The stalker went underground again during our trip to Italy, as expected. That was what I wanted; I needed him out of the way while I sorted out the mess in my company.
Alex hadn’t reported anything suspicious while I’d been gone, but instinct told me the stalker was planning something bigger than a few measly notes and wanted to fly under the radar until he could bring it to fruition.
His note to me had likely been a slip-up. An ego-induced mistake that’d compelled him to prove he wasn’t scared of me and that he wasn’t going away.
However, I needed to flush out the traitor first before I could deal with him effectively.
Harper Security’s annual poker tournament was coming up in a few weeks. It was the one time of year when almost every employee could gather in one place for a night of fun and relaxation. The only people who couldn’t make it were those on long-term jobs, but my suspects would be there. I’d made sure of it.
I loosened my tie as I took the elevator up to my apartment. Work was a goddamn shitshow these days, and my nights with Stella were the only things keeping me sane.
I love you.
My heart thrummed at the memory.
It’d been a week since Stella turned my world upside down, and I was still reeling from the impact.
I’d kept telling myself I didn’t believe in love, that what I felt for her wasn’t love, but she’d shattered that illusion with one simple phrase.
The minute she’d said those words and looked at me with those beautiful green eyes, I’d known the truth.
I was in love with her.
It’d happened slowly. Bit by bit, piece by piece, like a puzzle becoming whole, until I couldn’t deny or ignore it any longer.
I believe in everything when it comes to you.
That’d been the closest I could bring myself to admitting the truth out loud. One of my fundamental life beliefs had fractured, and I hadn’t had time to process.
When I eventually said the words, I wanted them to be real. Heartfelt.
The elevator doors slid open.
I stepped into the hall and entered my penthouse, but I paused two steps in. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled in warning.
A strange stillness hung in the air. Usually, Stella was in the living room taking photos or working on her collection. Even if she was elsewhere, I felt her when I came home. Her warm, calming presence filled whatever space she was in.
That presence was gone, replaced with the lemony scent of disinfectant.
Nina wasn’t scheduled to come in today, so Stella must’ve been the one who cleaned. She only did that when she was particularly stressed.
I quickened my steps and checked her favorite rooms. She wasn’t in the library, bedroom, or kitchen either, nor was she on the rooftop where she usually did yoga. I didn’t have any missed messages from her, and she didn’t pick up when I called.
“Stella?” I called out. My voice sounded calm despite my rising panic.
No answer.
She’s fine.
She probably stepped out for fresh air or a snack. If something was wrong, Brock would’ve contacted me.
Christ, why is it so fucking hot in here?
I pushed the sleeves of my shirt up. The air conditioning was on full blast, yet I was burning up.
I doubled back to the living room but saw something that gave me pause along the way.
My office door was open.
I always closed it before I left for work, and Stella never went in there except to take care of the plants. Even then, she closed the door on her way out.
I pulled my gun from my waistband and kept it in hand as I stepped into the office.
Cold foreboding splashed the back of my neck.
The first thing I noticed was the spill of papers on my desk, along with three plain but distinctive black binders.
The second thing I noticed was the note penned in her delicate, sprawling script.
We need to talk about the files, but I’m not ready. I’ll be back when I am.
I let out a string of curses.
I shouldn’t have left the files somewhere where she could stumble on them, but I’d wanted to keep them close and couldn’t bring myself to throw them out after all these years.
What if she saw them and thought…
“Stella!” This time, my panic was audible.
I knew she wasn’t there, but that didn’t stop my stomach from hollowing at the silence.
Goddammit, sweetheart, where the hell are you?
I held onto the hope that she’d stepped out to gather her thoughts and would be back that night until I reentered our bedroom and took closer stock of what was missing.
Her favorite clothes. Her toiletries. That fucking unicorn.
My blood roared in my ears.
Stella wasn’t gone for the afternoon.
Stella was gone, period.
After my initial bout of blind panic, I’d pulled myself together and called Brock. Unless Stella gave him the slip, which I doubted, he had to know where she was.
It took me less than a minute to get the location out of him. She was safe, and he’d simply thought she was visiting a friend.
I would’ve torn him a new one for such an idiotic assumption—who the fuck visited their friend with a fucking stuffed unicorn?—if I hadn’t been so focused on getting to Stella as soon as possible.
Of course, she had to choose the one place where I couldn’t easily waltz in and demand to see her.
“Volkov!” I banged on the door. “Open the fucking door!”
I’d been knocking and ringing the doorbell for the past five minutes, and I’d used up all my patience.
I’d done plenty of Alex’s unsavory tech work over the years. I had enough dirt on him to bury him alive, and if he didn’t answer within the next thirty seconds—
The door finally swung open.
Instead of Alex’s cold green eyes, I found myself staring at five feet five inches of thinly veiled suspicion.
“Oh. It’s you.” A frown marred Ava’s normally friendly face when she saw me. “You’re interrupting our lunch.”
“I want to talk to her.”
“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
My back teeth clenched. “Stella.”
Ava’s hand tightened around the doorknob. She stood squarely in the entrance, barring me from entering. “She’s not here.”
“That’s fucking bullshit. I know she’s here.” I ditched the softer approach. “Step aside, Ava, or I’ll—”
“Careful how you finish that sentence, Harper.” Alex appeared beside his fiancée, his eyes like chips of jade-colored ice as they roved over my disheveled appearance.
Loosened tie, no jacket, hair rumpled from the number of times I’d raked my fingers through it in frustration.
It was the most unkempt I’d looked since I hit damn puberty, but I didn’t care.
I only cared about one thing, and that was seeing Stella.
My jaw flexed. “I’m not leaving until I see her.”
I glared at Alex, who stared back with a bored expression. He didn’t give two shits about other people’s drama unless it directly involved Ava, but he knew how stubborn I was.
I meant what I said. I’d camp out in the damn hallway until I could talk to Stella.
I just needed to explain.
She’ll understand. She had to.
Alex flicked a glance at Ava, who shook her head. “No way. You heard what he did! He—” She stopped, obviously realizing she messed up.
The confirmation that Stella was inside renewed my fire.
“Stella!” I shouted.
Desperation and something heavier, more foreign settled in my chest.
Fear.
Not fear that Stella was in physical danger, but fear that I might not see her and that I’d lose her forever.
“Just let me talk to you.” I didn’t even know if she could hear me, but I had to try. “I—”
“Go. Away.” Ava pushed against my chest. For someone so small, she was surprisingly strong. “She doesn’t want to see you.”
“Guys, it’s fine.”
We all froze at the sound of Stella’s voice.
My eyes searched over Alex’s shoulder until they found her.
She stood in the middle of the living room, her face pale. She didn’t look at me as she spoke to Ava. “Let him in.”
“But Stel, what if he—”
“I just want to get this over with,” Stella said. “He won’t do anything when you guys are right there.”
A lance of pain speared through my heart. “I would never hurt you.”
She didn’t acknowledge me.
Ava released the doorknob and stepped aside with obvious reluctance.
I immediately pushed past her and ignored her and Alex’s warning stares as I followed Stella deeper into the apartment.
She’d started walking before I fully entered, but I kept up with her easily until we reached what must’ve been her room.
Her overnight bag sat on the floor next to the unicorn, and her clothes covered the bed.
My stomach tightened at the sight.
They shouldn’t be here. She belonged with me, in my house, not in her friend’s fucking guest room.
Stella closed the door and finally faced me.
Now that I was closer, I could see the red rimming her eyes and coloring her nose. The thought that I was responsible for her tears made my heart ache in the most painful way.
“Stella…”
“Don’t.” She hugged her arms around her waist. “I just want to know one thing. Are you the stalker?” Her voice wavered on the last word.
I blanched. “No.”
I’d done plenty of morally questionable and downright awful things in my life, but I would never terrify her like that.
“Then why do you have those files on me?” Her chin wobbled. “We met last year, but those pictures are from years ago. The information on me, my friends, my family…what possible reason could you have to dig that deep?”
The turquoise ring weighed heavy in my pocket. A symbol of the secrets I’d kept and the lies I’d told.
“Because the first time I saw you wasn’t the day you signed the lease at the Mirage,” I said. “It was five years ago.”
Stella’s mouth parted in shock.
The truth emerged in bits and pieces after years of being hidden.
“I was sitting outside a cafe in Hazelburg. You were walking past when someone grabbed your purse and ran.”
I hadn’t cared about such a minor theft, but I’d been intrigued enough to stay and watch the scene unfold.
“I remember that day,” Stella said quietly. “It was my senior year of college. I was on my way home from class.”
I nodded. “A passerby caught the kid, the police came, and that should’ve been it. But when you found out he stole your purse because he needed the money for food, you gave him all the cash you’d had on hand instead of pressing charges.”
“Are you sure?” The police officer looked at the brunette like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You want to give him the money?”
“Yes.” She glanced at the surly teen. He glared back at her, but I spotted the tiniest glint of hope in his eyes. “The cash means more to him than to me.”
“He tried to steal from you.” The officer sounded as baffled as I felt.
I leaned against a nearby building and scrolled through my phone, but all of my attention was focused on the interaction playing out less than ten feet away.
I didn’t know what’d compelled me to stick around after the kid had been caught, but I was glad I had.
I’d been bored all day, but this…this was interesting.
Why the fuck would someone give money to the person who’d tried to rob them?
“Yes, I know,” the brunette said patiently. “But he’s just a kid, and he needs the cash. Charges aren’t necessary.”
The officer shook his head. “It’s your money.”
I tuned him out as he closed out the case and examined the brunette, fascinated.
I’d heard her give her name when the police first arrived.
Stella Alonso.
She looked like she was in her early twenties, with curly dark hair, green eyes, and a quick, warm smile. She was gorgeous, but that wasn’t what enthralled me.
It was the gentleness with which she spoke. The absurdity of her action. The unwavering optimism in her eyes even when an attempted robbery in broad daylight should’ve shaken her faith in humanity.
The way she’d reacted hadn’t been at all what I’d expected. If there was one thing that never failed to spark my interest, it was people who subverted my expectations.
A smile curved my lips for the first time that day.
Eventually, the officer left after giving the teen a stern warning. The kid lingered like he wanted to say something. He must’ve thought better of it because he soon scampered off without a word, not even a thank you.
Stella didn’t appear perturbed.
She simply hiked her bag higher on her shoulder and walked away like nothing had happened.
As she did, something slipped off her hand.
I didn’t call after her to alert her to the missing item. Instead, I waited until she disappeared around the corner before I walked over and retrieved the turquoise ring from the ground.
I pulled the ring out of my pocket. The usually warm stone felt ice cold in my palm.
Stella stared at it for a second before she sucked in a sharp breath.
“My ring. It was always falling off because it was too loose. I thought I…” Her eyes met mine again. “You’ve had it this whole time?”
I swallowed hard. “It reminded me of you.”
I’d kept it as a token of her goodness. A reminder that, amidst all the death and chaos, a light existed somewhere in the world.
Some days, that light had been the only thing that’d kept my soul intact.
“I was fascinated,” I said. “You were an enigma, a puzzle I couldn’t solve. I didn’t understand how anyone could be…good enough to do what you did. So I looked into your background.”
I couldn’t read Stella’s expression, but she didn’t say anything, so I forged on.
“It started with basic background information, but it spiraled until it turned into what you saw. The more I learned about you, the more I wanted to know.”
Not wanted. Needed.
She was a living contradiction, and she’d consumed my thoughts in a way no one and nothing had before or since.
The fashion blogger who spent hours putting together the perfect outfit and the volunteer who spent her free time cleaning up trash from the parks.
The social media star who was glued to her phone but was always there for her friends.
The introvert who lived her life in the public eye online.
The calm and the chaos, the silence and the storm.
The calm to my chaos, the silence to my storm.
I’d been obsessed with Stella Alonso for five years, and I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.
“How long did this go on?” Stella finally asked, her voice dull.
My hand closed around the ring. “Almost a year.”
“A year.” She paled further. “You were stalking me for a year?”
“I wasn’t stalking you. I…” Guilt and frustration knotted in my chest. “Other than the background info, everything I knew was public knowledge.”
It was a flimsy excuse.
I hadn’t followed her physically, but I’d used all the tools at my disposal to dig through her life. Nothing and no one around her had been off-limits.
It wasn’t stalking in the traditional sense, but I’d crossed massive boundaries, nonetheless.
“I stopped when I…” Realized how attached I was getting. Even then, I’d known that Stella was a dangerous distraction, and I’d resented the hold she had on me. It had been equal parts fascinating and frustrating.
“I stopped after that,” I finished. “I didn’t dig any deeper, and I only knew what you posted online. I had no idea about your stalker, Greenfield, or anything that happened that you didn’t talk about publicly.”
It had taken all my willpower to stay away physically, but no matter how hard I tried to forget her, I couldn’t.
I hadn’t spoken a word to her, and she’d remained at the forefront of my mind for years.
Then, in a stroke of luck, her best friend fell in love with Rhys, who referred Stella to my building, and the rest was history.
“That doesn’t change the fact that you lied to me this entire time.” Stella wrapped her arms tighter around her waist. “You let me believe we’d never met before.”
“Because we hadn’t.” “I shouldn’t have deceived you, but I can’t change the past. If I’d told you what I did, you would’ve left.”
After wanting her for so long, I’d finally had Stella close, and I hadn’t risked driving her away.
“I’ll destroy the files,” I said desperately when Stella remained silent. “I’ll never look at them again, and we can move on from this.” Every word scraped through my chest.
Her humorless laugh singed my lungs. “We can’t move on from this.”
My frustration mounted. I wasn’t used to being this out of sorts, and it was harder than usual to find the right words.
“Why the hell not?”
Why didn’t she understand? Why couldn’t I make her see that I’d changed in the months we’d been together? That I wasn’t the same person I’d been when I made that file.
“Because it was an invasion of privacy!” she yelled. Tears leaked down her cheeks. “You did not have my permission to dig into my life like that. But that’s always been our story, hasn’t it? You know everything about me, and I know nothing about you. You want other people to be an open book while you keep yours closed. I thought you were so thoughtful and perceptive because you knew all these things about me. My favorite foods, my favorite flowers…but you had that stupid dossier the whole time. Was it that easy? Just pull up the file and see what scrap you can throw my way to make me fall for you?”
A strange sensation burned behind my eyes. “I haven’t looked at that file in years. I swear—”
“You’re the same as my stalker.” Stella’s breaths shallowed. “No, you’re worse, because at least they didn’t make me fall in love with a lie.”
Her words pierced me like a knife through my heart.
“I would never hurt you,” I repeated.
“You already have.”
The knife twisted harder.
“I trusted you,” she whispered. “I trusted you when I barely knew you. I guess that was my fault.” Her bitter laugh made me flinch. “You told me about your family, but I don’t even know if the story is true. Was that also a lie? I have no idea who you are or what you’re capable of. Your dreams, your fears—”
“My dream is to be with you. And my biggest fear,” I said, my voice low and ragged with emotion. “Is losing you.”
A small sob wracked her body.
My heart cracked at the sound. It fucking killed me that I was the one causing her tears.
Deep down, I knew I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but that didn’t stop me from instinctively reaching for her and wanting to comfort her.
She shrank away before I made contact. “Don’t touch me.”
If she brought me to life with three words—I love you—she slayed me with an equal number. Don’t touch me.
Every syllable dragged through my already destroyed heart like a freshly honed razor blade, leaving nothing but ruins behind.
“I can’t do this.,” she said, her eyes glossy with tears. “I’ll move the rest of my stuff out of your apartment tomorrow.”
Raw panic scraped at my veins.
I couldn’t lose her. Not like this.
I grasped onto the only straw I had left. “It’s not safe. Your stalker is still out there.”
Stella set her jaw. “Brock can stay, but that’s it. I need space. I can’t think right now. I just need…” She drew in a shuddering breath. “I need you to go. “
I’d broken bones. Been shot at. Got lost in the desert for fucking days with the sun blistering my skin.
None of that had hurt as much as this.
“Don’t do this.” My voice cracked. “Butterfly, please.”
I had never begged anyone for anything. Not when my parents died, not when I’d needed startup money for my company, and not when I’d faced imminent death at the hands of a pissed-off warlord.
But I would gladly get on my fucking knees and beg if it meant Stella would stay with me.
“I don’t want you keeping tabs on me anymore.” She continued like I hadn’t spoken. “Not through Brock, Alex, Ava, or anyone else. Not through my blog or social media. I know you could if you wanted to, but I’m asking you…” The last word broke with unshed tears. “To leave me alone, Christian.”
The air went silent save for the painful sounds of our breaths.
I was drowning. Drowning in emotions I’d never felt before, in dark waters that saturated my lungs and made reaching for the surface impossible.
Panic. Shame. Regret.
“Do you want to know another secret, Stella?” My voice was unrecognizable in its rawness. “I can’t say no to you.” Not when it came to the things that mattered. “But I will always be here if you need me, no matter how far in distance or time. I don’t care if we’re on different continents or if it’s five, fifty years in the future. I never want you to wake up and feel like you’re alone because you’re not. You’ll always have me.”
My eyes burned as my final, greatest truth scraped up my throat. “I love you. So fucking much.”
I thought saying those words for the first time would feel strange.
They didn’t.
They felt like they’d been waiting to find their home all these years and found it in her.
Stella squeezed her eyes shut. A broken sob bled through her lips, but otherwise, she didn’t respond to my confession.
It was what I’d expected, but agony twisted my gut nonetheless.
I allowed myself to look at her one last time before I walked out and closed the door behind me.
There was nothing else to say.
I ignored Alex and Ava’s curious stares as I left the apartment, my body numb. Pieces of my heart were scattered all over her room, and my mind had devolved into an endless loop of her tears. Even the blood seemed to have vanished from my veins, leaving nothing but cold emptiness behind.
There was nothing left of me when I took out all the parts that belonged to her.
I’m asking you to leave me alone, Christian.
Leaving went against my every instinct. Every molecule of my body demanded I stay and fight for her, to beg and plead until she forgave me.
But I had already crossed too many boundaries with her, and I couldn’t cross another one. Not when she’d explicitly asked me not to.
I’d meant what I said.
I would give Stella anything she wanted, even if it killed me in the process.
