The mirror mocks me. Freshly showered and naked as the day I was born, there’s nowhere to hide.
I just stand there. Assessing. Wondering where my body went wrong.
Like two tiny beacons, the dusky rose of my nipples calls to me, bringing my eyes to the soft mounds that surround them. Are they big enough?
Blinking, I let my gaze travel to the undefined stomach below. Is it firm enough?
Sucking in a sharp breath, I violently pull my face from the mirror. Am I not good enough? Is that why he won’t touch me?
The questions are all too much, ripping a choked sob from my throat and filling the otherwise quiet room.
One after the other, tears escape my glassy blue eyes. And as they fall, I know something needs to change or whatever’s left of my heart won’t survive this.
Taking a staggering breath, I let my composure crack and my heart breaks right along with it; the fissures reaching into the deepest crevices of my soul.
The pain, it’s so heavy, I know there’s no escaping it.
Wiping the tears that seem to fall steadily now, I wonder how this became my reality? How did I become that girl? The one who second guesses her worth, wondering if she’s good enough for a man. That’s not me, is it?
My mind wanders to him. The much older man with his just-fucked hair and stormy eyes that always seem to pull me back in. There was a time he could never get enough of me, when his hands never left my body. He made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman on this earth. Like I was the only thing that mattered.
A groan falls from my lips, wishing I could call someone—anyone—and talk to them about this living nightmare.
My stomach turns at the memory of my one and only friend. She warned me this would happen. That he would grow bored. What could a full-grown man want with a then nineteen-year-old?
Foolishly, I ignored her and blamed it on jealousy. Never once giving her words another thought.
On no planet could I think he’d tire of me when he’d made me his world. So, of course, when he asked me to move three-thousand miles away, I did. I left my old life behind and started a new one here with him.
I’m not ashamed to say that I enjoyed a man giving me the attention and structure I lacked all my life. Yes, he was domineering and liked things done a certain way, but that was part of what drew me in.
I shake my head, seriously doubting everything now. Was it all a lie? Have I been living a farce?
It’s been months and not a stolen kiss nor a whispered word of affection. How did my husband of two years turn into a fucking roommate? Was my friend, right? Is he finally bored?
I wrap my silk robe around my still damp body, the black material clinging to my every curve. Was it our schedules? I know I’m always at school and he’s often out of town for work, so there are days where we don’t even see each other. Is that it? Does he not see enough of me?
I have to make this better. I have to make this work. I’m about to pull out my makeup bag and start getting ready for my last final when I hear the front door open. Looking up, my face beams back at me in the mirror. He’s home early! Could it be that he missed me?
Running to the bathroom door, I swing it open, but what I see is not at all what I expected.
My husband is disheveled and upset. “Ray? Is everything okay?”
“Yes,” he grumbles, “Nothing I can’t sleep off.”
He goes to walk past me and I jump to seize the moment. Grabbing onto his wrist, I turn him back toward me. Our eyes clashing—his questioning and mine determined. Come hell or high water, I’m going to make this work.
I press my palms to his chest, sliding them down his body as I drop to my knees before him.
“Anaya, stop.” Ray’s hands fall to my shoulders, trying to push me away, but I’m hell-bent on making him feel good. Maybe then he’ll want me?
With a speed I didn’t know I had, I pull him free, my eyes focused on his as I fist his length. But the cold flint in his eyes is one I don’t understand until my lips are wrapped around his girth and I taste it.
As if frozen in time, I fucking taste it. The tangy flavor of a woman mixed with his masculine release.
With a horrifying pop, I remove him from my mouth, my eyes still blinking up at him. He didn’t even bother wiping her off… He walked into our home with the evidence of his affair still on his body.
I can’t. I fucking can’t.
I rise on bare feet, and before my mind can catch up, I’m running toward the front door.
Out of my periphery I see a hand reach out, but I whirl, missing it as I grab my purse and flee through the door.
I can hear my name being called, but it’s so faint compared to the ringing in my ears. It’s loud, bouncing around in my head as my lungs catch fire and my feet turn to ice as the soles repeatedly slap against the cold pavement.
I don’t know how long I’ve been running when I come to the big oak tree, my hand falling to the rough bark it’s encased in. All I know is that I no longer hear my name being called, and the sharp pain that pierced my chest is now a dull ache.
My breath is coming out hard and rough, the cold air I’m sucking in cooling off the boiling rage I have inside, when I hear it. My phone.
I wasn’t thinking when I stepped outside of our home, but I at least had the state of mind to grab my purse. I’m looking down at myself while shaking my head. I’m still in my damn robe.
I’m pulling out my phone, mentally registering which hotel I’ll be staying at tonight when I see it’s my mom. I can’t talk to her. Not now.
Pushing the call to voicemail, I pull up my browser and start reviewing a three-star motel. But before I can book it, the phone starts ringing again, my mom’s name flashing bright across the screen.
My brows furrow as a new worry snakes itself into my chest. This isn’t like her. She never calls twice. Fearing the worst, I accept the call and press the phone to my ear. “Mom? Are you okay? Is everything okay?”
“Oh, Anaya. Thank god you answered!” Panic laces her voice, making my entire body turn to ice.
“Mom. Talk to me. What’s going on?”
“I need you here, Anaya. The kids, they were kidnapped. I need your help. Mr. Crown said he would pay for everything, but we need you here as soon as possible.”
My mind is a whirl of emotions and thoughts. The kids? What kids? “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ll be there.”
There’s only been one steady constant in my life and that’s my mother. There’s no way I’m letting her down now, especially not for a worthless marriage I thought was real.
“Thank you, sweetie. I’ll arrange for a jet to pick you up. Just head toward the private air space in Jenks and tell them you’re with the men of WRATH securities.”
I’m nodding as I look down at myself. I don’t know who these men of WRATH are, but I bet they won’t be impressed by my showing up in nothing but a robe. Yes, I’m definitely making a pit stop at Walmart, but I’ll be there. “Okay. I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Love you, Anaya. I’ll see you soon.”
“Love you too, momma. See you in a bit.” Disconnecting the call, I let it all sink in. I’m leaving. I don’t know for how long, but I know it’s for the best.
Mom is the house manager for a swanky ranch I visit every summer. The resort is nestled amongst hundreds of acres in beautiful Colorado, the perfect place to clear my head, and whatever it is that Mom needs help with will give me the space and clarity I need.
Sending up a silent prayer to the powers that be, I give my thanks for this wild turn of events. I’m not sure what the future has in store for me, but
