MAGGIE
After West went back to see his dad, I took a seat beside Aunt Coralee. She patted my leg and told me she was proud of me for being there for West. She didn’t add that I had my own share of pain when it came to losing a parent, but the way she spoke, I could tell she was thinking it.
Brady was over with Asa, Gunner, Ryker, and Nash, all talking quietly. As if they knew death was near and they weren’t sure how to handle it. When you hadn’t dealt with death, you didn’t understand. That had been me once. Before.
Over the next hour, Raleigh arrived, along with other people I recognized from school. I wasn’t sure Raleigh being here was a good thing. She glanced over at me when she first arrived, and the hatred on her face was obvious. Just like Serena, she was confused about what I actually was to West. They had both had him in ways I never would. But then, I knew a part of West that they never would. I understood the difference. They didn’t.
Uncle Boone stood with the coaches as they talked and drank coffee. Deep concern was written across all their faces. West was loved. And from the way the others spoke of his dad, so was Jude.
The hours passed, and we all waited. Every hour West was back there meant another hour he’d had with his dad. I hoped he said everything he wanted to say. That when his dad took his last breath, West had no regrets.
I watched as Raleigh walked over to talk to Brady. He was polite to her, but I could see he wasn’t thrilled she was here.
Suddenly Aunt Coralee spoke beside me. “We were there with you the day it happened. You probably don’t remember. You weren’t handling it well. Bless your heart, how could you? My heart broke as I watched you pull away from everyone. But you’re with us now, and we love you, Maggie. I want you to know that. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but sitting here, watching this, I want you to know we were there. Jorie was there. We made sure no one got near you or pushed you to do anything you didn’t want to do.”
I did remember them being there. I had been lost in my own grief, but I remembered seeing my aunt’s tear-streaked face as she’d kept guard over me. I hadn’t forgotten that. I hadn’t cared at the time, but looking back I’m glad she’d done it.
I looked over at her and smiled. I wanted to tell her that I knew. That I was thankful they’d been there. But my emotions were too raw today. Knowing what West was going through was enough. I couldn’t also try to speak to her for the first time.
The day rolled away as the night came. The waiting room remained full. Brady had dozed off in his chair and Nash had lain down on several chairs to take a nap.
Raleigh had left, thankfully. I’d breathed a sigh of relief when she’d given up on waiting for West.
It was close to eight in the evening when West walked through the doors. His eyes scanned the waiting room until they found me. I stood up, my stomach in knots. As much as I had prepared myself for this, I wasn’t sure I could be strong.
West held out his hand for me, and I walked over and took it. “He can have more visitors now. I’d like that to be you,” he said close to my ear.
I squeezed his hand. He looked up from me to the others waiting.
“He’s . . . stable. Struggling . . . to breathe. But he’s sleeping,” West said to everyone. “Thank y’all for coming. For being here. Knowing we have people out here who care means a lot. Especially to my mom. So thanks for that.”
West moved his attention back to me. “You ready?”
I nodded.
His fingers threaded with mine, and we walked back through those doors I’d been watching all day.
His dad’s room had large windows so the nurses could watch him from their station. From the hallway I could see his mother’s head resting on the bed beside his dad’s arm. Her hand was locked tightly with his. She was holding on to him, as if she could keep him here that way.
“I think Momma’s asleep. She’s cried a lot today. It’s been draining,” he said as he opened the door and stood back for me to go in. His hand touched my lower back and led me over to the sofa against the wall.
He sat down and put his arm along the back of the sofa. “Come here. Sit with me.”
It was obvious he wanted me close, and I understood. I sat down, and he pulled me closer to him, his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his chest and watched his father’s uneven breathing. Each gasp seemed like it was a fight for him.
“I won’t have regrets,” West said, then pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you for that. For keeping my head on straight. If you hadn’t helped me, I don’t know if I’d have been able to do it today. But I did. I said everything to him I wanted him to know.”
I tilted my head back so I could see his face. Each beautiful angle had become precious to me. I wanted to reach up and touch him. Reassure him. But that wasn’t what we were.
He gazed down at me. There were no more words. My look was a silent reassurance I wasn’t leaving and he had me.
Movement broke the spell, and we both turned to see that Olivia had raised her head and was looking at Jude, panicked. There was obvious relief on her face as she saw his chest rise and fall.
She touched his arm and let out a sigh. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” she said, sounding apologetic.
“You’re exhausted, Momma. Dad would want you to rest,” West told her.
Olivia turned her head to see us on the sofa. A tired smile touched her lips. “Hello, Maggie. I’m glad they’ve let you come back. If Jude were awake, he’d be all smiles and happy to see you with West.”
I remembered the last time I’d see him. He’d been awake and laughing. Life could be so cruel.
“Can I get you anything?” I asked her. I wondered if she’d eaten at all.
She shook her head. “I’m fine, but thank you.”
I watched her as she tucked his covers in around him and fussed over his pillow. West pulled me close to him again, and we sat there silently. Watching Jude breathe. There was nothing to say. In the face of sorrow and loss, no words could ever be adequate.
