. He looks different today. I’m so used to seeing him in a suit, or sweaty with a lack of gym wear around the apartment. But this casual Reed in dark jeans and a green polo suits him. He looks like one of those men’s cologne ads. The expensive ones.
“I’ve spent a lot of time with Stuart, and he’s really close with his brother. So that means I’ve spent a lot of time with Book Page, too.”
“Book Page?” I snap back to reality at Reed’s choice of words.
“She likes it. You’ll see,” he adds as he looks at me.
I shake off my puzzled expression and look at the giant box again.
“I wish I’d been there to see you carry it out of the store.” I grin at the mental image of Reed, all smart and serious in his suit, manhandling a giant pink box with partying swimwear-clad dolls on the side in the middle of Manhattan.
“I only had to load it into the car. The saleswoman offered to help, but I said no.” He reaches his free hand up to ring the bell.
“You said no?”
“Yes. After she asked for my number.”
I roll my eyes and turn my body to him, ready to fire a witty comeback, but he’s looking at the door with a straight face.
He isn’t joking.
“Oh… That’s nice.” My stomach tenses and I close my mouth, pressing my lips into a firm line.
“It’s not, Harls.”
Harls.
The tension in my stomach is replaced by fluttering the second my name leaves his lips.
“She knew full well who I am. She was talking about the campaign with me.”
“And?”
A muscle in his neck twitches as he sucks in a breath through his nose.
“And we’ve been together a few weeks now. The press has been talking odds on when I’m going to propose.” He reaches forward and jabs the bell again, hissing with a clenched jaw. “She would have known about you. The fact she asked for my number is not fucking nice.”
“Hey.” I lay a hand on his bicep. “So what if she’s the type of woman who doesn’t care if a man is in a relationship? Why are you bothered?”
“It’s not the type of woman she is that bothers me.” He looks at me with darkened eyes.
“Then what?” I frown at him in confusion. He’s right. The press has been going nuts over our ‘relationship’. It’s the first time Reed has been known to have a serious girlfriend since he joined the political circuit. Some news channels are more interested in me and him than they are in his policies should he become mayor.
“It’s the type of man she thinks I am. I would never do that to you.” The way his eyes soften as they hold mine, he looks almost apologetic. Apologetic for something he hasn’t even done, and for something that isn’t even real.
“It’s fine.” I shrug. “Who cares what other people think? We both know in this thing”—I wave a finger between us—“there’s only you and me. And that’s everything we need.”
His brows pull together. “People are so fast to judge. That’s why Stuart suggested we do this in the first place. He thought it’d help people see me as a serious candidate, not purely a womanizer who wants the notoriety and position to bed more women.”
His eyes burn into mine for a few seconds before he looks away, his jaw still clenched tight. I never realized it bothered him what people think. I assumed he was happy with meaningless hook-ups. Some people don’t want full-on relationships, and that’s their choice. But then, I guess he was engaged once. To Bea.
My stomach sinks at his dejected expression. If I wasn’t sure before, then I am now. He must have been hurt badly when things ended with Bea, so he began burying his sorrows in different women, along with his dick. Only now that’s causing him pain, too. People expect him to screw up. To cheat on me. To give them some sordid sex scandal to get all worked up over and throw on the front pages. They expect him to be a cold-hearted player. But it was because of his big heart that loved so openly that he ended up in this situation in the first place.
He thinks he will be judged on his past more than his ability to be a good mayor.
“Prove it to yourself.”
He turns to me.
“Prove it to yourself.” I raise my brows and look at him… really look at him. “You could be a great mayor, right? You really care about people and providing better services for them. Better services, education, stronger communities. That’s all true, right?”
“Yes.” He takes a deep breath as he listens to me.
“Then tell yourself, Reed. Be you and don’t worry what the hell anyone thinks. Show up for yourself. So that you can look back and think, you know what? I did it. I showed up, and I was instrumental in this process. I was on this journey, and I nailed it in the way only I can.”
He’s silent for a beat before he speaks.
“You’re right, thank you.” He smiles, looking into my eyes. “And you’re also unusually philosophical today?”
I rub at the burning in the center of my chest, my cheeks growing hot under his gaze. He’s right; I am feeling more in tune with my emotions today. I had to give myself a pep talk in the shower this morning and remind myself of Reed’s words about looking back. I can’t do that anymore. I need to look forward and own my feelings. Own them and not be afraid of them. I knew today would be a tough day. Too many painful memories. But I need to change that into something positive. Turn that frown upside down, as Mom would say when we were kids.
And a kid’s birthday party and petting zoo are perfect. Kids, animals, and cake. How can anyone not be happy with that combination?
I lift my gaze to meet Reed’s, who’s watching me, concern etched in the small creases around his eyes. Tiny valleys forged by understanding and compassion. I know I make fun of him, and he deserves it most of the time. But I also know, since spending all this extra time with him, that he’s kind, considerate, and passionate. He’s so many more things than I ever saw before and than I ever gave him credit for.
“Besides, you know what I’d do if you cheated?” I say, lightening the mood.
All this heavy thinking can wait. Today is not the day.
“Do I?” He arches a brow.
I bite my lip as amusement glitters in his eyes. I love it when he looks at me like this. It means that for a small moment, I have brought a little sprinkling of joy and happiness into the world.
And it’s been felt by Reed Walker.
I stand on tiptoes and bring my lips to his ear, letting them ghost over his skin as I try not to get high on the incredible forest air scent that is him.
“Snip, snip,” I whisper.
He draws back, looking at me as his face splits into a wide grin, and he laughs. It’s deep and full, and it comes from low in his chest, making him appear taller as he embraces it.
It’s like real-life magic.
I watch him, entranced, as the door opens.
“Hey, you two. Sorry to keep you waiting so long.” Stuart grins, standing back so we can walk in.
I kiss him on both cheeks. Then Reed shakes his hand as they pat each other on the back.
“Wow.” My mouth hangs open as I look around the beautiful hallway. It’s bright and inviting, with giant black and white family images on the walls. I assume they must be Stuart’s brother and family if the resemblance is anything to go by.
“Yeah… my brother married an interior designer. She can tell you any New York hotel, just by looking at its room décor. It’s bordering on an obsession requiring institutional intervention.” Stuart laughs. “Come on through. Everyone’s out back.”
We follow him to the back of the house into an open-plan kitchen and dining area. The giant folding doors are open, allowing the room to flow seamlessly out onto the large, flat manicured lawn and gardens. It’s stunning. I guess this is what you can get for your money if you live somewhere like Riverdale. It’s so much greener than Manhattan. A family’s dream.
Stuart introduces us to his brother, Reuben, and wife, Nina, and he points out his girlfriend, Shannon, who waves at us from across the lawn. I smile and give her a wave back, but then my attention is stolen by a whirl of giggles and party hats as a gaggle of children tear past us in the direction of a trailer where a man is unloading animals. I watch in fascination as a small pony is led out and placed in a pen on the grass.
“Reed!” I point over at the pony and then squeal as it’s joined by a micro pig and small sheep.
He looks down at me, eyes crinkling. “Why don’t I find you a party hat and you can join the kids?”
“Really?” I wiggle my hips side to side on the spot. “Look! There’s a goat!”
“I’ve seen a goat before, Harley.”
I shove him in the arm, but he doesn’t even wobble. It’s like pushing a boulder up a mountain. We’ve only just arrived, but I can already tell this was a great idea. I feel better about today already.
“I bet you haven’t seen one in a pink bow, though. Look.” I point over to the happy little goat whose tail is shaking as it bleats in its pen.
“It’s a goat. Why does it need a fucking bow?”
I lean into Reed’s side and pat him on the chest with my palm. Even though this is a friend’s party, only Stuart and his girlfriend know we aren’t a real couple. It’s getting much easier to be physically close to Reed when we’re out now. Maybe I’m just getting better at acting, but it feels so much more natural as each day goes by.
“Oh, shut up, party-pooper. It’s her party outfit. I think she looks sweet.”
Reed wraps his arm around my waist and dips his nose to my hair. “How do you know it’s a she?” He squints toward the goat’s little furry tummy.
“Just a feeling.” I smile and blow a kiss to the goat, who is watching us.
The grumble in Reed’s throat vibrates against my forehead where he’s pulled me into him.
“What?” I lean back to look at him.
“Harls, you’re blowing a kiss to a goat.”
“And why not? It’s the only thing I am blowing since our arrangement began.” I hold in my laugh for as long as I can until it bursts out, fueled by the murderous look crossing Reed’s handsome features.
“On second thoughts”—he pulls me back against him and leans down so his warm lips graze my ear, sending electricity dancing over my skin—“I’d rather see you French fucking kiss the flea-ridden thing than ever imagine what you might be doing if you weren’t mine at this exact moment in time.”
I crane my neck and look up at him as he pulls back, his eyes burning into mine.
His?
Fake his, obviously. That’s what he means. Still, the way he says it, his eyes dropping to my lips and back up again. If this was real, then I would be in serious trouble of falling deep. I don’t think there’s a middle ground with Reed. Just the way he says it, ‘his’, tells me that once you have his heart, you’ll never doubt the strength of love again. Bea was a fool. Whatever she did that hurt him, she’s paying for it now by missing out on him. Maybe that’s why she was such a bitch at the dinner. He’s never had a girlfriend since her. She was always the one that no one ever replaced. No one ever followed. She left too big of a hole behind. But then she saw me. She doesn’t know this isn’t real. She sees Reed finally moving on. She sees what she lost.
And for now, what she lost is mine.
At least, I get to pretend it is.
I screw my face up. “I do not want to imagine what you might be doing either, thank you.”
“What would I be doing?” Reed asks innocently.
I cock a brow at him and scoff. “Um.”
The thought of Reed with another woman, that ridiculously ripped chest of his, and his carved abs, dripping in sweat as he ‘goes hard at it’ like he does in the gym invades every one of my senses, and I shudder as a ball of nausea threatens to swell in my stomach.
It makes sense. No one likes to think about their friends having sex, do they? Not actually picture it. Although some of the graphic stories Suze has told me about her dating adventures mean I may as well have been sat at the foot of the bed with them.
No, I do not want to picture Reed with another woman.
Ever.
“Um. You know what? It doesn’t matter.” I wave my hand half-heartedly in the air.
“You think I would be in bed with someone whose name I won’t remember?”
“No, I—”
“It’s fine, Harley. I know what you think about that. You’ve told me enough times.”
“I…” I close my mouth, stopping myself before I make it worse.
I’m such a bitch. He was opening up to me on the doorstep, saying he hates how people judge him. And I told him it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, and yet here I am, seeming like I am judging him for his past.
“Besides, I like that you say it like it is. Your mouth is one of your best qualities.” His lips twitch. “Although if I were your real boyfriend, I think I would be stuffing something in it to get you to shut up sometimes.”
“Reed!” I bat him on the chest as the atmosphere lightens. He grabs both of my hands and pins them behind my back with a deep chuckle.
My breasts are forced forward, and I suck in a breath as my nipples harden beneath my blouse. Images of him feeding his cock into my mouth assault my brain and any words I could use as a comeback wither and die on my tongue.
I mean, he’s… I look back into his bright eyes, which are fixed on mine. God, I wonder if he looks at them like this when he’s—No! I cannot think about Reed with other women. And what he does when he’s naked with them. It’s just weird and awkward, and weird, and… His lips part, and I stare at them, itching to hear what he’s about to say.
“Weed!” A little girl runs over and wraps herself around his leg.
“Hey, Book Page.” He breaks eye contact with me, letting my hands go, and grins as he hoists the little girl up into his arms. She immediately presses his cheeks together and giggles as his face squishes up.
Weed? I mouth to him behind her.
He winks at me before turning his attention back on Paige.
“I wame wu wisch wu a wuppy wurfway,” he says before tickling her under one arm, so she lets go of his face. “I said”—he holds the hand up above her head as she stares at it, her eyes going wide and sparkling in delight—“I came to wish you a happy birthday.”
She erupts into giggles again, throwing her head of blonde curls back as he swoops on her tummy and tickles it.
“Stop, Weed! Stop!” she pants, reaching for his cheeks again the second he relents in his attack on her.
“No, you don’t, Book Page.” He swings her around in his arms before depositing her on the floor. She beams up at him like she’s just met her hero. “You having a fun time, superstar?”
“Yes. There’s a pony. Did you see it?” She bounces on the spot excitedly, and Reed’s eyes dart to mine.
“I did. It’s a fine little pony. You know what?” He reaches for my hand and pulls me to his side. “This is Harley. She loves animals, too.”
Paige’s face glows, her cheeks flushed pink, probably from a mix of being swirled around and eating party food. Her eyes pop as she looks at my pink top with a frill down its center, the same shade as the dress she’s wearing.
“Do you want to come and see it with me?”
I glance at Reed who smiles at me and tips his chin.
“I would love that!” I give Paige my friendliest smile as she takes my free hand. Reed squeezes my other fingers between his and then lets them slip from his so that Paige can tug me away in the direction of the pens.
One hour later, I have stroked, fed, petted, cuddled, kissed, and rubbed every fuzzy tummy of every animal that is part of the petting zoo. I’ve been the only adult in there the entire time with all the kids, and I couldn’t care less. I’ve had an awesome time.
“It feels funny.” Paige wrinkles her little button nose as she holds her hand out to Freddy the goat.
“You’re doing such a great job.”
“He’s hungry.” She giggles as he snuffles in her hand for more pellets.
“Having fun, Mrs. Doolittle?”
I turn to the familiar deep voice and lock eyes with Reed, who is leaning on his forearms on the side of the pen. He gives me a dazzling smile that makes me forget where I am for a second, until Freddy nuzzles at the frill on the front of my pink top, trying to nibble it.
“Hey, you.” I laugh as I place my palm against his nose and steer him away. “Are you going to come in and stroke him?” I look back at Reed questioningly.
“I thought he was a girl?” Reed says as he comes in through the gate.
“No. Sam said he has a willy,” Paige says matter-of-factly, dipping her head toward the grass. “It’s furry. Look!” She points to between Freddy’s back legs.
“Oh, yeah, a little furry one. Well spotted, birthday girl.”
Paige grins at my praise and then jumps to her feet. “I’m going to go and tell Uncle Stu that I found Freddy’s willy.”
I laugh as she leaves the pen and races across the grass toward Stuart.
“Aww, it’s so sweet.” I look back at Freddy.
“A furry willy?”
“What? No!” I groan at the smirk on Reed’s face.
“Ugh, you’re such a jerk sometimes,” I say with a smile, unable to stop it planting itself on my face like a sign. A great big neon one that tells Reed I find him amusing.
Sometimes.
God, he’s going to love this.
I shake my head and sigh as I stroke the smooth horns on Freddy’s head.
“Do not make a horn rubbing joke.” I arch a brow at Reed.
His eyes crease up beneath his dark brows. “I never said a word.”
His eyes are glittering, the way they do when he’s amused. “You didn’t need to. I’m learning a lot about you since I moved in. What have you been doing, anyway? While I’ve been playing with the kids?”
He casts his gaze over the lawn and tilts his chin toward an older man near the gift table. “See him? That’s Fred Yates, New York’s top defense attorney. And that”—he looks toward a woman with short brown hair around my mom’s age—“is Hilda Davenport, head of the board who runs three of the biggest hospitals in the city.”
“And here was me thinking we were just coming to celebrate and eat cake. Is this what all kids’ parties are like now? A chance for the parents to network with business associates?”
Reed looks back at me, pushing a hand back through his hair. It shines in the bright sunshine. “Nina made over their houses for them. It’s just a coincidence they live in the same neighborhood.”
“A lucky coincidence if you’re running for mayor.” I bump shoulders with him with a smile, then stand, calling over to Sam, the guy in charge of the animals.
“Hey, Sam? Do you have any feed left?”
“Sure.” He holds up a bag in his hand and brings some over to me, depositing it into my palm.
“Hold out your hand,” I say to Reed as Sam heads off to chat to the children fussing over the piglet.
“No.” Reed crosses his arms over his chest, his biceps straining the fabric of his polo.
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.” I fix him with a look that I hope says I mean business. “Reed Walker, you are going to give Freddy a snack.”
“Why?” He glances from me to Freddy, his bottom lip poking out in a childish sulk.
“Because I want to video it. It’s the sort of thing a girlfriend does.” I force the feed into his large hand and hold my phone up ready, barely able to contain my grin as Reed glances over his shoulder.
Hilda looks over at us both and smiles.
“See? You have an audience. Don’t keep them waiting.” I giggle as I click record.
Reed mutters something unintelligible under his breath before he crouches down in front of Freddy.
“There. You happy now?” he grumbles as Freddy trots over and starts devouring the pellets in his hand.
“Yes.” I grin as I watch them on the screen on my phone. It’s so cute. Freddy’s little tail is wiggling around all over the place, and he’s started doing this little bounce up and down on his front legs.
“Good. I’m glad you two are happy.”
“I am. It suits you. I think he likes you.”
Freddy’s tail has gone into overdrive now and he’s put his front hooves up on Reed’s knees as he shoves into him, eager to get the last bits of food.
“Greedy little bastard, isn’t he?” Reed remarks, but I swear he’s enjoying it really. How can he not? Freddy is so sweet and the way he’s now butting Reed softly, it’s like he’s pushing in kisses with his head.
“Who’s a good boy? You like Weed, don’t you? You want to know if he’s scrummy-yummy-delicious, don’t you?” I coo from behind the camera.
“Oh fuck,” Reed mutters, dropping his voice to talk to Freddy. “She’s talking to you in that voice. Next, she’ll be spraying you with her water bottle and spouting positive mantras at you. If you see the tiny scissors… run!”
“How dare you?” I cry, laughing in shock.
Reed smiles, looking away from Freddy and at me through the camera. He looks insanely handsome. I grip my phone tighter, so I don’t drop it.
Photogenic bastard.
Reed’s eyes snap away from mine and he lets out a garbled ‘fuck’ in the same breath as he topples backward from the force of Freddy’s sudden headbutt to his groin.
“Freddy! What are you doing? No!” I dive forward, but he escapes my grasp, happily rearing back and butting his head into Reed again. I manage to grab the bow around his neck with my free hand and pull his head up from where he’s buried his nose between Reed’s thighs.
A low groan escapes Reed’s lips as he sits on the floor.
Sam runs into the pen and takes over, leading Freddy away. “Sorry about that. He gets a little frisky with adult males sometimes. Must be the testosterone he picks up on.”
“Now I know why he needs to wear that fucking bow. It’s a restraining device,” Reed hisses out through gritted teeth as he cups his manhood between both hands. “Fucking animals.”
I bite my lip, fighting away my smile as he composes himself with some deep breaths, before finally standing and brushing himself off.
“Aww, he liked you.” I giggle as I reach up and pluck a blade of grass from Reed’s hair. “Maybe he could smell all that pent-up sexual energy from the last few weeks.”
“Months,” Reed interjects.
“Huh?”
He stares into my eyes as my hand hovers in his hair and drops his voice low so only I can hear. “It’s months of fucking sexual energy. I haven’t looked at a woman since that charity gala at The Songbird where my date threw her drink in my face.”
“Oh.” My hand freezes at the base of his neck. I remember that night well. I’d chosen to wind him up and ask him to introduce me to his date. He got her name wrong, and she was less than impressed. “You haven’t—?”
“No,” he answers immediately, a gruffness in his voice.
I hold his gaze, desperately wanting to ask him why it’s been so long. I knew after we agreed there would be no one else while we pretend to date that it must have been a few weeks, tops. But to learn that Reed, the guy who was ‘entertaining’ a different woman almost every night at one point, hasn’t had sex in months? It’s like being told Santa is real after all.
“Oh,” I say again. It’s the only word I’m able to form, my tongue turning to jelly in my mouth. I swallow hard and eventually force out a croak. “Maybe that’s why Freddy really likes you.”
“The feeling is not mutual. My balls feel bruised,” Reed huffs and his eyes drop to my cell phone. “You can delete that.”
“Not a chance!” I grin, my normal voice returning as I stuff my phone into the back pocket of my jeans.
“Harls.” There’s a warning tone in his voice, but the fact that he said Harls again does not warn me of anything, except the imminent surge of the weird, warm, fuzzy feeling I get in my stomach when he calls me that.
“For my eyes only, I promise.” I wink at him as Paige calls through the side of the pen.
“When I hurt myself, Mommy and Daddy kiss it better.”
Reed turns to her. “They do, do they? That’s very nice of them.”
Paige nods enthusiastically, resting her chin on one of the horizontal bars as she watches us expectantly.
Waiting.
“Do you think Harley should kiss my hurt better?”
I look at his smug bastard expression. He’s enjoying this.
“I am not kissing your dick if that’s what you’re hinting at,” I whisper out the side of my mouth so Paige doesn’t hear the word ‘dick’.
“It’s her birthday. She’s the birthday girl. You shouldn’t refuse a request from the birthday girl.” Reed smirks at me as Paige looks between the two of us.
“My tongue would probably disown me. Pack up my tonsils and fuck off to Timbuktu if I had to do that,” I murmur. “The only thing hurting is your giant fucking ego from falling on your ass, which is covered in grass, by the way.”
“You’ve been looking at my ass?”
I narrow my eyes at him, and he laughs and looks back at Paige. “Sorry, Book Page. Harley doesn’t like kissing me in public. She thinks I taste like candy, and she’s scared she won’t be able to stop.”
“Would you kiss forever?” Paige’s eyes go wide.
Reed looks at me with a smile. “I think we would. I think I would kiss her until I’m all old and wrinkly.”
“Eww.” Paige screws up her nose and then lets out a shriek as Reed darts out of the pen and scoops her up into his arms.
“But you? You taste like gummy bears!” He grins before he lifts her stomach to his lips and blows raspberry after raspberry on it.
Her laughter rings out around the garden, and I can still hear it in my head as we say goodbye to everyone, and ride back in Reed’s private car, and as we walk inside our apartment, and I sink my feet into my slippers.
I can still hear it hours later.
It sounds like happiness.
Pure, unbridled happiness.
And I know that any time I think of her laugh again, it will make me smile like it is doing now.
Until I’m all old and wrinkly.
