It’s a miracle I’m still standing. It doesn’t matter how angry I am at Alexius or how much my heart bleeds, all it takes is a simple touch, and he disarms me in a way that leaves me without breath.
It’s madness. I should hate him. Be immune to his touch, his presence, the words that drip from his lips like honey. But instead, I’m standing here using every ounce of strength I have to fight this insane connection that keeps drawing me to him. It’s like there’s this invisible line we’re both linked to, and the harder I try to get more distance, the closer it pulls us together.
I wish I knew how to hate him. It would be so much easier. But the truth is I don’t. I don’t hate him. Not even a little. The anger is there. It’s in my blood, surging and raging every time I think about what he did. It’s just not strong enough to smother what I feel for him.
God. I think I’m borderline insane because from the moment he walked in, all I wanted was for him to just fucking take me as unapologetically as he always did. I wanted his touch to take away the uncertainty. I wanted him to kiss away the pain and fuck me until his betrayal no longer resonates through my heart. Why can’t it just be that simple?
“Jesus, Leandra,” I mutter, pulling my fingers through my hair, feeling pretty damn pathetic. What kind of woman am I for still wanting him after what he did?
The open door gives me a misleading sense of freedom. I’m not naive. I know I’m still trapped. My cage just got bigger.
Mira’s face pops into view, and I jolt, slapping my palm on my chest. “Mira. My God. You scared me.”
“I see he’s not keeping you locked up anymore.”
“Don’t let the open door fool you.” I grab a coat from the closet and pull on a pair of boots. “He won’t let me off the estate.”
“Where are you going?”
I wrap a black scarf around my neck. “I’ve been locked in this room for days. Right now, I want fresh air.”
“But it’s snowing outside. You’ll freeze to death.”
“I’ll be fine. I just want to go outside for a while.”
“Leandra.”
I’m almost at the door when she raises her voice.
“Leandra, stop.”
I still. “What, Mira?”
“I know you’re angry. I know you must hate him right now.”
I turn to face her. “I don’t hate him. And that’s the problem.” I slip on a pair of gloves. “It would be so much easier if I could hate him.”
Her expression softens, but her eyes flash with concern. “I need you to promise me something.”
“I can’t promise I won’t leave when I get the chance.”
“No. Not that.” She shakes her head and steps up, taking my gloved hands in hers. “Promise me that no matter how angry he makes you, how much you think you hate him—”
“I don’t hate him, Mira.”
“Just promise me, okay?” she presses. “Promise me that whatever happens, you won’t lose sight of what really matters. And that’s the little lives you’re carrying inside you. What you want, what Alexius wants is no longer relevant. What’s best for these babies is what matters the most.”
I’ve met all kinds of people working as a waitress. But I’ve never encountered someone whose heart is as pure as Mirabella’s. There’s a kindness in her that’s almost too good for this world. And it amazes me how she grew up in the Del Rossa world, yet her compassion remains untainted by it all.
I squeeze her hand before pulling her in for a hug. “I promise.”
“Good.” She brushes her palms across my shoulders before leaning back and smiling. “Now go dance in the snow, or whatever it is you want to do out there. I’ll have some hot cocoa waiting for you once you’re done freezing your ass off.”
Her smile is infectious, and I find myself smiling, too, even though my world has imploded, and it seems like things are only going to get worse.
“Oh, and Leandra,” she turns to face me, her eyes narrowed, “in God’s name, please don’t do anything stupid.”
“Like what?”
“I dunno. Like, try to leave?”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not that stupid.”
“Says the one who fell for Alexius Del Rossa.”
“Not funny,” I scold.
“It’s a little funny.” She winks before her heels echo across the lacquered floors. I swear, if it weren’t for Mira, I would have gone mad a long time ago.
The halls smell like freshly polished wood. Lavender. It’s a scent I’ve grown to love since living here. It reminds me of him. This is his home, after all. Who the fuck am I kidding? Everything reminds me of him. The smell, the colors, the windows, the floors, the goddamn oxygen in this place reminds me of him and how he consumes me.
The house is quiet. Still. To me, it’s a relief since the last thing I need right now is to run into one of his brothers and pretend that everything in my life is okay when it’s all just falling apart. When I enter the foyer, seeing the tall Christmas tree, the lights lit and presents heaped beneath it, everything crashes back like a tidal wave—the memory of thinking I finally have the world, only to have it ripped away.
My fists clench, and my chest aches. Anger rises, and I’m so close to breaking and losing control over my emotions. Every flicker of the Christmas lights edges me to the point where I want to do something drastic. I want to scream. I want to break everything I can get my hands on, shatter the windows, and destroy the walls. I want to burn shit down and light the entire world on fire around me. I want to hurt him like he hurt me, see his regret tear him apart in the same way his betrayal ruined me. I need a sense of power, even if it’s only short-lived. But that’s impossible. I could destroy the world, and Alexius would still own me. That’s the worst part. I’m helpless when it comes to the love I feel for him. It’s toxic, but it’s undeniable.
I rush out the front door as fast as my feet can carry me. The icy tentacles of winter whip against my cheeks, and I pull my scarf tighter, slipping my hands in my coat pockets. Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and inhale deeply, the cold air burning my lungs. The air is clean, fresh, and carries renewed strength to every muscle as I exhale some of the tension that’s been infecting me in that goddamn room.
Translucent and shimmering snowflakes float mid-air, carried by the calm breeze. The garden is draped in a blanket of white, the scenery serene as I stroll, kicking snow with my boots. I know I’m not free. Far from it. But I try to imagine I am. That everything is right in my world, even if just for a few moments, so I can fully appreciate the beautiful sight winter has laid at our doorstep.
“And here I thought I was the only one eager to exchange a cozy fireplace for winter’s pinch.”
I pivot, the gravel of the walkway crunching beneath my boots, and I face a man I’ve never seen before, his dark eyes so intense, I can feel myself shrink under his watchful eye.
“I’m sorry. Who are you?” I ask.
“Rome Savelli.” He holds out his hand, crowding me with his six-foot-four frame and broad shoulders. “Alexius’ cousin. You are?” Dark brown eyes narrow as I place my gloved palm in his.
“Leandra. Alexius’…um,” I let go of his hand, trace a finger down my temple, and smile absentmindedly. “I’m not quite sure what I am to your cousin at the moment.”
“Ah.” His face flashes with recognition. “You’re his wife. The one he’s been keeping locked up.”
I choke on air. “Excuse me?”
He shrugs and gestures to the house. “Not much is kept secret around here. So, tell me, did he let you out, or did you escape?”
“I…um—”
“If it’s the latter, I’ll have no choice but to help you get away from here. God knows I’ve been trying to escape this place for years.”
I purse my lips, somewhat amused. “Based on the whispers I’ve heard, you managed to escape a long time ago. So why did you come back now?”
He cocks his head and grins, his dark chestnut hair neatly cut. “I guess one could say I’ve learned that no matter how far you run, you’ll never be free of this place or this family.” He slants a brow. “A lesson you’ll learn soon enough, it seems.”
“It’s quite bold of you to assume I want to escape.”
A sly grin tugs at his lips. “Why else would you be out here in the cold rather than inside, where it’s comfortable and warm?”
“Maybe I’m just enjoying the fresh air.”
“Or maybe you’d rather brave the icy weather than the chilly atmosphere in there.” He indicates the house, and I frown at him.
“You might not resemble your cousin much, but the two of you are equally outspoken.”
“I can see why he likes you.”
“Likes me?” I scoff. “We’re married. I’d hope he does a little more than just like me.” I have no idea why I said that, given the current state of our relationship.
“Maybe he likes you a little too much, hence the reason his head of security is currently standing over there keeping an eye on you.” He nods his chin in the direction over my shoulder, and I turn to see Maximo watching us. Rome inches closer, slanting a brow as he stares down at me. “I’d love to know what it is you did that pissed off my cousin to such a degree he’d resort to locking you in your room.”
Rome’s assumption of me being in the wrong and earning my punishment is not only offensive, but it demands a response. I step closer, confident enough to keep his melted chocolate gaze. “I find it worrying that everyone around here knew Alexius locked me up in my room, even you who only just arrived, and yet no one bats an eyelash. Everyone just accepted it.” I lean my head to the side as I study his unmoving expression. “It’s quite disturbing, don’t you think?”
“Not compared to what else goes on in these halls.” The corners of his eyes crinkle, and I’m not quite sure what to make of Alexius’ cousin. Another enigma, just like my husband. Either it’s a blood-related thing, or it’s something in this place’s water, turning these men into mystery riddled magnets.
He snickers then pulls the collar of his coat higher up his neck. I catch a glimpse of a partly hidden tattoo as it disappears beneath the wool fabric, but I can’t make out what it is. “Well, it was nice to finally meet you, Leandra. I hope to see more of you around here.” He smirks. “That’s if you don’t get yourself locked up again.”
My skin heats, but the mischief tugging at his lips has me more amused than angered. “Hopefully, we’ll run into each other before you decide to run away again.”
He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, the corners curled upward. “I like you,” he remarks before turning and walking toward the house.
“Asshole,” I mumble as I watch him leave.
“I heard that.”
My cheeks flush.
“Next time, use your inside voice.”
“Next time, I’ll just say it to your face.”
He waves at me over his shoulder. “Looking forward to it.”
I shake my head and watch him disappear into the house. For some reason, I’m smiling. My brief chat with Rome was weird, yet somehow it was the most normal conversation I’ve had in a while.
I’ve heard other members of this family talk about Rome. Alexius referred to him as a coward for leaving his responsibilities behind. Now he’s back. But something tells me Rome isn’t back to spread Christmas cheer.
