Nat climbed off the bus, turning her hooded face at the last moment to block the incoming snowball. Her head snapped a bit to the side from the force before the icy globe slid down the worn fabric of her jacket to plop back in the snow.
“Haha—yeah, hide your face, Medusa!” The boys jeered at her as the bus driver closed the door and rolled away. The only other girl who got off at her stop chastised the boys for being mean, but she was giggling as she walked with them to their homes.
Nat adjusted her backpack and trudged along in the opposite direction, tensing when a couple more snowballs hit her. One of the boys must have added a rock, because it stung even through the hood of her jacket. Thankfully she’d been able to find the puffy type this year—seventh grade had been so much worse. She hadn’t been quite big enough yet to earn enough money for anything beyond school lunch, and everything had soaked through. And the rocks had left bruises.
She wanted to rub the back of her head, but she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they’d hurt her. For so long she’d dreamed that maybe when she grew up, she’d be pretty and they wouldn’t pick on her anymore. But it didn’t look like that was how it would turn out. Her body had gotten so much bigger this past year, blowing up in places that had always been flat before. She was suddenly taller than most the other girls, almost 5’6 now. Big and lurching. As good as being bigger was for working, she knew she was grotesque.
Frizzy long brown hair, always going everywhere. An ugly mouth with lips far too big for her face. Boring almond shaped brown eyes and a nose she hated. And horrible clothing that never fit her properly and someone else had already worn out. At least she was thin, so the fat Nat nickname they’d tried using never really caught on. There were some benefits to her mother constantly forgetting to buy food.
Her feet slowed as she neared the end of the lane where their trailer was parked, held up on cement blocks. Their neighbors had normal houses—she was the only kid at school who lived in a trailer. But it was better than the trailer park they’d been at when social services took her away. Safer. Except for when her mother’s latest boyfriend-supplier showed up. Like today.
Nat came to a halt and stared at his truck in their drive. If her mother were awake, it would be fine. But if she’d already taken her pills…
Her eyes turned toward the woods far behind the trailer. It was cold today but not the worst it had been, and Missouri had plenty of hills and trees to block the wind, especially if she were deep inside the woods. She didn’t need to think further and snuck around her neighbor’s house, just in case he was looking out the window, before racing toward the line of trees.
The snow crunched beneath her sneakers and found its way into her socks, numbing her toes by the time she made it to the trees. She glanced behind her. No one seemed to be stirring from the trailer. Should she just hang out at the perimeter? Coyotes roamed the hills out here, and every now and then someone’s dog got dragged off, although she hadn’t heard of anyone having a problem with them this year.
A screen door slammed far behind her, and her eyes flew back to the trailer in a panic.
“Natty…”
Her stomach lurched, and she abandoned all thoughts of coyotes as her feet raced through the woods, desperate to put as much space between her and the smiling man calling her name.
Ten minutes later and she stopped, putting a hand on her knee and one on her side, her icy fingers digging into her as she dragged the painfully cold air into her lungs. Her PE teacher was always getting on to her for being lazy in class, but Nat didn’t know how other kids managed to run the track so easily. She ran out of breath so quickly, and her side always hurt.
Better keep going.
She stood up to start forward once more, still holding her side and wheezing while she walked over the fallen pine needles. The snow wasn’t too deep in here. The trees had caught most of it, so at least her feet weren’t getting any more wet than they already had. She tried stepping in the areas without snow, but she couldn’t completely avoid leaving tracks.
The scent of the pine finally began to feel pleasant to her lungs again, and she sighed as she walked. He wouldn’t really chase her all the way in here, would he? The forest around her was silent except for the occasional bird or squirrel and the sounds of her feet crunching the snow and bits of forest floor below.
Perhaps another thirty minutes passed before she stepped into a clearing, and her breath caught at the beauty. The trees grew in a circle around a space ten or twelve feet wide, their branches leaning over and creating a canopy that kept out most of the snow. Pine needles filled the area, producing the driest spot she was likely to find.
Dropping her backpack beside her, she sat down to pull off her shoes and socks. Was it cold enough out to get frostbite? Her toes were going to hurt either way once she could feel them again. She unzipped her jacket and pushed the hood off her head, gently feeling where she’d been hit. A groan escaped her, turning quickly into a whine. Life sucked sometimes.
At least flexibility wasn’t a problem for her. She pulled her feet up on her legs, keeping them off the forest floor, and leaned forward to warm them against her midsection as she tried pulling the coat around her. It wasn’t the most comfortable position in the world, but warmth seeped through to her feet, so it was worth it.
Leaning forward across her legs, she stretched her arms up above her. There was some yoga name for this position, but she couldn’t remember what it was. Her memory was terrible. She held the position as long as she could before leaning back up with a groan.
Her body froze halfway through the movement.
In the distance, a bird cried out. The wind whistled through the trees in soft whispers, and the sharp, sweet smell of pine filled the air. Nothing else stirred.
And at the edge of the clearing, only five feet in front of her, a pair of amber eyes watched her above a long black muzzle and snarling white fangs.
The blood pounded in her ears, the air around her vibrating with each beat of her heart. Stay still. Don’t panic. Think.
She knew almost nothing about animals, but this didn’t look like a coyote to her. A deep, ebony black coat covered it from head to toe—or paw. Huge paws and terrifying jaws that looked large enough to bite off her entire head. Its ears stood straight up as a low growl began rumbling in its throat.
Nat’s entire body jolted inside at the sound, but she forced herself to be still. Tears stung her eyes, but she tried not to blink. Tried not to break the stare. Afraid it would be the trigger that made it attack her.
So she stayed very still, half bowed, her vision blurring until the tears wouldn’t be contained and they spilled down her cheeks. What could she do? Everything she could think of seemed wrong. She didn’t know animals. Or even people, really. Not enough to prevent them from attacking her. But if this was it, if this was her death, she had to at least try something.
“Hi,” she whispered.
The wolf’s head perked up, and it stopped snarling. Hope sprang inside her. Maybe if she kept talking calmly…
“I’m Nat.” Her heart raced, and she struggled with each breath. But it wasn’t coming after her. “I didn’t mean to come into your space. I was just trying to get away from…” She didn’t want to say it even to herself. “A bad man,” she whispered at last.
The wolf growled, and her stomach clenched, tears springing to her eyes once more. Why did she think she could talk to an animal? Her body ached from the position she was in, but she would hold it until the last moment. It was the only thing she could do.
Keeping her gaze locked on his, she struggled to control her fear. Her tears. But she didn’t speak, and the wolf grew silent once more. They stared for what felt like hours but couldn’t have been more than a few minutes.
Eventually the wolf lowered its head…and stepped forward into the clearing.
Panic shot through her, but once again she held herself still. She wasn’t able to control her trembling, though, and her bare hands shook on the ground in front of her.
The wolf approached slowly, its eyes never leaving hers, until it stood directly in front of her, its head low and so close she could feel the warmth of its breath flowing across her cheeks. When it leaned in close to sniff her, she closed her eyes at last, biting back a whimper of fear. The wolf pulled back, but she couldn’t make herself open them again. Was this what they did before they ate? Checked their food?
Tears choked her. She didn’t know why she cared so much about dying. It’s not like she had such a great life. But maybe one day, if she just kept going, she would be alone. Free.
When it didn’t attack her after what seemed a very long time, she opened her eyes and her breath caught. It hadn’t moved. Her heart raced when it leaned in once more to her face. Would it rip her skin off? Did they do that to the face? Or was it trying to reach her throat?
The warmth of its tongue lapping her cheek gently nearly made her collapse. Was it tasting her?
“I’m sorry I don’t have any food.” She couldn’t control the tremor in her voice. “But please don’t eat me.”
The wolf whined, a small, short sound, but continued licking her cheeks. What did that mean? It wasn’t biting her. Maybe…maybe it might not kill her.
She began leaning up slowly, very, very slowly, but it didn’t stop licking her. Her heart hammered in her chest as she exposed her throat. Calm down. Animals could smell fear, right?
It whined again, and she jumped when a cold nose touched her neck as it lapped at her skin.
“Are you…really not going to eat me?” she whispered.
It rubbed its head against her, and her hands came up instinctively before she could stop herself. They both froze the moment her fingers touched its fur, and she stopped breathing, every muscle in her body locked in place as warm air flowed across her neck. Any moment now it would sink its teeth into her skin. Any moment.
Instead, it began licking her again.
She remained still, so afraid of being stupid. It couldn’t actually like her, could it? It was a wild animal. And she was…her.
But the licking didn’t stop.
Taking a shaky breath, she tentatively began petting the deep black fur. Warmth flowed into her fingers each time they slid through the thick coat, and amazed relief began thawing her rigid muscles. It really wasn’t going to hurt her!
Eventually she decided to risk leaning her head against its body. When it didn’t pull away, she sank her fingers deep into its fur with a sigh.
Her brow furrowed immediately. The coat was very thick but underneath, its body felt far too thin. She pulled back to eye the wolf more carefully, petting it gently. Petting him, based on what was hanging from his body, she realized. Heat rushed to her face as she suddenly felt unaccountably rude for having looked. But at least she could stop thinking of him as an it.
“When was the last time you ate?” she murmured. He whined again, and she stroked his fur. “I can bring you food, but I don’t know what wolves eat. Maybe I can find something about it at school tomorrow. They have a computer in the library.”
He growled, and she snatched her hands back. What had she done wrong? But he whimpered and licked her.
It took her a while before she risked petting him again.
“What am I going to do,” she sighed. “I can’t leave you to starve out here.”
He growled again, but this time she only jumped a little. Then frowned.
“Are you growling because I’m talking?” He kept licking her. Stupid. Wolves can’t understand people. She sighed again.
“I wish I could stay here with you.” She looked up at the darkening sky. “But I better get back now. The creep should be gone, and I still need to figure out where I’m going to find food if he cleared the cabinets out again.”
The wolf stepped back, his eyes bright on hers, and she wanted to cry. This was the most special thing that had ever happened to her. The only special thing really. How many people could say they had pet a wolf? She couldn’t tell anyone though, not that they’d believe her. She didn’t want a hunting posse coming in here.
“You be careful, okay? And thank you for not eating me.”
The wolf growled again, but it didn’t seem like an actual threat. She wiped her wet eyes and started putting her damp socks back on while he stood beside her, watching. The warmth of his body flowed into her in waves, and she wanted to stretch the moment out longer. But it was late, and the long walk back would just be colder the longer she delayed.
The wolf didn’t move when she climbed to her feet, and she blinked in surprise to find his eyes nearly at her level. He really was huge.
“Can I hug you goodbye?” she whispered, so unsure of how to indicate her question to an animal. She hoped her body language and voice inflection somehow managed to do it.
Evidently it worked because he stepped in to rub his face against her chest, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning in with a sigh. This moment needed to last in her mind forever.
Wetness filled her eyes again as she pulled back, but she turned away to start walking—only to stop again when he followed her to the edge of the clearing.
“Well…bye.” A hesitant smile touched her lips before she set off through the trees, but when she felt the heat of his breath flowing over her neck a minute later, she stopped once more. “You shouldn’t follow me, you know. Someone might see you and they’ll send hunters in here after you.”
He growled and pushed her forward with his head. She continued walking but started to worry the longer he followed her.
“I wish I could make you understand me. It’s dangerous for you. They go after even little coyotes—I can’t imagine what they would do if anyone saw a wolf.”
He just butted her again, and she kept going, trying to think of how to get him to go away. She wouldn’t dare risk yelling or throwing something at him. Maybe he just wanted to make sure she got out of his territory.
She walked on, periodically stopping and trying to get him to turn around, but he never did. Eventually they reached the edge of the wood, and Nat paused.
“That’s where I live.” She pointed toward the trailer. “So you can stay here.” She held her hands up, hoping it was some universal sign of stay. He hit the ground in front of her with his paws, and she sighed. She didn’t understand him any better than he understood her.
He bit down on her backpack, holding her in place when she tried walking out, and she groaned.
“I have no idea what you want. I can’t stay here. I’m human. I’ll freeze.”
He whined.
“I can bring you food…”
He growled.
“But I have to go! I don’t want to. The guy I was running from is gone, and I need to see if he left any food for me to eat or go try to find some.”
The wolf whined, licking her again, and she put her arms around him once more. Maybe she’d see him again. Maybe he’d stay in the area. But her stomach sank. If he did, he was sure to get killed by one of the crazy yahoos out here waving their guns around in the woods.
“Please, please be careful,” she whispered. “These people aren’t all the nicest people in the world.”
But he finally let her step out into the clearing, watching while she walked away. Her vision blurred, and she turned to face the trailer once more, her shoulders sagging as the weight of everything waiting for her came back.
When she at last made it to her door, she looked back at the woods. His dark coat was barely visible against the dark backdrop of the trees, but he was still watching her. Watching over her? She scoffed at herself as she went inside.
Don’t be ridiculous. He probably just wanted food after all.
