“So, I used our database to find what I could about Tethers, whether fictional or non-fictional, and these are the only books that popped up,” Faye says. We shared the cupcake, popped open a bottle of champagne she’d brought along, and now it’s time to focus.
“Four books?”
“Yes, and only one is nonfiction, so the fictional ones may not even help, ya know, since they’re made up and all.” She sits on the edge of the bed, picking one of them up. “So, I guess let’s start with the nonfiction.”
Two hours later, and nothing. I don’t want to give up hope, but we’re down to the last book and haven’t come across anything that can help us. The final book is thin, which doesn’t give me much to look forward to, and Faye exhales, handing it to me.
“I would read it, but I promised to spend time with abuela tonight. She knows I’m off early today so she’s expecting dinner with me. You can join us if you want. You know she always makes plenty.”
“No, that’s okay. I don’t want to interrupt your bonding time, plus I should probably keep reading. Tell her I said hello though.” I take the book from her and smile, though it’s the last thing I want to do right now. If I can’t find a way back to Caz, will I ever be able to return? Why could I hear him so clearly before, even when I ended up in a frozen state in the forest, yet I can’t hear him now?
“Okay. Well, let me know if you find out anything.” Faye collects her purse and keys. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.”
“Don’t worry. It obviously just means I should put it all behind me.”
Faye presses her lips a moment, gripping the knob of the door. “I don’t believe that for a second.” Then she twists the knob, walks out, and closes the door behind her. As she leaves, I hear thunder in the sky. Rain is on the way.
I stare at the front of the book. The author’s name is Leah Bianchi, and the cover isn’t very enthusiastic. It’s solid blue, with the title The Cold Hearted in white font.
Sighing, I walk with the book to my bed and flop backwards, staring at the ceiling. I’ve resisted the urge to get high, to cling to some feeling of escape, worried it would prevent me from hearing Caz. Now, I’m thinking that’s not the case. Being sober seems to make me feel further away from him.
I open my nightstand and pluck out a joint and a lighter, spark the end of it, and lie back, taking a long pull. After two more long pulls, I feel relaxation come over me, and my racing thoughts slow down. I close my eyes, hoping to hear Caz. If I think about him, maybe I’ll see his face.
But I don’t. I take another pull before putting out the joint and then picking up the book, flipping it open to the first page. At first, nothing about the book stands out. A woman meets a man in another universe, which I find intriguing and can surprisingly say I relate to. The first few chapters explain their love, their connection, her dire need to have kids. But when I reach the tenth chapter, the dialogue changes. No longer is the author speaking about her great love with her wonderful man in another realm in first person. She’s switched to second person, and when I see the words Freezing Cold Tether as the title of the next chapter, goosebumps crawl up my arms.
I spring up in the bed, reading the title of the new page again. The next sentence asks, Is this you?
You traveled to another universe, one unlike your own. You landed in a place unknown and were approached by someone who instantly connected with you. This person took you in, made you feel at home, and you fell in love. Everything in this world felt wrong but being with that significant other felt right. You only wanted to be with them.
And then something sent you away. Like the snap of fingers, you’re gone, back to your world, yet all you can think about is your other half. Your soulmate. Your Tether.
You think for a while you don’t belong together. The truth is, you do. And there is something in this world trying to stop your bond. I’ve concluded that a bond such as this one is too powerful for a single world, so it has split itself into different worlds. And due to some greater power—greater than anything I’ve ever imagined—we travel to this other world to merge and form a bond. And this bond possesses good energy. It’s pure, and wholesome, and it thrives and breathes…
But, of course, with anything that is good, along comes the bad.
The bad will rip you apart. The bad will lie. The bad will tell you that you don’t belong, and you will believe it. Then the bad will attempt to kill you while you’re apart because it is when you are most vulnerable. Apart, is when it truly feeds.
How do I know this? Because I’ve witnessed it. My love, my Tethered, was taken from me. I traveled back to his land, to his home, and there he lay on the floor; however, he was not himself. He was a hollow, sunken version of himself. His eyes were gone and had turned into black holes, as black and deep as a literal blackhole, and his mouth was ajar, as if he’d been screaming as whatever this evil being was sucked the life from him.
And then I heard it return. As if it’d sensed my presence, I felt the cold wrap around me, sinking into my bones, and I fled. I ran with tears in my eyes, begging for my world to swallow me back up, and it did.
Wrapped in a blue light, I returned home, but not without seeing that evil being. The red eyes, black body, black claws. It looked right at me, as if proving it would come for me next.
It’d taken my love. It’d taken half of me. And what they don’t tell you is that when your Tether dies, so do you, just not right away. You weaken first, and you don’t eat. You don’t sleep. Your organs begin to freeze, and then they fail you. You always feel cold, even during summer. It lasts for months, a slow torture constantly reminding you of what you’ve lost.
As I write this, I’m on my deathbed, hoping what I have to say will help someone else out there with an unpredictable life such as mine.
Whatever you do, don’t walk away from your Tether. Don’t resist or fight it. Let it be. Don’t give in to the lies that what you have is unnatural. It is as natural and wondrous as nature. Stay with your other, give in to it, or the coldness will follow suit. Together, you can defeat this evil. There is always an answer, and you must find it.
I exhale, staring at the passage, reading it repeatedly. This woman…she was just like me.
I scramble for my phone and do a quick Google search of the author. She’s a beautiful Indian woman, born in New Jersey. She can’t be any older than thirty, but her eyes look wise beyond their years. A link of her obituary appears, and in one of the images, she’s holding up her book and smiling weakly. She’s in a hospital bed wearing a chunky sweater, with dark circles around her eyes. She looks beaten and worn down, not like the other images of her on the internet. She died seventeen years ago—long before I’d even heard Caz’s voice.
“So, I was right,” I whisper to myself. The Tether doesn’t make us weaker; it makes us stronger. But this completely contradicts everything Beatrix told us, which leads me to wonder who is telling the truth? And if Beatrix isn’t, why the hell would she lie to us?
Lightning strikes the sky, and the lights in my apartment flicker. The rain falls harder, pitter-pattering on the windows.
How can I tell Caz what I read? If he’s blocking me, how can I fill him in? There must be a way I can get back. How did Leah get the chance to go back?
Silvera. She’s my only hope.
I clear my throat and sit on the middle of my bed, crossing my legs and closing my eyes. I think of my wolf, and at first nothing comes to mind. There’s just darkness behind my eyelids—no images, no noise. Silence.
Then, gradually, I see something. Trees. Lots of them, towering above.
I hear breathing. She’s panting. Paws beating into the land as she dashes through the forest, her heart pounding wildly.
“Hi, girl,” I whisper, and I feel her heartbeat quicken. She feels me. “Still hunting?”
Silvera runs until she’s made it to a river. She laps up some water then sits on her hind.
“Can you go back to Caz?”
She looks all around. The water trickles quietly, the tall blades of black grass swaying. The sun is nowhere in sight. It’s gray, yet the boldness of the green leaves on the trees brings a soothing beauty. I think of what Alora said, about finding the beauty in Blackwater. She’s right. I see it now in the dips and curves of the land, the dark sparkling waters, and swaying green leaves.
Silvera rises and leaves the river, dashing through the forest, and I squeeze my eyes tighter, not wanting to lose her. Within the span of ten minutes, she’s running through a field that leads to Caz’s castle. She curves around a corner, where a small door leads inside.
Huffing, she enters the house, and as she crosses a mud room full of black boots caked in mud, coats, and sweaters, we hear voices, loud and boisterous. Panic is in the air, and I feel Silvera’s ears perk up as she slowly walks around a corner and into the large living area.
Four people stand in the room. Two are next to each other, Maeve and Rowan, and two of them are face to face, shouting. Killian and Juniper.
“I don’t know where the fuck he ran off to, now lay off!” Killian barks in Juniper’s face.
“Why would you let him out of your sight?” Juniper demands, shoving his chest. Anger seizes Killian and he stands taller, trying to intimidate Juniper, but he fails. “We told you not to let Caz out of your sight, and you let him go anyway! He isn’t in the right state of mind right now! You never should’ve let him go to Moren!”
“I can’t control Caz, and I’m not his keeper! We told him it wasn’t a good idea, but he wanted to deal with Moren right away, so we went with him.”
“You are his keeper! We all are!” she shouts back.
Maeve steps up to them, pressing a hand to both their chests. “You two shut up and sit down,” she orders, but Juniper and Killian don’t back away from each other. They’re stubborn, refusing to be the first to move.
“Mum, if we don’t find Caz, he’ll hurt himself. I know it,” Juniper pleads.
“Okay, but what comes of barking in each other’s faces?” Maeve demands.
“She started with me,” Killian growls.
“Oh, grow up, you big baby,” Juniper shoots back.
“Sit. Down.” Maeve says the words through clenched teeth, and Killian shakes his head, turning away and sitting in one of the steel chairs, while Juniper folds her arms and sits on the leather sofa. “Now, which direction did he go?”
“West, from Moren’s home,” Rowan answers. He’s standing in a corner, arms folded across his chest. I’d think he doesn’t care about Caz’s whereabouts if it weren’t for the look in his eyes. It’s not fear, more so worry. Just like Juniper.
“Have we tried his transmitter?” Maeve demands.
“Yes. He left it here,” Killian responds.
“Damn it,” she hisses. She turns and notices Silvera standing near the entrance of the room, and her brows pull together. “Is that Willow’s wolf?”
“Yes. She comes and goes,” Juniper murmurs.
“Do you think she’s still connected?” asks Maeve.
“I’m not sure,” replies Juniper. “It doesn’t seem like it.”
“So why is she still here? She’s a wild wolf. They don’t stay around humans for long…not unless they need to.” Maeve walks toward Silvera in her long black gown, dropping to one knee and stroking the top of her head. “Once a wolf is connected to its owner, it stays with the owner. Which must mean Willow is still here somehow.” Maeve looks deeply into Silvera’s eyes—my eyes—and cocks her head ever so slightly.
“Are you here, Willow?”
“Mum, you’re wasting your time,” Rowan mutters.
“Silvera, give her your paw,” I order.
Silvera does as told, lifting a paw and placing it on Maeve’s arm. Maeve blinks down at the paw, stunned. “You’re still here,” she breathes. “You didn’t give up.” She says the last part to me. “You’re still here.”
My heart beats faster, and as badly as I want to cry, I bite my bottom lip and hold it in. “We need you back, Willow. We need you to find Caz.”
Silvera barks, pulling away from Maeve, and Maeve stands up straight.
“Wait—Silvera, stay! Stay, girl!” The urgency drips from my voice, but she leaves the room anyway. I’m losing control of her now. Where is she going?
Silvera runs back out the door she came through. It’s misting outside, and the micro droplets cling to her fur. I feel it on my skin, as if I’m there, but she’s leading me, and though I’ve lost control, I sense she knows what she’s doing. I trust her, so I stay quiet and let her go.
She dashes toward the forest where I dropped, paws pounding into the soil, until she stops in the same spot I was taken to before—where my portal is. Then she looks up and howls, and her howl echoes through me. It’s loud and deafening, and when she stops, footsteps sound behind her.
Maeve, Rowan, Juniper, and Killian stop abruptly, about a foot away, staring at Silvera, and a sharp gasp falls from Juniper’s lips before she cups her mouth.
“Willow?” she whispers. It sounds like she’s in my room. I hear her voice, so close to me. I slowly open my eyes. I’m still seated on my bed, legs crossed, but my bed is now in the middle of the forest, and there is Caz’s family, staring at me.
I look down at the purple haze radiating off my body and my bed.
“She’s not physically here,” Maeve says, taking a step closer. “But she is mentally. And she can go with her wolf.”
I climb off the bed, but I feel weightless, like I’m floating. However, I feel the wet soil too, on my bare feet.
“Can you all hear me?” I ask, and Maeve nods.
Juniper’s chin is practically on the ground, as well as Rowan’s, and Killian holds steady, but I can tell he wants to react too.
“How do I find him?” I step closer to Maeve. She tries touching me, but her hand goes right through me. As if I’m a ghost—a passenger in this world.
“Your time is running out. Caspian must already be pulling away, and if he does that…” Maeve works hard to swallow, fighting tears. “Have Silvera find Cerberus. If you’re Tethered to Caspian, then she shares a link with Cerberus.” I drop my eyes to Silvera, who waits eagerly at my side.
“I’ll find him,” I tell Maeve, then I look at the rest of them, pressing a hand to the center of my chest. “I can feel him. He’s in pain.”
“Please hurry,” Juniper pleads.
I nod, then turn to Silvera. She licks my hand as I try to pet her, and when I mentally give her the command to find Cerberus, she whips her head to the right, sniffs the air, then dashes away.
I follow her, looking back once at Caz’s family before pointing my gaze ahead. I may not be here physically, but if they can see me, he can see me, and that should be enough. At least for now.
