WE JERK OUR heads, seeing someone’s cell light up and play a standard jingle.
Shit.
Amy whines, Krisjen yawns, and I see movement under the sheet. Oh, God. I flail, shoving her off me, and Krisjen sits up in bed, grabbing her phone as Liv and I pull the covers up over us. Her tank top lies between us, and I grab it, stuffing it under the covers.
My blood still rushes hot, the pulse between my thighs hammering, and a cool sweat covers my body.
Fuck. What time is it? I glance at the window, seeing light stream through, although the rain and thunder haven’t let up. Coach usually has us out of here by seven or eight. Is it time to get up already?
Krisjen rises from the bed in the dark, and Amy stretches, kicking the covers down off her body.
My mind races. What if they heard something? What if they saw?
What if they plop on the bed and notice I’m fucking naked? Where are my clothes?
I put my hand over my mouth, afraid they can hear my breathing, and I’m not sure if I’m scared or about to lose my mind at how good she felt.
I just couldn’t stop.
Krisjen looks down at us in the darkness, yawning. “Hey, you switch beds? Sorry, I’m a worm when I sleep.”
I clear my throat, my mouth like sandpaper as I look over my shoulder at her. “Yeah, it’s okay,” I choke out, feigning grogginess. “Your alarm sucks, though. I think you woke up the entire eastern seaboard.”
Amy snorts, and Krisjen makes some mocking sound, grabbing her hoodie off the bottom of the bed and pulling it on. “I’m a deep sleeper, too.”
“So, we all have to suffer?” I grumble.
Fingers find me under the covers, caressing me between my legs, and I suck in a breath, slapping Liv’s hand away and glaring at her.
She grins that grin that always reminds me I’m not the one in control. Not really.
“You’re so wet.” Her self-satisfied whisper is barely audible.
I can feel it. God, I’m far from satisfied. Now I’m pissed.
Krisjen sticks her feet into her Vans, loose hair frizzing around the messy bun on top of her head as she takes her phone and wallet. She crosses her arms over her chest and yawns again. “Going down to the Starbucks,” she says, making her way to the door. “I want the shower when I get back.”
Liv slips her finger into her mouth, and I watch her as she wets it and slides it back down under the covers, fingering my cunt.
I grab her hand, wanting to stop her, but she holds my eyes, and all I want in the world is to climb on and finish her.
I hug the covers to my neck, my legs intertwining with hers in the dark room, and I ball my fists to keep from reaching for her.
“You’re not getting away from me,” she mouths so softly only I can hear. “Because as soon as the lights come on, you’ll be Bitchie Cunterson again and clutch your pearls like I’m the one who’s corrupting you, and then you’ll go sleep with the dick just to prove you don’t like this.”
I lick my lips, tasting the beads of sweat as she swirls circles, rubbing so soft and gentle between my legs. My eyelids flutter.
“Cinnamon soy latte,” I gasp out to Krisjen. “Liv wants black.”
“A-ffirmative.”
Maybe if we give her a big enough order, she’ll take Amy with her.
But then Amy shouts out, “And a chai tea latte! One pump of vanilla, one pump of hazelnut! And a croissant!”
“Jesus Christ,” Krisjen barks. “I’m not y’all’s damn waitress.”
The door slams shut as she leaves without Amy. I’m about to scream, but then Amy hops out of bed. “I’m taking the shower first,” she says.
She walks past the bed, the lights still off, and disappears into the bathroom. The light pops on and dims again when she closes the door.
I exhale. “That was close.”
And without a moment to lose, Liv dives in and I grab her, taking her in my arms. “You should come over to the swamp tonight,” she whispers. “No one will stop us.”
“I can’t wait until then.” I’m in pain. I push her over, climb on top of her, and throw her hands up over her head, pinning them to the bed. “You’re mine, Jaeger.” I kiss her, sinking my mouth into hers, strong and hard, her hot tongue sliding into my mouth. “Mine.”
Releasing her hands, I slip down, cupping both of her breasts and move my mouth from one to the other, the feel of her flesh lighting a fire under my skin. Fuck, yes.
She fists my hair, holding me to her, and as soon as we hear the shower turn on, she pushes me up, fists my panties, and rips them off my body. The fabric screams, and I barely have time to appreciate how her eyes heat up, taking in my body before I can’t take it anymore.
I come down on top of her. “What do I do?” I ask.
“You know what to do.”
I know what feels good. The warmth between her legs hits my groin, her thin strip of hair electrifying every nerve between my thighs. I’m bare, but I love that she’s not. It feels so fucking good.
I bend my left knee at her side and slip my right one under her leg, opening her up. She reaches down, gripping my ass and nestling her center to mine. I close my eyes, tip my head back, and moan, hesitating all of half a second before I growl and press my chest to hers, grinding.
I roll my hips, thrusting myself into her again and again, faster and faster, our clits rolling over each other in agonizing, sweet little circles as sweat covers my back. A groan fills my body, the friction so fucking good.
“Clay…”
But I grab her jaw, pinching it tight as I whisper against her cheek. “Shhh.” I watch the ecstasy on her face. “You’re mine. You’ve always been mine. Whenever I want. You’re my fucking girl.”
Rolling my ass, I fuck her, her tits sticking to mine as the sweat from her stomach warms me, and my hips piston faster, needing more.
Our wet heat mixes, and static fills my head. I can’t think. We grind, fucking and speeding up the pace, her clit rubbing mine.
“Ugh,” I pant, kissing her hard as the sheet falls down, baring us to anyone who walks in.
My orgasm builds as I thrust harder and faster in her hands, her hands grip my ass and pull me into her. I lean back, sitting up, and she rises, sinking her mouth in to suck on one of my tits.
I grip her neck. “I like playing with you.”
She kisses and nibbles my breast, tugging my nipple with her teeth. “I know you do.” She flicks me with her tongue. “Anytime you want.”
I want it all the time.
Pushing her back down, I hover over her mouth. “I want you inside me,” I whisper.
She whimpers, her mouth falling open, and I can tell she’s about to come.
“You still got your cherry?” she gasps.
I caress her hair, nodding.
Her eyes narrow, and she bares her teeth, trying to not come yet. “He’s never been…?”
“Between my legs?” I finish for her. “Just you.”
She holds my face, her nose an inch from mine as she stares into my eyes looking like she wants to eat me.
“I want you to lose it in my bed,” she whispers.
Her bed.
“Anytime I want,” I demand.
She nods. “In my bed.”
Okay, yes.
“I promise,” I tell her, kissing her deep.
My place is in her bed.
Heat swarms my belly, tingles spread between my thighs, and I lean to the left, chasing the angle to grind on her better. With my hand on her throat and her hand squeezing my breast, I cry out.
“That’s it, Collins,” she breathes out. “Fuck me.”
The shower shuts off, my heart stops, but I can’t. “I’m coming.”
She grips my hair, holding me to her. “Faster.”
I grind faster, loving the feel of being on top of her.
“Come on, come on, come on…” she pants, chasing it too. Her breath stalls, she gasps, and then she bites my lips, fucking me from the bottom as her orgasms explodes.
“Oh, Liv,” I cry. “Fuck!”
I pump, so wet and slick, going, going, going until…
I arch my back, throwing my head back, and I thrust into her one final, hard time—blood boiling, sweat cooling my pores, and my insides freefalling.
I collapse on top of her, looking up into her eyes as I try to catch my breath.
She kisses my forehead, breathing hard. “God, you have a beautiful body.”
All I can manage is a half-smile, too exhausted to tell her I love touching hers.
I love kissing it and smelling it and tasting it.
I want more of it.
But before I can cop another feel or two, we hear the bathroom door unlock.
Liv’s eyes flash to mine, and I hop off of her, pulling the covers up over us and looking for any clothes.
Shit.
I find my shorts and top under the covers and pull them on, the door opening just before I can button my shirt.
I hold it closed, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and pretending to be looking for something between the bed and the wall.
“You okay?” Amy asks, walking out of the bathroom.
I glance up, my heart still pounding. “Have…have you seen my yellow Chucks?” I ask, trying to hide my nerves and steel my voice.
I see Liv’s shorts on the floor and slide them under the bed with my foot.
A shoe lands on the bed. “There’s one,” Amy says.
“Thanks.”
I’m afraid to look at Liv. Knowing her, she’s probably smiling.
“Give me five minutes.” Amy holds the towel wrapped around her head, clasping her clothes to her towel-wrapped body. “I need to rinse out this hair mask, and then you can have the shower.”
“No rush,” I chirp.
Amy shuts herself in the bathroom again, and I swipe Liv’s shorts out from under the bed and walk around to the other side, tossing them to her and buttoning my shirt. I catch sight of myself in the mirror, locks of my hair in spirals like a bird’s nest that’s been through a tornado.
I pull the covers off her, avoiding looking at her body. “Get dressed.”
I’m not satisfied. Not nearly, and everything aches. I don’t want to leave her. I don’t want to leave her arms.
She sighs, rising from the bed, and I see her black panties on the sheets and pick them up.
I stare at them, thinking about her other pair that I have.
“I want more,” I whisper, sitting on the bed. “I want to make noise.”
She stands in front of me, and I raise my eyes, taking in her smooth stomach, and how I want my turn to taste her under the sheets.
I wince, something inside of me hurting, just looking at her.
Opening her underwear, I lean down, waiting as she steps into them.
“Sleep over at my house tonight,” she tells me.
I pull her panties up her legs as I hear the shower come on. Liv pulls on her tank top. “Your whole family will know,” I say.
She falls silent, and I know I’ve said something wrong.
I meet her eyes, seeing a question in hers. “Don’t look at me like that.” I pick up her shorts off the bed and help her into them, and I’m not sure why I’m dressing her. “I’m still trying to figure out what’s happening. Just let me enjoy this before the whole world has an opinion about it.”
“Relax, Clay.” She brushes my hair out of my eye. “I’m not going to out you. You want to keep it quiet, that suits me too.”
Why?
I cock my head at her.
She just shrugs. “I mean, it’s not like this is a relationship, right?”
Well… I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I guess not. I hadn’t thought that far ahead.
Just that she’s the only option for me. She’s the only thing I want in the world.
“In a few months, you’ll be going to one college,” she says, “and I’ll be going to another. And I’m still not entirely sure I like you, so…”
At that, I smile. “You like me.” I glide my fingers up her legs, teasing her. “And you are coming back to school.”
She cocks a brow.
“I’ll be so pleasant,” I play.
Like soooooo pleasant.
“So, a piece of ass is enough to get me back to that shithole?”
“Not just any piece of ass,” I remind her. “And I’ll get even better with practice.”
I know it was my first time, and I know she’ll probably lose patience, having to teach me everything, but I’m a fast learner.
She tips my chin up, no longer smiling. “Don’t change a thing,” she orders.
A shiver runs through me, and I hold her waist, staring up at her.
I don’t want peoples’ reactions to this. I just want her. That’s it. Why can’t I have what I want?
I just don’t want to have those conversations with people like this is any of their business.
But I’m not ready to stop. We’ve already gotten it on, and whether my friends find out I fucked her once or twenty times, it’s still something I can’t undo. So why not a couple more times?
I don’t want to sleep tonight. I don’t need sleep.
“Don’t call anyone to pick you up when we get to school,” I tell her. “Walk around the back. I’ll swing past and pick you up.” A grin pulls at my lips. “Sleepover at my house.”
My parents probably won’t be around, and if they are, they won’t bother us. Just a friend and me—talking about guys, eating junk food, and doing whatever we want in the dark. All night.
“Okay,” she says.
I smile, and we finish getting dressed, my head going crazy with the idea of having all night with her. Just us.
Maybe I’ll make her something to eat. I don’t want to just see her in my room. I want to see her in the kitchen, in my bathroom, in my shower…
Krisjen brings us coffee, and within an hour we’re all showered up and packed, a whole weekend ahead where, if I’m clever, I can spend it sneaking around with Liv.
The whole way back to school is torture. Krisjen offers to drive Liv home, since she picked her up, but thankfully Liv declines, opting to ride the bus with me instead.
She slips into a seat to the right, and I pause, nearly sitting down with her, but Amy is behind me, and I panic, moving on a couple more rows and sliding into a seat on the left.
Liv catches my eyes, leaning against the window and props her leg up on the seat, winking at me.
I breathe easier, still feeling like shit, but she knows what this is. She’ll have all my attention soon.
We glance at each other from time to time, spells where I find myself staring at her as she leans back, eyes closed, and her earbuds playing music. A blush warms my cheeks, thinking about everything that just happened between us, and how I can still smell her on me. In my hair.
I had sex. With someone else. I’ve made myself come before, but does this mean I’m not a virgin now? I still have my hymen, but that can’t be the gauge, right? Guys don’t have one, and they still refer to themselves as virgins if they’ve never had sex.
I’m not a virgin anymore. And I fold my lips between my teeth to hide my smile. Liv was my first.
I look over at her again, watching her listening to her music and feeling different all over. I guess it’s kind of a cliché to think sex changes you. The old ‘Do I look different?’ joke and all.
But I feel different. Krisjen and Amy each had lost their virginity a while ago, but I know they didn’t enjoy their first times.
Mine couldn’t have been any better. Except maybe for privacy and the opportunity to keep her in my arms a while longer.
How is she going to break my hymen? And what about protection? Were we supposed to use something? Shit. I need to Google some stuff.
But first, my house.
I nearly cut my lip, biting it so hard to keep from smiling as I saunter off the bus and feel her behind me. I dig out my keys, trying to stay calm, but I can’t stop the somersaults in my stomach.
I’m not going to be a breath apart from her for the next twenty-four hours. God, I’m addicted.
But someone wraps their arms around me and lifts me up, swinging me around. I startle.
“That fight made YouTube, babe,” Callum exclaims, kissing me. “That’s my girl!”
I struggle in his arms, trying to pry free. What? Fight?
Why is he here? I glance around, seeing my team head to cars and parents picking them up. I don’t see Liv.
I press my hands to his shoulders. “Let me go, Callum.”
Where is Liv?
“Don’t worry,” he says. “She came at you in the cafeteria. She deserved that.”
He’s talking about the fight on the field last night. That seems like ages ago now.
He takes me hand. “Come on. Let’s grab some food, and I’ll take you home.” My head spins with what I have to say to send him away, but he looks over his shoulder. “Amy! Call Kris and Milo to meet us at Coco’s.”
No. I pull my hand out of his, digging in my heels. “I have my car.”
“Good,” He takes my keys. “Because I don’t. I’m driving.”
Drops of rain start spilling down, and I look around as he heads for my truck. Liv stands at the open gate, watching me, the rain coming down harder as she blurs beyond the downpour.
“Clay!” Callum yells. “Come on!”
“We’re riding with you!” Amy skips past me, bringing a guy I don’t know, and I stand there, seeing Liv shift on her feet, the rain spilling down her legs. She looks at me, I look at her, and in a moment, she inches away, taking a left down the sidewalk. She disappears around the side of the school, hidden under a canopy of trees like I told her to.
So, I can pick her up.
Goddammit. I jog for my car, ready to tell them all to take a hike. I have shit to do. I have to meet my mom for a fitting, or visit Mimi, or I’m grounded for the fight, or something, but…
Callum will still want a fucking ride home.
“Let’s go!” all of my friends call from the back seat.
“Just…” I grit my teeth, ready to scream.
They’ll know. They’ll know something is up. They’ll come over to my house. They’ll talk. Maybe Amy or Krisjen knows something already. We weren’t careful this morning.
“I’m not going to breakfast,” I tell them. “You didn’t even ask. I have things to do.”
“Like what?” Amy pries.
Bitch. “I’m going into Miami shopping with my mother. What business is it of yours?”
“Does your mother know that?” Amy spits out. “Because she’s already with my mom today, meeting with the caterers for Easter brunch. In Miami.”
Fuck. I forgot.
Callum chuckles and gives me a condescending grin. “You got another guy on the side, Clay?”
I sneer back, but the walls close in, and… I can’t think. I don’t want them to know.
I snatch my keys, pushing Callum out of the way. “No one drives my car.”
And I climb in the driver’s side as he runs around to the passenger side.
I’ll text Liv. I’ll get away and meet her later. We have all day. All weekend.
I’ll get out of this.
But as I pull out of the lot, take a left, and see her form walking in the downpour, I know I’ve fucked up. I lighten my foot on the pedal, seeing her drenched already, and wanting to stop so badly. I told her I would be there.
But I don’t stop. I pass, leaving her behind in my rearview mirror, closing my eyes and wanting to cry.
I can’t, Liv. I’m sorry.
This isn’t a relationship. In the fall, she’ll go to one school and I’ll go to another. She’ll get over it.
