No matter which way I look at things, it all feels hopeless. Up until now, I’ve always had an out to this shitty situation, one that I didn’t want to use but was still there as security, lingering in the background in case I needed to cave.
Maybe I should run straight to my baba’s room right now and tell him everything, specifically the part where his pride and joy right- hand man, Julian, basically implied he’d let someone fuck me just to “test the goods.”
But would he even believe it?
While he’s my baba, I’ve spent a large majority of my life tucked away in boarding school and then university. Julian’s been by his side every single day for almost a decade.
The thought of telling my father and having him not believe me or, worse, siding with Julian instead is like razor blades slicing through my insides.
And then there’s Aidan. Sweet, perfect Aidan who has never done anything other than fall in love with the wrong woman. I can’t help but feel like his life would be so much better if it weren’t for me. I’ll spend every second of tonight trying to convince him not to go to Egypt. Not to get involved with my father’s company. We can figure out another way.
There’s a part of me that wants to pick up the phone and vomit out everything to Riya. I know she’s going to ask how tonight went, but this isn’t something she can know. I’ve already dragged her into my bullshit enough, and knowing her, she’d try to do something wild to help and not let me handle things.
Besides, until this is resolved, I can’t take the chance of putting her on Julian’s radar. She’s just another person he’d be able to weaponize against me, and I’m trying to lower his power over me, not increase it.
I shrug back on my oversize sweats and baggy Oregon State shirt, feeling a sense of comfort and familiarity being cozy in them while everything else in my life feels like it’s spinning out of control.
Taking a deep breath, I try to focus on what I can control.
I can tell my father the truth about Julian’s schemes and then about Aidan and me, even though the thought of it sends nausea rolling like a tide through my gut. I can say no to Alexander Sokolov. What an absolute pig. I’d rather stab myself in the eye than waste another second with him. I could take Julian up on his offer and fake an engagement with him to buy time.
But even as I think through all my choices, I know the best course of action is to suck it up and make an adult decision for myself, for once in my life, and accept the consequences of my actions regardless of what they might be.
Which means I need to make sure Aidan doesn’t get on that plane.
I don’t bother to unpin my hair from the style I had it in for dinner, leaving both that and my full face of makeup on as I rush out of my bedroom and down the hallways. It’s quiet and dark, the only light coming from the underlit canvases hanging proudly on the walls and the motion sensor night lights that cast a dim glow when I walk by. I make it to the staircase that separates my wing from my father’s, and right when I’m about to go down the steps and head to the staff rooms, I pivot, deciding to just peek in on Baba to make sure he’s okay.
Bypassing the stairs, I head to the door to his bedroom, knocking and leaning my ear against the wood to see if I can hear him on the other side. My heart cinches tight in my chest when nobody responds, and my breaths start to come quicker.
I’m sure he’s fine.
Maybe I should check just to be sure.
Sucking in a breath and holding it so I don’t make too much noise, I reach out and grip the doorknob, slowly turning it until it unlatches and creaks open. I peek my head in to see him lying motionless in the middle of his king- size bed in the expansive room.
He’s tucked under the red and gold covers, and it’s not until I see the steady rise and fall of his chest that I let out the breath, nodding to myself as I close the door again, the soft click of the latch reverberating in my ears.
He’s okay, just sleeping. He’s fine. Everything’s okay.
I hesitate before walking away, a large part of me aching to run into his room and wake him up, allow him to comfort me, because for most of my life, he was the only person in the world who could, but I stop myself. It would be selfish, and he needs his rest. And I need to speak to Aidan before I make any rash decisions anyway. If I see my father now, when I’m high- strung and anxious, feeling like I’m spiraling with no way out, then I’m afraid the words will pour from my mouth whether I want them to or not. One look at me and he’d ask what was wrong, and I wouldn’t be able to hold back, breaking apart at the seams like a little girl who needs the comfort only her father can provide.
I make my way down to the staff wing and walk by all the closed doors, picturing the faces of the people who have worked and lived in our estate for most of my life. It hits me that I’ve never taken the time to get to know any of them outside of Aidan.
All these years, and I’ve never even taken the time to get to know his mom that well. At first, because I was a kid who didn’t care, and then later because I was afraid of her knowing that we had grown into something more. I wasn’t sure if she’d be angry at me and lash out by telling my father or by sending Aidan away.
It is odd though, now that I think about it, how he never pushed for us to spend time together, yet he’s so eager for my father to know of him.
Now, I wish that she knew. That she could lend a voice of reason to whatever it is that Aidan and I are getting ourselves into, because it feels like I just keep digging us further and further into yet another hole that I can’t crawl back out of.
Making it to the last door on the left, our usual meeting spot, I walk inside, expecting him to be there waiting already.
But he isn’t.
I reach for my phone, realizing belatedly that it isn’t in my pocket. I scrunch my forehead, trying to remember where I had it last.
At the restaurant, I think.
Shit.
I consider going back to grab it but decide against it, walking farther into the room and sitting on the small twin bed to wait for Aidan to show up.
Covering my mouth with my hand, I let out a yawn, deciding to lie down and rest while I wait for him. I’m sure he’ll wake me up when he gets here.
Only he never does.
And I sleep the night away, only waking when the sunlight beams in through the small window on the far side of the room, sprinkling its rays across my skin with splashes of warmth.
Rubbing my eyes, I sit up slowly, trying to figure out my surroundings.
It’s morning, clearly.
And Aidan never showed.
