My punishment for running off and trying to speak to the patriarchs was no lunch and no dinner for the day. It was easy, considering what they put me through in the concrete hut. Still, I did what I was asked to do, eating with a scarf around my neck the moment breakfast arrived.
I worked without putting up a fight, gathering branches for the fires and helping the women roll up the yarn for the day. Mundane tasks like that keep my thoughts occupied and away from what it truly wants to think about; the evening ceremony, which is arriving soon.
By the time the sun sets, my nerves have already come out to play. As everyone comes back to the hut for a final drink and a few chats, I feel uneasy and ready to hurl. But I keep it together, for April’s sake. She’s been watching me ever since I ran off, and from the way she looks at me, I can tell she’s fearful. She knows what’s going to happen to me, and it’s only a matter of time before it’ll happen to her too.
She’s younger than I am, maybe nineteen tops, much too young to be thrust into a world like this. This world is unkind to women, but most of all to those who are unwilling to adjust.
That’s why she’s been so compliant all this time. It’s easier to give in and do what’s asked, if it means the suffering is less. But every other glance she throws me is one of worry or one of horror.
I wish I could talk to her. That I could hug her without any of the other girls present here to tattle on us and get us into trouble for trying to survive the impossible.
Instead, I begrudgingly let them dress me up again like some Christmas tree. I don’t understand why they do it in this order since we’re going to be showering right after. Maybe it’s part of the ceremony.
“Why do we get dressed first if we shower after?” I ask, unable to stop the curiosity.
“The showers are a sacred place, Natalie. We have to do away with our dirty work clothes before we go there. Fresh clothes are a must.”
“Ah … got it,” I answer even though it still doesn’t make any sense.
“But we must be naked for the ceremony,” April murmurs under her breath.
Holly looks at her with disdain. “Yes, that is what makes the ceremony so wonderful. Everything is laid bare, no one holds secrets, and no one is afraid.”
Except for us.
It’s almost as if she’s instilling her thoughts into April to try to convince her that what she’s feeling isn’t right. As though our own thoughts no longer belong to us.
“It’s the most wonderful thing, to get married to a man,” Holly adds.
“Right,” April says, nodding.
It’s almost as if she’s starting to believe it.
When we’re ready, it’s time to walk toward the showers again. My heart is already racing, my mind still reeling from that note I got … the same note I had to burn in the fireplace so no one would find it. But I memorized its words.
Behind the showers, left side, is a door. Choose wisely.
It’s not a game; it’s a test. See what … or who … I pick.
But that’s just the problem. I don’t fucking know what to do.
All I know is that I’m moving in line, just as all the other women attending today’s ceremony are. Wives, husbands, mothers, dads, recently married—everyone attends except the children. They’re being watched over by a few lucky elders.
I guess they don’t consider it luck but duty.
In this community, the ceremony is almost like a fun night out. A place to be. As though it’s the most amazing thing there could ever be. They don’t know any better … but I do. I remember what it’s like to make a choice. To not be naked in front of an entire audience.
And I’ll never, ever forget. That’s a promise I made to myself, no matter how long I’ll have to stay here, even if it is forever.
“Clothes,” the elder wife at the door spits at me, and the reality of what’s about to happen hits me right in the face.
But I can’t panic now. People are pushing behind me, forcing me to step forward.
I take off my clothes in a corner and throw them in the bin as before. People are showering left and right, some of them not able to keep their hands to themselves, almost as if they’re preparing for tonight, secretly enjoying the voyeurism of being in one room with everyone else.
Instead of going right with Emmy, Holly, and April, I take a left turn and lose them in the crowd. I walk through the showers, ignoring all the people throwing me glances, while covering my scar with my hand in the hopes that no one will notice.
Right in front of me is a metal door that looks locked from this side. I stare at it for a second, wondering what I’m doing.
Should I listen to the note? Or should I turn back and do what’s expected of me? Am I to marry the first guy who grabs me and fucks me? Am I going to be someone’s wife even when I never said yes?
Or should I go against the rules and follow the directions on the paper, not knowing who it came from? I thought it was from Noah, but what if it isn’t? What if it’s all a lie meant to lead me on, just to get me to do something bad?
My hand hovers over the handle.
There’s only one thing I can do … make a choice.
And I do the moment I push it down.
To my surprise, the door opens, but not without there being a giant man in the way, and when he spins around, I almost get scared enough to turn back the other way. I just stare at him, and he stares back. Then he steps aside.
I slip past quickly, hoping he won’t squash me. He closes the door behind me, but I’m completely frozen to the ground.
Right in front of me are eight gigantic Jacuzzis that could fit at least three or four people. With the marble flooring and beautiful mosaic-like stones on the walls, it’s as though I’m in a luxurious hotel spa … only it’s in the middle of the community grounds, right behind the same hut that hosts all the other showers with just a thin wall separating the two. Like segregating the herd from the herders.
And in the middle of all of them sits a man, all by himself. Noah.
The note had to have come from him.
I swallow away the lump in my throat.
I feel watched. Naked.
Maybe because he is watching me with purposeful intent, his eyes taking in my body almost as if he’s sampling the wares with a lick. I shiver in place.
“Come,” he says with that same dark, sultry voice that almost managed to subdue me the last time we met. That time when he almost … kissed me.
I shiver again. I shouldn’t let him get to me the way he does, but there’s something about this man that I can’t simply ignore. I know I’m not supposed to be here, but I know he sent me that note. As a patriarch, he can waive the rules when he wants to. All he needs to do to get what he wants is throw a simple look, and right now, that look is directed straight at me.
I take in a breath and tread carefully across the wet floor while also covering myself and my scar as best as I can. Despite that, Noah still lets his eyes slide over my body as though he’s taking in the view, and it makes me blush. Hard.
Especially when I’m so close I can see his beefed-up chest and part of his rock-solid abs without anything to cover it except the water. I don’t even wanna know what’s farther down because I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from ogling if I saw.
A smirk grows on his face, and I feel as if I just got caught staring at the forbidden fruit. So I stop and stand still right in front of his Jacuzzi. What is he going to say? Or rather … what is he going to do?
“Leave us,” Noah says to the guard, and the man immediately nods and walks out through the same door I just came in through, probably to guard it from the other side.
“Join me …” Noah beckons me. “I don’t bite.”
Yet he bites his lip. How ironic.
I take a step forward, each one watched with calculating eyes as I get into the warm pool. Compared to the showers, this feels like a warm blanket cocooning you.
“Being a patriarch has its perks,” he muses, smiling as I settle on the opposite end of the Jacuzzi, still covering my boobs because I know he’s watching.
“One of many, it seems,” I reply.
He nods. “You’re starting to understand.”
“Quite the opposite, actually. I’m amazed the people accept this.”
“That’s how this community works,” he explains, smiling. “But you figured that out already.”
I smile back. “I’m smarter than I look.”
“I know. I’ve known for a long time.”
I narrow my eyes. Why do I get the feeling everything he says has a double meaning to it?
“Just as I knew you would come here,” he says, spreading out his muscular arms above the edge of the Jacuzzi.
Of course he knew which choice I’d make.
“The choice was yours nonetheless,” he says, looking up at me with those same sultry eyes that manage to weaken my every defense. “But you know that too.”
I suck in a breath and think about the note. The choice I have to make is clear, but not at all simple. Get fucked by an unknown man or get fucked … by him.
There is no choice, only the lesser evil of two.
But if I’m going to have to fuck, one way or another, then it’ll be by a man of my choosing. This place has already taken so much away from me. I won’t let it take away this choice from me.
So I slide underneath the water until it covers my mouth and swim two strokes until I’m right in front of him. Naked. Ready.
