Valhalla on a Friday night was pure debauchery, but instead of partaking in the high-stakes poker game at the casino or indulging at the gentleman’s club in the basement, I threw back my sixth drink at the bar.
Scotch, self-loathing, and anger burned through my blood while the brunette next to me chattered on.
Three hours and twice as many drinks hadn’t thawed the black ice coating my veins since I left Stella alone in the apartment. Neither had the women fluttering around me, all of them beautiful and accomplished in their own right.
A cosmetics tycoon. A candy heiress. A supermodel who seemed unconcerned about abandoning the media magnate she’d showed up with.
“I’m staying at a hotel nearby.” The model leaned closer until her low, throaty voice percolated through the din and into my ears. “Perhaps you’d like to join me?”
I ran a thumb along the rim of my glass and observed her in silence.
Her skin flushed a faint red beneath my scrutiny.
Part of me was tempted to take her up on her offer and drown my frustrations with heat and sex. That had been my plan when I’d started flirting with her.
But that was the problem. No supermodels or sex could erase Stella from my mind for a single fucking second.
Aggravation tunneled through my veins.
“Not interested.” My reply came out harsher than usual, and the aggravation deepened.
I needed to get the fuck out of here. I was too on edge. If I stayed, I was liable to do something I’d regret.
Before the model could respond, her date finally noticed she’d wandered off after he finished his conversation with another club member.
He barreled toward us, his face clouded with dark displeasure.
“Anya. I told you to stay by my side.” He closed a proprietary hand around her wrist and glared at me.
I stared back, bored.
Victor Black, CEO of a media empire consisting of dozens of trashy but widely read newspapers and websites.
He was also one of the more annoying members of Valhalla.
“Sorry.” Anya didn’t sound sorry at all.
“Harper.” Victor gave me a nasty grin. “Shouldn’t you be spending your Friday night with your girlfriend instead of flirting with another man’s date?”
My smile iced at the indirect mention of Stella.
If we weren’t in public…
“You’re right,” I said amicably. “Have fun with your date.”
Victor’s grin wavered at my agreeable response. A hint of panic crept into his eyes as I stood and dropped a hundred-dollar bill in the tip jar.
“Where are you…”
I left without listening to the rest of his insipid question and made a pit stop at his prized sports car.
I may not have a gun on me since Valhalla didn’t allow weapons inside the club, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have other, less obvious weapons at my disposal.
Two minutes and one planted device later, I got into my car and drove home.
When I pulled up to the Mirage, I watched the security footage from outside Victor’s house on my phone. As expected, he’d left soon after me; his car pulled into his driveway less than ten minutes after I parked.
He and Anya exited the car and entered his house.
I waited until the door shut behind them before I activated the device.
I couldn’t hear the footage, but I could hear the boom in my head as his car exploded into flames.
By the time Victor ran out, it was already a twisted, blackened hunk of metal beneath the raging fire.
For the first time that night, I smiled a genuine smile.
Much better.
I tucked my phone into my pocket and straightened my jacket as I stepped out of the car.
He could probably guess who was behind his car’s untimely demise, but he wouldn’t do a damn thing about it. He was lucky I didn’t blow it up when he was in it.
Unfortunately, the relief I gained from fucking with Victor was short-lived.
Every step closer to my apartment reminded me of what happened with Stella.
We lived in the same house, yet I could feel her slipping away.
You’re not my boyfriend. I’m not sure if we’re even friends.
My jaw clenched.
I’d bought her the watch in hopes it would bridge the distance that’d sprung up since New York. That’d backfired.
I’d gone to Valhalla hoping to take my mind off her. That’d backfired as well.
I could’ve gone home with any woman I wanted, and I chose to come home to the one who didn’t want me.
A caustic laugh singed my throat.
Fate was a fucking bitch.
I loosened the knot on my tie as I entered my house. My earlier self-loathing flamed hotter in my chest.
I’d made a career out of not losing my cool, but I’d lost my cool when Stella attempted to return the watch.
That’s all we are. Nothing more, nothing less.
Why are you doing any of this?
Because I’ve never wanted someone more, and I’ve never hated myself more for it. That’s fucking why.
The echoes from our conversation swathed the air.
I’d intended to go straight to my room, but I stopped when I caught sight of curly dark hair peeking out from the top of the couch and the scent of Stella’s favorite lavender-scented candle. It flickered on the coffee table, next to long, bare legs and a scatter of drawing pencils.
I dragged my gaze over the expanse of smooth skin and cotton shorts until I met a pair of wary green eyes.
“You’re still up.” Alcohol and desire roughened my observation.
Stella was usually in bed by now, or at least in her room. I didn’t believe for a second that she went to sleep that early.
Why had she been avoiding me? It couldn’t possibly be because I’d refused to tell her about Magda and Vivian. That conversation had been trivial at best.
“I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d get some drawing done.” She returned her gaze to her sketchpad. “Where were you?”
Despite her casual tone, visible tension lined her shoulders.
Some of the ice finally melted. The trickles of warmth sluiced through my veins and pulled a dark smile out of me.
“Why do you ask?”
“You were gone for hours. Curiosity is natural.”
She was good at bluffing; I was better at detecting bullshit.
I crossed the room until I stood behind her. Our reflections gleamed back at us in the window, so sharp I could trace every detail of her face—the long, thick sweep of her lashes, the slight tilt of her catlike green eyes, the delicateness of her chin and the elegant curve of her cheekbones.
“I went out for drinks.” My casual drawl didn’t match the beat of my pulse.
I wanted to wrap her hair in my hand and tug her head back until those eyes were on mine. To mark that perfect skin with my teeth and claim her mouth in a kiss so fucking deep it would erase the notion that we were just housemates.
My hands flexed before I forced them loose. Not yet.
I’d waited too long to waste all my hard work on one impetuous moment.
If Stella sensed the danger gathering behind her, she didn’t show it beyond a further tightening of her shoulders. Her pencil flew over the page, sketching and shading in the details of a floor-length gown without pause.
“Yes. I can smell the alcohol.” Tightness hampered her casual response. “Scotch…and perfume?”
“Jealous?” Silk wrapped around my soft, mocking tone.
“I have no reason to be.” She continued sketching, but the strokes were faster, angrier. “We’re just roommates.”
“That’s not an answer.” I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. My voice turned coaxing while her pencil slowed. “Ask me what you really want to know, Stella.”
Her lashes dipped before they swept up and her eyes met mine in the window.
Stella could don a cold facade all she wanted, but she had a soft heart, and she wore that heart on her sleeve.
I could pick out the dozen different emotions swirling beneath those jade-colored depths—anger, frustration, desire, and something darker, more unknown.
“Who were you with?” Indifference clung to her words, but it was tattered enough for me to spot the underlying vulnerability.
She cared, and that hint of emotion slayed me more than any strike of a sword could.
“Three women.”
I pressed my hand against her shoulder, forcing her to still when she jerked at my response.
“They were at the same bar as me,” I said. “I could’ve fucked any of them. Made them do every filthy, debauched thing I could think of. Their mouth on my cock, my hands in their hair…”
Stella’s lips pressed together. Pride lit a defiant spark in her eyes, but rawness stretched her features taut, and I detected a small tremble beneath my touch.
“Yet I didn’t touch them. I didn’t want to. Not one tiny fucking bit.” I lowered my head, my chest on fire from how close she was. Every breath brought her deeper into my orbit, but I would’ve traded all of them if it meant I could have her, all of her, for just one moment. “Perhaps I should’ve. Perhaps then, you’d understand how I feel.”
My breath grazed her cheek as I slid my palm over the curve of her shoulder and down her arm. “I’m not a jealous man, Stella. I have never envied someone for what they have or who they’re with, and yet…” My fingers glided down to her wrist. “I’m jealous of every person you smile at…” A brush over her fingers. “Every laugh I don’t hear…” My touch dipped to her knee and made a slow, languorous journey up her thigh. “Every breeze that touches your skin and every sound that pours through your lips. It. Is. Maddening.”
I paused at the hem of her shorts. My heart thundered, slipping into a primal rhythm that matched the roughness of my voice. The air swirled with uncaged desires so potent they threatened to consume us both.
Stella had stopped sketching altogether. Her pencil lay slack in her loosened grip, and she was still, so still, save for the frantic music of her pulse.
I heard it over the hot rush of blood in my veins. It was a siren’s song beckoning me to my doom, and it was so beautiful I might’ve succumbed even knowing it would lead me to hell.
“Christian…”
Every muscle tightened at the whisper of my name. It sounded so sweet coming from her mouth, like it was the sound of salvation instead of ruin.
She was the only person who’d ever said my name like that.
My hand curled around her thigh. Roughness dug into soft flesh before I released her and straightened, hating myself more with every second.
“Go to your room, Stella.” My harsh command shattered the raw intimacy of the moment. “And lock your door.”
A beat of hesitation. A ragged exhale.
Then a rustle of papers and a loss of warmth as she fled the room.
I waited until I heard her door close before I released my own leashed breath.
My steps pounded in rhythm with my heart as I walked to my bathroom, stripped off my clothes, and turned the shower as cold as it would go.
The icy blasts of water pummeled my skin but did nothing to quell the desire raging inside me and incinerating everything in its path until only visions of jade eyes and lush dark curls remained. The phantom scent of green florals swirled in the shower, as invisible yet tangible as the sensation of hot silk beneath my touch.
Stella had seared so deep into my consciousness that she was all I could smell. All I could feel. And, even when I closed my eyes, all I could see.
The need in my groin pulsed harder.
Goddammit.
I bit out a low curse before I caved and fisted my cock. It was hard and swollen and already dripping pre-cum, and my movements were rough, almost angry as I worked myself toward a much-needed release.
I could’ve kissed her. I could’ve fisted her hair and branded her with my mouth until I proved there was nothing fake about the dark fire that burned between us.
The only thing that’d held me back was a fine thread of self-control, woven from cold logic and the faintest shreds of my long-destroyed conscience.
I was well aware of the fact that, should either of us cave, I would be condemning not only myself but her to hell.
I would be touching her with bloodied hands and kissing her with a deceiver’s mouth. She would be climbing into bed with a monster, and she didn’t even know it.
Part of me wanted her so much I didn’t care; the other part was protective enough that I’d have her sent away to a place where even I couldn’t find her.
It was a paradox, as were all things in my life that related to her.
But if that thread had snapped…
I closed my eyes, my grip tight and my breath harshening.
She could be beneath me now, her nails clawing my back and my name a moan in her mouth…
My orgasm coiled at the base of my spine, slowly at first, then faster until it exploded in one blinding, deafening moment.
“Fuck!”
The force of my release drowned out my curse, but when I came down from my high, all that was left was cold water and the bright, mocking glare of the overhead light.
I rested my forehead against the icy tile and counted my deep inhales.
One. Two. Three.
Stella’s room was down the hall from mine. Despite what I’d told her, a locked door wouldn’t be much protection.
Four. Five. Six.
I kept counting until my heartbeat slowed to a normal pace and clarity chased away the scotch in my blood and the fog in my brain.
It wasn’t the right night to make a move.
I’d waited this long. I could wait a while longer.
Because when I claimed Stella as mine, I would do it so fucking thoroughly there wouldn’t be a shred of doubt in either of our minds as to who she belonged to…or who I belonged to in return.
