Grace
“Alright, bitch — spill the tea.”
I blinked out of the daze I’d been in, looking up just in time to watch Livia plop down next to me on the green. She folded her long, brown legs under her and took a big swig from the open bottle of red wine in her hand before passing it to Maven, who sank down in a similar fashion right in front of me.
How she had an entire bottle of wine at a fancy golf club was beyond me, but then again, unsurprising. Livia Young struck me as the kind of woman who always got what she wanted.
“And don’t give us that look, either,” Maven added, waving her finger at me. “Like you have nothing to hide. We know better.”
“Yeah, trust me. Being best friends with this psycho has given me the eye for things like this.” Livia eyed Maven with that comment, who smiled and reached out to squeeze Livia’s arm like she was flattered by the assessment.
I blinked again.
Maven and I had gotten close since she and my brother started dating, and that meant that, by proxy, I’d also hung out with Livia quite a few times. But after spending the entire day together, I couldn’t imagine what else there was to talk about.
Until Maven handed me the bottle of wine and cleared any confusion I had.
“What’s going on with you and Jax?”
Shit.
I must have had that word written all over my face, too, because Livia smirked like she’d just guessed how many gumballs were in the jar. She sat back on her palms. “I knew it. You don’t stare at someone the way you were staring at him all day unless there’s something juicy to tell.”
“I have not been staring,” I defended. In fact, I was very aware of how I had not been staring because it had practically killed me in the process. All day long, I watched Jaxson in my peripheral, wanting so desperately to look at him all while diligently keeping my eyes trained elsewhere. I had been stealth as fuck — or so I thought.
But the looks those women gave me told me I hadn’t been as sneaky as I’d believed.
They were both strikingly beautiful. Maven wore white shorts and a blue bandana tied around her like a t-shirt. She had red hoop earrings hanging from her lobes that matched her lipstick. Livia, on the other hand, was much less patriotic. She wore a burnt orange romper and wedges, along with an array of gold that hung around her neck and dangled from her ears. Where Maven had light brown skin and curly hair that framed her face like a halo, Livia wore her black hair short and cropped at her chin, angled around her rich brown features in a way that let you know she was powerful without ever having to hear her speak a word.
I sighed, picking at the label on the bottle before I took a big drink. I grimaced when I did, immediately passing it to Livia.
I fucking hated red wine.
The tournament had been a rollercoaster of emotions. From laughing and drinking with the girls and hanging with my parents to sneaking glances at Jaxson, I’d had a multitude of highs. However, I’d also felt Jaxson’s gaze grow more distant throughout the day, and felt sick at the thought of what I was hiding — what we were both hiding — from my brother.
Then again, I wasn’t sure there was anything to hide anymore. Because Jaxson hadn’t so much as said hello to me since the end of the tournament.
We all had dinner at the club together after the award ceremony, and then we’d gathered out here on the course for fireworks. It was America’s birthday, but I didn’t feel like celebrating.
Something had happened.
I knew it without confirmation. Everything Jaxson had said to me this morning, even if he’d meant it at the time, didn’t matter now. He was shutting down. He was pulling back. He was ignoring me, for fuck’s sake.
My mind raced all through dinner. Vince wasn’t showing any signs of wanting to end Jaxson’s life, so I imagined it wasn’t that my brother had found out about us. It felt a lot more like Jaxson had been away from me for the day and realized what a colossal fuckup he’d made.
What a mistake I was.
Even as my throat constricted with the thought, I didn’t know how to talk about it.
When I was growing up, my family was my best friends. Vince and I were inseparable. Our parents were always planning family activities or trips. I had other friends, sure — girls on my cheer squad, classmates in college — but I spent my weekends at home or on a new adventure.
I had a lot of acquaintances all over the world.
None of which I felt like I could call up with something like this.
Maybe that was why I looked at the two women staring at me expectantly on that course, heaved a big sigh, and gave in.
“You both have to promise not to say a word,” I started, and Maven leaned in closer as Livia clapped her hands in glee. “I mean it — not to anyone, especially not my brother,” I added with a pointed look at Maven.
She made a motion to zip her lips shut, and then they both waited.
And I told them everything.
From that night in Austin and the way Jaxson had accidentally agreed to a road trip to the Four Seasons, camping, and even the sordid details of last night — I spared nothing.
It felt good to tell someone, like keeping the secret had added an insurmountable pressure to my chest. I had always been an oversharer. I liked to talk, and I wasn’t scared of anyone’s judgment.
I was, however, terrified of what they’d tell me to do next.
For a long time after I finished talking, Maven sat completely motionless. Livia just kept taking small sips from the wine bottle and nodding. A few fireworks went off over the course, and we all watched them light up the sky before the silence fell over us again.
“Well?” I prodded. “Don’t ask for the tea and then not drink it. What do I do?”
“I’m sorry,” Livia said, trying to hand me the wine. She wrinkled her nose at me when I declined. “I’m just a little preoccupied trying to picture this whole keychain thing.”
Maven snorted. “Perv.”
“Come on! It was basically a baby whip,” she pointed out. “You know that’s my love language.”
I frowned, then shook my head, not sure I wanted to know the details of Livia’s bedroom preferences. I had picked up enough in passing conversations to know she didn’t date anyone seriously — and that she had more toys in her house than a kid’s seventh birthday party.
“Are you going to tell Vince?” Maven asked first.
I leveled her with a look that answered for me, and she sighed.
“I wish I could tell you it will be fine when you do, but…” She winced. “Even the first time I casually asked if you’d ever dated any of his friends, he had essentially said they wouldn’t be alive anymore if they’d even tried.”
I had to fight to roll my eyes.
“Well, I may not have to worry about it,” I said, picking a few blades of grass at my feet. “Like I said, Jaxson has been ignoring me all day, and he’s got regret written all over him.”
“But he told you this morning that everything was fine, and you’d talk after,” Livia reminded me.
“A lot can happen in a day.”
We all fell silent again at that.
“Okay, let me ask you this…” Maven said, sitting up on her knees. “What do you want to happen?”
The question socked me in the gut.
What did I want to happen?
“Just start talking,” Livia coached. “We’re not making you swear an oath or anything. What do you feel?”
I blew out a breath. “Well, the most prevalent feeling is that I want him to blow out my back.”
Maven and Livia dropped their jaws in sync, and then they both burst into a fit of laughter, clutching their stomachs and squeezing my arms as I fought back my own smile. When they were settled again, I continued.
“I don’t know. I mean, I think this road trip started as a joke, but then it really happened, and now… we’re having fun.” I shrugged. “We haven’t talked about where we’ll go next, but I know I want to keep going. At least for a while.”
“And the G-Wagon passenger seat isn’t all you want to ride.” Livia waggled her brows.
I covered my face on something between a groan and a laugh.
“Okay, wait, we can work with this,” Maven said, hope lighting up her face along with another firework. The big show would start soon, the sky finally dark enough. “Brittzy will have to get back to Tampa in August for preseason training, anyway. So… what if you two just enjoy the next few weeks together?”
“Wait… I love this idea,” Livia chimed in. “Get your kicks on Route 66 and then wipe your hands clean. That’s my favorite kind of transaction.”
“As long as you don’t think you’ve caught feelings,” Maven added. “Because that changes everything.”
Before the lie could even slip through my teeth, my stomach roiled, chest tight. “Come on, we’ve been together four days.”
“Five if you count Austin,” Maven reminded me.
“Okay, five. That’s less than a week. What feelings could I possibly have caught other than the very specific feeling of wanting him to take my clothes off?”
They both giggled at that, and the words themselves sounded convincing. Because it really was insane to think of catching feelings for someone in that short amount of time.
But if I was being completely honest with myself, I’d felt a spark that first night I met Jaxson Brittain. And the fire had only grown more intense with every second — like it was a wild one, eating up an entire forest and laughing at the helicopters dumping buckets of water on it.
Insatiable.
That’s how I felt when it came to that man.
“My bet is this is just what you need,” Livia said. “A few weeks of fun, and then you go your separate ways. And no one needs to know.”
“Least of all your brother,” Maven said, looking a bit green.
My mouth felt particularly dry as I searched the fairway for the rest of our crew. I found Will Perry talking to my mom and dad first, and then, standing next to a golf cart — my brother, Carter, and Jaxson.
It was stupid how delicious he looked in fucking golfing attire. Something about those gray, well-fitted pants made his ass even more tempting, and I didn’t know a baby blue polo tucked into them would do things to me the way it did. The clothes battled with his messy hair, with the ink sprawled out over his skin. It was the most mesmerizing contradiction.
“And what if it’s already over?” I asked, my voice quiet.
“Then you have to respect that,” Maven said. “If he’s thought about it today and decided it’s not worth the risk… well…”
Livia sucked her teeth. “I would bet my year’s salary on that not being the case. But, if it is, then continue the road trip on your own. That’s what you want to do, anyway, right? Travel? See the world?” She waved me off. “Jaxson Brittain is just a pit stop. Enjoy him while you have him, but then leave him in your rearview mirror.”
“What happened to all that sappy love shit you were hitting me with when I was trying to leave Vince in my rearview mirror?” Maven asked, crossing her arms and arching a brow at her best friend.
“Please,” Livia said with a scoff. “You were so gone for that boy I was about to have to start forwarding your mail. And I was going to go insane if you didn’t figure your shit out.”
Maven tacked on something else, and then they were laughing and reminiscing while I stared at Jaxson from across the green, willing him to look at me.
He didn’t.
The fireworks show started, and I knew I was in deeper trouble than I’d ever admit when a part of me longed for Jaxson to be able to hold me the way my brother came over to hold Maven. I wondered what it would be like to smile up at him as he pulled me under his arm, to kiss him as the bright light flashed across the sky.
My stomach was in knots by the time I climbed into my parents’ rental car under the pretense that I was flying out tonight. Mom and Dad prattled on and on about Vince the entire way, though Mom at least had the decency to ask me where I was off to next when we pulled up to the airport.
“Wherever the wind blows me,” I answered with a smile that felt more forced than ever.
Mom and Dad both got out with me, Dad grabbing my luggage while Mom wrapped me in a hug.
“I’m so proud of you,” she said, squeezing me tight. “My little adventurer, taking the world by storm. I never have to worry about you.”
My chest tightened. I wanted to believe her, but I couldn’t imagine what she could possibly be proud of — that I’d scraped by with Cs in college and earned a degree? That I’d cashed in my trust as soon as they let me and was living off it rather than a salary? That I was technically homeless?
I couldn’t bring myself to ask her — because I was scared I’d have to watch her falter and look at my father with panic in her eyes. She’d silently ask him to bail her out, and he would, because my father always knew what to say.
The other part of my sinking gut was spawned by that last sentence she’d said. I never have to worry about you.
What if I wanted someone to worry about me?
Mom climbed back into the car after making me promise to update her on my next stop, and then Dad pulled me in for his signature bear hug, a deep sigh leaving his chest.
“Be good,” he said.
I pulled back with a smile, doing a little finger-gun dance. “Come on, Dad — do you even know me? I’m always great.”
He tapped me on the chin. “That you are. My little ray of sunshine.”
I beamed under the praise even though it felt like a lie, and with a quick kiss on his cheek, he loaded into the car, and they were gone.
I was alone.
I’d experienced this exact scenario more times than I could count — being dropped off at an airport with my next destination unknown. And yet, out of all those times, this was the first one where I felt lonely.
Or maybe, it was just the first time I admitted it to myself.
I stood there for a long pause before taking my phone out with shaky hands. Pulling up Jaxson’s contact, I stared at our most recent texts, the jokes and the emojis, the texts we’d sent to find each other when we’d been separated at the festival.
Swallowing past the lump in my throat took more effort than I could manage.
Me: Coast is clear.
I waited for the dots to start bouncing, for a message to pop up and tell me he was on his way.
But nothing came.
It had been scorching hot all day long, sweat sticking to my skin even though I wore shorts and a spaghetti strap crop top. But now, a shiver rolled over me as I sat on the curb by my suitcase, hugging my knees to my chest.
He’s not coming.
I felt that with absolution the longer I went without a reply, but I couldn’t find it in me to make my next move. I had my luggage. I could easily get a rental car inside the terminal. I could get a hotel for the night. Hell, I could just get a ticket on the first plane out of here.
But I didn’t want to do any of that.
Nearly half an hour passed, my heart sinking further as car after car drove right past where I was seated on the curb.
Just when I was ready to give up, to peel myself off that sidewalk and figure out what came next, a black G-Wagon pulled to a stop right in front of me.
My heart caught in my throat, and I jumped to my feet, lighting up at the sight of Jaxson crawling out of the driver’s seat.
But he didn’t say a word to ease my worry.
Instead, he heaved my suitcase into the back and then opened the passenger side door for me, shutting it softly once I was safely inside.
His jaw was set, his shoulders so tight it looked like they were attached to his ears as he rounded the car and slid into the driver’s seat.
I didn’t know if we were continuing the road trip, or if he was taking me somewhere to break my heart.
But the fact that he already had that power was all I could think about as the headlights blew by in a blur.
