WEST
The reality of my father’s death had exploded in my chest the moment they lowered him into the ground. In that moment it became real. Maggie had been right. It wasn’t a pain you could describe and nothing could ease it.
Momma cried all afternoon as I held her. Finally I got her to take a sleeping pill and go to bed. I had been strong for her as long as I could. I had to break down too. But selfishly, I wanted Maggie with me when I did. If she were there, I wouldn’t lose myself to the pain. She’d keep me from falling.
Staring up at her window, I watched as she opened it and climbed out. Today she hadn’t asked me stupid stuff like “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I can do?” She was just there. Silently giving me strength.
When she started coming down the ladder, I put my hands on either side to steady it and stood beneath her in case she fell.
I didn’t need to talk. I just wanted her to go with me and be there as I sat in silence. Maggie would do that. It was one of the reasons she was so damn special.
“Let’s go,” I whispered when she was at the bottom, and then I led her back to the truck.
Maggie didn’t slide over beside me when she got in. I wanted her to, but I didn’t push it. She did it before because she’d wanted to. Our friendship line was getting blurred, and I knew it. I just wasn’t sure how to stop it. And tonight I didn’t want to stop it.
We drove without music or talking until we got to the bluff. I cut the engine and lights and just sat there. The lights from the town reminded me of Dad. The sharp pain hit me as I thought about the fact that he would never come up here again, would never sit in my truck and laugh at my driving again. He’d never . . . He’d never see me graduate. He wouldn’t be there when I got married. He wouldn’t be my kids’ grandfather.
My throat tightened, and I punched the steering wheel several times, trying to release some of my pain. He was gone. Forever. I’d never see my dad again.
Maggie was beside me, and her small hand covered one of mine. There was nothing to say. If her father were put on death row, she’d go through another version of this. At least now he was in prison. She knew he was breathing. He was there, even if she didn’t want to see him again.
“Do you have days when all you think about are the things she’ll never see in your life?” I asked her.
“Yeah. All the time,” she replied.
She was living this hell too. I chanted that over and over to myself, proving I wasn’t the only one. I began to relax enough to let go of the intense grip I had on the steering wheel.
In that moment I made a decision. I didn’t care about the line. I didn’t care about protecting our friendship. I just needed Maggie. I needed to feel her and forget all of this. I knew I was being selfish, but I had to do it anyway.
Turning, I slid a hand into her hair and covered her mouth with mine. I gave her a moment to decide. If she didn’t want this, she’d push me away.
But she didn’t. I’d known deep down, she wouldn’t. I knew she felt this between us too.
With each brush of her hand on my skin, I grew desperate. I wanted more of her. So when she leaned closer to me, I placed my hands on her hips and moved us both over to the passenger side. My thumbs grazed her bare skin as her arms wrapped around my neck and the shirt she was wearing lifted an inch.
Maggie shivered in my arms, causing my heart to pump even faster. She liked this as much as I did. The look in her eyes said everything I was feeling.
“Lift your arms, Maggie,” I instructed, not asking.
Without hesitation, she lifted her arms and let me take her shirt off. The delicate creamy skin of her shoulders made her look like an angel.
She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply when I slid the straps down her arms then pulled the bra away from her. “You’re beautiful,” I said breathlessly.
Leaning closer, I pressed a kiss to her neck, and she swallowed hard. Her hands came up to grip my shoulders as if she needed to hold on. I liked that. No, I fucking loved that. I wanted her to hold on to me. To trust me.
With great control, I slowly kissed a path downward. She was watching me, her mouth slightly open. I’d never felt this close to anyone before.
“West,” Maggie whispered my name as her hands gripped my arms tightly.
This was going to be my undoing. This girl. She was going to claim me.
