Jaxson
After a quick breakfast at the hotel, and another workout that involved using all my might to lift her suitcase into the car again, Grace and I were back on the road.
The first hour was quiet, neither of us talking as I navigated us out of Atlanta and back on the highway. My eyes were dry as hell after the late night, so once we finished at the gym, I changed out of my contacts, opting for my specs, instead.
Grace picked another playlist from her creations, this one titled hot girl summer. While the music wasn’t exactly my taste, I didn’t mind the pop music so long as I could watch her dance in the passenger seat as she sang along.
I was in my head for that first hour, anyway — for more reasons than one.
My father texting me with a mile-long list of all the ways I sucked wasn’t anything I wasn’t used to, but he usually gave me at least a small reprieve during the off-season. No such luck this year, I guessed. The fact that he casually tacked on a request for me to wire him money at the end without so much of a please and thank you added to my frustration, but again — I was used to it.
Those feelings had me gripping the steering wheel tight until I forced myself to calmly exhale and let it go. My father was who my father was, and I wasn’t going to change anything about him now.
But when I let the topic of my father slip away, all my thoughts rushed back to last night.
I swallowed, glancing at where Grace was bopping along to the beat in the passenger seat next to me while she doodled in a notebook sprawled out on her lap. It was strange, but I loved that she wasn’t on her phone, that she didn’t even have social media. She was so present, locked into every moment happening in her life — even this one, which some might find boring, but she made the most of.
Watching her hands where one gripped the pen and the other held the notebook steady had me remembering all too well what they felt like pressed against my abdomen last night, and I thanked my lucky fucking stars that I had been strong enough not to give in.
How much longer I’d be able to resist, however, was yet to be seen.
I had to be giving the girl whiplash, because one second I had stone resolve, and the next I was jumping up behind her on a pull-up bar and wrapping my legs around her, my cock pressing against her sweet little ass.
It was as if I didn’t have a choice. Common sense didn’t exist. She altered my brain chemistry when she was near to the point that I couldn’t control myself.
She was magnetic.
Even when I did manage to keep distance between us, I still felt a pull to her.
The interesting thing was that even being on this road trip was so out of character for me, it made my head spin. When I’d offered to go for a drive that first night at her brother’s house, I’d meant just that — a drive. For like… an hour. Maybe two.
The last thing I’d expected was this, and yet I hadn’t even hesitated when she’d suggested it.
It was like a part of me had been dormant my entire life, but it had stirred to life that night in Austin. And when she suggested a road trip conveniently when I didn’t have shit to do, that part of me jumped at the chance, demanding to take the wheel.
I felt… reckless.
And yet, at peace.
I felt like I was running away and running home all at once.
The feelings were too messy and complicated to sort through, so I let them rest for now, deciding that — at least for the moment — I had permission to go with the flow.
In less than a month, I’d need to get back to Tampa. Preseason training and conditioning would take over my life just like it did every August.
But, at least for now, I didn’t have a responsibility in the world.
Other than helping the girl next to me move on from her pain, which — truth be told — she seemed to be doing all on her own.
Suddenly, Grace leaned forward and cut the volume on the stereo. “Let’s go for a hike.”
I blinked at the suddenness of it, but I didn’t know why I was surprised at this point. The girl was like the weather — reliable only in her unpredictability.
“We don’t have any hiking gear,” I pointed out.
“Fine,” she said, sucking her teeth like she was annoyed with my rationale. “Let’s go for an outdoor walk.”
I shook my head on a smile. “You’re a brat.”
“A menace and a brat?” She shimmied her shoulders, already pulling up AllTrails on her phone to find a hike. “Out here earning gold stars left and right.”
• • •
Grace somehow convinced me to pull off the highway near Chattanooga, even when I tried to argue that all the reviews on the hike said boots and poles were suggested.
So, here we were, slipping on the muddy rocks as we climbed, Grace skipping along with a bright smile while I grumbled like an old man.
“Please be careful,” I said for what felt like the hundredth time as I watched Grace lose her step on a slippery part of the ascent. Her sneakers were covered in clay, with absolutely no purchase, which left her windmilling and just barely catching her balance more than I cared to witness.
“I’m fine, ya big fuddy duddy.” She looked at me over her shoulder with a grin. “Maybe it’s you who should be careful. First, you’re flirting with me, and now, you’re worried about my safety? People might get the wrong idea, Brittzy.”
She giggled with the tease, sprinting up a particularly steep climb while I followed at a slower pace.
As much as I grumbled and complained, it was very beautiful — thick, lush trees surrounding us on either side of the trail, mossy rocks that looked like something out of a fairy tale, and the distant sound of rushing water. Even though it was July, it was comfortable in the shade. It felt like a spring day more than a summer one.
I didn’t realize how much I missed seasons and cool weather, how much I longed for something that wasn’t just a perpetual heat wave. Tampa was amazing in the short winter we had, but other than that, it was just… hot.
Still, I stayed there even in the off-season when I had the opportunity to travel — mostly because if I did travel, I knew I’d have no excuse not to go home.
And that was one place I did not want to go.
“I can’t believe I’m the one leading,” Grace called behind her. “With how much you skate, I thought it’d be your endurance outshining mine.”
“Says the one huffing and puffing through that sentence,” I shot back.
She laughed.
And then, she lost her footing again.
I cursed under my breath as I hiked faster to catch up to her, because I saw her arms flailing and sneakers sliding and knew this was one fall she wasn’t going to be able to escape. I caught up just in time for her to fall backward into me, and had I not been there, she likely would have cracked her head wide open on one of those rocks I was just admiring.
“Besides, I have to walk behind so I can ensure there are no deaths during this hike,” I said pointedly, helping her upright once more.
Grace just laughed, and then she looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes widening a bit at how close we were.
My hands were splayed on her hips, holding steady even now that she was fine on her own. She was wearing highlighter green biker shorts and a matching sports bra, leaving nothing but smooth skin for my thumbs to graze in-between the two fabrics.
Fuck, she was pretty.
Her pink lips curled into a soft smile the longer she looked at me, the longer I looked back. She had her long hair swept into a ponytail and covered with a baseball cap — the same one she’d worn that night at Vince’s that said asshole on it. Her chest was sweat-slicked and heaving a bit from the effort of the hike, her eyes matching the pine around us and dancing with a playfulness that made me want to push her against the nearest tree and kiss her breathless.
I closed my eyes hard and tight, subtly gritting my teeth as I released my hold on her.
Teammate’s little sister.
Eight years younger.
It was becoming a mantra at this point, one I repeated over and over hoping it would eventually sink into my thick skull. Sometimes, like in this moment, I had enough control not to be an idiot. But when I opened my eyes again, I kept them on the ground where our feet were until she started moving again.
Because my restraint when she looked at me like that was basically nonexistent.
Grace stood there for a long moment before she started hiking again, and I breathed a little easier once there was some space between us. I followed, and then she hit me in the gut with a question I didn’t expect.
“What’s the story with your parents?”
I paused mid-step, and Grace hiked another few feet before she turned and watched me with concern knitting her brows.
“Sorry,” she blurted. “I… you don’t have to answer that.”
“No, it’s fine,” I promised her, and with a long inhale, I started moving again, signaling for her to do the same. Maybe if we were talking, I could stop thinking about her ass in those shorts. “I’m just not used to much conversation outside of chirping my teammates.”
Grace snorted at that.
I hated the way my chest grew tighter the longer I tried to find the words to answer her question almost as much as I hated the fact that it was such a hard one for me to answer at all. I also found it curious that I didn’t change the subject, because any time any other woman had ever tried to get close to me, that was exactly what I did.
But with Grace… I wanted to tell her.
Maybe because, for some reason I couldn’t explain, I knew she’d understand.
Before I could overanalyze it too much, I blew out a breath and started talking.
“My parents are… fierce,” I landed on. “In everything that they do. They love hard, they fight harder, and they don’t beat around the bush.”
“That’s kind of nice,” Grace said, using her hands to help scramble over a tall rock.
“I never have to wonder what they’re thinking, that’s for sure.”
“Are you close with them?”
I cracked my neck. “Not when I can help it.”
Grace paused, waiting until I scrambled over the same rock. She looked up at me for a moment, her eyes searching mine, and then started hiking again.
“You were born and raised in Alberta, right?”
I nodded, trailing behind her. “Canmore, specifically.”
“What was it like?”
“Beautiful,” I answered immediately. “And there were adventures everywhere. Mountain biking, hiking, swimming, kayaking, climbing.” I shook my head. “When we moved to Calgary, I missed it. Even though we were only a little over an hour away, it just wasn’t the same as walking out your backdoor and having the world as your playground.”
“Why did you move?”
“Hockey.”
“Ah,” she said with a grin. “Well, I’m sure you didn’t hate that.”
“You’d be surprised.”
The words flew out faster than a blink, jarring both Grace and me.
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
I swallowed, and for a while, we were both quiet, me climbing behind her as the sound of rushing water got stronger with each step. We must have been close to the north creek, the one that had a suspension bridge hanging over it, according to the trails app.
“My dad played hockey,” I said after a while.
“Professionally?”
I nodded. “Yeah, in the AHL. First for the Hawks, and then the Thunder. He was a fucking beauty too — a tough guy to play against and a real fan favorite,” I added with a slight smile and shake of my head.
“So, he was great?”
“I was too young to really remember him playing, but I’ve seen the tape. If you think I’m a beast on D, you should have seen him.”
“Who said I think you’re a beast?” she teased, and I loved her for it, because it relieved the pressure on my chest when I laughed again.
“Anyway, he loved it. I mean, it was his whole life. He put a stick in my hands before I could even walk, because he was determined for me to follow in his footsteps.” I swallowed, using a small tree to help me climb a rock. “But then he got hurt.”
Grace waited for me to catch up, her eyes flicking between mine. “Badly, I’m assuming.”
My throat was tight when I nodded. “Broke his back.”
“What?” Grace gaped at me. “He… how?”
“Got plowed over by a winger hell bent on scoring, and he slid into the goal posts. He had pads on and everything, but it just… I don’t know. It was the right angle, the right amount of speed that…”
My voice faded as the scene played in my head like a movie I’d seen a thousand times. I’d only watched that tape once, by accident, when I was trying to find the game my dad wanted me to study going into a tournament in high school. He and Mom had both done a good job shielding me from his injury up until that point.
But I watched it unknowingly that day. I saw the very moment my father slammed into the bar, watched as his body bent in an unnatural way around it before he lay lifeless on the ice.
I saw the last time he ever skated.
I sniffed, throat tight again. “Let’s just say that accident changed him. Not just his way of life, but who he was inside, too. My mom… she swears he used to be funny and kind, that he was the life of any room he walked into.” I cleared my throat. “But I only know him as harsh and abusive.”
All the teasing had left Grace now, and we hiked along silently for a moment before she said, “He started projecting his dreams onto you.”
“You’re good at this game.”
She shook her head, pausing when we hit the top of the ascent. We could see the creek now, which was more like a river, the water flowing beneath us.
“I don’t fault him,” I said as we started hiking down toward the bridge. “I can’t imagine having everything taken from me like that. He’s come a long way with surgeries and rehab and physical therapy, but… he can’t walk, let alone skate. And if it wasn’t for him pushing me the way he did, I probably wouldn’t have made it this far.”
“I’m sure it was hard,” Grace said softly. “All that pressure.”
The way she said it — it was as if she could relate.
And when I thought about what it would have been like growing up with Vince Tanev as an older brother, I imagined she probably really could relate in her own way.
“He started drinking on top of it all, and when he’s drunk? He’s a fucking monster,” I said. “To me, to Mom, to anyone around him. And then he’ll sober up and yell at you like you are the crazy one, like you’re the problem. And the cycle repeats.”
Grace stayed quiet, listening, and I didn’t realize how much I needed to talk about this — not until more and more words tumbled from my lips like they’d been waiting to get free for decades.
“The funny thing is, the better I get, the further my career progresses… the angrier he becomes. He gets raging mad when I don’t perform at the level he thinks I can, but then when I do perform…”
I swallowed, my body physically not allowing me to say anything more than that.
“And your mom?” Grace asked.
That made my jaw harden. “I don’t even know who my mom is, past the shell of who she became taking care of my father. She has nothing but empathy for him, and she stands by him no matter what.” I breathed a laugh. “As much as she can with the flimsy backbone she has, anyway.”
My nostrils flared, but even as good as the words felt to say, my stomach soured. I loved her, and I didn’t want to talk shit.
But she could have saved herself, could have saved us both — and she chose not to.
“True love,” Grace said quietly, pausing at the foot of the suspension bridge.
“If that’s love, then I don’t want it.”
She nodded, and then before I could prepare for it, she launched herself into my arms.
Her hug was ferocious for the tiny thing that she was. She crushed me to her like she could shield me from the world, and I stiffened only a second before I was hugging her back. My grip was soft at first, hesitant, but then I wrapped her up, closing my eyes when she rested her head against my chest and squeezed me with all her might.
My throat was tight for a completely different reason now.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been hugged.
“Thank you for sharing all that with me,” she whispered, her voice just barely reaching my ears above the sound of the creek rushing below us.
“Thank you for listening.”
She squeezed me tight one last time before pulling back, her eyes a bit glossy when she looked up at me. But she smiled despite whatever she was feeling, the kind of smile that spanned her whole face and lit her up like a Christmas tree.
“Last one across the bridge has to jump in the creek!”
She took off like a lightning bolt, absolutely zero fear as she sprinted across the swinging bridge. She didn’t care that it looked old and dilapidated, that it shook precariously the farther she got toward the middle of it. She just ran and laughed with her hands in the air, ponytail swinging behind her.
She was freedom personified.
I bit back a smile as I watched her run, hands hanging on my hips. I couldn’t believe how much I’d just shared with her. It had me feeling a little crazy, like I didn’t want to calculate all the risks before I made my next move.
So, I sprinted after her, following the sound of her laughter and silently praying the rickety boards of the bridge didn’t give way. But I had a feeling it’d hold steady.
I was lighter than I’d been in years.
