I was late for my rotation the next day, but considering that I was running on fumes, it was a miracle I’d made it at all. At this stage in my nursing program, I couldn’t afford to miss work shifts. It looked unprofessional, and besides, I needed good references to get a job afterward. I didn’t want to waitress at La Leonora any longer than necessary. I was born to be a nurse. At certain points over my five years of part-time study, it’d felt like an impossible mountain to climb, but I was so close now.
Now, when everything else in my life was threatened.
I hurried around my tasks, keeping my head down and hoping that no one noticed I was late. Doctor Dan’s smirk told me he had certainly noticed. I was three hours into an endless day, gulping down a bottle of water near the department reception’s desk, when I heard my name.
“Burke? Are they a patient?”
A man leaned on the counter. He was young but had the confidence of a life lived recklessly. His low jeans were nearly falling off his butt, and his T-shirt looked like a designer knockoff. Everything about him reminded me of Miguel, Lucy’s recently departed ex.
“Nah, I think she’s a nurse. Nurse Burke or some shit,” the stranger said.
The person behind the desk shook her head. “I’m afraid I can’t give you any information on staff. If you know her, give her a call.”
“Seriously, bitch, that’s how you’re going to play it?” The guy sneered.
I stepped back and hid behind the doorway as he glanced around.
The receptionist had had enough. She pressed a buzzer. “I’m calling security, since you’re just here to make trouble.”
The guy glowered at her and then leaned on the counter, jumping up a little to get right in her face. Why wasn’t there safety glass there?
“Listen, mama, I’ll show you trouble. I’ll show you how trouble feels when it rips a hole in your pretty chest. Bang,” he whispered, laughing as the receptionist turned pale.
After that, security appeared and grabbed the guy, dragging him away down the hall. I sagged in my hiding place. Miguel’s boss had found me, which meant that they’d figured out who Lucy was and somehow me, too. How? I guessed if they had Lucy’s number, then finding out her name and who her family was wouldn’t be too much of a stretch.
You need to go to the police, pleaded the voice of reason inside my head. Okay, great, go to the police and then what? Would they put us in a safe house? Would we go into witness protection? If we went to the police, we’d be forced to tell them the whole sorry story, and then I’d become a witness pointing a finger at Renato De Sanctis and his family.
We wouldn’t survive that. He’d promised as much.
I had to ask Lucy if Miguel’s cartel connections had contacted her again. I should have gotten rid of both of our phones, not just Miguel’s. What had I been thinking?
I’d been making mistake after mistake since that night, and I couldn’t seem to stop.
To top it all off, I had a long waitressing shift tonight, and I’d just found out I’d be working in the banquet room that was hosting the spina bifida charity benefit – a benefit that half the hospital was attending. But having to serve the people I wanted to take me seriously as a medical professional was the least of my worries.
Outside, the early evening air was cool. Even if it was full of exhaust fumes, it was better than the sterile, recycled air of the hospital.
I set out toward the bus stop, making a list of things I had to get done when I got home. Check in on Lucy, dodge that random gang member looking for us and the missing drugs, and stay out of jail, and avoid being murdered by the Italian mob.
If I wasn’t so tired, I might have cried. Instead, I just dragged myself toward the bus stop. I had just reached the crosswalk when my name was called. In the evening gloom, I could only make out their outlines as they crossed the street toward me, but that was enough.
Detectives Whitely and Vane. Pure panic flooded my chest, and I had to lock my legs in place to stop me from bolting. These were the police; I couldn’t run from them without looking suspicious. Swallowing my panic as best as I could, I tried to subtly glance around the busy street. Renato had warned me he’d be watching. How long would it be until he found out that I’d talked to the cops?
“Miss Burke? Can we have a moment of your time?” Detective Whitely asked as they approached.
I stepped back, my head shaking. “I’m afraid not. I’m late for work. I’m waitressing a charity benefit. I have to go.”
“Have you ever heard the term charity begins at home?” Detective Vane said, falling back into her bad cop role.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning your little sister was very upset the other night. A caring older sister would want to ease her burden, surely.”
A ragged laugh left me at the detective’s callous words. I gathered myself and stopped backing away. I was acting guilty, and I had to get a grip. “Excuse me, Detective, but you don’t know anything about my family. Are you here in an official capacity?”
Both the cops watched me for a long moment before Detective Whitely spoke gruffly. “No. Just concerned.”
“Well, I don’t have any obligation to talk to you and be late for my shift. This isn’t a good time, so I’m leaving.”
“Don’t forget, Miss Burke – we’re supposed to be on your side…if your side is the right one,” Detective Vane called to my departing back.
She had no idea that I’d already promised my silence to the devil, and his was the deal I couldn’t break.
When I got home, Lucy was in her room, loud, angry music seeping around the closed door. I couldn’t deal with her oscillating emotions right now.
I dragged myself to the shower and stood underneath the spray for far too long. Hot tendrils of steam rose around me, and I focused on the feeling of the water running over my body to drown out my worries. What could I do about the drug dealer? If you can’t tell the cops, tell Renato De Sanctis. The thought alone was bananas enough to make me worried for my sanity.
I shut the water off and stepped out of the shower onto the faded bathmat.
My reflection in the mirror was exhausted. Dark circles ringed my eyes, the whites bloodshot. I looked scared. There was a haunted quality to my expression that I couldn’t shake.
Darkness and danger. Trouble with the cops and criminals. This was the life I’d strived to avoid for me and Lucy. This had been our legacy, from our parents’ deaths to growing up in a group home, poor and unwanted. I’d fought tooth and nail to set us on a different path, to walk in a different world, and now, we were right back where we’d started.
Maybe you couldn’t fight destiny after all. Maybe you could only ever put it off for a while. Fate would always find you and claim you.
Renato’s darkly handsome face flashed through my mind.
“We have a deal. You keep your sister quiet, and in return… You’ll do whatever you have to.”
The reminder of his words sent a full-body shiver through me. I couldn’t believe I’d knelt there, before the most dangerous man I’d ever met, and vowed to worship him like he was my new god, to take his orders like they were heaven-sent. I had no idea what he would ask of me, but I’d already agreed, anyway. It felt like I had the sword of Damocles hanging over my head.
I brushed my teeth while turning my mind to work, which rapidly approached. I wasn’t excited for this shift. I’d been dreading the possibility of being scheduled to work the charity event all month, and yet, given what else I was dealing with, it had lost its ability to scare me. Maybe there was a silver lining to learning new levels of fear. It certainly put the small daily struggles I dealt with into perspective.
I’d just left the bathroom when I caught the soft murmur of voices in the kitchen. Who the hell was that? Lucy and I didn’t get visitors. Our apartment couldn’t really accommodate more than two people at a time.
I headed down the hall toward the kitchen. A familiar tone struck me cold with terror. I turned the corner and stepped into the kitchen, hoping against all odds that I wouldn’t see who I feared I would.
Detective Vane sat at the table across from Lucy, and Detective Whitely stood at the sink, filling the kettle.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I demanded, panic making me abrasive.
Detective Vane raised an eyebrow at me, her overly plucked arch mocking my undressed state. “Miss Burke, good evening to you, too. We won’t get in the way of you getting ready for work. Please, go and get ready. Lucy was just having a little chat with us.” She turned back to my sister, who perched in a miserable ball on the edge of her chair.
Her long hair was strewn around her shoulders, her eyes red. She glanced at me, her expression torn. She wanted to talk to the cops. She wanted justice for Miguel, but she didn’t want to go against me. While we might fight sometimes, we were all each other had.
“And you think it’s appropriate to just barge into someone’s private residence?” I attempted to gather my wits.
“Lucy let us in,” Whitely pointed out, flipping on the kettle and settling against the counter, crossing his arms.
“And it’s also appropriate to sit and speak alone to a teenager without her guardian’s supervision?” I began but didn’t get far before Detective Vane interrupted.
“Lucy is over eighteen, I believe? If she wants us to stay, I think we need to honor that.”
I blew out a frustrated breath. Fuck. I turned to my sister. “Tell them to leave, Lucy. We don’t need anything from them, and the whole thing is a misunderstanding.”
She stared at me, biting her lip. I could see her confession building. I couldn’t let her say it.
“Lucy Burke! Stop wasting police time and tell them to go. Deirfiúr,” I muttered the magic word.
What the detectives thought about the Irish Gaelic word, I had no idea. I only had eyes for Lucy’s reaction. The word had become a mantra between us. Before Da had died, he’d peppered Irish Gaelic words into his speech, and deirfiúr became our code word for when she needed to listen to me, no matter what. Deirfiúr. Sister.
A tear fell from Lucy’s eye as she looked at the detectives. “My sister’s right. I’m going to bed, and she’s going out. It’s not a good time for tea. Sorry for the fuss. I was confused, tired, I don’t even know what I’m saying…” She stood and shrugged her thin shoulders. “I just don’t know.”
Her pajamas had cats on them, and at that second, she looked so young and helpless, my heart broke. Both our lives as we knew them had ended in the last forty-eight hours.
“You heard her. Please go and don’t bother either of us again,” I said briskly and opened the front door expectantly.
The detectives exchanged long looks. They had their own language, too, it seemed. Annoyingly slowly, they gathered their things.
“If you’re sure, Lucy. But don’t forget to call if you change your mind,” Detective Vane said, eyeing me as she passed by. “I’m sure we’ll be seeing you soon, Miss Burke.”
“I’m not.” I closed the door behind them and locked it, then peered through the peephole at the detectives standing in the hall outside. They lingered, speaking so quietly between them I couldn’t hear their words. Finally, they moved away, and I sank against the door, my heart pounding.
“What are you thinking?” I whirled to Lucy.
Instead of a tearful mess, she glared back at me. “I’m thinking of telling the truth – you should try it sometime!”
“Are you serious right now? Do you have any idea what will happen?”
Lucy shrugged with the arrogance of youth that I’d never had the luxury of having. For as long as I could remember, I hadn’t had the privilege of being childish or irresponsible. I’d been Lucy’s caretaker since I was thirteen, and suddenly, I was so tired.
“The police will arrest those killers and protect us,” Lucy said.
A ragged laugh left me. “Right. Because the police always manage to protect witnesses and bad guys are always caught, right? Don’t be such a child. You have to be stronger than this.”
Lucy’s glare only heated up. “Strong like you? I never want to be like you.”
Her words stung, and her anger sparked my own. “And what the hell does that mean?”
“Joyless, alone, a workaholic, a worrier. You never do anything fun, you never laugh, you never take a break from being a fucking nag!”
I flinched back from that verbal slap. Tears warred with fury inside me.
“Whatever you might think about me, the police won’t protect us. Neither you nor I have the power to take down Renato De Sanctis, and he’ll kill you. He promised me he would if we go to the cops, and I’ll bet he’s a man of his word.”
Lucy swallowed hard and shook her head. “You’re just scared of him, and everyone—”
“You’re the reason this is all happening,” I interrupted silkily. It was a horrible thing to say, but her cruel outburst of honesty had ripped something inside me. “This danger, this threat…it’s all because of you.”
I stepped closer to my little sister. My greatest love and my greatest burden all at once. Taking care of her had always been both a privilege and duty. Tonight, the resentments of a lifetime bubbled out.
“Because you couldn’t stay out of trouble. Because you let a loser, wannabe drug dealer gangster into our lives, we’re in this mess. Because you have no idea what the real world is like – and maybe that’s my fault. If you want to know why I work all the time, why I’m always worried – look in the mirror. I have a child I never asked for, and she can’t even be grateful.
I’ve protected you my entire life, even when I was just a kid. So, I never got to be one. Maybe I should be done with that. Provide for yourself, go to the police if you want…let’s see how long you last – but don’t call me when the police take a statement and send you away to watch out for yourself while they investigate. And certainly, don’t call me when the De Sanctis family takes you to a warehouse by the docks and presses a gun to your head.”
Lucy’s face had leached of color as I spit my vitriol at her. I spun on my heel even as her hurt expression etched itself into my memory. I’d never forget that expression.
I headed back to my room, my righteous anger quickly running out of steam. I slammed the door and sank down to the floor, curling into a ball.
For the first time in longer than I could remember, I cried.
I sobbed my fucking heart out.
I had a pounding headache by the time I made it to work. I was scared of leaving Lucy on her own in case she decided to go back to the cops, but I didn’t know what else to do. We needed money, and the tips from my job saved us every month. I couldn’t miss this shift on such short notice. I just had to hope that my uncharacteristic outburst had slapped some sense into her.
So, I’d pulled my hair back, washed my puffy eyes with cool water, slapped on some makeup, and went out to be an adult. So far, it sucked.
I’d already seen five doctors I knew from the hospital, and they’d seen me, too. To their credit, every single one had been friendly and greeted me, but I still felt small.
“Charlotte!” a jovial voice shouted at me across the room as I circled with water refills.
Gritting my teeth, I approached him. Doctor Dan and his fucking punchable grin. His table was full of his Princeton pals.
He patted the seat beside him. “Sure you don’t want to join us?” He gave me what he clearly thought was a charming grin.
“I’m working, as you can probably tell.” I lifted the heavy water carafe. “I don’t just carry this around as an accessory.”
Some of his friends sniggered, and Dan’s smile turned brittle.
“Yes, I see. Well, when you have a chance, I’ll take the cocktail menu,” he said to me and then turned back to his friends. “She’s some intern at the hospital, you know the type. Never going to finish her degree, trashy family situation…”
I gripped the water carafe and seriously considered dumping it over Dan’s head. The urge was so strong, I couldn’t make my feet move away for a minute. Instead, like a glutton for punishment, I stood there and listened to him talk horribly about me, before I tore myself away, his words ringing in my ears. I couldn’t afford to make a scene and lose my job or damage my reputation among the hospital staff in attendance.
There was nothing I could do but walk away. My tattered pride ripped a little more with every step in the opposite direction. Pretty soon, I wouldn’t have any dignity left at all.
I tried to rally. Hey, I could still spit in Dan’s food. My attempt to comfort myself fell flat. I’d never do that. I was the type of person who could take a punch and keep on going. It was a claim I hated to be able to make. I’d been taught early on to turn the other cheek. Lately, it felt like both my cheeks had tread marks on them, considering the number of people who had walked over me.
Self-critical, dark thoughts circled my head as I made my way across the empty dance floor, then abruptly died at the sight of a couple of latecomers, strolling through the banquet doors like they owned the place.
I stopped dead in my tracks, feeling like I’d accidentally hit my head or passed out and was hallucinating. There was no way that Renato De Sanctis had just walked in the door, in a tux and drawing all eyes.
He surveyed the crowd, his classically handsome features looking as regal as ever, and seemed to find it lacking. He had an innate aloofness that rich people like Daniel would love to cultivate, but never came close to.
His tux had the luxury bespoke style I saw on high rollers, and his dark waves, with that streak of steel, caught the lights and shined. His olive skin glowed, too. He was a man born to wear formalwear and look like a god doing it. He was also a man who had threatened my life the night before and shot two men dead in cold blood, perfect, precise head shots, right beside me. My ears still rang from the bangs.
The water carafe was sweating in my hands and nearly slipped. I grabbed at it and started off the dance floor. I couldn’t wander around all night. My line manager would wonder why I hadn’t come back to the kitchen. As I headed toward the edge of the tables, I finally registered the woman beside Renato.
She was stunning. About the same age as me, with a soft cloud of inky curls, a black dress that seemed like she was paying homage to the black swan, and blood-red lipstick, she looked right by Renato’s side. A dangerous man, with an equally dangerous woman. I’d never felt frumpier in my ill-fitting waitressing uniform and my low ponytail.
The moment Renato’s eyes met mine was like I’d put my hand in an electrical socket. A full-body shock lit up my nerves when his gaze rested on me. There was no surprise in his expression. He simply stared at me, and I stared right back.
“Excuse me, could I have a water refill?” someone asked beside my elbow, startling me.
“Of course,” I muttered, messily pouring a refill. My hands shook.
“Did you see that Renato De Sanctis is here? He’ll sometimes make an appearance at these types of things.” A group of women gossiped amongst themselves.
I moved around the table, refilling water and shamelessly eavesdropping.
“And what an appearance it is. I wonder who the chick is?”
“I’m not sure, but he’s been seen with her before.”
“Well, she’s certainly pretty enough to be his side piece. I can’t believe he owns this hotel,’ one of them said wistfully.
He owns this hotel? Sickness surged through me, and I stepped away and forced deep breaths. I’d been skulking around all day, wondering how we’d stay off Renato De Sanctis’ radar, when I literally worked in one of his casinos? It was just my kind of luck.
A deep voice interrupted my spiraling. “Miss Burke. What a coincidence.”
Holy crap. Renato had come over to speak to me. Right here in front of everyone.
I held my carafe in a death grip and turned around. There he was, looking like the powerful god I’d promised to believe in, staring down at me with that intense expression I’d come to associate with him.
“Is it really a coincidence?” I asked immediately. “I’d have expected a man like you to do your due diligence. You probably know everything about me, down to whether I prefer tampons or pads.”
What the hell, Charlie? Okay, well, I’d clearly lost my mind.
Renato was unruffled. He picked a speck of invisible dirt from his cuff. “I must say, I might have overlooked that one. I’ll have to add it to the list.”
A scoff left me. This guy was equal parts terrifying and wise guy, and I didn’t know how to handle that. He was utterly undisturbed by whatever I threw at him. “So, you knew I’d be here?”
“In this ballroom, no. In my hotel, of course. That said, I don’t believe in coincidences, Miss Burke. I believe in fate.”
Over his shoulder, the stunning woman headed toward us, her black ball gown rippling like ink as she approached.
“Ren. You lied. There are exactly zero fuckable men here, and I got waxed for this,” she accused Renato as soon as she got close. She wrapped one hand around his bicep and inspected me, tilting her head to the side.
“You’re Charlotte Burke. Charlie. Aren’t you?”
I swallowed hard. “And you are?”
She laughed and gave me a wicked look. “I’m the IT guy. Nice to meet you, Charlie.” She stuck out a black-nailed hand.
I took it after a moment, giving it a limp shake.
“You too. I have to get back to work,” I muttered, my eyes darting to Renato’s and away.
“Of course, the boss at this dump is a real dragon, or so I’ve heard. You do not want to get on his bad side.” The mystery woman laughed and whirled away from me, just in time to intercept the benefit organizers who made a beeline for Renato.
Of course they were. The man oozed wealth and power. He was a magnet, and eyes were drawn to him from all over the room.
Renato didn’t turn when the organizers spoke to him. Instead, he stared at me. I backed away, shooting a polite smile across the group, and then swiveled on my heel and hightailed it to the kitchen.
I could feel his eyes on me the entire time.
