The final score in our game? Sixteen numbers for Josh, twenty-seven for me.
“You cheated.” Despite his declaration, the gleam in Josh’s eye told me he was more upset he hadn’t thought of my idea first than by my unconventional strategy.
“Can’t cheat if there were no rules.” The thrill of victory added an extra bounce to my step.
We’d left the bar after tallying our numbers and were currently walking home from the Hazelburg metro station. Maybe it was the alcohol or the body heat radiating off Josh as he walked beside me, but I was roasting in my coat even though the early evening temperature hovered in the low fifties. I didn’t feel like carrying it though, so I kept the coat on.
“Should’ve known you’d find a loophole.” Josh angled his chin toward my bag, where I’d stuffed the dozens of napkins with men’s numbers scribbled on them. “You gonna call any of them?”
“Maybe. Couldn’t be worse than trying to find someone on a dating app.” My smile dimmed when I remembered my encounter with Todd. He had some nerve, approaching me like that. Then again, men possessed nothing if not audacity.
“Hmm.”
The disgruntled sound settled into my bones and caused my pulse to spike. Was Josh…jealous?
No. That was ridiculous. To be jealous, he had to like me, and while we’d developed a grudging mutual respect, we didn’t like each other. I still wanted to punch the cocky smirk off his face every time I saw him.
“And you? Are you going to call any of the numbers you got?” I asked casually.
“Maybe,” Josh said. “Haven’t thought about it.”
“Hmm.”
Shit. The sound slipped out without thinking. Now it sounded like I was jealous.
“What’s the deal with you lately, anyway?” I added quickly in an attempt to draw attention away from my slipup. “You used to go through a different girl every week, but I haven’t seen you with someone in months.”
“You’re exaggerating, and I didn’t go through them. I made my intentions clear from the start. I wasn’t interested in a committed relationship, and they all knew it before we did anything.” He slid a glance in my direction. “You understand.”
I did. Our approach to sex and relationships was one of the few things we had in common. Like Josh, I’d never been interested in long-term dating. There were too many goals to reach, too much of the world to see, and too much of life to live without being tied down to one person.
Besides, after my only experience with a serious relationship, I wasn’t in any hurry to jump into another one.
“You want to attend law school?” Max grimaced. “Why?”
“I think I’d make a good lawyer.” I twisted the hem of my shirt around my finger. It was a new piece I’d bought with my allowance from Alastair, my stepfather. After years of threadbare clothing, I couldn’t stop touching it to make sure it was real, that I was really wearing a designer shirt that cost more than my old monthly budget for food. “It pays well if I go into corporate law, and I can help—”
A loud laugh cut me off. “Oh, come on, Jules.”
“What?” My brow creased with confusion and a touch of hurt.
“You’re so cute.” He gave me an indulgent smile, like I was a child who announced I would be running for president. But let’s be real, babe, you don’t want to be a lawyer.”
I twisted my shirt harder around my finger. “I’m serious.”
“Then be serious.” Max ran his hand over my shoulder and rubbed my arm soothingly before he squeezed my breast, his eyes taking on a familiar lusty gleam. “You’re way too hot to be stuck in some musty courtroom all day. You should be a model. Capitalize on that face and body. Not everyone is lucky enough to be born with your looks.”
I forced a smile. Yes, I’d been blessed with above average looks, but I didn’t feel lucky. Not when that was the only thing people saw when they looked at me, and not when my own mother viewed me as competition instead of family.
But maybe Max was right. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself. What made me think I could be a lawyer? I did well in my classes, but there was a difference between getting a 4.0 at a small high school in Ohio and succeeding at a top-tier law school.
“Come on. Enough boring talk.” Max’s breath roughened as he popped open the buttons of my shirt. “I can think of something better we can do with our mouths…”
A sour taste filled my mouth. I’d been so young and naive. I wasn’t the same person I’d been at seventeen, but sometimes, the whispers from my past reasserted themselves, making me question everything I’d achieved and strived for.
Max’s recent texts didn’t help, either. He was like the ex that wouldn’t die. Figuratively, not literally.
The alcohol-induced buzz in my head grew louder. Maybe I should call him to see what he wanted. Then I could put him behind me once and—
“Jules!”
Josh’s panicked shout pierced my ear at the same time squealing tires screeched through the night. I lifted my head, my eyes widening at the sight of headlights barreling toward me.
I’d been so caught up in my thoughts I’d wandered into the middle of the street without looking.
Move! my brain screamed, but my body wouldn’t obey. I just stood there, frozen, until an iron grip closed around my arm and yanked me back onto the sidewalk a millisecond before a truck sped past, horn blaring.
Momentum took over and my face collided with Josh’s chest. It was like slamming into a brick wall. The force of the action, combined with the spike of adrenaline from my brush with death, robbed me of words and breath. All I could do was stand there, face pressed against Josh’s torso, while he engulfed me in a tight embrace.
“Are you okay?” His heart thundered beneath my cheek.
“I’m fine,” I said hoarsely, too stunned to form a better response.
I raised my head and gulped when I saw his expression. Concern lined his brow, but his eyes blazed and a vein visibly pulsed in his temple.
“Good.” His arms tightened around me until I lost my breath all over again. “Now what the hell were you thinking, walking out into the middle of the street like that?” His low voice vibrated with anger. “You almost got killed!”
“I…” I didn’t have a good answer.
What was I supposed to say? I was too caught up in memories of my shitty ex to pay attention to where I was going?
I had a feeling that wouldn’t fly.
God, if Max was the last person I thought of before I died, I would be pissed.
“I called your name twice and you didn’t even react.” The pale glow from the streetlights slashed across Josh’s face, throwing his razor-sharp cheekbones and the hard, chiseled line of his jaw into sharp relief. “What the fuck happened?”
“Nothing. I just got distracted.” Technically true. Still, my stomach twisted at what would’ve happened had Josh not been there.
“Thank you for saving me, though I’m surprised you did.” I attempted to lighten the tension blanketing the air. “I thought you’d be more liable to push me into traffic than save me from it.”
“That’s not funny.”
“It’s kind of funny.”
“Not. Funny,” Josh repeated. He bit out each word like it was a bitter pill. “Do you think death is funny? Do you think it’s fun for me to watch someone almost die?”
My smile waned. “No,” I said softly.
I had a feeling we weren’t talking about me anymore.
As an ER doctor, he worked closer with life and death than anyone else I knew. I couldn’t imagine the things he saw at the hospital, the calls he had to make and the people he couldn’t save. But he was so sarcastic and light-hearted all the time I’d never thought about how it affected him.
Josh released me and stepped back, his expression like granite.
“I’m walking you home,” he said flatly. “Who knows what trouble you’ll stumble into if I left you alone?”
We were only two blocks away, so I didn’t bother protesting. I knew when to pick my battles.
We walked in silence to my house, which was dark when we arrived. Stella was probably still at the office or at an event. Between the magazine and her blog, she basically worked two jobs.
I stepped onto the porch and fished my keys out of my bag with a shaking hand. “You’ve delivered me home safe and sound. Five stars for service, two stars for conversation,” I quipped, inserting the key into the lock. “I’d give you one star on the latter, but since you saved my life, I’m being generous.”
Perhaps I should’ve been more serious, considering Josh’s mood, but when in doubt, I defaulted to sarcasm. I couldn’t help it.
A muscle pulsed in his jaw. “Is everything a joke to you, or are you really that oblivious?” he demanded. “You got into Thayer Law, so I assume you have some awareness of the world around you. So stop with the fucking act, Red. It’s a play no one wants to see.”
My spine hardened into iron. I recognized that tone of voice. It was the same tone he’d used when he told Ava to stop being friends with me. The same one he always used when he saw me doing something he considered a bad influence, like I wasn’t good enough for him or his friends.
Sharp. Judgmental. Self-righteous.
An angry flush scalded my face.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” The front door clicked open while a hard, defensive note crept into my voice.
“It means you act all tough and unbothered when it’s just that. An act.” Josh took a step toward me. A tiny one, just enough for the tips of his shoes to kiss mine. The point of contact acted as a channel for his anger, which funneled into me and stoked the embers of indignation burning in my stomach.
“I wouldn’t care, except your recklessness doesn’t affect just you. It also affects the people around you. But you never thought about that, did you?” Dull red burned on his cheekbones. “You only think about yourself. I don’t know what the fuck happened in your past, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure you out. You’re a scared little girl who chases highs to run from your demons, never caring about the destruction you leave in your wake. Classic fucking Jules Ambrose.”
Deep, bone-rattling hurt stole the breath from my lungs and stung my eyes.
Any camaraderie Josh and I developed over the past few weeks evaporated, incinerated into ash by the firestorm of emotions whipping around us.
It wasn’t just about tonight, and it wasn’t just about us. It was about the past seven years—every insult, every sneer, every argument and frustration in our lives, even if it had nothing to do with the other. It all boiled over until a crimson haze passed before my eyes and the only thing I could focus on was how angry I was.
Instead of trying to calm down, I reveled in it.
Anger was good. Anger prevented me from dwelling on the truth behind his statement, and anger coated my words with venom when I spoke again.
“You’re one to talk.” I tilted my chin up, my eyes searing into his endless midnight ones. “Josh Chen, the golden boy. The adrenaline junkie. You want to talk about chasing highs? How about you putting your life on the line every time you pursue some stupidly reckless new activity even though you’re Ava’s only family left? How about the fucking moral high horse you ride around on because you’re a doctor and everything you do is for the supposed greater good?”
My nails dug tiny crescents in my palms. “You’re the one who can’t let go of shit that happened years ago. He lied to me, he betrayed me.” I mimicked his voice. “Tough shit. That’s the way the world works. You survive and get over it, or you get stuck in your own martyrdom. You say I hide behind my act? I say you hold onto your grudge because that’s all you have left to hold onto. It’s the only thing keeping you alive, and you don’t give a damn if it hurts the people you supposedly love.”
It was a low blow to match a low blow until we were both in hell, caught in the culmination of years of animosity and words we would’ve never uttered to anyone except each other. Lies stripped away, truths uncovered only to be disguised as insults.
Part of me was disgusted. Another part sang with exhilaration.
In a world that expected politeness and praised restraint, there was nothing more freeing than finally letting it all out. No holds barred.
Fury carved savage lines into Josh’s face. “Fuck. You.”
“You. Wish.”
The white plumes of our breaths mingled in the cold. The air around us fell unnaturally still, like it was waiting with bated breath for our next move.
“I don’t need to wish, Red.” His voice turned dark. Smoky. It slithered past my defenses and kindled a heat in my lower belly that had both nothing and everything to do with my anger. “I could fuck your brains out right now. Make you take back every word you said and have you begging for more by the end of it.”
It was a warning, not seduction. And it made the fire burn even hotter in my veins.
“You know what they say about men who talk a big game.” Anticipation climbed up my spine at the danger swirling in the air. We were one step away from crossing a line we couldn’t come back from, and I was riding high enough I didn’t care. “They’re overcompensating for the smallest packages.”
A smile slashed across Josh’s face, vicious enough it introduced a seed of trepidation.
“Oh, Red. You’re about to find out just how untrue that is,” he said softly.
He moved so fast I didn’t get the chance to draw another breath before he yanked me against him and crushed his mouth against mine.
And my world as I knew it shattered into a million pieces.
