I’m flat on my ass, leaning my back against the door, listening to Mira speak on the other side. She’s been flinging the f-bomb left and right for the last ten minutes, going on about Alexius and what an asshole he is and how angry she is at Nicoli for not defending her.
But me? I’m just sitting on the floor, lost in my thoughts, wondering—hoping this is all just one terrifying nightmare and that I’ll wake up in bed next to Alexius, feeling his arm draped over my side, his palm clutching my breast. I want this all to be nothing but a bad dream and to realize that the man I love didn’t betray me. He didn’t lie to me. He didn’t deceive or manipulate me.
But he did… and my heart hasn’t stopped aching since he locked this door. It’s as if someone has torn a hole inside my stomach, a gaping, oozing, grotesque wound that weakens me with every passing second.
I’m such a fool.
All those times he refilled my birth control, it never once crossed my mind that his display of trust and responsibility was a masked deception as he plotted to shackle me to him for the rest of my life.
“Fucker won’t budge,” Mira spits out. “He’s hellbent on keeping you in this room. I don’t get why neither of you can tell me what the fuck is going on.”
I tilt my head back against the wooden door, craning my neck and staring at the ceiling. “It’s between Alexius and me, Mira.”
“Listen, this isn’t me being nosy. This is me hoping that a man I love as a brother isn’t a complete psychopath. I’ve already seen him shoot a fucking guy in the head without blinking. And now he has his wife, who he’s supposedly in love with, locked in a room? My mind is fried.”
I sigh, my chest heavy with an ache I can’t put into words. I know how much Mira cares for the Del Rossa brothers. I’ve seen how she looks at Alexius—it’s the same way she looks at Maximo. With love. Affection. Respect. Call me insane or delusional, but I just can’t tell her what he did, no matter how despicable and unforgivable it is. I can’t take away from her the only family she’s ever known. It’s my burden to carry, and it would be selfish of me to load it onto her. Plus, it’s my own damn fault for trusting him after he showed me his true colors so early on in our relationship—or, rather, agreement. I should have known better. So, the shame is on me for loving a man who prefers power over love. And that’s exactly what this is. Getting me pregnant so I wouldn’t leave, so he could have a hold on me, that’s power. It’s what he wants, what he craves. To make everyone bend to his will.
“Leandra?” Mira’s voice is soft. Gentle. Almost pleading.
“Yeah?”
There’s a slight pause before she speaks. “Stop fighting him.”
“What?”
“I don’t know what he did or what happened. But I know fighting him will only make things hard for you and the babies.”
“Mira, I’m not just going to sit back while he keeps me hostage in this damn room,” I blurt.
“I get that. I do. I’d be pissed at him, too, if I were you. I mean, I am pissed at him for doing this, but…” There’s a long pause, and I lean my head to the side, listening. “You’re pregnant with his babies, Leandra. And the truth is, you’ll never be rid of him. Whether you’re here or somewhere else, he’s the father of those twins, and nothing you can do will change that. I know him…well, I thought I did. But what I do know is there’s not a chance in hell he’ll let you walk away with his children.”
My skin crawls with a sudden chill. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying he’s not going to let you take his children, and if you continue to fight him and not agree to stay, you’ll end up having to make the most difficult decision of your life.”
I close my eyes. “Which is?”
“Your freedom…or your children.”
Mira goes silent, and I lean my head to the side. She’s right. I know she is. In the end, no matter what road I choose to take, it will all lead to me being forced to choose, a decision I never thought I’d be in a position to make.
“Oh, God. Speak of the devil,” Mira says, and I hear her move on the other side of the door.
I sit up straight. “Is he coming?”
“Yup.”
I’m on my feet, turning to face the door and taking a few steps back like I’m expecting a beast to break through the wood.
“Alexius,” I hear Mira say. “Finally come to your senses?”
“Leave, Mira,” he replies, and I eye the lock as he slips in the key. My heartbeat echoes between my ears and my palms are sweaty as I continue to move back. I’m not scared of him. Even after what he’s done, I know he won’t hurt me, or he would have done it already. Instead, I’m scared of what I feel for him, fearing the pain of having my heart hacked open with a serrated blade every time I see him. His face. His eyes. His lips. His presence. It’s all a reminder of how much I fucking love the man who betrayed me so unapologetically.
My hand is on my belly when the door opens, and our eyes meet. God, he’s so beautiful, it makes my heart ache. No amount of anger I feel can change that. Shadows fall over his face, but it does nothing to tame the iridescence that gleams from irises I’ve lost myself in so many times before. His tall frame is wrapped in a pristine suit, broad shoulders carved from power, and a stare that makes everything else disappear. Everything I promised I would say to him is gone. Every last word, every curse, every demand, vanished.
For one reckless moment, I forget about what he’s done, remembering the moans that not so long ago filled this room, my cries of ecstasy proof of how much I loved everything he did to me. How much I loved him.
How much I still love him.
The connection between us hasn’t weakened even the tiniest bit. It’s still there. Strong. Potent. Undeniable.
And then I remember…
He clears his throat. “I’ve arranged for a doctor to come to the house to monitor the pregnancy, make sure you and the babies are okay. I’m having one of the spare bedrooms set up with all the necessary equipment so the doctor can continue to make house calls.”
I lift my chin. “You can’t keep me locked up in here forever.”
“Continue to want to run from me, and I will.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and watch as he closes the door, locks it, and slips the key into his jacket pocket. “How are you feeling?”
“Hurt. Betrayed. Sick to my stomach. Pick one.”
“I’m talking about you and the pregnancy.”
“Oh, you mean our babies? The two lives growing inside me, something I had no say in?”
“Leandra,” he breathes out, rubbing his palm across the back of his neck. “I didn’t come here to fight.”
“Did you come here to let me go, then?”
The way he glowers at me from under thick lashes answers my question with a resounding ‘no.’
“Didn’t think so.” I cross my arms. “You can’t keep me locked up forever.”
His blue eyes flash with determination. “And I can’t let you go either.”
“Then what the hell are we supposed to do?”
“It’s easy. Accept that you’re my wife, that you’re having my children, and that there is nothing in this entire goddamn world that will change that. Ever.”
I scoff. “Nothing about what you just said is easy. It’s not easy to accept the fact that you’ve been manipulated and deceived by the man you love.”
He steps forward, and I take a step back. I don’t trust small distances between us. It makes it too easy for the constant pull between us to take over. Even through anger and hurt, my body still yearns for him. My blood still sings for him. I hate it. No matter how hard I try to make it stop, it doesn’t wane, not even a little.
No matter how hard I try to stay strong, it’s impossible to steel myself against the emotions he so easily evokes in me, especially when those intense azure irises pin me with such intensity I can hardly breathe.
His shoulders straighten as he slips his hands in his pants pockets. “I won’t lose you, Leandra. I don’t care what I need to do to ensure that.”
“Stop.” I clench my jaw as tears threaten to show weakness in my armor. I don’t want him to see anything other than anger when he looks at me.
He moves closer, and I instinctively look away, afraid the walls will crumble.
“Look at me.”
“No.” My chest constricts.
“Leandra. Look. At me.”
“I can’t.” A tear escapes as I turn my back toward him. “I can’t look at you because it hurts too much.”
I close my eyes for a second, and he’s behind me, his presence wrapping tightly around my shoulders, squeezing the oxygen from my lungs. My skin burns for his touch. My lips yearn for his kiss. And my soul weeps to be rid of the hurt so I can do the one thing that feels more natural to me than breathing…lose myself in his arms.
He leans down, brushes his cheek against my hair, then inhales deeply. “God, I miss you, stray.”
A whimper escapes me, my heart screaming as my insides coil up. There is no battle as cruel and gruesome as the fight that rages between one’s head and heart. Two pieces of yourself wanting nothing more than to destroy each other. And no matter which part wins, the other will die. Either way, you will lose a piece of yourself.
“It’s been too long since I’ve had you.”
“It’s been days.”
“Hours feel like eons.”
I cry when he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me against him, and I swear to God I want to die. Smelling him, feeling him, loving him—it’s killing me. It’s tearing me apart, pulling me in two different directions, and I’m afraid I’ll never be whole again.
“Stop fighting me, Leandra.” His hand slowly travels down my hip, fingers teasing along my pants’ waistband, his touch disarming me so easily. “Stop denying me what I crave.”
“Never.” A tear laps down my face. “You hurt me.”
“You’re fucking hurting me now.” He rolls his hips, and I let out a breath feeling the stiff length of his cock pressing against my lower back. “You feel that? I’ve been this hard for you for fucking days.”
“There are ways to get rid of that by yourself.”
“You think I haven’t tried?”
His hand slips inside my pants, and I suck in a breath, leaning back against him, the warmth of his body instantly fogging my mind. I’m hyperaware of every hard curve of his body, every ripped muscle under his shirt, and it’s fucking with my self-control.
“No matter how many times I make myself come, I can’t stop wanting your cunt.” His hand dips lower and drags a finger through my slit, groaning into my hair as he inhales deep. “Jesus, stray. I want inside this pussy of yours.”
“I hate you,” I say, as if the lie would make up for the involuntary action of bending my knees slightly, parting my thighs so he can touch more of me.
“No, you don’t. Feel how wet you are for me.” His finger sinks deeper, and I arch my back against him. “You want me inside you, don’t you, stray?”
“What I want is irrelevant. What I need is to get the fuck away from you.”
His fingertip brushes over my clit, and I bite my lip, stifling a moan. “Then run,” he murmurs against my ear. “See what happens when I catch you.”
Flames lick my skin, and my need to burn incinerates my will to fight him. My body is ash in his palms, and our connection is in control. It always has been.
I fist my hands at my sides, the pressure of his finger on my clit causing my legs to weaken. “Alexius, stop.”
“Give me what I want, Leandra.” He grinds his cock against my ass. “Give me what I crave, and let me have you.”
I move my hips, pressing my ass harder against him, and I shiver when I hear him groan.
“Keep doing that, and I swear to God, I won’t wait for your permission to fuck you.”
“Alexius,” I whimper.
“Say it, Leandra. Just fucking say it.” His finger slips inside me. “Let me. Fuck you.”
I’m two breaths away from giving in. My determination to fight him is nothing but fragments of something that would never be strong enough to stop me from wanting him, from loving him.
“You know as well as I do it’s pointless fighting us.” His breath is warm seduction skidding along my ear. “Your cunt is soaked. So fucking ready for me.”
His words, his dirty mouth, have always been my drug, my heroin, an addiction that will destroy me.
“Mom, please stop. Can’t you see it’s killing you?”
“I’m already dead. I died the day you took your father from me.”
“Please stop. Your addiction will destroy you.”
“I don’t care.”
I do. I care.
I fucking care.
“Alexius, stop.” I grab his hand between my legs, but he slips a second finger into me, the ache intensifying threefold.
“I love you, stray, and you love me. You can’t deny it.”
I have no idea where I get the strength, but I tear myself from his arms and pivot and look at him with intent. “I do love you. It’s loving you that’s making everything so much worse. It would be easier if I could just hate you.”
He reaches out, but I step out of his reach. “Stop, please.”
“Never. I will never fucking stop.” Blue eyes flash with something dark.
“Don’t you get it? This isn’t something you can fix.” There’s no controlling my tears anymore.
“There is nothing to fix,” he snarls. “Don’t you get that? This is your fear controlling you.”
“My fear?”
“Yes. You’re afraid of what we have, afraid to accept who you really are.”
“And who am I, Alexius? Huh? Who the fuck am I? Oh, wait, this is the part where you tell me I’m your wife, right? That’s your answer to everything. ‘You’re my wife. You belong to me,’” I taunt.
“No!” He storms up close to me, his irises a burning inferno, their intensity causing me to hold my breath. “That woman who has the courage to acknowledge her desires and take what she wants, demanding what she needs while on her fucking knees in front of me, that’s you. The real you.”
“You don’t know me.”
“The fuck I don’t. You’re scared because when you’re with me, you have the courage to acknowledge the side of you that you’ve spent years convincing yourself is wrong and distorted. You find your confidence in my arms, stray. With me, you’re free, and it scares the living shit out of you. And that’s why you’ve been trying to find ways to make me your villain, so you can blame me rather than be you. The real Leandra Del Rossa.”
He cups my cheeks, gripping tightly, bringing his lips inches from mine, and I’m certain if he lets go, I’ll collapse. “You are mine, and I am yours. There is nothing that can change that. I don’t care if you villainize me for the rest of your goddamn life, I will not let you go.”
Tears lap down my cheeks and onto his fingers. “What you did,” I choke on a breath, “I’m not your toy, Alexius. My life isn’t yours to play with.”
“I did it because I didn’t want to lose you.”
“You had no right.”
“That’s not the way I see it.”
“Then you’re seeing it wrong,” I sob.
A growl tears from his throat as he jerks away, pulling a hand through his hair, his expression hard lines of frustration. “The way I see it, I’m a husband who loves his wife and is willing to do anything to keep her.”
“Even if it means breaking my heart?”
“Broken hearts mend.” His nostrils flare, his eyes a raging storm of chaos. “We can get past this.”
I shake my head, sucking my bottom lip into my mouth and tasting heartache in my tears. “No, Alexius. We can’t.”
“Don’t say that,” he snaps. “Don’t fucking say that.”
“It’s the truth.” I fall back against the cabinet as my legs grow numb, my eyes downcast as I clutch my belly, taking in one labored breath after the other, trying not to suffocate. “But it doesn’t matter.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying nothing matters. How I feel doesn’t matter because I already know how this will play out. I know you’ll never let me walk away with our babies.” I glance up at him. “You’ll make me choose. My freedom, or them. And I will choose them. I will always choose my babies. But I will never forgive you. Never.”
His eyes flash with hurt, and I can see the pain in their blue depths. It’s right there, mirroring my own, and cuts so damn deep I’m convinced I’ll bleed dry.
I sniff and wipe at my cheek, scoffing. “How is that for irony? You wanted me to stay, and now I am. Yet…you lost me anyway.”
Our gazes remain locked, the silence excruciating.
It’s the strangest thing. Even through the impossibility of forgiveness, there’s still this flicker inside me that’s determined to stay lit, fighting not to be smothered by Alexius’ betrayal. There’s a part of me still hoping that maybe…just maybe…
Maybe what? I’ll forgive him? We’ll go back to being Alexius and Leandra? Back to lovers unraveling within each other’s arms?
No.
Never.
That can never be again.
I swallow hard, trying to keep more tears from falling when he steps close, so damn close the pain in my chest intensifies threefold. This time he doesn’t reach for me, he doesn’t touch me, and I can’t be sure if my eyes are tearing up because I want him to.
His eyes cut from mine to my lips and back up again, and I see nothing but pure resolve stir within blue. “Your fight won’t outlast what we share, stray. What we have can burn cities to the fucking ground.”
“What we had is gone.”
“Liar,” he bites out. “Even now, you feel it. Beneath all that hurt, all that anger, you still feel it. It’s too fucking strong. And as God is my witness, Leandra, I will remind you just how strong it really is. Every. Goddamn. Day.” He drags his teeth across his bottom lip. “I swear it.”
