The moment our eyes met, it felt as though the earth stood still.
I’ve wondered what this moment would be like. If she’d stop and stare. If she’d look at me with hatred or with fear. If she’d try to kill me.
Probably all of those things wrapped into one beautiful package.
Even in those white gowns the women are forced to wear, she still looks as pretty as I remember. Our connection was instant back in that joint where we held that speech to convert people.
She must know it was me … that I’m the one who took her.
No doubt she’s been questioning all sorts of things since she came here. But I have no answers that I can give her that will take away her rage. None.
This is her new reality now.
There is only take it, no leave it.
And I can imagine that’s a hard pill to swallow.
“It’s you …”
I knew she’d recognize me.
But her voice sounds shattered. Painful. As though she’s been to hell and back just to stand here and look me in the eyes.
I deserve every inch of her wrath.
“Yes,” I reply.
Every step I take toward her, she takes one back, until she’s pressed against the side of the hut, just out of sight from the guards and her fellow sisters.
Good.
I don’t enjoy being seen. At least not here, where the helpers live in peace. It’s not our place to meddle, and it’s highly unusual for a patriarch to come out of the temple, let alone all by himself.
Normally, I’d be escorted if I ever left the building or the property.
But not right now. Not when I’m doing something completely against protocol.
I needed to see her … See if she made it out alive … and sane.
“I see you’ve adjusted,” I say, taking in her dainty figure dressed in all white. “It looks good on you.”
Her lips part. I wonder what she’ll say to me.
No words are uttered, except a gasp the moment I stand in front of her.
“I know you probably assumed we wouldn’t meet again this soon, but I needed to see you for myself.” I grasp a strand of her hair that’s fallen out of the shawl and curl it around my finger, imagining fisting a whole bunch while I fuck her from behind.
Calm down, Noah.
Don’t want to get a hard-on in public, especially not with what’s at stake here. I need to take this slow, for both our sakes. She needs a little more training and a few more teachings before I can begin.
Patience is a virtue I struggle with daily, but Natalie has truly tested me.
I lean in and place my hand against the wood, whispering into her ear, “It’s been so hard to watch from the sidelines … to see you unravel right in front of me without me there to hold you.”
“Watch me?” she mutters, her pupils dilating. “The cameras.”
I nod. Of course, she knows. She’s destroyed one of them, so she must’ve realized I was watching or else she wouldn’t have gotten so enraged.
“Good girl. But you’re ours now, and we don’t get mad at our own.”
Her face turns sour, and she balls her fists.
“Shhh … This’ll all be easier if you only gave in,” I say.
“Never,” she hisses.
A wicked smile forms on my lips. “If only you knew the lengths I went through to get you.”
“Why? Why me?” she asks, her voice cracking again.
I know it’s hard on her, this place, but she must hold on.
“Why did you do this to me?” she cries out.
So I wrap my arms around her and hug her tight.
She’s frozen in my arms and silent, apart from the ragged breaths coming from her mouth.
“You’ll understand someday. I can’t explain everything without risking it all too,” I say, still holding her tight. “But know that I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But … but …” she mutters. “The cell …”
I lean back and look her directly in the eyes. “Was a necessary evil.”
She makes a face, shaking her head. “You put me there. On purpose.”
“No, it’s how the initiation goes,” I explain. “All captured go through the same process. Yours was no different.”
“I know what you are,” she says, trembling in place. “You could’ve stopped it.”
“The process is not up to me to decide,” I say. “The women here do what they must do to comply with the rules, as do I.”
“You had no right,” she says through gritted teeth.
I tilt her chin with one finger. “I had every right.”
She licks her lips in anger but doesn’t reply. It’s as if she’s scared she’ll give something away. A vulnerability she refuses to show. A weakness … I could exploit.
Of course, she’s smart. She knows what I want.
What she doesn’t realize is that I always get what I want.
“Just know you’re a part of something important, and nothing, and I mean nothing, will stand in the way of that,” I say, lowering my head. “You’ve survived. And I will be here watching you every step of the way while you flourish in your new role.” I caress her cheek. “And then, when the time comes, I’ll come and get you.”
I wink, and with that, I turn around and leave before anyone finds me here.
I may be beyond excited to have her in my grasp, but I know the rules … And sooner or later she will too, whether she likes it or not.
Soon, she will be mine, and mine alone to enjoy.
She just doesn’t know it yet.
Natalie
Even after he’s left, the air is still thick with untold stories and riddles I can’t decipher. My head spins and spins with so many questions that I don’t have the answers to, and he refused to give them.
Why would he do this to me? Why me specifically? Did he choose me randomly, or am I missing something? The symbol, what did it mean and why did I have it? Why the heck did I not ask him when I had the chance?
I ponder for so long that I’m still standing there minutes after he’s left.
And worse … I can still feel his touch, my skin aching for more.
I can’t ever feel that again. No matter what.
No matter how deprived of physical contact I get. No matter how this place makes me feel, how it makes me long for someone to understand me, to give me comfort when all else is cruel.
I can’t give in.
Not to him.
Anyone but him.
He’s the one who took me. This is all his doing. My misery was his choice.
I can’t ever let a man like that overpower me.
Even though he managed to subdue me like a meek fawn with a simple whisper and a touch.
Am I really that weak? Have I lost my ability to fight? Am I that desperate?
Or does he just know how to worm his way into my presence without me wanting to strike back?
“That was … a patriarch.”
I turn my head. Emmy’s standing in the doorway, gaping at me.
“I just saw him leave,” she adds, looking as though she saw a ghost. “Did he … talk to you?”
I swallow away the lump in my throat as she marches toward me. I’m still completely fazed about what just happened.
“A patriarch … favors you,” Emmy says. I don’t like the look in her eyes. It’s not kind or ignorant like she looked at me before … it feels judgmental. Almost as if she’s jealous.
She narrows her eyes at me. “Aren’t you happy?”
I close my eyes, sigh, and then push past her.
“Natalie, you should be elated!”
“No,” I reply.
“You should be. It’s amazing,” she adds, following me.
“No, I hate it,” I say, glancing at her.
“What? You can’t say that,” she sputters. She’s still following me, so I go in another direction.
“I don’t want to be in his favor. I don’t want to be in anyone’s favor.”
“Why not? It’s the greatest gift in the world. God’s gift given to us by the men in this community.”
God’s gift? What a load of bullshit.
She’s indoctrinated, like every one of them.
In fact, it almost sounds as if she’s jealous just because he’s some kind of patriarch. She has no idea.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
I stop and turn to face her. “I don’t want to be here.”
“Don’t say that,” she says, shaking her head. “This is your home now. We’re your sisters. We love you.”
“I am not your sister, and I don’t love you, and you don’t love me. You don’t know me. This place is horrible, and you know that. You’re just in denial,” I say, pointing right at her heart as though it’ll add weight to my words. But I can tell from the way she looks at me that she has no clue what I’m talking about.
She was born here. This is all she knows.
“Forget it,” I say, turning around again.
“Wait a minute!” she says, grabbing me by the arm. “You’re not going anywhere. We’ll have lunch soon, and—”
As she jerks my arm, I spin on my heels and slap her right in the face.
She lets go of me and touches her cheek, and it’s only then that I realize what I just did.
We’re in the middle of the community grounds. Other people are looking at us as if I’ve lost my mind. Women, children, even men look up and stare.
And then the guards arrive.
I shudder in place as Emmy watches them grab me and take me away.
She doesn’t utter a single word as I’m dragged away.
All she does is stare with tears in her eyes … and at that moment, I almost feel pity for her.
Almost.
Because the prospect of being put back in that suffering hut wipes out all existing regret and replaces it with horror of unimaginable proportions.
I’m there again … in that concrete cell.
Alone. Scared. And hurting.
And the door is closed on me once again while I scream into the darkness.
