Holy mother of God. What in the world did I get myself into?
Did I really agree to being friends with benefits, minus the friends part, with Austin?
I’m rushing back to the kitchen where I left the children, my arms wrapping around my newly acquired dress as tightly as possible. As if doing so will rid myself of the sins I just committed with their father.
A deep warmth spreads from my chest up to the tip of my ears, and I know I must be the color of those strawberries on the counter. “What do we have here?”
Amanda and Alex are sitting on stools, all the supplies and then some are strewn about atop the rich butcher block workbench.
“Stuff for our muffins! There’re blueberries, chocolate chips, and strawberries too!” Amanda is practically bouncing in her seat. She’s so excited.
“I vote for chocolate chips,” Alex chimes in, his sly grin reminding me so much of his father’s.
I’m about to respond when thick fingers flex into my lower back. “I second the chocolate chips.”
Austin’s deep voice sounds off beside me, and it takes everything in me not to visibly react. Instead, I steel myself and shoot him a glare that dies in place when I see the warmth in his eyes. There’s something there I haven’t seen before, and I definitely don’t hate it.
He opens his mouth to respond when there’s a knock at the door; the sound making him take his hand off my body and step away. I instantly feel the loss and I hate myself for it.
Besides the fact that we’re so wrong for each other, I just can’t trust him. He’s already let me down once, even if it was probably for the best. But that memory has stuck with me, and I’d be a fool to forget it.
I’m still reprimanding myself when Penelope walks into the kitchen. Austin must’ve let her in when I was deep in my self-loathing.
“Hey kiddos. What’s all this?”
“Muffins!” Both Amanda and Alex answer simultaneously.
Penelope’s smile lights up her face as she takes everyone in. “Oh wow. You know what I just realized?”
“What?” Austin answers.
“You all have A-names.” She points, listing each one of us out. “Amanda, Alex, Austin, and Anaya. I can’t believe I never noticed that before!”
The kids are clapping as if this is the coolest news in the world.
“That’s because we’re the A-Squad. You know, like the Kardashian, but way cooler.” Alex’s face turns super serious, like he’s just declared this as law.
“I love it.” Austin smirks beside me, his thick fingers coasting up my side and making me shiver. Thankfully, nobody catches it and I’m able to step away before he does something else that’ll visibly turn me into a pile of mush.
Needing to change the subject, I step closer to Pen. “Hey, why don’t you help us with the muffins now that you’re here.”
“Sure you won’t mind having a P in the mix?” She snorts, as if she’s just said the funniest joke.
“As long as you don’t put P in the batter, then I think it’ll be all good.” Austin cuts in, his dad joke bringing ruckus laughter from the kids.
“Ha. Ha. I guess I should’ve seen that coming.” Pen raises a brow and shakes her head as she goes to wash her hands.
“Yeah. You really did set yourself up for that one.” I chuckle, pouring the flour into a bowl.
In just under forty minutes, we’re done prepping and baking, making the entire kitchen smell like a mixture of chocolate and blueberries. It’s divine.
“Mine is going to be the yummiest,” Amanda chirps, followed by Alex’s protest.
“No. Everyone knows chocolate chips are superior.”
“It’s not a competition, guys.” I’m shaking my head and smiling just as a loud pounding cuts through the room. “What in the—”
“Oh god. I think I know who that is.” Pen’s face turns flushed, irritation clearly painted over her features.
“I’ll get it,” Austin huffs, wiping his hands before storming toward the door.
The room is silent, save for the banging on wood. Whoever it is, they want inside.
“Where is she?!” Jack’s booming voice cuts clear across to the kitchen.
“Calm your tits, brother. You’re not seeing her like this.” Austin’s voice is steely in his resolve.
“I tried to keep him back, but you know Jack. There’s no talking him out of something when he’s put his mind to it.” Jace’s voice is faint, but it’s clear he’s here too.
Pen blows out a sigh beside me. “Ugh. I’ll deal with him.” She’s about to walk out but turns at the last minute. “Don’t go anywhere. I actually came here to talk to you regarding a favor.”
Her words take me aback. A favor? From me? “Of course. Anything you need.”
She’s smiling as she exits the kitchen with my nosy self and the children in tow.
“Penelope!” Jack roars, desperation painted over his rugged features.
“I’m here, big guy. Haven’t gone anywhere.” She walks right up to Jack, pressing the palms of her hands to his chest as she looks up into his eyes. “You don’t have to go all caveman on me. I promise I won’t leave… yet.”
He growls at that last part, his eyes going wild. “Penelope,” her name is uttered like a threat. One that Pen rolls her eyes at. “I just got you back and I don’t plan on losing you again. You need to tell me whenever you’re stepping out of the main house, or this is what you’ll get every time.”
Something flashes before Pen’s eyes, her lip curling up into a sneer. “Fine. I’ll tell you when I’m leaving, but that doesn’t mean I’ll let you stop me from doing it.” She slaps Jack on the chest before turning toward the living room where we’re all openly staring. “Now, if you’ll release me. I need to talk to Anaya about some things.”
I smile at that, turning to the kids. “What do you guys say? Feel like taking our muffins to the main house? I bet Mom would love to try your creations.”
“Yes! She can be the judge,” Alex bellows.
“You’re toast, bubba.” Amanda points her little finger into her brother’s chest, the action making all of us chuckle.
“Alright. Let’s get everything packed up and head over.” I’m walking into the kitchen when I hear Pen huffing behind me.
“You have to let go of me, you know… Ooof.”
“What? Can’t fault me for needing one last hug,” Jack retorts.
“That wasn’t a hug. That was a strangulation of my torso,” Pen mutters as she comes up behind me, bee-lining it to the Tupperware drawer.
I can’t help but sigh at their banter. Despite their differences, the love they hold for one another is clear as day. No amount of snide remarks can mask it. That man would tear through heaven and hell to be by her side.
God, how amazing would it be to have that sort of connection with someone? One where you’d never be worried and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
As I package the jam into our basket, I remind myself that some things just aren’t meant for me. And to be honest, it’s safer that way. Can’t get torn apart if you don’t put yourself out there in the first place.
Austin
“You sure you don’t want to head to the main house too?” I’m staring at Jack, hoping he’ll go chasing after Penelope.
It’s clear he’s still planning on pursuing her and I’m not ready to be around that.
“Nah. It’s probably better if I give her some space. You know… absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that jazz.”
Jace snorts. “Well, you sure as fuck weren’t giving her space, storming over here like some damn crack addict looking for his next hit.”
“Whatever,” Jack snarls. “That was because I didn’t know she was on the property. You try losing the love of your life, only to get her back and then have her go missing again. You’d have acted the same way.”
I’m groaning, rubbing a hand over my face, when Jace’s booming laughter fills the room.
“Yeah. Fat chance in hell of that ever happening. I don’t do love. Closest thing I’ll ever come to having that is this camgirl on OnlyFriends.” He bites his bottom lip and groans. “God created perfection with that one.”
“Christ, Jace. Please tell me you’re not watching that shit up at the house. Can’t have one of the kids walking in on that.” Jack’s brows drop in disapproval, but Jace is either oblivious or just doesn’t care.
“It’s not like I don’t lock the door. Besides, you can’t expect me to live the life of a monk up here. There’s literally no pussy for miles!”
I laugh, patting our youngest brother on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. You’ll be out of here soon enough and back to your glamorous lifestyle in Miami.”
Jace beams as he walks toward the hall. “Counting down the hours.”
“You and me both,” Jack mutters.
I’m about to say something when Jace’s smirk stops me cold, his hand holding up a discarded piece of lace I know all too well. For fuck’s sake, my cock is still coated in the owner’s juices.
“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Jace is all smiles as Jack lets out a whoosh of air beside me, his mouth dropping open before he’s muttering under his breath.
“The fucking irony.”
Ignoring Jack, I storm forward, ripping the tiny white fabric from Jace’s hand. “Both of you, shut it. This doesn’t concern you.”
“Like hell it doesn’t!” Jack’s now laughing behind me. “You can’t keep giving me shit about Pen if you’re fucking the nanny.”
“The much younger nanny.” Jace has to put his two cents in, the two assholes now laughing at my expense.
I give them my back, stuffing the still damp fabric into my pocket for safekeeping. “I know how this looks, but it’s not like that.” Finally turning toward my brothers, I let them in on my thoughts. “This… with her… it’s so much more than some old dude fucking the young nanny.”
Jack snorts, “If you’re old, then I’m ancient.”
I raise a brow while Jace walks over and shoves at Jack’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t give him more ammo than necessary.”
He’s talking about his age difference with Pen. At Thirty-five, he’s over a decade older than my stepdaughter. But in all reality, I’m no better.
Anaya is twenty-one to my thirty-two. That’s a full fucking decade and a year.
“Look, I’m still not one-hundred percent with you and Pen, but I get it now. What you said in the study about having no control over who you fall for.”
Jace’s mouth is hanging open while a self-satisfied smirk plays on Jack’s lips. “So, is she on the same page?”
Our youngest brother chortles. “Of course she is. Didn’t you see the panties?”
I shake my head and throw my head back. “It’s not that simple. She’s still married and I’m a widower. A widower because of my own damn fault.”
Even though Blanca was unfaithful, that doesn’t mean I’m absolved of the role I played in her death.
Jack sighs, taking a couple of steps forward before clapping both hands on either of my shoulders. “Look. I don’t know how to make this any clearer. It wasn’t your fault. There were so many things in motion, and based on what we’ve uncovered, she wasn’t exactly innocent in all this.”
Jace nods. “Yeah, she’d basically wronged the cartel who off’d her. Some may even say it was a long time coming.”
“Jace,” I growl his name in warning. “Watch it. She’s still the mother of my children.”
“The adulterous mother of your children,” Jack mumbles under his breath, his hands dropping to either side of him.
Focusing on him, I finally notice the lines around his eyes are deeper, probably from everything he’s had to shoulder while I was gone. Sighing, I let a little bit of the resentment I’d been harboring float away. Maybe I’ve been too hard on him.
“I take it Penelope told you?”
“Yup.”
“Told him what?” Jace looks between us, his brows pulled together.
Walking over to the kitchen, I pour myself a coffee, offering both brothers the same. “Blanca had been keeping a diary of sorts. Pen found it and gave it to me. Apparently, Blanca had been stepping out for some time, though she never mentioned her beau by name.”
“By the sounds of it, he had lots of money.”
Jace scoffs. “So do we. I can’t believe that skanky ho. She had us all fooled.”
“Watch it brother.” I raise a brow, reminding him he still needs to respect her, even though she didn’t do the same for the sanctity of our marriage.
“Fine. Fine. But that should at least give you a hall pass with the nanny.”
“Her name’s Anaya,” I growl, not liking the way he’s addressing the woman who’s rocked me in the best way possible.
“I thought it was Monroe.” Jack teases beside me.
“You two are impossible. The point is, this is between me and her. We’ll tell the kids when it’s time, but it won’t be soon since they’ve recently had a lot of change.”
“Then it’s a done deal? Anaya feels the same way?” Jack’s eyes are full of warmth, and I can tell he’s coming from a place of concern.
I let out a sigh, rubbing the back of my neck as I peer out the window. “She’s not exactly on board, but she’s not off the train either.”
Jace chuckles. “Sounds like you have your work cut out for you.”
“That I do, brother. That I do.” And as I say those words, I know I won’t mind one second of it. Anaya is more than worth it, and I’d fight until my last breath to call her mine.
