Six years earlier
“Do you think the fact that we shouldn’t be doing this is why we like doing it so much?” Rachel asks.
She’s referring to kissing me.
We kiss a lot.
Every chance we get and even chances we don’t get.
“When you say shouldn’t, do you mean because our parents are together?”
She says yes. Her voice is breathless, because I’m currently kissing my way up her neck.
I like that I take her breath away.
“Remember the first time I saw you, Rachel?”
She moans a sound that means yes.
“And do you remember me walking you to Mr. Clayton’s class?”
She gives me another wordless yes.
“I wanted to kiss you that day.” I work my way back up to her mouth and look her in the eyes. “Did you want to kiss me?”
She says yes, and I can see in her eyes that she’s thinking
back to that day.
To the day she
Became
My
Everything.
“We didn’t know about our parents that day,” I explain. “Yet we still wanted to be doing this. So no, I don’t think that’s why we like it now.”
She smiles.
“See?” I whisper, brushing my lips softly across hers to show her how good it feels.
She lifts off her pillow and holds herself up on her elbow.
“What if we just like kissing in general?” she asks. “What if it has nothing to do with me or you in particular?”
She always does this. I tell her she should be a lawyer, because she likes playing devil’s advocate so much. But I love it when she does it, so I always go along with it.
“Good point,” I tell her. “I do like kissing. I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t like it. But there’s a difference between this and simply liking to kiss.”
She looks at me curiously. “What’s the difference?”
I lower my mouth to hers once more. “You,” I whisper. “I like kissing you.”
That answers her question, because she shuts up and brings her mouth back to mine.
I like that Rachel questions everything.
It makes me look at things in a different way.
I have always enjoyed kissing the girls I’ve kissed in the past but only because I was attracted to them. It didn’t really have anything to do with them in particular.
When I kissed all the other girls, I felt pleasure. That’s why people enjoy kissing, because it feels good.
But when you like to kiss someone because of who she is, the difference isn’t found in the pleasure.
The difference is found in the pain you feel when you’re not kissing her.
It doesn’t hurt when I’m not kissing any of the other girls I’ve kissed.
It only hurts when I’m not kissing Rachel.
Maybe this explains why falling in love is so damn painful.
I like kissing you, Rachel.
