For the following week, Ronan doesn’t leave my side.
He’s there in the morning to pick me up. He’s there to drive me back home, and sometimes, he kicks everyone out of the Meet Up so we can spend the night.
Those nights and afternoons are my favourites. Not only does he bring each and every one of my fantasies to reality, he goes a step beyond. He chases me around the cottage and the lake, making me feel like I can escape him just to pounce on me then fuck me in all positions possible.
I never thought I’d crave sex with someone as much as I do with Ronan. It’s not only about the joining of our bodies, but also about what leads to that. It’s about the emotions he shows when he’s owning my body.
I might not understand them that well — emotions, I mean — but I can see the meaning in the glint in his brown eyes. I can feel it in the way he touches me and hugs me like he wants to shield me from the world.
He’s been having some sort of a battle against the world lately. He made it his job to announce I’m his fiancée all over RES, and he’s been plotting to ruin Cole’s books every day since the garden incident. It’s strange to see Ronan act so territorial after he did everything to get rid of me.
In doing that, he’s been slowly but surely carving himself a cosy place in my heart. At some point in my life, I honestly believed I didn’t have a heart, or if I did, it only served its anatomical function.
But now, whenever Ronan is around, that organ goes in and out of sync. Everything he does moves me one way or another. It can be as small as smiling genuinely each time he sees me or how he keeps winking at me when we spend time with Charlotte. Or perhaps it’s how he brings me a bar of dark chocolate every day as if it’s become his ritual.
We spend entire nights texting back and forth. When I don’t answer within thirty seconds, he sends me a long dramatic text that basically says to answer him.
Ronan is still Ronan with his goofy attitude and tendency to turn every serious situation into a joke, but now I realise it’s part of his defence mechanism. It comes naturally to him, though, and he basks in being the centre of attention.
Unlike me.
Elsa says even though Ronan and I are different, we have chemistry. No idea what that means, but it’s probably something along the lines of how he can’t keep his hands off me. Truth be told, I can’t stay away from him either.
I’m that addict now, and if I don’t see him for a day, something feels so utterly wrong.
Knox says Ronan is changing me for the better, but my brother doesn’t know the internal battle I’ve been fighting because of that change.
On one hand, when I’m with Ronan, I forget about everything else, but on another hand, those other thoughts barge in uninvited whenever I’m alone.
I’m not alone now, though.
Ronan has an arm around my waist as he leads me through the crowded streets of London. I don’t like crowds — there are so many people and obstacles — but with him, they kind of disappear.
All that remains is his warmth close to mine. His scent. His closeness.
Just him.
Crowds and people disappear when he’s around.
“Hey, Ronan?”
He grins down at me, showing me his straight, blinding smile. “What’s up, belle?”
I try not to get caught in his orbit, though it seems to be an epic fail most of the time. “How come you never asked me to have a threesome?”
He raises a perfect brow. “You want a threesome?”
“No.”
“Then why are you asking about it?”
“You always ran after Elsa and Kim to have a threesome with you.” And I might feel left out because I was never included. What? He really talked about it all the time before.
“Jealous?”
“Hmph. Maybe I’ll have a threesome with two men, too. Maybe Cole and Agnus, we’ll never know.”
“Teal…” he warns.
“What? You’re not the only one who gets to think about threesomes with other people.” And yes, hurting him back is my defence mechanism against whatever is burning in my chest right now.
“The threesome with Kim and Elsa was my way to egg on Aiden and Xander. That’s all. Besides, I have no interest in threesomes anymore.”
“You don’t?”
“Nah. You’re the only one I want and I don’t care for sharing.” He narrows his eyes. “That goes for you, too, mmkay?”
I remain silent, but only because I’m suppressing a smile.
Ronan pokes my cheek. “Mmkay?”
“Fine.” Not that I ever had an interest to begin with.
“There, much better. The thought of you with any other man makes me want to plan mass murder with the aid of Lars’ little black book.”
This time, I can’t resist the grin that plasters on my skin. I like the idea that Ronan, who never acted possessive over anyone is this way with me. I probably shouldn’t, but I do.
“You like that, don’t you, belle?”
“No.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are you done parading me around?” I deflect.
While I enjoy his company, I want to do it alone, without other people’s interference.
He waggles his brows. “I’ll never be done parading you around, belle.”
“I promised Charlotte I’d spend time with her.”
“I come first. Besides, Lars is there until we get back.”
For some reason, it feels as if Ronan doesn’t want to stay in his house for very long. I know it’s not because of Charlotte, or even Edric. He might act aloof around his father, but I’ve seen the way he looks at him — like a son looking up to his dad. It’s the same expression Knox has when Dad is around.
The invisible connection between Ronan and Edric always made me uncomfortable in my own skin.
I hate it.
I loathe it.
I wish I could destroy it.
“Lars isn’t my biggest fan,” I say instead.
“He’s no one’s biggest fan.” He points at his chest. “Except for moi.”
“Arrogant much?”
“One of us has to be. Imagine we’re at one of the adult parties and you’re silent or thinking about escaping. I have to be the one who keeps the atmosphere up.”
“Wouldn’t people think you were with a boring fiancée?”
“Fuck people. They’re not the ones who sleep with you every night.”
My cheeks turn hot, but I manage to say, “You don’t sleep with me every night.”
“I can change that.”
“Ronan.” I eye our surroundings in case anyone heard.
“What? We’re engaged. That means I’ll end up marrying you and you’ll sleep with me every night, no exceptions.”
Something in my chest falls. The reality of the situation I’ve been ignoring crashes down on me in one go.
There’ll be no marriage.
That’s not the reason for this engagement.
Someone slams into my arm, and I startle. An electric current shoots through my limbs. My breaths shorten and my legs become unable to carry me.
The attack comes on so fast, without any warning. It could be because I was lost in my head or because I was too at peace with my surroundings.
I shouldn’t have been.
My environment has always been the enemy.
I was trapped in that unknown and I couldn’t do anything about it and —
Warm hands wrap around my cheeks, wrenching me back from those memories.
“Hey…” Ronan’s voice softens as he makes me face him.
My gaze slowly slides up his chest and to his deep brown eyes. There’s something calming about them, like the lullaby I never had.
“You’re okay,” he continues. “You’re going to be okay.”
“How do you know that?” I murmur. “How can you be so sure about it?”
“I’m only sure about one thing, and it’s you, Teal. I have no doubt you’ll get through this. Do you know why?”
Something stings my eyes, and I refuse to believe it’s tears. “Why?”
“Because you’re the strongest person I know.”
I don’t allow myself to think about my next action.
I rise up on my tiptoes and seal my lips to his. I kiss him as deeply as he’s touching me.
Fuck people.
He’s the only one who’s visible in the crowd.
Even if things between us started for the wrong reasons.
