MAGGIE
You’re still not answering my texts. What’s up with that?
It was the fifth text from Nash today. I had been ignoring him, even if it was rude. I was done with everyone connected to Brady and the all-important football team. I had also seen West confront Nash in the hallway after jumping all over me about the text. I didn’t have time for this drama. I wanted no part of it.
I knew I should explain to Nash why I wasn’t going to be texting him. He deserved an explanation. I’d do that during lunch. Yesterday Brady had sat with me outside at the picnic tables, but it had been awkward. He obviously didn’t want to.
I’d sent him a text this morning telling him he didn’t need to sit with me at lunch today. I was ready to figure this out on my own. He had responded with a simple yeah.
“You gonna answer him?” I recognized West’s voice.
I glanced up to see him walking beside me. His eyes weren’t on me, just glaring straight ahead. From the frown on his face I knew he was unhappy with Nash texting me. Not like I cared about that—I was ignoring Nash to detach myself from all things Brady. Since that was what would give me the most peace at home and at school. But I was tired of people telling me what to do. Especially this person. Someone who had no right to tell me who I could and couldn’t talk to.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket.
“Good girl. Ignore him. Save us all a helluva lot of trouble. I’ll make him pay for this shit if he keeps it up,” West warned without once looking at me.
My face felt hot as his condescending words rang in my head. He had no right to speak to me that way. Just because I didn’t speak, didn’t make me ignorant.
“Okay!” I snapped. It took only a second for the realization to wash over me that I’d spoken out loud. He’d made me so angry, I just blurted it out. My skin broke out into a cold sweat. I would not lose it. I was fine. It was just one word.
His eyes were on me now. Confusion and disbelief as he stared down at me. I glanced up at him, wanting desperately to run from this or somehow erase it. The word had just burst free without difficulty or pain. But my memories . . . I didn’t want those to come out with the sound of my voice.
“Did you just . . .” He trailed off as if trying to decide whether he had really heard me speak. I didn’t confirm or deny it. I simply stood there staring up at him. I wouldn’t say more. Maybe he would think he imagined it.
He shook his head and then turned and stalked off down the hallway. The crowd parted for him, too. Just like it did for Brady. I reached up and touched my lips with my fingertips. What was it about West Ashby that made my mouth have a mind of its own? First I let him kiss me without even knowing him. And now I said something without even thinking about it.
When he turned the corner and was finally gone from my sight, I inhaled and dropped my hand back to my side. I had actually said something. That had been a piece of me I’d lost— the girl who didn’t take whatever anyone threw at her but who stood up for herself—and she’d broken free for a moment. I hadn’t had that instinct, or any control over my voice, in two years. And West, even if it was because he acted like a jerk, had made that possible.
My phone vibrated in my pocket again. All I could hope for was that West didn’t tell anyone what he’d heard. I wasn’t ready to speak. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to hear my voice again. I wasn’t ready for any connection with people.
I pulled my phone back out and sent a text to Nash: Please leave me alone. I don’t want to be friends. Think about how this would affect Brady. Stop texting me. And talking to me.
I pressed send and went to find the library. I would just start reading during lunchtime. Making myself as invisible as possible.
The pep rally was after lunch on Friday. Cheerleaders had spent the day in their uniforms and doing cheers in the hallways to drum up school spirit. The football players’ lockers were easy to recognize, since they had been decorated with balloons, hearts, and posters.
Today Brady walked through the halls as if he owned the place. More so than he usually did. His name was chanted often, and he beamed whenever a chant started up. Between classes the cheerleaders even had the entire hallway doing cheers for him. I couldn’t imagine that after all this, we even needed a pep rally. I’d been a cheerleader once, but I didn’t recall ever having this much spirit on game day. Seemed like overkill.
After Tuesday no one had really spoken to me the rest of the week. I managed to fade into the walls. Nash was no longer texting me or seeking me out. When I passed him in the halls, he didn’t even glance my way. It was what Brady wanted, and it was best for me. Still, being invisible only added to my loneliness. Finding friends was hard when you didn’t speak. People didn’t know what to do with you. I could see the way they watched me and could hear them whisper about me. Reaching out and making friends wasn’t something I was brave enough to do.
Then there was West. I’d expected him to say something to me about that one spoken word, but he never did. He also ignored me. If I didn’t know that I was in fact visible to the human eye, I would’ve assumed I truly had disappeared. The only interaction I had with West was when I dropped a book while walking down the crowded hallway. Out of nowhere he bent down, stopping traffic to pick it up for me. He hadn’t made eye contact with me, though. He’d just walked away.
Facing an entire gym full of loud, excited students as they hooted for the cheerleaders and football team wasn’t appealing, but I had to go. My aunt wouldn’t be picking me up until it was over. She’d want to know if I enjoyed the pep rally, and I would have to lie.
I tucked my book bag under my legs after getting a seat on the far end of the bleachers near the door. When it was time to leave, I would have an easy exit out of the gym.
Scanning the team’s faces, I found Brady immediately. He seemed more focused and less exuberant than the other guys, who were interacting with the crowd. People were chanting different names, and the guys were enjoying it. I continued looking through the team, not admitting to myself that I was looking for West. His dark head was nowhere to be found. I had just started scanning the whole team again when I heard giggles around me.
“God, I want to be her,” said a girl sitting in front of me. I wasn’t sure who “her” was. But as the girl’s friend turned her head to look toward the doors, I followed her gaze and saw West in the doorway with Raleigh wrapped around him.
“He always takes her back. It’s so frustrating. She’s not that hot,” the first girl added.
“I disagree,” a guy broke in. “She’s smoking,”
West tore his mouth off Raleigh’s and grinned. Then he put her down and entered the gym like he was the king and we were all his royal subjects.
“I want him.” The first girl sighed, and her friend laughed as they made more remarks about West’s body and the other things they loved about him.
When he got to the center of the gym, he turned and smiled at the screaming crowd. Sure, his smile was beautiful, but it wasn’t real. It was lifeless and fake. Did no one see that? Was I the only one?
An argument started up beside me, and I noticed a guy with short blond hair and glasses trying to get the girl on my left to move over. She was rolling her eyes at him, but she eventually scooted away from me. The blond guy slid in beside me then tucked his book bag to his left, causing the girl to complain some more.
Finally he turned his gaze to me and smiled sheepishly. “Hey, I’m Charlie. We have second and fourth period together. Lunch, too, but you always seem to disappear during lunch,” he said. “I also know you don’t talk. I just wanted to introduce myself. And if you need anything or want to see a movie sometime, I’m available.”
“Seriously? That’s your pickup line?” asked the girl he had moved over. She rolled her eyes again before looking away from us and back at the football team.
“I’m not good at this kind of thing. I actually suck at it. But I . . . I was just wondering if maybe you’d like . . .” He trailed off as his cheeks turned pink. He was really cute. And nice. His eyes weren’t haunted, and I would bet he had a happy home life. With two parents who loved him. And no demons to carry around like I did.
He also wasn’t a football player. Something I liked a lot.
I reached for my note pad, which was tucked in the pocket of my book bag.
It’s nice to meet you, Charlie. I’m Maggie.
His grin grew. “Yeah, I know your name. I asked already. Not stalkerish or anything. Just curious. You’re new and all. We’ve all gone to school together most of our lives, so when someone new comes along . . .”
He trailed off as his cheeks went pink again. I didn’t have a response for that.
He chuckled and dropped his gaze to his hands. “So, what about that movie? You up for a movie?”
A movie . . . as in a date. I’d never been on a date. Did I want to? Was I ready for this?
I had said one word this week. West had brought it out of me without meaning to. I hadn’t fallen apart or ended up in a corner because of it. I was stronger now. But was I ready to date?
What if it was just West? What if I spoke to someone else, and hearing my voice sent me into a darkness I couldn’t find my way out of?
I looked back at the notebook in my lap then wrote.
Maybe.
That was all I could promise right now.
