“That mother fucking cock sucker!” I mutter under my breath, pacing back and forth in the storage room, trying to decide if I should chase after him to give him a piece of my mind.
Everything keeps swirling through my head over what happened, even though I don’t want to relive it. I left one place of sickening evil filled with monsters that took my innocence and made me live in fear, only to end up in the same situation. It almost happened again in that locker room because I decided to play hero when I’m anything but. Only my rape was going to be in a different place with different men. I place my hand over my racing heart, wondering how the hell I’m still standing, but I guess I owe that to Dalton. I thought while laying on the cold, dirty locker room floor, I’d open my eyes with my underwear around my ankles and more scars between my legs. Instead, I was lifted and held close in a pair of strong arms. He sheltered me in a dark room, so I could hide any weakness from prying eyes and regain my strength.
Why did he do that? I hate his ‘I walk on water’ attitude, that cocky smirk like he’s a gift to all women, but I know better than anyone that you can hide a lot behind a facial expression. Fake it until you make it. There’s more than meets the eye with these guys and damn him for making me feel, when all I want to do is hurt him as much as he hurts me. He could have left me to those jocks, but he saved me and brought me out of the past that I always seem to be stuck in. He gave me hope, a dream of revenge, to destroy anyone that tries to take pieces of me.
I kick the mat in anger and storm after him, giving chase. I’m going to beat his ass for distracting me and touching me so fucking softly. I’ve never had that before, and he’s ruining my plans for revenge against him and his three friends by taking care of me. I throw open the door, not caring as it crashes against the wall and draws the attention of some students that are crowded on the gym floor about to start class. I only take a few steps and freeze when Nicola comes rushing towards me with clothes piled in her arms, but she stops suddenly. She jerks, her arms flinging the clothes on the ground and she kicks them towards me. I stand there with a grin as she turns and makes shooting fingers while wiggling her hips.
“Wow! Give me the drugs! Drugs!” Her cheeks turn red before she clears her throat and shuffles over to me and picks up the clothes, throwing them in my surprised face. “Cover your booty with these. Big booty!” she shouts through her cupped hands and smacks her forehead before taking a deep breath.
“Thanks. You didn’t have to do that.” I grin softly at her as I slip on the soft material shorts under my dress and throw the grey T-shirt on too, as I sneakily slide the ruined dress down underneath the shirt.
“Wasn’t me. Logan said to cover your skanky ass.” She rolls her eyes and grabs my wrist to drag me with her, but stops once to actually smack my butt in front of everyone before leaving the gym.
I can’t tell if it’s her tourettes that made her do that or if she just doesn’t care what others think. Her way of saying go ahead and stare, fuck you all. I study her side profile, seeing her short hair is a mess and her eyeliner is smudged under her eyes.
“Are you okay?” I ask cautiously, not knowing if that was her first run in with Gary and his minions.
The thought makes me want to murder them. Nicola shouldn’t have to deal with the cruel world, she’s too innocent. I know by just one glance at her. But I’m curious how she knows Logan, they don’t look like they run in the same crowd. Unless…no. It couldn’t be, I’m thinking crazy thoughts.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m sorry you walked into that. It shouldn’t have been that way,” she calmly says and lets go of my wrist once we are in the hallway near the windows that show the courtyard. “They were only after me because of how I am and who I am. Small penis!” She shouts that last part loud enough that people turn their heads and she smacks her forehead once against the windows.
“Hey! I think you’re fucking brave and brilliant! I don’t care if you were the world’s biggest bitch, no one should have to go through that. No one.” I glance around and notice the wide berth everyone seems to be giving us but the whispering behind their hands as they stare at Nicola pisses me off.
No one messes with my friend. Yeah, I’m claiming her, even if I have to lick her.
“You got a problem? Keep fucking walking!” My shout rings through the halls as I place my hands on my hips and glare until they look away. “Dicks,” I whisper under my breath.
“You’re crazy. You’re going to be labeled as the girl who hangs out with the chick with tourettes. Don’t leave me when you find out who my brother is.” She cracks her knuckles quickly and pinches my arm, but I know she can’t help it.
“I don’t care who your brother is. I don’t give a flying fuck what other people’s opinions are. I’d be freaking honored to be your friend. Let’s shine together, Nicola. We have to at some point in life.” Damn my voice for catching, pent up emotion leaking through. I surprise myself and her as I side hug her because I am not a hugger at all.
What is happening to me? I used to avoid any human contact like the plague. Maybe this is me trying to move on with my life, to have something I’ve never had. To be accepted and loved. I clear my throat and step away from her, rubbing my arms as I try to figure who the hell I am. She looks me up and down with her green eyes that I swear look familiar before smacking the back of my head.
“Don’t you know you can’t go around just hugging people? Were you raised by a pack of animals?” She questions, seriously and links her arm through mine as she pulls me alongside her. I couldn’t care less where we go.
Her question catches me off guard. She doesn’t know that I wasn’t raised by a pack of wolves, I was the meat for the pack instead.
“Do it again anytime. God knows I never get affection from home. Woop fudge fuckers!” she yells out suddenly and punches a random guy on the arm as he passes us, the bright colors of his jersey giving me a hint that he’s on the football team.
She’s not even sorry and that makes me like her more. She’s going to be my bestie right next to Evan. She keeps walking and ignores the guy rubbing his arm as he glares after us. She leads me down another hallway and lets go of my arm as she pulls open a pair of double doors that open up into the library.
“Since I have a free period and you have study hall, let’s hang out here. Don’t bother to ask, I was curious and checked your schedule. I’m the office assistant,” she casually says with a wave of her hand and wanders into the back of the library until she finds a table near the floor to ceiling windows as I follow after her.
“You’re pretty bossy. I swear you remind me of someone.” I hint at her, my hunch driving me crazy, but she just sits there smiling. There’s no way they can be related because he doesn’t smile.
“Just ask. Everyone always does. Bitch!” she blurts out as she clicks her tongue, loud enough to echo and hear a distant hushing in return.
I do something I never do. I start laughing so hard that my stomach hurts, tears rolling down my cheeks as I grip the table edge so I don’t fall to the carpeted floor.
“Nicky is my brother, in case you were wondering,” she says, confirming my suspicion.
Green eyes and high cheekbones run in their family with that cool, void facial expression. This makes it easier to be her friend because she may appear innocent but if you look past her almond shaped eyes, you can see shadows in the depth of her gaze. She’s seen some shit that most never do. Also, it gives me an opportunity to get information on that douchebag brother of hers.
“Don’t even think about it. Motherfucker! Fucker!” she randomly yells and continues unfrazzled, I admire her for that. “But he’s my big brother. Blood.” She chuckles at my expression which drops as she says that.
“Fine, but just so you know I have plans for your brother. He is on my list.” I honestly tell her, not wanting it to be a surprise when she sees her brother fall to his knees in front of me.
“He probably deserves it. Just don’t kill him. He’s all I have.” She rolls her eyes with a smirk, but I can hear the affection for that asshole in her voice.
“I’ll try my best. No promises though. Can I ask you a question?” I bite my lip, leaning my upper body over the table wondering if I should sink to the floor instead because it’s none of my business and God knows I’d never overshare anything about myself.
“I can see what you’re about to ask and the answer is no. Gary and his asshole followers have never crossed that line until today. It’s always threatening, shoving, but nothing beyond that. Most are too scared of my brother, but sometimes people have something to- eek- to prove. They think they hold the power when they clearly don’t. I think with you being the center of attention to the four most dangerous guys in school… it gave them the green light to go after me.” She shrugs her shoulders like it’s no big deal and only a person who is used to stuff like that acts like it’s just another ordinary day.
“Okay, new plan. Kill the jocks first, then I’ll get my revenge on the big four.” I reach across the table to fist bump her and it’s sealed in a promise as she smacks her fist against mine.
We practically have our heads together as we whisper back and forth about the mission to kill the jocks. She might think I’m joking but I’m dead serious. It’s one thing for myself to get hurt, to be punished for being born. It’s not okay if someone messes with my second real friend. Ride or die, baby, and this chick is going for a ride until I’m breaking bones and stomping on dicks so they won’t ever be able to spawn a child.
Jesus H. Christ. I’ve been starving for so long that I’m hungry, my need for bloodshed making my stomach cling to my spine and I don’t think I’ll ever be full.
“What are you two, uh, doing?” Evan pokes his head between us, startling me that I yelp as Nicola lets out a shriek and punches him in the gut so fast I almost missed it.
“I’m sorry! Forget I asked!” Evan groans in pain, clenching his stomach, and places a tray of sandwiches on the middle of the table.
I knew there was a reason I liked this kid. He speaks my language. Food.
“Sex! Dirty Sex! Gimmie,” Nicola says loud enough that probably the whole library hears. She reaches for a sandwich, all cool and collected, but what has me choking back a laugh is how Evan’s cheeks turn red as he avoids staring at Nicola.
“This right here is why I’m keeping you. Sit down and join our evil plotting.” I wave to the empty seat next to Nicola, munching on the turkey club with a grin and completely ignoring the throb on my cut lip.
I’ve had worse, I think with a small shrug.
“I don’t know, Tillie… he doesn’t look like he would accept our evil ways. He probably wouldn’t join us to get reven-” Nicola doesn’t even finish that sentence before Evan slaps his hand down hard on the table.
“I’m in. What’s the plan? Who, and how are we getting rid of the bodies?” His voice comes out determined as he adjusts his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
Well, okay then. I didn’t see that coming from my shy, nerdy friend. I glance at Evan, looking him up and down in thought. Looks are deceiving, I should know. I never thought after all the time I spent with Cruz, he would turn out the way he did. People put on a mask and won’t reveal themselves until they finally have you in their grasps with no escaping.
Seeing Evan and Nicola chatting back and forth in excitement, it’s like I’m starting my own little gang. It almost feels normal, sitting here with two people who I hope I can count as friends. Makes me forget the last few hours, that we just meet every day in this spot doing absolutely nothing but talk shit. I’ve always been lonely, never asked anyone to take a step into my world, but here we are.
“The three jocks with a death wish, and the school’s most dangerous guys. Nothing yet planned. So far setting houses on fire is off the list. Too messy to hide the evidence to make it look like an accident. Thought about taking a boat ride, but bodies can float to the top of the ocean. So it’s still in the works.” I tap my chin, lost in thought and feeling a little bit twitchy.
It’s been days since I got my adrenaline rush, the dangerous game of racing and needing the freedom of the wind pushing at my body to keep going. Just being on Dalton’s bike this morning made me miss it all the more. My poor bike.
“Honestly, I don’t think you’ll get the chance with the jocks. Logan knows about it, he had blood on his hands when he threw your clothes at me, and it’s only a matter of time before my brother and Tey find out. My guess, Dalton is going to help stall for as long as he can. Family means a lot to Nicky. No one messes with his family. No one,” Nicola sighs, blowing a raspberry as she leans back in her chair looking at the high ceilings.
Damn it! It’s my turn to fight back, to gain something I’ve never had. They won’t take that away from me. I’ll just have to beat them to it. Step one, take care of the guys first. Kill the jocks for touching me and Nicola, then I’m out of here. The thought saddens me as I stare at Evan and Nicola helping me plot death. That’s true friendship even if they don’t mean it, thinking it’s just a game.
“Give me something here, Nicola. Anything. What your brother likes or dislikes,” I plead, begging at this point because I’m coming up empty so far on what to do.
Any information would be helpful in exacting my revenge.
“Nicky keeps to himself really, he never smiles. He’s serious all the time, but I can’t blame him. He’s been trained by my father- Wanker!” Nicola’s head ticks to the side and she pokes Evan in the shoulder with both hands repeatedly, before she stops to glance between us both with a shrug. “Sorry, I’ve been watching Peaky Blinders. It’s uncontrollable.” She glances away with her jaw clenched like she’s embarrassed and I can’t imagine what she’s feeling, but the uniqueness of her makes her a gem in a world filled with assholes.
“I, uh, like it. Don’t be sorry!” Evan blurts out, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as the tip of his ears turn beet red.
“Thanks,” Nicola whispers softly, clearing her throat before looking at me all serious. “Well, Nicky is hard to read, but he enjoys being around his best friends. Having their backs. He likes reading and the quietness. Racing. Karate is kind of programmed into him, but he likes that too,” Nicola says, but jumps with a squeak when my palm smacks the table as I lean over, practically in her face.
“Back the fuck up. Racing?” I ask excitedly, seconds away from shaking her as my own hands tremble.
“Yeah. Father doesn’t approve. Says it’s a waste of time when he could do something else that benefits the family. As a matter of fact- Big titties! Little waist,” Nicola suddenly says and smacks her head as she mutters something under her breath about never listening to that song again.
“What! What is it? Tell me!” I’m hanging by a thread here, feeling like a junky.
“There’s a race tonight. Nicky mentioned it in passing, he probably knows I’m going to try to sneak out again to follow him, but he hates me anywhere near places that could possibly put me in danger,” she mumbles, squinting her eyes at Evan who’s just been staring at her with wonder in his gaze, but I’m done listening.
A grin spreads across my face, smiling so big my teeth show and both of them draw back in their seats looking at me warily.
“What?” Nicola questions hesitantly.
“She’s scaring me,” Evan says, reaching out to grip Nicola’s arm and she quickly glances down at his hand with her mouth popping open.
That look… has no one ever touched her before like that? With affection?
“I know what I’m doing tonight,” I chuckle, it probably sounds crazy but this is my time to shine and beat Nicky at something that will put him down a few pegs.
“I’m almost scared to ask, but what are we doing?” Nicola breaths out, reaching out to grasp Evan’s arm in return in excitement.
“We’re going to a race tonight.” My voice comes out raspy and breathless, knowing someone has my back.
This is one step closer.
I have a fever, a sickening need to breathe in vengeance.
